| crush ga aru |
[11 Nov 2004|04:03am] |
it's ridiculous...
how much i like him. i always find myself thinking things like, 'he really should stop talking to me,' showering me with attention. isn't it obvious that i like him? his encouraging me to behave like a silly child isn't good... especially when i'm no longer that young. hmm...and when practical things are considered - we really can't work out.
but, then again, maybe... ^^
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[02 Aug 2004|04:14am] |
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&this journal is pretty much dead. maybe, i'll update soon...maybe.
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[03 Apr 2003|07:47pm] |
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I got into Yale. It's a miracle. =D
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| pro ana |
[23 Feb 2003|03:54am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hyper |
] |
pro ana... this thing makes me want to run away and hide.
a friend of mine, well two actually {a boy and a girl} have an ED. one them told me that she checks out pro ana sites online. i got angry. at any rate - that was a while ago.
today - i came across some pro ana communities on livejournal. ahh! they can destroy a girl's self-confidence. smash it to pieces. they're scary and encourage eating disorders.
an example:
"I only had a piece of chewing gum, a glass of water, and an apple today. The last time I was fasting I broke it after eight days. I hope that you guys can provide me with inspiration to stay thin because 'ana is beautiful.' Do any of you take pills [diet pills]? Do you know of any good ones?"
Another had pictures of thin models - and there was one of Angelina Jolie {sp?} - Anyway, someone said that she was thinspiration... Yet, someone {a male?!?} commented and said that Jolie was too fat for him. -_-
One girl - my height {5'6} had a goal weight of a little over 90 pounds. Girls my height are supposed to weight a LOT more than that. That's sick.
I even found myself patting my stomach... lol... my mind kicked in, though. it screamed at me, 'dammit! you are not fat.'
I have to check with my friend and keep her away!!! from these communities. AHH!!
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| i like this poem {Bukowsky's Widow by Jewel} |
[17 Feb 2003|03:26am] |
My prince has slipped!
and his face has turned
to shadow
his tongue no longer stron
but gray (how sad!)
it used to be so full
of spit and roses
My prince the stars have
fallen from your crown
And I cannot fathom
their fading-
some things should be forever!
You've taken your will
and weakness and left
me with nothing but
words to keep me warm
But I don't want them!
Take them back!
I want Paris
I want you drunk on wine
I want to walk with you
and hold you up
and giggle and kiss
How I miss
your smile and thick skin
At night
(Do you remember?)
How I'd worry
and you'd press me tight
against you. Extinguishing
the red flame
of my head against
your shoulder
Smooth as chalk dust you'd laugh
in the face of
death and uncertainty
Do you remember?
You'd say time knew nothing
well now you're gone
and time is all I have left
- Jewel
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| stupid haiku {sm ripped...secrets} |
[10 Feb 2003|03:29am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okay |
] |
haiKU!
i have a secret
i can say it in my dreams...
camouflage/covert.
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| michael jackson special |
[06 Feb 2003|10:01pm] |
On the Michael Jackson Doc:
That special really pisses me off.
I'm not even a Michael Jackson fan - but, that guy has totally screwed up his image and done it, purposely. The way the interviews were done and how they focused on like showing his relationship with children making him looking insane..etc. etc. The producers/reporter of that show are seriously just trying to make money and they are going to get tons of it.
If Michael wasn't as naive as he obviously is - he wouldn't have been stupid enough to say what he did say about children and his visions of the world etc. etc.
The whole show just really pisses me off. The guy lived with him for eight months and all he has to show for it - is how he can make MJ look like an insane child abuser who lures children into his home all alone... even though, MJ lives with at least 50 other people {cooks, workers, nannys...} that they didn't bother to give any airtime.
bleh.
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| pre-homework |
[04 Feb 2003|04:57pm] |
i'm so very anxious - nervous... because of you.
in other news,
my computer is broken. i cannot create new graphics or layouts - much less work on my other domain/project, 17wings. bleh. someone do magic and fix my computer. =)
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| an angelic child & a haiku |
[30 Jan 2003|04:51am] |
i spent more than an hour talking to a boy on the phone... & then i fell asleep, accidently, of course. so much for getting all of the below finished...
haiku { bleh! }
a shy girl will kiss -
a fallen angel, sending
him on to heaven.
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| my school is _______. heh. |
[30 Jan 2003|02:53am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
morning musume {cover} - mr. moonlight |
] |
i have an impossible load of homework tonight and i'm already falling asleep. the death list:
- calculus test tomorrow on euler's method
- calculus hw on euler's method {takes too long}
- physics c gauss' law sample problems {this isn't going to get done 0=)}
- physics c electric fields wksht and online activities
- physics c ap free response mechanics problems {3}
- physics c do sample problems in book {not going to get done O=)}
- economics test on elasticity and more...
- economics read 485-502 in txt book
- english answer write about 3 poems in poetry book {sound & sense}
- english journal on paradise lost
- english finish reading book I of paradise lost
- european history read chapter 22 {takes too long}
hmm... i do actually have other stuff to do... as much as my teachers would love, as it seems, to make school my life - i cannot let that happen. no! never! lol.
i had a scholarship interview for a college today. it went very well. it was even kind of fun. but - i have, as you can see too much to do{a college application on top of all of that stuff is due soon, financial aid forms are due soon as well, and there's webstuff and volunteer stuff for me to take care of too}... so tomorrow when i go to school - i will probably be half nuts because of my lack of sleep {which is always kind of fun in a sick way}.
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| vocab turned into insults |
[28 Jan 2003|05:36am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
koko ni iruzee - MORNING MUSUME!! |
] |
my school generally doesn't give vocab. exercises and work - beyond freshman year in highschool. thus - when our sub. teacher decided to give us some vocab words to define - everyone was like what?!? {my real ap english teacher is having surgery. mrs. n! please get better soon - we need you. he's crazy!! but cool...}
so the boys that sit nxt to me{brian & mike for those of you familiar with callistonian.net stuff} decided to make their vocab smuck fun. they used their sentences as a means of insulting one another.
ex1: "no one will write an elegy for brian when he dies because everyone will be happy."
ex2: "brian's sucess was transient, after he recieved a raise he was struck by lighting."
ex3: "it is ludicrous to believe than any girls will ever like mike."
ex4: "brian never spent anytime in purgatory, he went straight to hell."
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| i ate a skittle |
[28 Jan 2003|05:17am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
i ate a skittle - three of the new mint ones...
i don't know what i was thinking. i'm not supposed to eat skittles because they have meat in them. (also know as gelatin). hopefully the minty ones don't have gelatin - i didn't bother to look. i should have - but, i just wanted a skittle - so i ate it... aeck. i don't know what caused the obsessive compulsive non-meat eating breakdown - but i don't like it.
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| wells! |
[25 Jan 2003|07:30pm] |
I got in to college. yay! lol.
I got in Wells. k? That's one out of eight.
That was the sweet one... the others will be much harder to wrestle acceptance letters out of... ack.
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| i love Photoshop |
[24 Jan 2003|02:36am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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nelly - number 1 |
] |
I made an image in Photoshop five - yesterday... sans plugins.
(Care to see?)
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| AHHhHHHhhhh!!! |
[22 Jan 2003|06:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 stressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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my scream of horror ^_~ |
] |
One of my colleges hasn't gotten a rec. from one of my teachers. -faints- {i'm a senior in hs applying to colleges blah blah blah.}
I hate filling out college applications. I hated writing the essay for this one the most because it was the hardest and now that I see that I actually have a chance to get in - but, probably won't because of my missing teacher rec. - I'm in quite a nervous state - as this application is long past due. -dies- I love this teacher. Oh jeeze. -cries-
Stress is my life.
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| poem-la. {cruising...} |
[20 Jan 2003|06:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 artistic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tv |
] |
new av. what do you think? it's abe natsumi of morning musume.
{.5 of a poem - don't hate...}
Dandelion whisps
... on asphalt
with dotted sunshine lines and tangerine cars, cruising -
Wait! Stop...
the bolshevik lights
& the boy with cotton-candy cheeks crossing
the street...
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| secret haiku {aix3} |
[18 Jan 2003|06:28am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
optimistic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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electric hum |
] |
from a girl with dreams
to an angel with wings - how?
only at _____. my love.
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| blabber {rushed haiku} |
[12 Jan 2003|04:43am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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electronic hum |
] |
I miss him & our
strawberry kisses & our
future-dreams...he died.
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awake
