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Tuesday, June 28th, 2005
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11:19 am - i knew that already...
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"You are very psychic.
You are very likely to feel that you are psychic and many other people around you may have even confirmed this belief. If you're not pursuing classes or learning more about developing your skills, it's only a matter of time before you embark on a new adventure into the realm of the paranormal"
but what do i do with it and how do i start? look for a 'teacher'?
the test is here: http://www.sixthsearch.com/rupsychic/index.asp
and unlike some ohters i've seen, it has good questions
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, June 23rd, 2005
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12:48 pm - translated poem
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Myth of a bird
21
If you wish to live, beware of harmony
As if it was a bite of a coral snake.
If you get into a rhythm that is a general one,
The skin of your own will melt your unique one
Decomposing, bursting and decay will start
You will become shapeless.
Death is an agreement of individual waves with pulsating of the general.
Who knows how many of the living haven’t lived at all.
Maybe every moment you encounter with some dead
Made up so that they seem alive.
If you establish disharmony,
You’ve established your own wrap and content.
To the extent you are unusable and strange to Universe,
Only to that extent you are a Universe.
That is why it is said: if you wish to be at the heart of humanity,
You have to be on the outside, out of it.
To the extent you are unexplainable and strange to people,
Only to that extent you are clear,
Only to that extent you are human.
this poem is a loose translation of a poem written by Miroslav Antic, famous late Serbian poet.
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| Friday, June 10th, 2005
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4:30 am - i like the last part of this
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June 10, 2005
Today's Outlook: The Moon enters demonstrative Leo at 8:39 am EDT, setting the tone for quite an active day in the cosmos, and we also have two tense aspects driving the energy higher. First, talkative Mercury is squared off with fiery Mars. We are ready to say anything, but may have a hard time concentrating our thoughts on one subject. Second, romantic Venus is being encouraged by expansive Jupiter to over-indulge. The British poet, William Blake, wrote, "The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom." Hopefully he was right.
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| Monday, May 30th, 2005
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9:03 am - true tribal trance
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my wish finally did come true.
last night i saw faithless live.
and for the first time in my life i've experienced the meaning of being part of crowd in trance.
i've been to a number of concerts, but it didn't happen to me. yes, i danced, i liked the concerts, i sang, i shouted and jumped. but was completely conscious.
mind you, i do drink very little and don't do any drugs except coffee and a ciggie occasionally, so it is by default more difficult for me to get into state of trance.
and i am utterly picky.
but this time, it happened.
will write more about it when work allows.
or rather, when i get home.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, May 20th, 2005
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5:29 pm
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this morning i saw a dead man on the road.
the accident had just happened.
he was riding a bike, and the guy hit him with a car.
his shoe was 20 meters away.
on the other side, a crashed bike.
and he lay on the road, as if he was asleep.
a poor guy in his maybe sixties.
old jacket torn and pulled up, his face calm.
and a puddle of blood next to his head.
people standing around him, waiting for ambulance.
first aid kit opened, they obviously tried to help him, but to no avail.
fragile we are.....
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, May 13th, 2005
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11:18 pm
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day before yesterday my son's elementary school teacher has sent him to school phsychologist because of 'bad handwriting'.
without telling me anything or talking to me.
and he is 7.5 yrs old and is left handed.
i am so upset.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, May 9th, 2005
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5:35 am - sounds good
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May 9, 2005
Today's Outlook: The Moon enters Gemini, the sign of the Twins, today at 3:29 am EDT, marking a shift in the cosmic energy toward the mental realms. We move into a couple of days of gathering information and making connections, both in the outer world and within our own thinking process. Gemini is a sign of contradictions and we can be faced with unsolvable puzzles. In addition, Gemini's key planet, Mercury, forms a tense aspect with inventive Uranus, allowing us to think our way out of suppressive situations.
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| Sunday, May 8th, 2005
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5:10 pm - lazy
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sunday afternoon.
springtime. it is supposed to be a nice, sunny, bright day, temperature at about 20 celsius.
instead of that it is only 9 degrees, pouring down with rain, and at 5pm i need a light on inside to see anything.
what does one do on such a boring and lazy afternoon?
torture one's dog with a thorough bath:
http://gallery.greatestjournal.com/thumbnails.php?album=265885
and then she pays vengeance by making us wet and full of hair, as well as running around the whole apartment, shaking the water off....
at least something is happening :-)
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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11:42 am - the big brother
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is coming to serbia.
after it aired all over the world.
i don't know what to think of it, in the sense that it does feel a little bit unrealistic that in serbia, where many people are still highly patriarchal (i'm not speaking of the young ones, this is about people in their fifties that have the power now), they will indeed show everything that happens to the people that are cutt off from the world.
it is going in fact to be interesting to see how and what they do to it, because the freedom of thinking and behaving and even wearing what one likes without being scrutinized and criticised and silently expelled is unfortunately not here yet.
maybe many from my country will not agree with me.
maybe i'm oversensitive and am overreacting.
but here in parks one cannot just sit on the grass beside the benches (in the areas where there is no dog poop)
one cannot sit on the floor of a bookstore and explore a book in peace. booksellers are the kind i dislike here - they prey on me with their eyes, thinking that i am about to steal any book that i touch and open. i do not know whether theft is that widespread, but it is driving me crazy. i cannot find a book to read recently, the reason being i do not feel free enough to explore them. how the hell would i know if i like a book - there are so many of them, i do not read book recommendation and critics, so i have to find out for myself.....
anyhow. this was basically rambling.
and i wanted to say that it will be interesting to watch serbian version of big brother.
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11:38 am - a nightmare
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oh, the brain. and what the subconscious does with the information it gets during the day(s).
last night i had one of the funniest nightmares ever: i was with a group of people, we were all scared to death, we ran into a vacant building and got ourselves locked inside. the reason was that we were fleeing from millions of moths (yes, the little flying insects that eat clothes)who were preying on humans. few of the people that were running away with us didn't make it, they got all covered in moths who then in seconds sucked their blood.....
and we had then to fill all the cracks in the floor, walls and windows to make sure they do not enter somehow.....
i also found one trying to get through the skin on my belly, saw it just in time and killed it.
and this was one of the dreams when while you are dreaming you are million percent sure it IS happening.
i was scared beyond belief.
i reckon my braind got this idea and then upgraded it further from a moth that i saw yesterday flying around our living room.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
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4:23 am
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i'm outta words. totally out of words.
i've been quiet for a long time. i do not know whether it is me being quiet because something is rolling beside the hill, as we would say in serbian, or because i'm slowly giving up some things and becoming dull and boring and more 'ordinary' than i ever wanted. daily job is maybe the surest way to put layers and layers of grayness over one's true being. i mean a non-creative daily job, like the one that i have.
do i hear myself whining here? yes, somewhat.
i get so deeply hurt that i feel even physical pain in my chest when i see injustice. when i feel shmucks who know so little become a someone just because they 'have a diploma'. and for better clarification we are not talking here about a case of my envy due to the fact that someone has better salary or better position and more company benefits than i do. i'm talking about someone being respected just for the sole fact that they do 'have that paper' and then mistreating someone with double their intelligence to whom they are superiors. i've watched a situation like that for some time now, and i got almost sick, literally.
it is twisted, ain't it?
there are diplomas and diplomas, there are grades....there are different ways of getting a diploma, especially in this country....
but real people and real, real, real internal things that do matter are something quite different.
in fact, i've just realized that i feel defeated.
defeated because i've always treated having or not having a diploma as something that i have choice over, and something i will never feel i have to do. and during the last week or so i've realized that i will have to do it, if i want any chance of having a more interesting job with more individual input and more freedom to organize myself, which is a key thing for my wellbeing.
did i say i'm outta words?
well, not exactly. it seems i'm outta words and topics that i really like lately.
hugs for you all. t.
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| Friday, April 22nd, 2005
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9:39 pm - i can feel it coming....
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...and the moon is full already this evening. people in the office were restless.
April 24: Full Moon in Scorpio, lunar eclipse
Lunar eclipses are super-charged full Moons -- and full Moons are famous for turning up the volume on all our emotions. This particular eclipse will occur with the Moon in Scorpio, famously the most intense, depth-seeking sign of them all. Needless to say, whatever you're feeling, you'll be feeling it in spades right now. And you'll be more than willing to express those feelings to anyone who even remotely hints at being interested. Just keep in mind that it's easy to take things right over the top when this lunation is on duty, and to get totally absorbed in what's going on internally while ignoring the effects of all that on the outside world. Tough as it may be, then, consider the impact of what you're about to say and do on the future -- and try to do it well before you open your mouth.
interesting.
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| Tuesday, April 19th, 2005
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5:28 am
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i love the gloomines of this weather in belgrade for the last week or so.
it is even abstract in how contrasted the fresh, just sprouted, grean leaves on trees, with this crazy green look like compared to gray skies. and i love to watch the consequences that even a little bit of rain creates on the streets. it is almost mystical, since even few drops of rain make a horrible traffic jam.
and sometimes, just for the fun of it, i love to be late to work. it creates a thrill. i'm such an adventurer, and thrill seeker, that it is often weird since i'm female. females, at least they say, should not be that much like that.
the other day i realized that it is very good that i was not born a man.
when anger takes over me (it doesn't happen easily, thank heavens), i am just dangerous. this is not just me imagining something, it is what many people told me was the case. if i were a guy, i would be already incarcerated long time ago.
so, don't mess with me (-: [wink]
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| Tuesday, April 12th, 2005
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6:26 am
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this has maybe happened to me some time earlier, but i am not so sure.
last morning i woke up after sleeping so sound that it felt like i was coming from layers and layers of different dimensions to this one (or these ones).
and everything looked different. the room. s. his relative (that is STILL in our apartment). alfa, the dog. it felt as if i woke up in someone else's life, in a different time. atmosphere of time and space smelled differently. and i was so calm, clarity of my mind was frightening.
and the feeling was - i love this life that i live. i love the matter and the shapes and the life i exist in. the difference was such that even my body felt cleansed. as if some helpin spirit came to me over night and cleaned me, body and soul.
i have changed.
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| Friday, April 8th, 2005
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2:51 pm
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i am tired. tired. tired.
i worked so much during the last week that it is unbelievable. just too much. i slept in average 3-4 hours per night, worked at work, then would go home, then would eat and fall asleep, then wake up at about 1 am and work till 4 am, and then sleep form 4 till 6:30. i worked on a huge presentation for a huge and important conference of five dairies. it was held yesterday, and it went well. and i am dead. sucked out.
tired. bored. indifferent.
at home we have s's relative staying with us, practically. due to arrangement of the appartment there is no separate room for him to sleep in, which therefore means that there is very, very little sex for s and me.
a nightmare, i'm tellin' ya! it is such a torture to have someone you want in bed next to you and not really being able to do anythin.
i am so pent up that i am afraid of what will happen once i explode.
anyhow, hope you are all felling much better this friday afternoon.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, March 24th, 2005
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9:20 am
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| Monday, March 21st, 2005
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10:12 am
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and today is the equinox.
i rejoice coming of spring.
this morning would have been a good morning to see sunrise at stonehenge.
i will keep admiring forever the skill of the people who in those ages managed to so precisely build something like that.
i do not fancy any pagan religion per se, but paganism would be and in many ways already is my route. whatever it really means. i do not have set definitions, i do not practice rituals, i just do and believe as my soul tells me is right.
to some extent the dawn of the new century brought about, at least in me, the feeling that christianity's time is over. that humanity has outgrown the story, or at list will do so shortly.
and in these regions in the balkans paganism is still so present. no matter the umbrella religion, there is this holiday celebration of 'mladenci' (young newlyweds would be sort of translation), that happens on the first day of spring. and people do celebrate it. there is 'maslenitsa' as celebration of other slav nations.
this winter has been so long and cold.
i haven't been this happy about beginning of spring for a long time.
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| Tuesday, March 15th, 2005
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2:59 am - i had to share this
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| Thursday, March 10th, 2005
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7:16 am
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| Thursday, March 3rd, 2005
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12:39 am
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a link for lunar_dolphin
http://www.johnclilly.com/
found at blossomer's journal. thank you.
in giving this link to you, if you didn't see it earlier, i realize one thing: i am, as you are, obsessed with dolphins, and that may well be THE thing we need to talk about and see why, when, what......i've seen them and touched them. and i cannot compare that experience with anything else. that is maybe the thread that connects us for some reason.
and, as 'enigma' says: man is the dream of a dolphin.
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