Where to start? What to write? Well I could just write an entire entry on nothing but bullshit. I could be incriminating and be cryptic, or I could just say what I feel. (I'll vote for the later)
While taking a moment or two out to exam my own self perservation, I noticed. I couldn't be happier with my life right now. Sure there have been some things in my life that I regret. Will til the day that I pass on, leave a space for another. On the other hand, my life hasn't been a cakewalk. I was one of the very few that got lucky and noticed in the film industry on sheer guts and will. My family has had crisis after crisis. Especially with my previously mentioned frat twin, Michael. When you get behind the cameras and they start to roll. You don't see yourself you see what others want you to. It's rather hypocritical. Here you are a modern, everyday, American male. You come out of the woodwork, and thousands of adoring fans are wanting your autograph. I have never once since I started my career forgotten where I came from. Just a little country boy, with big dreams. I pursued and I won the outcome. Not everyone is like me though. Just because individuals are named, "heart throbs, sex symbols, or even "the top 100 guys of the year" you are still that same person underneath. I wasn't rich growing up. We lived on a farm in Iowa. How great is that? It doesn't matter however if I'm in Los Angeles working on a film, or even overseas. It's still home. I give my parents appreciation for the wonderful job they did raising me. I accomplished a lot in such a short timespan in my life. My point, never forget who you really are.
Next subject, my sexuality. Most if not all of you know that my current relationship is with Joshua Chasez. Just having met him I can safely say that I'm growing more secure getting to know him. I won't learn everything overnight, and if did it wouldn't probably be half as gratifying as it is right now. I believe in taking the actual time and effort to know someone. For the first time in my life I actually want this to work. I have never strived for anything in the love department for quite sometime, but this I'm willing to break my chambers and try. Just having him in my company is more than sufficient, but the feelings around him are unlike anything I have ever experienced. Were both human and common to errors, but I like the position I'm at in this point in time.
In highschool, yes I was the upbeat nerd. There wasn't an assignment known to man-kind that I wouldn't do. Alot of the kids thought it was just for the purpose of kissing the teachers ass, but it wasn't like that. I'd have a lot of family problems to concur with and it just made shit easier to escape myself in my studies. Anything to try to lessen the emotional pain I was suffering. It wasn't until my Junior year of hs that I learned I fancied my own sex. I'd sit at lunch tables having flocks upon flocks of gorgeous females viving for my attention, wanting me to just speak so they'd hear the sound of my voice. I'd smile and be social, but my eyes would always drift to the all familiar self. I'd watch guys as they'd walk. I tried to stop at one point thinking I was unstable. Thinking, "Why in the hell am I staring at them for?" or "What caused me to do such a vile thing?" The answers were as plan as the nose against my face. I was physically, and emotionally attracted to them. I remember my mother and father asking why I hardly had a companion through hs. I'd always answer, "I just haven't found the right one yet. Give me a break." That was far from the truth. I dated guys every year except my freshman. It was just something that appealed my senses and made me long for their touches, or to have my young unexpected hands against their skin. There are no rules alive that states nor clarifies that people like myself can't have urges to crave. That was it was, a pure sinful craving, and I wouldn't change a moment for anything.
Women are beautiful specimens, they give birth to offspring. The experience is enthralling. They're truly magnificient. I have a lot of girls as friends, and am thankful for them. Women are like fine wine, they entrance your senses, and make you feel alive. The warm caress of their knuckles brushed against your skin in the most innocent of gestures is just admirable. It's like they instantly know how your going to react. You smile, because really that's the only thing you can honestly think of. My girl friends know me well enough to realize that I'd do anything in the world for them, especially Jenna. That girl reminds me so much of myself it's uncanny. Her and I are like brother and sister. If Jenna asked me for the simplest thing right now. No matter what it was, she'd have it. Impressions are made to last, and from the very night I arrived she's been nothing short of an angel to me. I appreciate her and Jennifers' compassion ten fold. This case in point, women are the shit.
I haven't always seen myself as the perfect being, because lets face it no one is perfect. We all have our own little quirks and faults. It's what makes us who we are. I realize that I make mistakes.... after all were only human.....
That's all I'm hitting the sack...