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mood |
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 nostalgic |
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music |
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You - Evanescence |
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So.....it's been two months. Two months since I realized that there is no one else for me but Kevin. And life hasn't been better.
I don't even know where or how to begin to describe the way he makes me feel.
I wouldn't take back anything that transpired between the two of us - it is what brought us to where we are today. We started as friends and things progressed....the way they should. Except I was with someone.
When I first picked up the phone to call Kevin, it was on the advice of someone who was close to the both of us that I should call. Conversation was never awkward between us and things just seemed so natural with him. I didn't find that the slightest bit unusual - I get along with mostly everyone and the longer I talked to Kevin, the more alike I thought we were. But those differences between us were what intrigued me to keep going with this friendship - so I called him almost everyday.
After a while, Kevin became like a best friend to me except there was a nagging thought in the back of my mind - why do I feel this need to be with him, talk to him, be near him all of the time? At the first thought of it, I believed I might have been slightly infatuated with him. But before I could sit on that thought, it disappeared and became something SO much more.
My day of realization came when my mother lay in a coma in the hospital and I look up to see Kevin walking down the hall with flowers. My heart had never been so happy and sad at the same time to see someone. I wanted him to hold me, to tell me it was going to be ok....and to a point, he did. He understood me at that point more than anyone else ever could - partially because he had been through the same thing, but I believe mostly it was because of the connection the two of us had together and in that one moment, I looked at him and I told him - "I want to be with you".
Nothing ever felt so right to say before in my life, so.....easy and it was then I realized that I was doing the right thing. No matter how much I cared for the other person in my life, it would be Kevin I was wishing I was with. And as I look at the way things turned out, they worked out for the best.
When I look at Kevin now, I couldn't imagine a more beautiful man. When he doesn't think I'm looking or paying attention, I'll steal a glance or two and it amazes me at how flawless he has become to me - the way he chews on his lip when he's in deep thought, the way he smiles and it lights up the night sky, the way his fingers drift effortlessly over the piano when he sings for me, the way he lives life like there there is no tomorrow and he loves every minute. I couldn't love this man anymore than I do at this very moment.
Every single day I say that same thing to myself - that I am about to burst with this incredible love for him, but each day, it continues to grow and become stronger.
The moment he became a Broadway star, I knew that he didn't have to get on stage and sing or dance or say some silly rehearsed lines to become something special and wonderful - he was already that and more to me. And watching him on stage made me realize that not only will I know this, but other people will soon realize this as well. This.....makes me feel like the luckiest man alive to have the most beautiful man I have ever known as my fiancee.
How can I not love this amazing man? Proposing to him was the second most easiest thing I've ever done. I could think of nothing that would make me happier than to wake up to this man everyday for the rest of our lives. That's right, our lives. I don't care what that sounds like. My life is nothing if he isn't right beside me. It may be cliche, but it's true. He....is my everything.
Kevin - you know that when I say I love you, those are only words. Those words are only the beginning of the depth of what I feel for you. Everything that I do, everything I am - is for and because of you. Everything that is mine is yours....including my heart. I want to do everything with you in life - that includes someday having a family. I would love to see you be a father - you, would be the best father. With you, it is not a rollercoaster and it is not just a straight ride down a boring highway. You, are the beautiful flight over the ocean - long but never boring, the waves all different in size, the sky changing but remaining beautiful in the light reaching its extremities. You are what I want, you are all I will ever want. I will love you through everything that life will put us through. We are meant to stand the tests of time. We are meant to be. And I will love you far beyond my last breath - always. Forever.
( ...You... )
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