Kathryn Olivia McKinney's Day

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

4:18PM - Nightmare...

**This is the exact way I wrote the nightmare down after having it... So forgive poor grammer and such.**

Nan, in some sort of vision, tells me that something horrible is going to happen. I ask her to tell me what, but she glances away and looks very sad. Belle, who is next to me, urges her to tell. Nana looks back at me and tells me that I am going to die. I feel a surge of apprehension and fear, and ask her how. She starts to cry, "People broke in...I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I realize that she will be the cause of my death. The "vision" ends and Belle and I are at some type of festival. It is night and there a many people around, laughing and celebrating. I try and think of ways to best spend my time. (recollection: Nana also told me where it would happen and when) I find a book on the ground, open it, and read a few passages. I laugh, rather ruefully, and say, "I have half an hour left to live and I'm reading Shakespeare!" I spend the rest of the time in a dark, crowded room with a bunch of people I know. They don't really talk to me, as they don't know what is going to happen (except Belle). Eventually, I sneak out unnoticed and walk down a long hall that reminded me of a hospital except that it was lit with dim, orange lights. There is a door, partially open, and I know beyond it lies my fate. Unafraid, I carefully push it open and its is dark inside. The only light comes from the hall. There is a bathtub directly to the right of the door way, and the curtain is pulled across. I see there are flecks of blood on the curtain. It pulls away ever so slightly and I see the flash of Nana's glasses and a gun presses against my stomach. She fires once in my upper abdomen, then the gun slides down a little and she shoots me again. From the wounds I feel an intense heat. As I begin to fall to my knees, I say, "I forgive you, Nana... I love you, my Nana..." Once I am on my knees, the gun presses lightly to my temple and the third and final shot is fired. I collapse to the floorm partly in the bathroom but mostly out. I can get up almost immediatly, and I vaguely remember seeing myself on the floor. I look down at my hands, and I see that they are deathly grey and covered with blood. I briefly wonder why God isn't there, why I am still there and not in Heaven, or at the very least, Hell? I try to shrug off the feeling of total solitude, and I wander back down the hall. I see my Mother, trying to make her way through the crowd. I know she is searching for me and I feel an absolutely horrble pain and sadness. I force myself not to look at her. I then see Belle, alone and with tears in her eyes, and I embrace her, thankful to find I don't pass right through her. She smiles weakly, and though she can't see nor feel me, she knows I am there.

Current mood: uncomfortable
Current music: Bolero
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