| .non sum qualis eram. | ||||
| 12:15am 21/01/2004 | ||||
 .i'm back. exciting, eh? yes, i can see you just peed your pants. well i must say it is good to be back in town. do you suppose that there's a town called nowhere, and, in the center of town, there's a place, say a park or something, and nearby is a sign that says, "the middle of nowhere."? just a thought. so, the holidays were good. i got more for xmas than was ever expected and i got to know j-fref a little better. i guess thats what happens when you talk to one person til 5 and 6 in the morning for several days. but, as i said, xmas was awesome. i ended up being surprised with a new coat, this alice in wonderland lamp, among several dvds and other things i didn't ask for. my parents are just cool like that i guess. then i got to see everyone at an uber-fun new year's eve partay, except i didn't get a kiss, which is probably why my year's gonna suck. not really. only i can make it suck. (?)   anyhoot, after xmas and everything, a group from wesley went to mexico for about a week to work on an orphanage. as with everytime i go to mexico, this was an amazing experience shared with amazing people. (the pics scattered in here are from the trip.) as always, trips like these for me are usually total God highs and this was no slouch. i really feel better bonded with many people now and i feel like i've gained some real companions. it's really amazing to see God working to better friendships and stuff and i hope i don't screw around with anything that He has planned, because i usually end up just getting in the way. but, one thing i wrote down while i was there and shared with the group one night, which i will repeat here, was from our last day of work: i saw alot of God today. from people crawling around in the mud and rain to dig trenches, to a lady cooking our entire group and others lunch and opening up her home to us, to seeing someone letting a kid take a half hour nap on her lap, to that last second goof around time before we left. i really felt God at that place. and i hate saying goodbye to these kids. it wasn't as hard as it was last year but i still hate saying goodbye esp because of the language barrier and most of us knowing only adios and vaya con dios. but i guess the problem last year was that i was afraid for those kids and, rather than believing, i guess i only convinced myself that God would take care of them and He was gonna be there with them. but today, seeing the smiles on those kid's faces and everyone high-fiving and hugging and giving themselves for these kids just breaks my heart and lifts it up at the same time. to see how little they have and how much i take for granted with every single breath i take tears me apart inside. but, to see them a hundred times happier than i am with a hundred times less than i have makes me BELIEVE that God is there with them. God HAS taken care of them and will take care of them and the orphanage down the road and the one in nuevo laredo and He will take care of me and you even though we are at all levels because we are all His children. and, as His children, barriers just fall away and we just live for love. we live for trodding around in trenches and mud. we live for letting orphans, who have close to nothing, sleep in our laps. we live for the chance to repair a dilapidated old house. we live for fun and fellowship with our friends and the people we serve. we live for Christ because He lived and died for us. and, i dont know about you, but that helps me sleep at night and it's what gets me up in the morning.   so that was my big thing in mexico. and i still going through alot inside. new things and feelings are slowly arising and such. i'm still fighting battles and i guess that's the problem. i can't seem to to just give everything up and go to Him. but, as i've already told j-fref, this is hoping to be a semester of change. even i don't really know what that means, but i know i can't be the same person as i was last semester (hence the subject line). i just need little changes like discipline in studying, bible reading, praying, everything really. and i don't want to be afraid of things. not like monsters or anything, just life-oriented things. there may also be some relationship stuff that will be dealt with because of....stuff. it's gonna be a difficult semester in pretty much every aspect, and i may be up and down with thoughts and emotions, and i may break down, and i may be unmeasurebly happy, but something is gonna change. and, at breakaway tonight, i'm already feeling something and seeing God at work, so, maybe it's time.... well kids, i'm back in the swing of things. so, tell your friends, alert you local newspaper, read, comment, and enjoy the life that is.........me.  yep.....me. your friendly neighborhood drama queen, _// /\\ /R /R (O /D |
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optimistic| Yes, I'm still alive...kinda | ||||
| 12:54am 21/01/2004 | ||||
I found out in Men's Bible Study that I'm 'emotionally retarded' and withdrawn. Um, duh. It's ok, Christ is bigger than me and He also has all the answers to the test...uh, of life and stuff. Breakaway was tight as usual tonight. There's an update for you. If you like AMAZING poetry check out Thomas Lynch, he is just superb. He is an undertaker who also writes poems. As you might naturally assume, they deal greatly with death, and inevitably life. Sheer brilliance. More school tomorrow, hopefully it'll be as cool as today. However unlikely. May my name be misspelled and forgotten...and pee-ed on. Deluxe_247, son, it's not that hard. |
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cheerful| the beginning of the end | ||||
| 12:59am 21/01/2004 | ||||
So bleed one more time! I know I can't do this alone Bleed one more time! I can't make it on my own I need to feel your touch! Guiding me on my way I need to feel your love! Lifting me everyday bowing out, marc |
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frustrated| apt37 | ||
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