Blurty for Sarah.

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Wednesday, December 10th, 2003

Time:3:08 am.
Mood: indescribable.
Music:Co & Ca.
journals were never meant to be public, it defeats the whole purpose. its not about announcing things to the world, its about getting things out on paper for your own personal use, and for your eyes only. so im ending this one.
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Friday, November 28th, 2003

Subject:beep bop beep
Time:11:42 pm.
Mood: bored.
Music:johnny lang.
ok so the white stripes show was FREAKIN AWESOME!!!! it was the best thing i ever went to, and the best thing to help cheer me up lately. aaron and i got a lil lost, but it was easily fixed.

i also just got back from home for turkey day. it was quite a disappointment this year. my sis and her husband and kids went to his parent's house this year, so since it was just me mom and her boyf, we went out to dinner. it was this thanksgiving buffet. it was ok, nothing to get all excited over. i mean i was thankful we had food and all, but i just miss our usual routine. but im glad the Lord blessed us enough to allow us to have what we had. i also got to visit jason and kelly and that was really fun. i dont have any christians to hang out with up here, so it gets lonely. it was nice to be around them again.

i have been having migranes lately due to stress. im hoping i will get better soon, after spending a few days at home, my mom helped me feel better so that was good. well what else happened in my boring life....i got my hair trimmed and evened out. it still had the dramatic forward angle in it from my shorter hair cut. definately havent had a trim in almost a year, so it was good to do that, but i think the lady made it crooked, stupid lady talkin on the phone while cutting my hair. REAL COOL.

anyway, um i dunno nothing else is really going on other than i have to work tomorrow and sunday, so blah. its weird being at school since everyone is home for break. i wonder if that means the caf. is closed, not like i care cause i dont have a meal plan, but i was just thinking. anyway, im gonna go and talk to jared who is anxiously IMing me. he needs to come visit again cause we had so much fun. ok everyone have a safe weekend and praise God.
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Monday, November 24th, 2003

Subject:my weekend
Time:2:31 am.
Mood: happy.
Music:the white stripes mix i made.....ooooh riiiight..
although i started out my weekend crying my eyes out, it ended with a sore face from so much laughter. i had off on friday, so i got my rental car and chilled around here. then my friend tom came by and we watched Anger Management since he has never seen it. gotta love that jack! on saturday i worked from 2-1130 BLAH, but atleast i worked with nathan and he always makes it worth while. i swear he has the best laugh. after work i came back just in time to meet up with my friends to go out for melissa's 21st. things got a lil screwy, but we will make it up to her. i still ended up having a good night hanging out with erin, kevin and ralph. definately needed a night out. unfortunately b/c of my night out i couldnt get up for church today to save my life, so i was disappointed in myself for that, but i will get there soon enough. the Lord knows my heart.

then to end my weekend off with a bang, jared ended up coming to visit. i have to say that i havent laughed that hard in months and it felt so good. we went out for a bit then came back to watch Beetlejuice (classic) and the Animatrix since he has never witnessed it's splendor. so out of all the fun days i had this weekend, this one was truly a gift from God.

and now, i attempt to freeze - i mean sleep in my igloo - i mean room. and tomorrow is...............THE WHITE STRIPES!!!!!!!! wa HOOOOOOOO! hopefully me and aaron will not get lost. i still must go print my ticket in the lab tomorrow, return some late library books and mail a cell bill. lets all pray that aaron and i dont get lost, and also that the rental comes back with nooooo damage. as much as i wanna keep it instead of gettin my piece of crap back, i cant ding it up. im a lil nervous to drive it to camden, but im gonna be praying like crazy about it the whole way there that we are safe. this show will end them all ;)

ok for serious, i go seepies now. goodnight moon.
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Thursday, November 20th, 2003

Subject:blah
Time:1:07 pm.
Mood: annoyed.
Music:Beloved--Defect from Decay.
so i have decided that i need to disappear. i need to go to a far away land where no one can bother me and tell me how to be. i am perfectly aware of what is right and what is wrong. i still trust in the Lord and im not loosing my faith. if anything, im holding onto it for dear life. no one understands what im going thru right now and how hard it's been for me lately. there are too many things going on at once, and i feel like my head will explode. i want things to be better in my life so badly it makes me cry, but there is nothing i can do about it. i have no control over anything, and i feel like im just floating along. with the exception of a few friends, no one knows or cares what my life has been like, how im feeling or what is going thru my head. everytime i start to feel better, i get kicked down again and im sick of it. leave me alone!!! it's hard enough trying to figure things out with out being bashed on somehow.

im not really looking for any kind of relationship right now, unless some awesomely stable christian man comes and sweeps me off my feet, but that's another story and out of my hands. im happy being on my own and it's something i have needed for a long time. it has always been about everyone else, but now for once it's about me. i have time to myself and i don't have to worry about things i used to have to worry about. right now, that's exactly what i need. i can clear my head and figure out what i want and what i dont need, and also make any necessary changes in myself. i can concentrate more on school with less distractions. i'm keeping my eyes on the cross and on my future career. im hoping to move to philly after i graduate. i might live with my sister in jersey for a lil bit till i can get my own place in philly, so i'm not worried. once i get to philly, i will be with all my family and i'm sure they can help me out. and i want a dog, really bad. a puppy just for me. so we'll see what God has in store for me. patients...it's all about the patients.

blah, so now i will attempt to nap for a bit before i go buy some foam core for my project that is due tomorrow and then go to work. this week has flown by, much like my life. have a good day/weekend. Praise God.
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Sunday, November 16th, 2003

Subject:ugh
Time:2:33 pm.
Mood: worried.
Music:johnny lang.
ok. so. what is new? lets see.... oh yea thats right i was in a car accident for the 4th time in my life. some jerk went through a red light and cut off this lady in front of me, causing me to rear-end her. not only was i so upset about this, but she gets out and starts cursing me off b/c my piece of crap car got a some paint on her 2004 volvo. stupid snob. meanwhile, my front grill is cracked in half and my hood bent so much that poppin it open is no longer an option. stupid cross eyed stuck up witch, i cant believe how mean she was to me. this is the last thing i need to happen to me. so today i called the insurance company and did all that crap. now i have to wait for someone to come out and appraise my car, and im scared. the lady on the phone says it may be totalled, but i can drive it so i dont see how it would be totalled. i just wanted to see if the insurance co. knew of a mechanic i could bring it to to check it out, but she says since its a 93 that it might get totalled. that made me wanna cry b/c since it was technically my fault i guess, im not gonna get any money out of this accident so if my car is totalled, im totally screwed. there is NO WAY i can afford a new car right now, and my mom couldnt either. i would have to take out a loan or something and i cant do that either, i have enough debt with school alone. im just really worried about it now, so im praying so hard that it isnt totalled. i have a deductable on my insurance, but i know the damage on my car is more then that.

another thing im stressing about right now is a test that i have coming up on wednsday. im doing really bad in this class, so i MUST do well on this test, but im not sure i can. i have to REALLY cram for the next couple days. i havent gotten to study at all this weekend b/c i worked thrusday-sunday for like a million hours and by the time sunday came around, i was exhausted. im just so nervous i wanna cry. the only thing i want right now is a big hug cause im way past due for it :(

well other than that, everything has gotten a bit better. a major ball of stress was lifted recently and that has helped alot. a missing piece has returned. as of now, i have surrendered to the Lord and all His greatness and have given him complete control. as much as i wanna control my life, i have found in my past experiences and new knowledge of His love that i cant make myself happy. even before i became a believer, i could never be completely happy. there was always something missing, and by finding Jesus i feel like i have come home. God has shown me so much through out my life. i have dealt with things that are considered some of the top 4 hardest things to deal with in a life time, and i have managed to come out of it stronger. im blessed with a mother that has taught me strength and has always given me the courage to move forward at all times, under all circumstances. although her and i are very different and at times do not agree, i am still forever grateful for what she has taught me. i am also thankful for my health, b/c bad health is a daily struggle and blessed are those who live with that everyday and still know how to smile.

i have been humbled by the Lord more than ever now, and i have been able to accept things for how they are. the cards have fallen a certain way for whatever reason, and with the kind of cards i have been dealt in life i have learned to accept change and learned to adapt. no one likes change, but when you have no control over it, you learn how to deal with it. i have also learned to start looking at myself more and paying more attention to how i am. without Jesus, i would not be able to do anything. now i wait patiently for God to show me whats next.

well, now i must shower and go study for this stupid test :( i hope everyone is well. Jesus is waiting for you...BELIEVE.
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Monday, November 10th, 2003

Time:7:56 pm.
Mood: calm.
Music:johnny lang--give me up.
ok, well after that lil outburst last nite, i feel a little bit better today. i keep forgettin what matters lately. the Lord has blessed me with so many friends that i have gotten closer to this past month, and now i dont know what i would do without them, especially erin and sara. you girls have really been there for me through everything, and it would have been a harder process alone. marisa, your seriously the only one who has known me long enough to get me, your my counterpart and we are gettin married, screw guys ;) jessie and carmine, you two: thank you so much, you strengthen me every time we talk. dana, your the coolest and your a great help to me. most of all Jesus has been there for me to lean on most of all, and i cant ever be thankful enough for that. PRAISE GOD FOR HIS WONDERFUL GIFT.

i have also completely submerged myself into music, and that has helped to. i dunno why, but i get super emotional when i listen to music. it coarses through my veins like that and makes me feel alive. i think its the perfect way to express yourself, i cant think of anything else more effective. speaking of awesome music, i cant wait to see the stripes. me and aaron are going and its gonna be whicked whicked whicked AWESOME! he couldnt find anyone to go either, so it was like perfect that i mentioned it to him. now i wont get lost...i dont think, haha. but im really glad he is going. i have alot more in common with him then i ever thought, so thats cool.

not looking forward to this weekend, i have to work for a million years. i might as well just sleep there. i hope my pay is decent this time around, i need it to last me a bit. i need to remember to bring my painting home with me tomorrow so i can finish it for thrusday. he is really making us crank them out for the end of this semseter, i just looked at the other critique dates and they are practically on top of each other. oy, man im glad i dropped art history, one less thing to worry about. i found out we didnt loose any money cause of it, so thats grood...and great...

there are so many cds i want right now, i need to make a list and put them on hold at work. good ol' discount, yeaaaa. i made a list of dvds i want, i dont know when or how i will get them, but hey its wishful thinking. ok, my room is so FRIGGIN COLD i cant take it anymore :( anyone who wants to snuggle, feel free to call me cause im all up for sharing body warmth! now im of to do much work. have a good nite all, Jesus LOVES YOU.
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Sunday, November 9th, 2003

Subject:i give up
Time:10:53 pm.
Mood: angry.
im sick of it. im sick of everything around me. nothing makes sense to me anymore. everything is wrong and doesnt seem like it will ever be right again. amazing how quickly the enemy can make your life hell. life can turn to crap in a split second. right now i hate everything and i wish i could just disappear. i dont care about anything anymore. i have lost all motivation and all drive. maybe im only talkin this way for the moment, but i guess i need to vent some how without people hearing me cry for once. im just going through the motions of my life everyday, like a zombie. and the worst part is who knows when it will end. probably never. im in hell. thanks alot.
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Subject:hmmm...
Time:1:39 am.
Mood: contemplative.
Music:too sleepy for that.....
well, work was long and arguious today (spelling?), a lil akward at first, but i got over it. im actually kinda confused lately. just have so much on my mind...i guess i just really wish i knew where the Lord was leading me. of course, im not supposed to know, but im just curious. and impatient...but thats besides the point. i dunno, i have been trying to find my footing i guess you could say for the past couple few weeks. i dont know why but i feel like im flying blindly through life, which technically is fine since the Lord is my pilot. i guess im just so unsure about many different aspects of my life, both minor and major that i feel like im fumbling a bit. what i feel the most right now is that i just want a hug.....a big, long, squeezy embrace that i havent felt in so long. for a good chunk of my life, i thought i knew exactly where i was going. now, i feel as if a huge chunk of myself is missing, yanked away without asking, without notice and without a care.

i thought i had at all figured out and my goals set. now, after much unexpected turmoil, i see now that there is no such thing as life goals. now dont get me wrong, i dont mean like any and all goals, i just mean the kind that you set for yourself as if you have control over your future. i have realized that sometimes those goals, no matter how certain you are that it is right or how much of your heart and soul you put in it, its not always your destiny. God the Father is the one and only who knows and plans our destiny. some people say that i give good advice, but im just like everyone else; i can give it out, taking it into myself is a different story. so although these things i am saying are true and i do indeed believe them, i find it hard deep down to accept them.

the Lord has humbled me lately in ways that are kinda hard to describe. He is forcing me to break away from my comfort zone, the place that i am still silently and desperately trying to get back to, but i know it will never return there if i am not meant to. so i am torn. all i can do is wait for the green light from my Savior. at times, i am strong and feel life as it appears presently is a piece of cake; "i can handle this Lord, keep going... im waiting"....then, other times i can be so over come with emotion b/c deep down i dont wanna wait anymore. i want my answers right here and right now. can i obtain them on my own successfully? no. all i can do, all i ever do is pray, beg for God's mercy and for His forgiveness. i pray for strength mostly, but also for patients. sometimes i wanna yell out "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHAT IS GOING ON CAUSE I CANT GO ON WONDERING ANYMORE!" but the Lord is unlike any human being you will meet, no matter how kind or saintly they seem b/c he isnt human, he is bigger. the Lord never abandons you, and that alone keeps me going. cause i know in my heart and soul and spirit that no matter how lonely i feel right now or how scared i may be or how many scars on my heart i may have, Jesus will never be a cause of that. Jesus will always be there for me to talk to, cry to, pray to. He is the friend that never betrays you.

im not sure if that will make much sense when other people read it, but i tried. anyway, while everyone on this campus goes home to mommy every weekend, i worked and worked and worked some more. im good at that, i work-it ;) j/k. anyway, im pretty tired, so im gonna watch the rest of my movie and try and sleep. tomorrow (well today now i guess, its so late) i get to sleep in. i need to get some school work done, so i will probably attempt that also. well, i hope everyone had a good weekend, God bless.
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Thursday, November 6th, 2003

Subject:rain, rain and rain some more.
Time:2:45 pm.
Mood: sore.
Music:stripes.
although i absolutely adore rain, my only complaint is that the worms decide to unearth themselves and crawl into my apmt. i found two in the past two days, and its not fun. i absolutely skeeve worms, and ants. i wanted to throw up when i found the first one, and i dont understand how they get in, or why for that matter. silly worms, houses are for PEOPLE!

so lets see... i got to see revolutions last nite thanx to aaron. alot of people who dont understand the films of the matrix thought it was dumb, but i was totally into it. if you dont understand whats going on and you cant totaly emerse yourself in the film then yea, it will suck for you. but i think the trilogy is just an awesome work of art. its the most intense creative work i have ever seen. i cant help but have complete respect for it.

so lets see, what else....nothing really. its just me and my betta hanging out in my freezing cold room, listening to the rain. i have to go to work soon and i really dont want to. i gotta flu shot the other day and i think im a lil achey and such from it. last time i got it i was fine. but my muscles are all tense and sore today, so i have no clue what my deal is. maybe i am dying....if so i will make out my will today, just in case of sudden death by muscle.

well before i depart today, i would like to put a little corinthians in here, its my favorite because its the truth and i hope that some day i will experience this for myself, God willing:

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy. love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.-cor. 13: 1-8

that passage is the absolute definition for TRUE love. i have always hated when people throw the term "love" around b/c no one takes it seriously anymore. some say i am a very emotion or intense person, well i am and i dont see that as a bad thing. better to be emotional then to be empty. love is a term i take VERY seriously and whenever i have said it i MEANT IT. i just keep praying that one day, if it be God's plan for me, i will find a christian man who will understand this passage and be able to share/give back what i have to give. until then... i wait patiently.

off to work i go! have a great rainy day everyone, Praise God for his wonderful gift.
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Wednesday, November 5th, 2003

Subject:skimmywah
Time:10:49 am.
Mood: ecstatic.
Music:THEWHITESTRIPESTHEWHITESTRIPES.
im SO excited for this month. this month is THE WHITE STRIPES! HECK YA! i i missed them last time they came around, but thats cause they were in pennslanding, and i have no clue how to get there. i didnt wanna drive to PA alone for the first time, so unfortunately i had to skip it. but not this time! i have driven to camden before, its just been a while, but im confident in the Lord that he will keep me safe.

i already order my tickets and recieved them forever ago, i just gotta print em out. still havent found someone to go with me, but whatever cause i dont need company to enjoy the BEST BAND EVER! its gonna ROCK and im SO EXCITED!!! i have the best seat too :) i also own all four albums now, and they all are just so friggin great. i just hope i can survive driving to camden alone, its been a while since i have gone to the tweeter center, ill be asking for blessings the whole time fo sho. i recently made a mix cd containing 28 songs all together (gotta love the stripes and their short songs) all from each album, my favorites. im just so psyched i cant wait to go. i just need to get my directions now, and i kinda wish i could do a quick run through of them (driving) but i dunno when i would do that. ill just keep praying and leave REALLY early cause im the COOLEST at gettin lost.

i REALLY need to see Revolutions, so someone please donate to "the coolest fund" so that i may go. i refuse to miss seeing this in the theatres. now, i dont like spending the ridiculous amount of money on movies in a theatre, however when its the best trilogy ever ya definately need to make some sacrifices. its hard to make sacrifices when your poor tho.....so i need some kinda of whicked awesome sneaky sneaky plan to get in.....undetected.....or i shall be delteated......baleeted.......im a cool guy.....

ryan has an obsession with "the family guy", he even has the box set thingy. he wants me to watch it with him, so i may have to mosey on over there tonight. i have to say that i disagree with some themes they portray on the show sometimes, they tend to take things too far. but over all its a hilarious show. gotta love adult swim. i havent been able to watch Inuyasha (love of my life) lately, so thats depressing. but someday soon....

anyway its time for a nap. 830s are cruel and should be considered a crime, especially when its cresson, BLAH. so remember kids, anyone who wants to take me on a hot date to feed my matrix addiction, the auction starts today! just like the movie! ya! do i hear a bid?

Praise God.
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Tuesday, November 4th, 2003

Subject:lately
Time:12:59 am.
Mood: flirty.
Music:my own lil white stripes mix... the COOLEST..
well, lets see...there isnt much excitement to share, or is there? ;) i have just been workin and goin to class. man am i sick of school. i only have a lil over a year left, so praise the Lord on that one. work has been ok, nathan broke his foot so he hasnt been in much, poor baby. he has to get surgery so ill be praying for him. he is a great guy, so goofy and upbeat, he cracks me up. i just met someone even more amusing and his name is jared. thanx to subway, his whole life has changed and i......oh wait....sorry. anyway, there once was this monkey who climbed these stairs using only his tail and highly evolved acrobatic skills, but suddenly......wait....im confused....oh yea jared! ok for serious, he is an awesome dude, he is like the male version of me, its kinda scary really...but very cool at the same time cause we really understand each other. he has awesome faith in the Lord and reminds me of Jesus's love when im down. so its a totally cool reinforcement and im glad the Lord sent him into my life. he sells apples for 50 cents each, quiet the business man he is. i admire his stamina and marketing technique. im hoping he will share his wisdom with me one fine day. hopefully we can chill this weekend, cause i have to get my matrix fix on by viewing revolutions. if i dont go i will hypervenilate and implode, then reassemble myself in a plasma form, making me a permanent zombie, then all the boys will wanna kiss me. but if he cannot make it and this happens, its ok b/c i can deal with zombie mode, life throws curve balls and ya gotta dematerialize sometimes, right? right. ok i my boredom level has increased and this is no longer entertaining me, so i must depart from this ridiculous online rubbage and try to sleep. hope everyone is well. oh and ryan is the best poet ever - oooooh riiight. thank Jesus right now for what he did for you.
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Friday, September 26th, 2003

Subject:i got my wings!
Time:4:45 pm.
Mood: excited.
Music:White Stripes--De Stijl.
wahooo! so last saturday i FINALLY got tattooed! i got feather wings on my back. they go from my shoulders to almost the bottom of my ribs (mid back). VERY EXCTIED! they look so good, better then i imagined they would. i went down home to see seth, who also tattoos zach and my friend jason. he is totally awesome and a true tattoo artist. it took two and half hours to do the outline and yes, it HURT! but ya know what, it was worth it. im kinda glad i didnt bring anyone with me, b/c i cried at the end. also i was clenching the seat for my life, so that also would have been embarassing. there is no way to stay relaxed with pain like that. i just kept telling myself that its worth it and it would look awesome when its all done. so its now day 7 of my healing and it feels pretty good. im in the lotion faze now, thank God. the medicine was such a pain and gooey and ew. now it just itches every so often. last nite for some reason it itched so much i thought i was gonna go crazy, but i cant scratch it cause it burns and i dont wanna mess things up. so if i lay on it, it stops. weird. i cant wait to get color! although i have heard different things on how that will feel, im still looking forward to it. im also nervous at the same time since i know how it feels now. but i will deal. all i need now is shading and some color and im good to go. im hoping that maybe it will get done the next session. and i hope he does one wing completely and then the next, b/c when i went for my outline, he did the right wing first, that wasnt too bad, the left wing hurt alot more. then he said that the basic outline was done and he could stop there, or go back over some lines that needed to be thicker for the outline to be completely finshed. so i said ok and he started going over the left wing. the left wing was numb by then b/c he had just got done the initial tattooing of it, so i coulda went to sleep to that. HOWEVER, when he went back over the ring wing, which hadnt been tattooed in about 45 minutes, it hurt the most out of the whole thing. and not just one part, the WHOLE time he did the second session on my right side. i cried that whole time. boy was i exhausted after all that. the next 2 days my muscles in my back were cramped up and sore b/c i had been so tense. if i coulda had a massage, that would have been great, but not anytime soon with a tattoo on my back. everyone here at school was a lil surprised at its size, but i like it. i told them it was gonna be big! i didnt want lil baby wings. definately not tellin my mom till after i move out for good, which will be with in the next year and a half, so she can know sometime after that. unfortunately my mom and i are completely different personality wise, so she wont appreciate the art on my back the way i do.

so what else, nothing as exciting as that! but today i did cast my first sculpture, so thats pretty cool. i gotta see if someone has a hammer i can borrow so that i can break it off of the wood. then i have to take the clay out and put 4-5 coats of green soap inside. then on tuesday we will pour that other stuff in to get the new sculpture, i forget what its called. im almost finished my logo project for graphic design 3, and we are starting new projects in both classes. i still havent heard whether or not i can get rid of my art history class cause this stupid school take forever with everything, but whatever. i just want my mom to have her $600 back. painting is going ok i guess, i just hate painting still life. i havent had much practice at it, so my current painting is an embarassment. i feel i can do much better than that. i just happen to enjoy painting things from my head more, which we kinda get to do next, thank God. i already took painting2 where we could do what ever we want, so this painting1 stuff sucks, but its ok cause im learning things that i didnt know about it previously. cultures of the world is boring and stupid and i hate it. the end. wednsday was bible study, which was cool. sharon led it and she did a fair job considering she hasnt do that before. i keep seeing new christians coming, so thats really exciting! when we had the table out for club day, we had people who were interested sign papers and stuff to see what they wanted to know about us and Jesus, so we all took some and we have to call/email them and see whats up and invite them to come to bible study. there is a new guy working in the cafe who is 23 named nathan. he is very nice and easy to work with, and CLEAN. so i was witnessing to him on tuesday nite and i think that i might have actually succeeded for once in sparking someone's interest! i told him about this book im reading called "The Case for Christ" written by this journalist who researched the authenticity of the Bible for 2 years and was a non believer who ends up becoming a believer. he said he was interested in reading it, so sharon had an extra copy and i gave it to him last nite with a extra track i had stuck in there about the 4 sprirtual laws. he also told me to let him know aobut bible study, so im really happy. for once it seems that i have been successful in spreading the word. ah :) so other than that, work has been ok. yesterday i worked from 2-1130, MUCH to long. today i work 6-1130, not bad.

speaking of which i only have an hour till i go, so i wanna eat and relax for a bit. i hope everyone is doing well and have a blessed day!
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Monday, September 15th, 2003

Subject:learn something new
Time:11:25 pm.
Mood: accomplished.
Music:my own! my own! hahaha.
its true that you learn something new everyday, i have learned a couple things. thing #1) no longer will i lock my bedroom door of my apmt b/c its too risky. thing #2) I CAN PLAY MY FIRST SONG ON THE GUITAR!!! thats right ladies and gentlemen, i SARAH have taught myself how to play my first song on guitar. im learning how to play from this ernie ball beginner's book. ernie ball makes guitar strings, and their book is really helpful. it teaches you everything, even how to hold the pick correctly. very cool and im very excited i have decided to learn a new art form. on saturday i plan to go home for a day and i wanna pick up my keyboard while im there. i have been playing the piano for 15 years, and i hope that i can get as good at the guitar as i am at piano. im not saying im some prodigy at it, but its fun and i think i play well.

i am also goin home this weekend b/c seth FINALLY contacted me, praise the Lord, and thats the main reason im goin home on saturday cause i am gettin tattooed! i have been waiting since high school to do this, and the time has finally come, i am very excited and also i little nervous. im gettin wings on my back that will start at my shoulders and go to the middle of my back, almost the bottom of my ribs. so yea, for a first tattoo, thats awful huge right? well, trust me. i have thought about what i wanted for 4 years, not to mention the artist is amazing so i am confident it will turn out beautifully. i have always had dreams about flying and have day dreamed about how cool it would be to have wings, so inna way, im gettin them. am i weird you might ask yourself? yes.....yes i am...

so anyway, thats all that is new for now. i got my transcripts in the mail the other day, so i need to go talk to some lady about gettin my history of art 1 class dropped since i already did it at another school, lets all pray that that works out, shall we?

today is jessie's bday, so HAPPY BDAY JESSIE G! I LOVE YOU! im working on thinking of a good present for her since i didnt know when her bday was till the day before. hmmm..think think think....

so yea, learned ,my first song on guitar tonite, gettin tattooed around 2 on saturday...lots of fun! hopefully i will have enough money for whatever i get done! well everyone have a safe night and keep an eye out on that darn ISABEL! Praise God!
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Saturday, September 6th, 2003

Subject:a senior in college
Time:11:41 pm.
Mood: bored.
Music:White Stripes--Elephant.
i must say its very strange to know that this is my last year in college, with the exception that i have an extra semester, but you get the general idea. i have moved into an apmt on campus, so that is exciting new and different. i felt very loved these past few days b/c i realized how many friends i actually have. i kept gettin visits from my girls and that was really nice. erin lives in the complex across and diangonal from me, so thats fun cause we can do our work together and watch the labrynth! zach is directly across from me, so im happy that the Lord worked it out that way. i recently bought a guitar and im very excited about it. its a samick, an acoustic black guitar, only about 4-5 inches deep, maybe 6, with pearl trim and an awesome sharp cut away. im teaching myself how to play, something i have wanted to do for a long time. im hoping i can get some friends to help me learn also, but i will most likely end up roughin it alone.

back to my cool apmt, it is really nice. i have never lived in an apmt before, so its very interesting. there are 4 of us and everyone has their own room. we have a kitchenette (that is probably spelled wrong) and living room and a bthrm with one toilet in its own lil room, two sinks, three mirror cabinets, our own washer and dryer and one shower. very cool, we went to ac moore the other nite and got some fake flowers to make arrangements for the kitchen table, the coffee table and the bthrm sink. we also bought some posters and some island calendars to cut out the pictures for the walls. meanwhile, i have decorated my room quite a bit with posters people have given me and some artwork from my art magazines like Archive, Artforum, and Step.

lets see what else.....oh yes i have returned to borders....i needed the money. its lil weird b/c alot has changed since i have been gone. there are new drinks, a new machine, different prices, and a cool new supervisor who just graduated from my school and was also an art major....i hope that doesnt mean i wont be able to get a job, i havent asked her if this was all she was doing. well im determined to get a job related to my major no matter what. my mom hasnt killed herself to put me through college for nothing.

so here i am on a saturday nite alone, can you tell i have a limited social life? thats what happens when you dont drink or do drugs. i could have gone out tonite with erin, but i have been having a lazy day and i wanted to spend it at home and have except for a trip to the mall with jess and her roomate nicole. i was on a mission to find a jean skirt, but i failed yet again. i am very picky about what i want. half the time when i find it it isnt in my size or just doesnt look right on me. i thought i had found something in wet seal, but wrong again. jess and i tried it on, and it looked better on her then me :( so she got it and i didnt. sometimes i wish the Lord would have molded my body just a tad smaller.....stupid bone structure. so i went to my last hope which was american eagle. yes yes i know, most people i know dont like it there b/c its preppy and it is, but i only buy some jeans there and a t shirt every once inna while. well i knew they usually have jean skirts, so i went. again didnt find a jean skirt but did cash in on a very cute thin courderoy army green skirt. so i bought it and was happy with it. i also bought a new purse that is like ....well i wanna say army brown if there is such a thing. it ended up being on sale, so that was good. i did not use my old navy credit card however, im tryin to pay that sucker off.

so then zach stopped by before scampering off to brandon's again to give me a present. he gave me some party favors from mackenzie's bday party and a fat lil fish that is of the shiney material, kinda like romy and michele's club clothes from romy and michele's high school renunion. come on....admit it...you have seen it and you know what im talkin about. anyway its cute and i named it sunny cause while his fat lil body is blue and sparkley, and the fins are rainbow...his face is bright yellow :)

in other news, my betta is still alive and swimming. it will be a year in january that i have had him, what a trooper, i love my fish, even tho i could never decide on a proper name, but thats ok, he doesnt mind im sure. and one thing i just found out that im excited about it that my mom called me today and told me she found my grades from my old school i transfered from and my art history 1 grade is on there, a B- and my credits. so now i have proof that i took the darn class when the art dept's secretary told me that the old college never gave me credit and that it was incomplete, when really at the time when i transfered the grade hadnt gone through yet. sooooooo, i dont have to take art history 1! i have to wait now for my mom to mail me my grades and i have to call the old college and find a way for them to send the new college a course description so that i can get permission to have it count. this will save my mom $600 and me the boringness of hearing about cave drawings, stonehenge and egyptian art all over again. i havent decided if i will add another class in its place or not. im just affraid of starting a new class late. i guess i will talk to my advisor on monday about it. in the meantime, until i get that stuff in the mail from mom, i will go to this week's class rather then missing it incase i cant drop it. its only 1 day a week and its 3 hours long, so im not really freeing up much timein my week, just the work load.

ok i have typed enough and now i wanna go either watch tv or play the sims. goonite all and trust in Jesus.
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Monday, August 25th, 2003

Subject:been lonely
Time:11:48 am.
Mood: lonely.
Music:chevelle- point #1.
so.........summer is finally over, but trust me i dont mind in the least. you see, i never get to relax in the summer and enjoy it b/c i have to work my life away so that i have money for school in the fall. money is important when your an art major.

im trying to get rid of my picture on here but its not lettin me so if anyone knows how to do so, lemme know. im tired of that pic.

so i went to warped tour this year, kinda disappointing i must say. that will probably be the last time i go to that. there really wasnt anyone i wanted to see that badly, and tryin to see TAAR was a joke. we got clobbered the first two lines of the first song.......by SMALL TEENAGE GIRLS! thats just sad, so i think im done with that whole see unless some awesome band i love comes to next years, but i doubt it. im really hoping the white stripes come around again since i couldnt see them this time. the were in pennslanding at the end of july :(.

so i guess im excited about going back to school. i will be happy to see my girls again, and i will be MUCH closer to my lil sis. im wondering if this will be my last summer at home. im definately gettin an appartment up at school after this year since i will no longer be allowed housing. i was hoping maybe i could start the appartment at the end of this spring semester, but we shall see how the Lord works that out. if this isnt my last summer home, next summer DEFINATELY will be. oh what a happy day that will be!

so as i said before summer has been boring. half was wasted at school taking two classes i needed, and the rest working. i dont know about you, but at the end of the summer i get fed up with my job b/c im just tired of it. im bored with spending all my time there and i wish to move on. but i have one week left to stick out and a some money to make.

m schedule for school got a tad messed up this year, but itll be alright. i was looking at this year's class schedule booklet and i was figuring out my possible schedule for next fall (my extra semester) and i think, as long as those classes are offered the same next year, i will definately be able to finish in a year and a half. however there is one class i need that isnt offered in the spring or the fall, so ill have to see whats up with that when the time comes.

well what else...oh! the two towers comes out tomorrow! woo hoo! definately gettin that one. unfortunately i never got to see it in the theaters for what ever reason, so i will have to watch it for the first time on the small screen. trust me, i hate paying the exhuberant amount it has come to for a movie these days, but when its something awesome, ya just gotta see it BIG. for example, the matrix trilogy, the lord of the rings trilogy, nemo (didnt see that, but i will), and the third one if slipping my mind at the moment but there is a third one.

well i have more things to say but i will save it for another time. i guess blurty was a good online journal for me to pick, cause i tend to blab on and on sometimes.

i hope everyone is well, and remember that Jesus loves you...no no really, YOU.
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Friday, August 1st, 2003

Time:3:23 pm.
i hate the internet.
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Saturday, June 28th, 2003

Subject:yippy skippy!!!!
Time:5:30 pm.
Mood: bouncy.
Music:Elv1s-->Devil in Diguise.
today was my last day at borders, books, music, movies and cafe. oh happy day! oh happy day! you better BELIEVE i danced right on outta there, thats right DANCED. then i danced the car all the way back to the dorm listening to Elv1s, oh yea. im gonna miss that 33% discount *sniff*. also the AC got turned on finally about two days ago, praise the LORD. jess b.'s dad brought me some fans anyway, just to be safe. hopefully jess and I will go to the beach once again on tuesday, VERY fun. plus she is the coolest cause she gave me a Cootie key chain! if YOUR the coolest, you will remember the Cootie game. this one even comes apart just like a full size one, and it has directions rolled up inside on how to play! how excited was i you ask? VERY. so yea, i found out Lamb of God is NOT christian, disappointing. there quite the opposite actually, but hey, they cd was kinda free so i dont feel as if i lost any money on crap. im just not understanding why they would give their band a name that means Jesus and not love Him. oh well. ill pray for 'em. speaking of Jesus, i need a study bible badly. if anyone has any recomendations, lemme know. lets see....what else.....well i will miss my borders homies of 8 months. very sad, but i must move on. i go home for the summer in 10 days! happy day! i cant wait, im sick of people up here, they suck. cant drive either. anyway, um...i think thats all i have to say. so yea, God bless all, today has been good, talk to ya'll soon bye!
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Wednesday, June 25th, 2003

Subject:TOO HOT
Time:6:27 pm.
Mood: hot.
Music:Beloved.
i wanna go home!!!!!!!!! i hate typography class, i hate borders, i hate this building with NO air, i hate how i NEVER get my mail here either. i have been waiting for weeks for two very important things my mom sent me and i havent seen them yet. i cant wait till after next year when i dont have to live on this campus anymore. now dont get me wrong about no air, im not the kinda sissy who cant hack a no air situation, but its a lil ridiculous when there is no air flow and humidity galore during 85 degree weather. tomorrow its supposed to be 9 frickin 5 with indexs of 104!!!!! 104!!!!!! im gonna DIE! supposedly the air is supposed to be fixed by tonite, but i seriously doubt they ever came. i hate this school, they seriously dont care about their students AT ALL. i would rather freeze to death in zach's arctic room right now then try and sleep in this heat. thats another thing, sleep. i wont get any if its gonna be this hot. i didnt get to sleep till like 2 last nite and i was up by 10 b/c it was so incredibly hot in my room i couldnt take it. sleeping in heat does not work for me. i would like a fan, but they cost too much money. i dont have that much to spare really, hence why im waiting for a week now for a check from my mom in the mail that we never get here at this horrible school. well im about to head to the mall with rose souly b/c i know it has air. i cant wait till im married and i cant move where ever i want. i wanna be some where that doesnt get much hotter than 75 out, thats nice comfortable warm weather i can deal with. im sick of the shore. how can it go from constant rain to almost a heat wave???? i dont understand, but im gonna go and try not to faint, cause thats what i do when its too hot. go ahead and laugh, thats what everyone else does lately when i tell them that. i dunno how people went to the beach today and didnt die of exhaustion. pray for a fan for me.
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Subject:hiccups!!
Time:12:49 am.
Mood: sleepy.
Music:slick shoes.
photo 2 is finally over! praise the Lord! i cant wait, just two more weeks of typography and then i can go home. im tired of being at school, i need a break. and need zach here to help me get rid of my hiccups! im really wishing i had more christians up here to hang out, i dont really know to many around here. most live off campus. i also need to find a new church at home. im not liking the one i usually attend. ill be done working at borders this saturday, so im psyched about that. i gotta save some money now so i can buy my warped tour tickets. the line should be decent, i just wont be looking forward to all the wanna be punk kids there. my building needs some ac in here, especially since i just found out it will 95 tomorrow! i think summer is finally here. i cant wait to go home to get my tattoo worked on. itll be my first, and its a big one. im gettin wings on my back, angel style. i know youll say its lame, but i honestly dont know anyone who has wings on their back, except one girl, but they are super tiny. besides, i live in south jersey, not too many people have cool tattoos down there ;) next i want the calvary graphic dove on my arm some where. i was thinking my wrist but im kinda scared since there are veins pretty close to the surface. but we'll see. i have been waiting so long to get tattoos so im really excited im finally doing it. i wanna go to exotix soon to get a new nose ring, im hoping to go before i leave to go home since there is no where around home that sells decent body jewlery. im happy with my nose being done, its been almost 5months now. i cant imagine not having it, i hope that i can get a job when i graduate that will let me keep it. zach's sister got one a few months ago but her work made her take it out, so she had to take it out the next day!! OUCH! that must have sucked alot. i should call her to hang out.......ok anyway, i cant think of anything else to say here. im gonna try and make my hiccups go away and maybe watch some tv or something. i wish i could play dvds on my pc. if anyone knows how to download something like that lemme know. what i really would like to get is a gateway laptop like jessie. its SOOO nice and it can burn cds and play dvds. very cool. im also excited that my cingular service will be up soon, hopefully in the beginning of july so that i can go with verizon and get a cool phone. very exciting. ok well obviously my life is very uneventful so i have to bore you with these minor excitements in my life. im just praying for some direction for the Lord. have a good nite all, praise God.
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Thursday, June 19th, 2003

Subject:AARRRGGGHH!!
Time:12:30 pm.
Mood: frustrated.
Music:Lamb of God "for your malice".
i have decided i hate college. its aggravating and its too much money. as an artist, i dont feel like i have any artistic freedom in my assignments. im really gonna get serious about doing my own work from now on. the trouble with that is, it takes alot of time, mostly time out of doing crap for school which has deadlines. this is why i never do my own stuff cause im so worried about school, but forget it! i have decided school is definately not important to me, never has been but its goin down in my list of priorities. what i hate the most is photography. maybe its just the teacher i have, i dunno but its not my thing at all. she makes it so not fun at all. i think of photography in a very abstract way. i cant say i havent learned anything from this photo2 class, i have but i havent gotten to use it how i please since its a compressed 4 week version of the course. but even if i had it for the whole semester then it would be the same story cause you have to "stick to the assignment". i dont like being restricted. i really wish i had my own studio so i could keep everything i do there and work on things there. at home my mom is always asking if she can throw my old work out. yea so i think you get the picture and why im frustrated.

i just got this new cd the other day, this band called Lamb of God. i was told they are christian, but im not sure about that. its still pretty good, but i dunno. this kid i know listens to all hard core and i asked him if they were christian b/c i dont know why they would name their band Lamb of God if they werent. ill try to find out for sure, if anyone has any clue, lemme know.

im also having major money problems that are making me hate First Union. so ill be relieving them of my business soon enough. well im not gonna bother to complain anymore, i just hope you all are doing better then me. ill have my real summer in 18 days. God Bless.
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