has no one told you she's not breathing? xx ARIEL's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
has no one told you she's not breathing? xx ARIEL

[ website | your reality ]
[ userinfo | blurty userinfo ]
[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

better get out of her way [14 Sep 2003|01:24pm]
[ mood | sarcastically evil ]
[ music | bach cello suites ]

Well, this is it. Trashed the hospital room and left--still amazed how long it took to be able to just walk again, will have to train carefully--and am on my way once again. I could make a crude 20th century pop culture reference here, but, no thanks. Well, I can indulge a bit, I suppose. "I get knocked down, and I get up again." Hm. Yes.

Dearest Erik, I'll be looking for you, o pearl of my life. You'll regret leaving me behind.

do you like to hurt?

attn: brotherhood ; st. james' hospital [22 Aug 2003|12:13am]
[ mood | vengeful ]

don't want your hand this time i'll save myself
maybe i'll wake up for once...


she sees everything in shades of grey. white, to black. black, to white. and always, always, the grey in between.

she doesn't even find peace in her dreams. she's reliving her entire life in the space of three weeks, or all the bad parts of it. real memories become intertwined with false ones, shaping a new reality haunted by that smirk. forgotten memories resurface; things she had taken for granted dissolve into her subconscious, as if taking their place.

the moniter beeps, beeps again, beep beep beep beep... vitals rising, she takes a deep breath without the aide of an oxygen tank pumping air into her lungs. her hand twitches once, twice, and again. she opens her eyes. the last words she remembers from him are ringing in her head.

"I regret to do this, but it has to hurt to help."

Ariel is back.

not tormented daily, defeated by you
just when i thought i'd reached the bottom...
i am dying again.


OOC )

do you like to hurt?

wow. [12 Jul 2003|06:54pm]
[ mood | excited ]
[ music | t.A.T.u. - All the Things She Said ]

(( OOC - New layout, new icons, woot. My eyes are about to fall out of my head WHY ARE THE WALLS SO SALTY um yes. a bit miffed that its hard to see the second picture (the one on the right) but its much too late for me to fix that because i already flattened and saved the photoshop file so i can't like... make it non crappy. wow I am really tired. So um, yes. Worship my icons, I spent a whole five minutes on them and will doubtless make new ones in the morning. *clunk* Zzzz... ))

[2] i do, i do † do you like to hurt?

memories consume, like opening the wound (private) [12 Jul 2003|05:22pm]
[ mood | words dont express ]

and somehow now you're everybody's fool )

[1] i do, i do † do you like to hurt?

you would be welcome in my dreams (public) [09 Jul 2003|11:47am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

It felt nice to be with the Brotherhood, even if she was mostly confined to her room on account of her injuries. At least if she was bored all she had to do was poke her head out into the hall and hear the chaos as rebellious teen spirits clashed, and then she decided boredom was preferable and ducked her head back inside. Now, though, even the threat of having her head knocked off her shoulders wasn't enough to keep her from curling on what was left of the living rooms' couch, paper and pencil in her hands. She drew a black-haired, sullen-looking boy--probably around 16--with slow, heavy strokes, representing the lone-wolf thing he had going on.

I hate kids, she thought, almost amused, and yet it seemed like 90% of the Brotherhood was composed of them--teenagers angry at their parents and the world for rejecting them. There were adults, like Erik, Raven, Sabertooth and Toad (if you were counting years and not maturity), as well as a few others she'd yet to meet. The mostly stayed away from her. Even the stupidest, dullest one among them recognized that she wasn't to be messed with--the scars on her arm and haunted, dangerous black eyes were proof of that. Not to mention that the first guy who'd touched her crawled away with a broken nose and two missing teeth.

She let her fingers wander around the paper, sketching whatever caught her eye, or what she remembered. Fire. Explosion. Claws...

She closed her eyes. Even in her dreams she could still see the horror on Ben Stanford's face when he gazed on his own headless body. The ants would have worked on him by now, and the rats, so there wouldn't be much left for the police to trace her with, unless they decided that any and all murders in New York City had to be her fault. She felt bad, not because of Ben's death--she hated him with a flaming passion, and he deserved it after what he'd done to other girls--but because it was dangerous for her to be here with the government and William Stryker looking for her. She hated knowing that she burdened Erik, but she had nowhere else to go, and she needed the rest.

Not, she added mentally as a dull knife went flying over her head, that one got much rest around here. She kept wondering what it was like at Xavier's school, where the kids were disciplined and taken care of without having to steal or sneak or lie or cheat. Because stealing and sneaking and lying and cheating were all talents here that had to be cultivated, there was little if any discipline--it was a free-for-all survival of the fittest. The weak ones died.

She sighed and gathered her things, ducking past a duel between some flying kid and an illusionist and went back to her room, ignoring the shakiness in her legs. She'd have to go check on Pyro and Shock soon, see if they were all right.

Later, though. Now all she wanted to do was sleep.

do you like to hurt?

gotta knock a little harder (public) [06 Jul 2003|08:20pm]
[ music | cowboy bebop - gotta knock a little harder ]

just gotta break through the door )

do you like to hurt?

it's a cross i need to bear (public) [02 Jul 2003|03:44pm]
[ mood | angry ]
[ music | final fantasy tactics - Decisive Battle ]

// OOC: As promised, here is what happens to Ariel after Pyro escapes. It is not pleasant and is most definitely the most violent thing you'll ever see from Ariel. Ouch. //

Cut for violence, swearing, and possible death. Whee! )

do you like to hurt?

running from your problems (PRIVATE) [28 Jun 2003|07:44pm]
[ mood | indecisive ]
[ music | tATu - Show Me Love (Extended English) ]

To go or not to go? That is the question, Ariel mused, For whether 'tis nobler to suffer... Forget it. What could I say? "I can't tell you anything, because you'll blab." She snorted and played with the spiral on her notebook, bending it in and out of shape. Maybe I could tell them about us. Stryker. And a certain Kitty Pryde.

She chewed her lip. Kitty Pryde, who went by Shadowcat. She'd known that name for a long time, but had never actually met the girl. Kitty and Ariel, two valuable instruments in Project Atom--only they couldn't get Kitty because she was with the X-Men, and they couldn't get Ariel because... They can't find me, she thought, and smiled. And they're afraid of Magneto if they do.

So even if she told them about that, there was nothing they could do but worry, if they cared at all. She'd said too much when she'd talked about the Brotherhood's goal, because it was apparent neither of them knew what it was, and she couldn't tell them--not yet. She couldn't tell them anything. But then, what to do? If they didn't have a goal, they'd tear the whole damn school apart with that "fun".

She needed to talk to Magneto. This was out of even her hands. She was afraid of telling them too much, because she would rather die than ruin Magneto's plans, and she was also afraid of telling them too little, because then they would take matters into their own--hazardous--hands.

She held her face in her hands and let out an explosive sigh. What do I do? she thought, as if praying. What would you do?

With a spurt of spontaneity, she stood and headed out the door.

do you like to hurt?

without the mask where will you hide? (public) [26 Jun 2003|04:09pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

If you're reading this, you little asshole, then you should know that I don't appreciate being stalked. I don't want anything to do with you. In fact, I want you to crawl to some little corner and fucking die. I want you to leave me the fuck alone. I don't want any more letters from you, I don't want any more phone calls, I don't want to hear one more time about that strange man just down the corner. I don't want to hear about you, I don't want to hear your name, I don't want to hear about anyone else with the same name as you. I want you out of my fucking life. It's over, and I don't love you anymore, if I ever did at all. You fucking used me, and I called your game, and now it's over. Stay away from me, stay away from my friends, my teachers, my mother.

This is your last warning.

Get out of my life.

do you like to hurt?

that's why she shies away from human affection (public) [25 Jun 2003|09:49pm]
[ music | savage garden - to the moon and back ]

To the Moon and Back )

[2] i do, i do † do you like to hurt?

the eye of the storm (private) [25 Jun 2003|04:00pm]
[ mood | blank ]

that little mousey girl was starting to have me liking children again, but... ugh!

maybe it's because i never had time to be a child, because it was either grow up or be crushed under the system for me, but i've never understood how people can throw things away so easily. i grew up without trusting anybody. i wouldn't talk if they pried my mouth apart...

it pisses me off that magneto won't tell them. i can understand that it may do more harm than good to trust children with things like that, because they are children. pyro may have been convinced easily, but he could just as easily be swayed back to the goodies, and they both have temper problems. one wrong comment and they could easily spill everything. i know that, but... part of me wants to make them understand. i don't want them--especially pyro, because at least shock has mystique to explain things--to think that i'm being uptight just because i'm a bitch.

maybe i am. but that's not the point.

there's something here that they don't know, that xavier's students don't know. people say that a war's coming, but they're wrong--there already is a war. xavier is preparing them for life... magneto is training us for war, but it may already be too late. the stryker incident is proof of that. stryker may or may not be dead... and even if he is, there will be others to continue his work.

...

speaking of the little mouse, i found out she actually is a mutant... she's a siren; audiokinetics. although young, she can manipulate her voice to control minds, or shatter them. her father thinks she's just a talented singer, thinks she's a normal little girl, even if she has strange eyes... she doesn't talk because she knows, even if her father doesn't. and she's afraid of her own power. i feel sorry for her... and i want to train her. not to serve magneto, which is curious. i just... don't want her to go through life feeling afraid of herself. is that strange? she's innocent. i won't drag her into this; i won't pervert that innocence and twist her trust around.

for once, i want someone to trust me because we're friends. not because i'm a loyal servant, not because i'm more powerful than they, or because i'm higher in the chain of command. perhaps i'll gain my first real friend.

i don't know if it's commendable or pathetic that she's only 9 years old.

x Ariel

do you like to hurt?

wounds that won't heal (private) [22 Jun 2003|05:03pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

it's been a while.

several whiles, actually. i don't know whether i want to be happy or sad, but i know that neither is best.

ben's in town. ben, my old boyfriend. (or one of them.) ben, who hated mutants. so isn't it poetic justice that he be a mutant himself? density control. doesn't get bigger, just increases his weight by adding more atoms. that's nothing new. annoying considering my polarity trick doesn't work on him, but a swift kick to the jaw does. he was always out of my league. fat, greedy jerk. i hope he drowns in all those lipids.

there are advantages to this body of mine. for one, people think a skinny little girl is an easy target. idiots haven't learned that most women nowadays know some form of self-defense, and girls as thin as me are usually obsessed with exercise or weight-lifting. i'm no thief, but i've been told i have a temper. heh. for another, guys steer clear. small breasts, bag of bones. not attractive at all.

met up with mystique's prodigy the other day. hotheaded little girl. typical teenager, thinks she's invincible and everyone should bow down at her feet. i told her to talk to pyro. i wonder what he'll think of her? definitely his type: strong-willed, shapely redhead.

also did some research on power manifestation, but i haven't gotten anywhere so far. i suppose considering powers become stronger as one develops more control, it's not entirely ridiculous that i'd eventually learn to expand this to affect other things. only thing i don't understand is why it hurts so much. i don't even feel a thing when i do it to myself; maybe a little tingle, but...

speaking of which, i think it's about time i moved. i had a nightmare last night. fell through the floor, and isn't it just my luck that the kids under me were awake and frisky? that's a sight i never want to see again. i need to refine my power more. it's going out of my control, and that's dangerous. let it slip at the wrong moment and i fall into the earth and melt away. not pleasant.

we got a new professor for life drawing. well, not a professor, a teacher's aide. he's nice, even if he doesn't know much about anything except art. his daughter has one red eye and one blue, and never talks. mutant? probably. cute little thing, probably 9 or 10. we call her mouse, because she acts like one.

it's getting late; i'd better go home before someone recognizes me.

x Ariel

do you like to hurt?

OOC- [21 Jun 2003|02:21pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | final fantasy tactics - Battle on the Bridge ]

// it's time for... NEW ICONS!! //

do you like to hurt?

005 - ariel's day off [20 Jun 2003|08:26pm]
[ mood | relaxed ]
[ music | better than ezra - Everything In 2's ]

It felt good to sleep. After that display in the park and her encounter with Mystique's little prodigy--what was her name? She couldn't remember for the life of her--she had drained herself dry, too tired even to phase through the walls into her apartment like she usually did. No, she'd actually entered the "normal" way. (Normal comparitive to what? she wondered. She would have laughed if she weren't feeling so sour. She had to stop thinking of anything mutants did as "abnormal"...) A 12-hour nap had definitely been in order.

She sighed and stretched, feeling refreshed for the first time in days. Been working too hard... She curled into a ball, watching the world pass by her window. She really should be at the library, researching mutant evolution and manifestation of powers, but right now all she felt like doing was reading a book. Feeling more lazy than she'd ever had in her life, she picked up whatever was closest to her and read. This week, she'd make time for relaxing...

"I'm sick of war," she told the book, not paying attention to the words that flashed under her eyes. "I just want to be left alone."

do you like to hurt?

004 - evolution [20 Jun 2003|08:29am]
[ mood | shocked ]
[ music | linkin park - Somewhere I Belong ]

She did notice when it happened the second time.

Ariel stared in horror and bizarre wonder as the tree before her crumbled--not in a slow, natural way, like it was decaying, but as if something inside it were ripping it apart at its core. It collapsed in on itself, shaking like something living, and gradually disappeared.

She stumbled to the bushes and was violently ill.

Sitting away from her mess, holding her knees in an effort to stop shaking, she tried to clear her head enough to think. Taking deep breaths, she tried to calm down. "Oh, God, what's happening to me?" She stared at her hands, but they gave her no answer. "I'm not a pyrotechnic. But... it looked like... it was burning inside."

Staring at the mess she had made, she knitted her brows and concentrated. Her face changed from concentration to surprise to disgust when the vomit bubbled, then disappeared slowly.

Laughing hysterically, she used a tree to support her as she stood, still shaking. The entire world trembled and swayed even as she laughed hopelessly.

Atomic polarity reversal. That's what Magneto had called it, and the premise was too simple for such a complicated name. Every atom is composed of a proportional amount of electrons and protons. Because opposite charges attract, the negative electrons that surround the positive protons are held in place. The sensation of "touch", and the inability of one object to pass through another, is the result of the electrons of both objects repelling each other. By simple negotiating the negative/positive aspects, Ariel could pass through "solid" objects, or allow other "solid" objects to pass through her. But until now she had never been able to extend that power to anything else.

And no wonder, if she felt ready to pass out now.

Still giddy from lack of food, sleep, and overuse of her powers, she headed back to her crappy apartment to begin again her crappy life. She was cold, wet, and still sick thinking about what she had done, but she also felt curiously detached.

She stopped when she saw the redhead scaling Xavier's mansion. She smiled. "Looks like you all have a visitor. Question is, was she invited?" It wasn't meant for anyone to hear, really, but she wasn't quite all there.

OOC )

[9] i do, i do † do you like to hurt?

003 - soul-searching. [18 Jun 2003|04:36pm]
Ariel shivered as she stared at herself in the full-size mirror. Too thin body, like a skin-covered skeleton, hair so thin and weak it broke on contact, eyes sunken into her fragile, pale face. She knew her body, wrapped in layers of black so thick it made her shiver with heat, had scars dancing from her shoulders to her wrists, down her back and trailing hesitantly about her ankles. She looked, in short, like a starving child in Africa, despite living in the heart of Bayville with easily enough money to feed herself.

She had learned long ago that the secret to pain was to stop caring, to ignore its existance, not even acknowledge it existed. She had relished in the power she had over her own body, almost laughing out loud as she held it in an iron grip.

But now her grip had weakened. It was happening again; things were spinning out of control. First her emotions, upon first contact with Xavier's School--and the boy Pyro. She lowered her eyes, looking away from the prying eyes of her reflection. She didn't care what happened to any of Xavier's students. They could all rot in Hell for all she cared. But then why did she feel sick thinking about what would become of most of them, if the Brotherhood got their way?

Then her body, her foolish, weak body had rebelled against her. It started quietly enough with fainting spells, times of weakness and dizziness, and she had only punished herself further. But the other day... I died out there, she thought, staring at the rain pounding on her window. And it was true. Her heart had stopped, her breathing trickled to a halt, and to every definition she had died.

That scared her.

She didn't like her body doing things without her consent or knowledge. And something told her that if she kept on doing this, it would get worse... And worse.

But she had her pride. She wouldn't call a doctor, wouldn't let them help her and pity her. Wouldn't let them shove her in to any hospitals for emotionally disturbed women. Wouldn't let them turn her over to the government when they found out who she was.

She wrenched herself upright violently, pushing and kicking everything out of her way. The rain trickled against her window as calm as ever, and there were the briefest flashes of lightning in the sky. Running from her room and down eight flights of stairs, she didn't care, even when the first blast of cold when nearly knocked her from her feet. She ran and didn't stop running until her foot slipped and she fell in the rain and mud.

She trembled as the rain washed over her, as if a part of her were willing it to wash the sins away. As if if she stood out here long enough, maybe some of its beauty would rub off on her.

She gave one long, despairing scream, her hands clenched at her sides and shoulders hunched, eyes squeezed shut from the pain in her heart. Elsewhere, thunder boomed and the entire city lit up with the crack of lightning. Ariel screamed again and turned her fury, her disappointment, her despair on the closest object to her.

She did not notice when the tree broke apart, crumbled, and then disappeared.
do you like to hurt?

two years ago today [15 Jun 2003|04:56pm]
[ mood | blank ]

you say the drinking is better than the woman
you say the thinking takes too much time
but god save your children, should you have them
to you there's nothing if there's no wine

oh, you have so much more.
oh, where has your time gone?
you have so much more.
where has your time gone?

you sing like an angel, your voice melts my heart
your words have wisdom, your life has been hard
should you ever wonder where all the time has gone
you'll find the answer far away from home

and i don't want to see you like this when you're crawling, please
(don't you weep) cause i will shape the day
and make you feel all right

but you say the drinking is better than the woman
and you say the thinking takes too much time

you sing like a siren, your voice breaks my heart
and when you are crying, your tears are like wine

oh you have so much more
i don't wanna see you like this, when you're crawling
don't you weep
don't you drink
don't you drink

do you like to hurt?

002 [14 Jun 2003|10:23am]
[ mood | sick ]

Ariel smiled at where she'd ended up. She should have known better, but... The vine-covered walls of Xavier's mansion called to her like a moth to flame; destined to destroy, but beautiful nonetheless.

I should paint that someday, she thought idly as she stood, hidden in shadows. Her black clothes made her difficult to see--difficult, but not impossible, and the danger was like drinking wine after a lifetime of bread-and-water fasting. Besides, if someone saw her, she was a runner. With the added ability to phase through solid objects, she was difficult (at best) to catch.

There were students out--she saw two right away, a girl with white-streaked hair and a dark-haired girl, talking. They weren't looking at her, and the trees' shadows would, she hoped, hide her sufficiently. Frowning, she scanned the yard for other students. She didn't have anything else to do, so she might as well do a little bit of spying.

She put a hand over her chest, absently, in an effort to mentally push the pain away. That was strange...

[5] i do, i do † do you like to hurt?

001 [13 Jun 2003|07:50pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

Ariel turned from the window suddenly, and standing, paced her tiny apartment. Magneto had told her to do everything in her power to keep this boy on their side. But her body was screaming at her to stay away from that place; she felt an ominous dread at facing the rest of the X-Men, and the telepath Charles Xavier. Being lectured on the proper use of her powers, and why humans and mutants should live together in harmony, was not high on her list of priorities.

Sighing, she changed into a pair of thin black sweats and tied her hair out of her face. Running was a sure way to keep her mind off of things; she had learned long ago that the trick to not thinking was to count, and counting her strides was easy and useful. She scribbled a note and taped it to her door, in case her landlord came asking--rent was due sometime this week--and started on her jog, through her favorite park.

Absorbed in thought, and unaccustomed to paying attention to pain, she didn't notice the squeezing pain in her chest, right around her heart. Her body, thinking itself starving to death, had begun to shut down long ago. Her paper heart had kept on beating as the rest of it died.

do you like to hurt?

introduction [13 Jun 2003|03:25pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | tATu - Stars ]

// Well! Try to give some helpful suggestions and get your ass kicked and journals suspended. So, uh, this is Ariel's new journal. I lost all of her previous entries, so... guess I'll just start over. Sorry 'bout that. //

// Since I'm not about to get my journals deleted -again-, I didn't actually put Ariel's profile in her userinfo, but you can read all about it here. Please delete ariels and add this journal. //

// Danke. //

do you like to hurt?

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]