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Tuesday, December 7th, 2004
10:48 pm - what a long, long day ..
As the sub. says, it's sure been a long day. I met Ash up at her house this morning at 7:30, me, her and Tonya went on to Huntington, WV. We spent practically the whole day there, shopping of course. This was the second time that we've went. I love it up there. They've got one of the best malls for miles and miles around. We had a really great time. It was so much fun. We all spent way too much money, too. I bought me just a couple of things, got Tim's things for Christmas, his mom and dad, Valerie and Zach. So, now I am finally finished with that. Thankfully. We went to the Olive Garden to eat. I had never been there, neither had Tonya. But, Ash has before w/ Scotty. She was right, it was really, really good. I'll definitely have to go back there sometime. Maybe get Tim to take me. HAH!
Then after we left there, we went on to Pikeville, met up with Jackie and Jaime and the other Ashley. We all just hung out and stuff like that. Had lots of fun. Lot of crazy things, haha. I'm still laughing from everything that happened today. We're here at Ash's now. I decided to stay the night here, coz it was late, well not really, about 9:30 and I didn't feel like drivin home. She's gotta work tomorrow night, she goes in a 2, but I think I'll just hang here with Tonya and her mom and dad, then probably go to the Park and visit her for awhile, then go home .. don't know yet. Depends on how I feel tomorrow, I might stay again, then we can go to work together the next day. We've been talkin to her mom and dad a lot tonight about us moving out, gettin' closer to the college. Ash is wanting to transfer next year to Pikeville College. So, if we can move down around there, then I'll probably transfer over there too. Which I've just recently gotten to SVCC. I'm takin a full load right now to catch up and all. Me and Ash and some other friends of ours, have a class together this coming semester. Which, will be good and fun too, I'm sure.
Well, I'm runnin' out of things to say right now, and Ash is back. She had to run Tonya down to one of her friends to stay the night, since her car is in the shop right now. I didn't feel like going. I need to call Tim and let her call Scotty so we can start doing all the stuff we have to do for school and work. Need to wrap up the gifts I got today. Well, I'll update again when I'm back home, who the heck knows when that will really be.

current mood: creative
current music: Whatever this stuff is on Ash's computer, hah

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Monday, November 29th, 2004
11:51 pm - -+-Confused-+-
I'm bored as heck right now - sleepy too - but can't go to sleep. I've got a lot on my mind.
I'm kinda sad right now just thinkin' about some things. One thing is that here shortly, work will be ending for me (for a short while that is). We're gettin' ready to close - our last day is the 19th (Dec.). Not much longer, and ya know, here for the past few months I've been literally countin' down the days, contemplatin' if I should quit or what. Long story there, another time. But, here the past while me and Ash have become really close and hang out a lot. She's a great friend. Lord, I don't know what I'd do without her sometimes. She helped me in the past with certain issues and such, especially when me and Tim were apart. No other friend (that I've had/have now) has done the things she's done for me or just been there when I needed her. We can go and hang out and stuff and have loads of fun, talk about anythin', and I can be ME, and we can talk about anything. Work has become a lot better now. I'm goin' over to her house tomorrow and I think we'll go to Pikeville and hang out with the gang down there and then probably go to down into to Elkhorn Wednesday. Shew, I can't wait to get out of here and get everythin off of my mind for awhile. Then Saturday, me, her and Jackie are workin' over in the C.C. all day and night, we probably won't get off work 'til about 2 or so, in the a.m. -- shew, that's really gonna blow. But, with them I think we'll make it. Me and Ash are goin to stay with Jackie that night, since we'll be gettin' outta there so late and we all have to work the next day.
All I can say is that really I'm gonna miss the place and all the girls too, especially Ash and Jackie. I mean, yea we'll keep in touch and get together when we can, but it won't be the same, not bein' able to work with 'em and see 'em everyday. They've kept me sane here lately. I might end up goin' back when they reopen. It all depends on if I haven't gotten another job by then. I wish I lived over there, because that's where all my friends are. Plus a lot more places to work, too. Me and Ash have been thinkin' about rentin' out this place in Elkhorn though, then there's one in the Breaks about 10 minutes from the park and close to where she lives now. But, it all depends. I'd love to though, it would be awesome. I have nothing for this stupid place over here. If I go anywhere away from the house, I'm either at Clinchco (sis's), Haysi, Elkhorn, Pikeville, Grundy or at JC. Those are the places, my places. Not stupid Dickenson County, clintwood or those such places. I only go the other way when I absolutely have to. I mean the majority of my friends are from Haysi, the others from Grundy on down. I've been prayin and talkin' to mom and dad alot lately. I have a good feelin' it will all work out and that I'll finally get away from here. I'll miss mom, dad, sis, Lisa and Zach. But, I'll always come back for the weekends and such to see 'em.
Well, me and Tim aren't soo great anymore. Funny how in such a short time, really, things go so wrong, when you think that everything is back to "normal". Hmmm-- what's normal anyway? I don't know - maybe it's not meant to be and that I made a mistake goin' back. I don' t honestly know. Maybe we're goin' through another one of our "phases". Hard to really say at this point. I love him to death, he's a great person, has treated me pretty good for the most part, and has become one of the best friends I could ever have. But, something just don't seem right, feels like something is missin' sometimes. Or like something's changed, that we just can't see right now. I know he feels it too, we've not really talked about it yet, because, how can you talk about something when you really dont even know what it exactly is. But, I can just tell. Only time will tell. I have more to say on that, but I just looked at the clock and I see I need to be in bed. I'm soo tired and I have to get up early and get ready, then meet Ash over at the Park at 11:30 in the morning. I'll have to finish this when I have some time too. Which with the way it's been goin' now and I've been so busy, could be another couple of months down the road, and things could be worse, better, changed totally, or not at all. We shall soon see.

current mood: indescribable
current music: *sweetest sin* - some other rather pointless songs

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Wednesday, October 27th, 2004
3:29 pm - *I thank God for answered prayers*
Well, it's certainly been a long time since I've wrote in here. Since I've got a day off and am home (something that is very rare anymore, even on days off), I decided to put in here what's happened lately. I've great news, WONDERFUL news!! I simply can't think of the right words to describe it. About 3 or 4 weeks ago, my former ex, Tim, and I met for the first time since we'd broken up. I came home from work one day after workin' morning shift, to a *SURPRISE*. When I pulled in the driveway, I totally wasn't expectin' to see Tim's truck in the place where I usually park. But, sure enough, there it was. (I wasn't expectin, even though I knew it was bound to happen, because he and dad were extremely close - they would go huntin, fishin and do different things together all the time, like when I was at work or out with some friends). So, I should've known especially with the huntin' season gettin' ready to open shortly after. But, as I found out later, he had come to talk to dad, but more or less, the main reason was to see me. Well, I walk in and it was like old times, when I would come home from a hard, rough day at work and there would be the love of my life layin there on the couch talkin' to mom and dad, just smilin' and waitin' on me. Same thing, except I look on the bar there in the kitchen and there's this huge arrangement of flowers (I was told there was a flower - different kinds - for every day that we'd been apart, which was almost 2 months). He got up and took the little card and told me to read it. Mom and dad, who knew everything, went in their room to watch tv and leave us alone. I read the card and I started cryin'. Again, totally unexpected. It was soo sweet. Tellin' me how sorry and how he hadn't been the same w/o me, etc, etc. Then he gets down on his knees. *Ok, imagine this - you're ex gets down on his knee right there and puts his hand in his pocket - you would slowly go into a state of shock and then explode into a lil' fit, you know what I was thinkin' was about to happen. =) Well, not that, yet, but he took out a ring - a promise ring. He had gotten it for me on Christmas Eve last year. I ended up well, not wearing. He had found it in my room and well you get the point. He started beggin' for my forgiveness and well, we're back together now. Life has been nothing short of amazing since then. I'm not gonna sit here and type a dang novel about how much I love him and all that stuff. He already knows everything he needs to know (vice versa). Anyways, the 3 words that I haven't stopped sayin' for practically a month now, every day, every single minute, is the only words capable of lettin' him know what he is to me. They say more than anything else could. I love you Tim, I always and forever will! Thanks for making my life as incredible as you have.
Well, I have to put one more thing in here before I go. The 18th (this month) made a year for us. Of course, we still celebrated like we hadn't missed a beat. Funny thing is, we really hadn't. I mean from that day when he was up here and we got back together, it seemed like not a second had went by that we weren't together. It felt like we'd been together the whole time. He felt the same. When it's like that, that deep, that strong, you know you have the love of a lifetime. I know I sure do!! All thanks to my heavenly father above. It was all in His plans. I wanna say how happy I am and thankful for this, but I can't find the right words. All, I can say is that the smile hasn't left my face since. I love you Timothy. So, glad we get this second chance. The next thing you know, we'll be walkin' down the aisle sayin' those one-time, sacred vows.

I love you, honey!!! *xoxoxoxoxoxox's to my true love*

current mood: ecstatic

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Sunday, May 2nd, 2004
1:59 pm - :-)~
TRUTH: The Real Spirit Of Life
Smile Often.
Practice Patience.
Think Freely.
Make New Friends.
Rediscover Old Ones.
Savor Special Moments.
Tell Those You Love That You Do.
Feel Deeply.
Forget Trouble. Hope.
Forgive an Enemy. Grow.
Count Your Blessings.
Observe Miracles.
Make Them Happen.
Discard Worry.
Give. Give In.
Trust Enough To Take.
Pick Some Daisies.
Share Them.
Hug A Child.

-This was just somethin I'd found, while bored -lol - I like it and its cute and makes ya think ya know - so thought I'd put in here, since I don't have time to make a real update about anything - I'm leaving here shortly - but I'll write again, tonight, or sometime.-

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Thursday, April 29th, 2004
1:25 pm - -*My Motto is:Contented with a little, Yet wishing for more*-
Thats not really my motto for life or anything . i received it in an email last night . it was from mountainwings.com . tied in with a sermon-like message . those emails are really interestin and i love gettin them . but ^points to subject^, it is so true of people these days . they are contented with what they can get, but thats not enough, they've got to have more, more, more, and more . there never satisfied with just enough . im guilty of that too, as any other human being . but i just dont understand why some people in the world, cant just thank you Lord for this, and be done with it, be glad that they've got what they've got . not, its not what i wanted, or its not enough, i want this or more of this . just be content with what u have, whether it be little or more or enough, and dont wish for more, some people aren't even lucky enough to have even 1 little thing that you do have, no matter what that may be . so be happy, enjoy life, and remember: "our time on earth, is but a passing. Don't get attached too this life in this time, on this earth, because this is NOT our home; ETERNITY is our home."

well . enough of me "preaching my sermons" as some say to me, haha . im in a real predicament right now . im confused and i dont know what to do . ive never been in this situation before and definitely not like this . i dont know what to do, i really dont .ive never even had thoughts and such come in my head and out of my mouth like they have been here for the past week or so now . im torn between these two things right now . im not gonna say exactly waht it is on here, because i dont know who reads this, and may be some who know me, and would tell others . i dont want no one but me and God to know this . i just need prayer, and a lot of it too . im prayin about it also, because im afraid of makin the wrong decision . if i go one way, it could possibly ruin my life forever (and others too) and leave me regretting certain things, and have everything to lose and risk . if i go the other way, i might possibly have something to gain (lookin doubtful now), and it could turn out to be somethin that im wrong about now . i have strong feelings on both of these things, but i dont know what to do . its a scary thing right now for me, i never thought i would ever be in this situation, ever, certainly not now . i mean geez, ive already got so much piled on me right now, i dont need this!!!!!! if only i had someone to talk to (who wouldnt let it out to anyone at all), that would be so nice and help me some, maybe on makin the best AND right decision . i could talk to tim, but no, i dont want to, etc . or i could to valerie, but we're both so busy here lately with school and work, i dont know if we'd have enough time to actually talk about it or not . i could go to miranda, like i usually do with related problems, but she's sick right now, and i dont wanna bother her, plus shes got a few problems of her own .
i guess I'll go and talk to God about it and pray ceasingly, and wait till i have peace about it and find the answer .
well . thats enough for now . i need to go and wash my car, since its pretty out today, then gotta get ready and go to tims this evenin . ill update soemtime again later, maybe

current mood: frustrated
current music: *Looking for Something More-Sara Evans*

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Thursday, April 22nd, 2004
12:37 pm - Honest criticism is hard to take,particularly from a relative, friend, an acquaintance,or a stranger
^Points to sub. above^
that is so true . many people, even i, want to hear what we want to hear . like when we work, or are strivin for a certain goal, or are tryin to get others to like us, or just in every day life, when we ask others around us whom we may trust or just whatever, for their opinion on one those things just mentioned (or advice about those). then when they tell us somethin we dont want to hear (criticism), then we get mad, angry, do and say things, because we need for that person to tell us what we want/need to hear and not what is the truth . some criticism can be bad and/or dangerous, also, but there is such a thing as good criticism, yes . which goes back to the whole subject of this, HONEST criticism . you're tellin that person the truth about the matter or situation . u know that they want to hear somethin good, but you're a decent enough person not to lie and just tell them bluntly . they'll have to face the truth sooner or later, right?! exactly! they may get mad at you, hurt you by sayin mean things, (and believe me i know this from experience - i knew someone once, who was exactly as ive been describin here) and they would get mad, to say the least, when i wouldnt tell them what they wanted me to . i didnt care because i knew by tellin them what i honestly thought about whatever it was, that in the long run, it would help them out with that problem . somehow tho, they didn't see my point of doin so . but i know that God is pleased of how i dealt with that, they can answer to him, not me (on that, of course) .
i've learned, the hard way i must say, that when ur troubles knock ya down, u have to pick yaself back up, and keep on pushin, and even when its somethin soo bad (to you) that u think u'll never be happy or make it thru this certain problem . all you have to do (besides pray, pray, pray and pray ceasingly about it to the Lord) is to say: "THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS." Trust me, it will pass, maybe not right then or the next day, but it will eventually leave and things will be much better . but one thing is certain, you have to trust in the Lord with all of your heart, that it will pass, and He will do all He can do . say unto Him, "Lord, let thy will be done." if you say, "have it your way, Lord," or "God, can you do this for ME?" then, that's the wrong way to go about it . it's not ALL about u, even tho u may think at times it is, trust me its not, and let me tell ya, someone else out there, is a million times worse off then u are at the moment with ur silly current problem of the week. it's about God, too, ya know . about pleasing and worshipping him, doing God's will on this earth and living for him, not for YOU . i read in a book once, that this life on this earth, is like the practice run, before the final race (when we are to be in eternity) . so many people let their problems, consume all of them, their time, their energy, and in the long run, they have time for nothing and no one else . they, then, become bitter, resentful, and unhappy . askin of others and God, "what have i done to deserve all this?" . well, i too, have been there . i probably was the worst for that . but thru time, and thru my relationship with God, and my earthly relationship with my boyfriend, Tim, i have learned all of this .
shew . i have more thats on my mind and my heart, that i want to say and all, but it'll have to wait until later, tomorrow, probably . that has been weighin on my heart for a long time now, and i just felt like God wanted me to put it to use ya know, somewhere where it will get to people and maybe help them, like it has helped me . if you do read this, i hope that my little bit of experience, knowledge and advice to you here, will do somethin . if so, then feel free to leave me a comment or two .

well, i need to get goin now . i gotta clean a little, then lay in the tannin bed and then get ready so i go can meet tim in awhile and go to norton w/ him . we need to get a few things .

current mood: thoughtful
current music: . my thoughts that are runnin amok in my mind . hmm .

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Tuesday, July 15th, 2003
12:58 am - - just sumthin i found - dont feel good or like writin nethin useful -
--*Listen everyday we complainin about little ups and downs
--*We need to be thanking the Lord that we still around
--*You'll never, ever know when it is your time to go
--*And I know it's hurting so bad to lose people that we love
--*We got to use that example and try to straighten up
--*You got to live everyday as if it is your last one
--*See one minute you're here and then the next day you're gone

--*See lately I wake up in the morning wanting to cry
--*I bend on my knees and I raise my head up into the sky
--*And sometimes I just can't fight my feelings I have inside
--*See I always wish that you would be here right by my side
--*I'm glad I told you I love you so much before you went away
--*I knew you couldn't and wouldn't be here for very long
--*See one minute you're here and the next day you're gone

--*See what I need for ya'll to know
--*That livin' life can come and go
--*You gotta face reality
--*I want tha world to sing wit me

--*Sometimes the world that we live in don't seem so fair or forgiving, these streets are hard to survive in cause all day you see people dying and I pray that one day we will all see that life ain't promised to you and life ain't promised to me, never forget this and be clear, we don't know how long we gon' be here*--

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