| .a better thought. |
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| 12:45am 16/04/2004 |
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mood:  content music: The Hurt Process - This Piece
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i'm sorry for that last post. well, not really cuz i kinda needed that vent. but i had a thought come to me last night while i was studying and i fell asleep before i could post it. and, after writing that last one, i started thinking and it came back to me and kinda connected itself. but, i was just thinking how unbelievably, insanely, and utterly lucky i am. no matter how many things i find wrong with myself, i still have an amazing life with more than i could have ever wanted. i have so much "stuff" it's not even funny. a closet full of clothes i barely wear. mounds and mounds of cds. technology out the wazzoo that isn't exactly necessary. just alot of embellishments for my life. i have such a great family who is more than willing to get me all that stuff. i have the love of two parents and a handful of other family who would do anything for me. i have amazing friends who keep me sane and who teach me, guide me, and make me laugh. they are people i can really turn to whenever i'm finding all my imperfections. they are friends who can do more than i would ever ask. i have an amazing girlfriend who i don't necessarily deserve and who, no matter what mood i'm in, whenever i think of her or catch a glimpse of her, all i can do is smile. and after just 2+ months, she gives me something i can connect to while i feel lost in my own life. and i know i said at the start of this that i felt lucky. but now that i think of it, it's definately not luck. i believe that God has just blessed me. in fact, He's given me so much more than i could ever finish being thankful for. i could stop my life now and do nothing but be thankful for the things He's given me so far for the rest of eternity. and everything i have: stuff, a family, friends, girlfriend, etc - i do not deserve one fraction of one part of this. i have done absolutely nothing in my life that deserves the treasures and blessings i have received. and even though i don't deserve them, and i complain, overthink, plan, hold back, and worry about my life, God continues to bless me with stuff and people and such. God keeps these things in my life for my benefit and comfort when i can't understand what people see in me or when i feel lost and i can't find purpose or meaning. and for everything i have, i cannot thank my God enough.
ok, i feel better.
-Jarrod |
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