amanda's Journal

Thursday, December 5, 2002

9:16PM - weirded out to da max

aight... here goes nuffin. today was an overall coo day. everyone was all coo n thizzle n nuffin went wrong. it was pretty chillin basically. chris scared me tho when he came up behind me n picked me up. i didn't c him comin n i like spazzed n hit the poor kid in the face. *whoops* lol. i was like "i'm so sry". he just laughed at me so it's all gravy baby. i took him home afterschool along wit amanda g. we HAD to wait for his bus so lauren could make fun of jeremy n then i was late gettin to da church to help clean. my mom was peeved. i thought she was gonna come unglued. i was like "oh shizit"!! i didn't get windshield washed fluid eitha so i'm shizit outta luck. aww well. if i don't get mah car taken away then i'll go tomorrow n get in trouble again. :) playin. i ain't bouts to get mah car taken away. i'll just wait till lata n go to mah dad's n he'll let me go. i need sum tho cuz my windshields nappy. lol. otha than that it was an aight day. we had a debate in med tech n i thought i was gonna kill susie. she was on da opposite side n i was so against da topic i almost ripped her a new face. lol. she was like "chill, it's just a debate". i like cut mah finga open i was so mad. i was sittin there like twiddlin mah thumbs cuz i couldn't sit still i was so mad n i cut my thumb open on da bottom of da desk. it was bleedin like mad crazee. i didn't know ya thumb could bleed like dat... now i know. lol. well dats bout it. cept i dunno wut's up wit darrell... he's bein weird. i think it's cuz he's mad bout da whole chris thing even tho he says he don't care, i know he does. he acts really weird when there's sumthin botherin him n he won't email me back for a few days. he just has dis weird way of showin he's mad or upset bouts sumthin. i dunno. i love him n hopefully dis whole chris thing doesn't mess things up btwn us. i would feel really bad cuz i really didn't want it to happen. honestly i wish i would just like disappear fo awhile n when ya'll calm down bouts me n chris i'll come back. tons of hatas up in my shizit. but it's all good cuz they don't phase me *shakes em off*. wut now?! lol playin. i'm bizouncin tho. HOLLA!!

Current mood: okay
Current music: a lil bit of tupac n sum b.i.g. *east cst meets west cst*
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Wednesday, December 4, 2002

8:20PM - darrell's b-day

well today is officially it. it's my baby's b-day. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!! i love you. :) well i was supposed to go c him but i guess my moms had otha plans for me. she said i wasn't allowed to go to d's which was my way of goin. d's mom was gonna hold down da house while we 'did sum favors for her'. lol. well my moms decided dat i was worthless n needed to stay home n do work around da house. BORIN!!! i was so ticked. i bouts smacked sumbody. lol. i was havin a great day today too cuz i told chris da truth bouts how i can't get wit him cuz i gots darrell n now we're all good. :) YAY!! i took him home today again. him, amanda, bill, josh, n lauren. it was a lil cramped wit all those bookbags n shizzle up in der but we managed lol. but yeah dats bout all i can think of so i'm gonna let ya'll go. holla.

Current mood: happy
Current music: boyz II men 'it's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday'
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Tuesday, December 3, 2002

10:49PM - darrell's b-day wish

i love him. omg u don't even know. i just talked to him n now everthang is all ok. he alwayz makes me feel betta n alwayz knowz exactly wut to say to make me da happiest gurl alive. i wish i could b wit him everyday 4 da rest of my life. he's my everythang. he told me wut to do bouts chris n he knows wut i really think bout it n totally backs me up. he knows i don't like chris n he's behind me 100% bouts to whole 'tell him wut's up' deal. i'm bouts to tell chris tomorrow tho. i can't do dis shizit no more. i just want my baby back!! i get to c him tomorrow tho for his b-day. he said da only thing he wants for his b-day is sumthin $$ can't buy... he wants to de gurl he loves wit him n dats me *grins ear to ear*. man i love him. i dunno wut i'd do witout him. *dreams of him* i'm out. holla.

Current mood: thankful
Current music: avant 'makin good luv'
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9:18PM - yet anotha jaw-droppin day

today was like a rerun of yesterday. we n lmp tried to avoid jeremy cuz he was bein hecka annoyin as usual. well we all went to chris' locka n it was all gravy. i avoided chris enough to da point where he didn't have da chance to kiss me but enough so it didn't look like i was avoidin him. yet again it was b4 4th period n he kissed me. 4x's tho instead of 2. i was almost late to class. i didn't know wut to do. i knew it was comin but i was tryin to block it outta my mind like it wasn't gonna happen. afterschool i had to round up da crew cuz we had to bizounce like asap to get out ahead of da traffic n get tammy to pine crest b4 2:15. well i got her there bouts 2 so it was all gravy. slide a bit on da ice but i think dat was just cuz i was goin 50 in a 25. awh well. wut ya gonna do. well after i took tammy to da apartments, i took chris home. we was drivin for like it seemed eva but we got there. they need to up dem 25 mph signs i'm tellin ya. ain't doin no justice. by time we got to chris', his bus was there lol. jeremy was walkin to his apartment n so was shawn, chris' bro. i pulled in da parkin lot n chris got out, came up to my door n opened it. he said i had to give him a hug b4 he left so i did n he kissed me again, like 3x's den kissed me more den a lil peck like usual. floored me to da seat. i was like *ummm*. i didn't know wut da hex to do. jeremy was staring like a mug n so was shawn. they didn't know wtf was up. truth is i didn't eitha. i was like stunned. da pecks i was uncomfortable wit but wut happened afterschool bout killed me. i paniced n didn't know wut to do so i kissed back like any natural reaction would b. wrong answa. i shouldn't have. man now i dun messed everythang up. i had to tell darrell so i emailed him dis huge long thang bouts it n he still hasn't been on his comp so he hasn't read it yet. it's his b-day tomorrow n i'm gonna feel so bad if i ruin it for him but i gotta be a dumba$$ n not stop chris from kissin me... wut do i do instead?! freeze up n my mind goes blank like *duh*. i dunno wut to do. my gurl d says i gotta tell him sooner than lata cuz he really likes me n da longer i let it go da worse it's gonna get. i don't want chris to fall for me. den it'll mess our friendship all up n i won't know wut to do wit myself. chris is my dude. i couldn't live witout him but i can't let this shizzle happen neitha cuz i love darrell. i gotsta do sumthin... so dats y i'm talkin to chris tomorrow. no backin down. i gotta tell him wuts goin on or i'll neva be able to live wit myself.

Current mood: numb
Current music: musiq 'don't change'
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Monday, December 2, 2002

9:08PM - chris's *suprize*

aight. i know i already dun told ya'll bouts chris but if not here goes the quickest dl on chris u'll eva hear. i've known chris since da times of heavy worldin wit aleecia. i alwayz thought he was a qt n kinda wished he would talk to me more den wut was goin on. well i stopped goin skatin so much n i really didn't c much of chris. den i started goin out wit him dude. he transfered to amherst n i started talkin to him alot cuz his dude bein my bf n all. well we hang out allllllllll da time. we walk to all our classes togetha, talk to him everyday b4 n after school, n talk to him on da phone alot. well i broke-up wit his dude n den things kinda changed. everytime we walked to class he'd gimme a hug b4 he went to class. i didn't think nothin of it ya know we just tight like dat. well we alwayz was flirty since like day 1 since we met each otha. well flirtin kinda got heavier but it ain't nothin like to think we was a 'thang' or w/e. ya know?! well today was just like every otha. when i gots to skool me n lmp went in to da cafetorium like alwayz. we stood talkin to jeremy, chris, matt, joe, n just da normal crew we always hang wit. well after da bell rings to start skool, we all walk to chris' locka n he gets his stuff den we walk to studyhall n he puts his stuff in der. on our way walkin to my class *as alwayz* chris gave me a hug n jeremy made da comment "man i thought ya'll was gonna kiss or sum'in". i shook it off n was like "yea right". i talked to chris 2nd period like alwayz n jeremy was bein obnoxious to lmp so she stormed off n me b chris walked towards our classes like we alwayz do. we got to da steps where he leaves n goes upstairs while i go down da hall right next to it. he gave me a hug den he left. b4 lunch i saw him again n gave him da note i wrote him. *hug* n he left to go to class. here's where it all ain't 'routine' no more. i came down da hall from my 3rd period class to meet lmp n jeremy, talk a bit, den off to 4th. well me n chris was by my class like we alwayz do n stopped to talk a bit. i gave him a hug n he looked at me n.... he kissed me. i didn't know wut to do. chris is my dude not MY DUDE ya know?! i went to go turn away to go into class cuz i was dumbfounded n he kissed me again. i was like *uhhh*. i didn't know wut to do. i figured he liked me bc we tease bouts it all da time but i mean..... *duuuuuuuh* <-- dats me. i didn't know wut to do. i went to class den afterwards, i alwayz walk wit chris to his bus. i was goin to my car n he kissed me again. i was like *uhhhhh*. dumbfounded again. as soon as i got home i imed my girl d n was like "HELP!!" i explained it to her n we came to da conclusion i gotsta tell him wuts up n lay it to him straight but not in a mean way. i ain't got da heart to break it to him. man y me!!!???

Current mood: uncomfortable
Current music: lsg 'my body'
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8:59PM - thinkin bouts my baby

i got it all out today i'm all proud of myself n thizzle now. i told my baby bouts da night at da world wit nate, larry, aaron, n all of dem ppls. i can't tell ya'll bc frankly it ain't nonya biznass but fo real tho i'm tryin to drop it bc i told darrell n it's all ok now. man i love him. *no abb. on LOVE* :) but nah seriously... i love him. everything i do reminds me of him somehow. like a couple of weekz ago, i was cleanin my room right. well i found dis old ticket stub from when me n my gurl d went to da ak game wit him, brandon, n d's man ben. i was like *sigh* da memories. ya heard?! i found sum tix from da world too from when we went. i took a death breath and remembered dat da whole time he wouldn't leave my side. we was couple skatin n he was all like "i don't wanna let go" after it was all done n thizzle. i bout died. he didn't wanna leave my side. i was so happy. i knew he was da 1, my 1st luv. da 1 n only. i was close 1 otha time but nothin like dis. dis is da only thing dat eva made me really happy in life. like seriously made me happy. i would do nething to have him back cuz i, to put it bluntly, i screwed it all up wit him. i got sum false info from not too good of a source but my dumb-butt believed it n it got me in da end. ya know wut i mean?! i know ya'll messed up b4 in life don't make me look like da bad 1, even tho i do that pretty good myself. ain't it?! lol. nah but i love him. *wishin she was wit him* da memories r killin me. i need to quit thinkin bout it b4 i cry. lol. i've had dreams n shizit bouts me n darrell gettin back togetha but now dats gettin a lil too personal. ya heard?! i'm boutsta get a new 1 of these cuz i gotsta write bout sum otha shizit but it don't deserve to b wit darrell. *giggles* he's too good fo da otha stuff.

Current mood: loved
Current music: keith sweat 'twisted'
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Sunday, December 1, 2002

2:50PM - da b-ball game

i went to my lil cuz's b-ball game today. man she was like *bam*. she scored 26 outta da 32 pts they scored in da game. i was hella proud of dat shorty. to celebrate we got sum hotog heaven. yummy!! but dats bout all of dat. i will ttyl. holla.

Current mood: okay
Current music: eminem 'white america'
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Saturday, November 30, 2002

4:22PM - got me sum l's

i passed my l's test. rock on!! hehehe. well ya'll r probly like "who the freak cares" but i do ya'll. *sniffle sniffle* i can't believe ya'll r gonna shrug me off just like dat witout even a chance. that's crucial man. i'm crushed. lol. playin. ya'll probly don't care but it's all good. ya'll can't burst my lil bubble. it's rough tough and can kick ur bubble's butt!! :) hahaha. dat's crazee wit a caps Z know wut i mean son?! man it's snowin like there ain't gonna be a tomorrow ya heard?! i mean all ya c when ya look out da window is *BAM* white to the x-treme. who woulda thunk all dis snow 'n it ain't even x-mas yet. daaaaaaaaaaaaang!! hmmm... wutelse is there to say?! awww yeah. i was gonna go to da movies wit my gurl d last night 'n dis gurl amanda gfell. she's coo we friends 'n all but she told d the only way we was goin was if i took em all. i was like hold the freak up. they invited me but da only reason was cuz they didn't have a ride. d was like ya'll can't do that but they didn't care. losers!! i'm bouncin. lata.

Current mood: annoyed
Current music: none
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Friday, November 29, 2002

1:43PM - got my l's

today i went to elyria for my l's test. passed it!! word!! hahaha. but yeah i thought ya'll should know. i was all like "yea-uh!!". i'm boutsta bounce to my dadio's tonight and then i'm gonna c if my gurl d wants to do sumthin tonight. like go to a movie or w/e. i was gonna go to da mall but not no more. i think i might just go tomorrow wit my lil sis when she goes wit my moms. i hate the mall man. i hate shoppin. i just need sum clothes. ya heard?! i'm bouts to go though cuz i relly ain't got nothin else to say. oh wait... yeah i do. *busts out laughin* we went to mc d's after my test right. the was this dude that was workin the drive-thru or w/e. he went to give us da drinks and the window i guess wasn't openin fast enough... dude like slams the window open. we all was rollin. i neva laughed so hard in mah life. i thought he was gonna start beatin the shizit outta it or sum crucial crap. it was just like *bam* "here's ya drinks". lol. it was funny though. i'm still laughin. ya could tell he liked his job ain't it?! hahaha. his name was like erick or sumthin so if ya eva go out mc d's on broad st look for dis dude. it's funny as hex. lol. man i can't stop laugh. it's crazee!! i'm bousta bounce tho. keep it real. holla!!!

Current mood: giggly
Current music: jagged edge 'promise'
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Thursday, November 28, 2002

9:34PM - too much shizit on my mind

man this past week has been CRAZY wit a caps Z!! ya don't even know. i got in trouble cuz of d makin me stay wit her after school tuesday bc nobody knew where i was and they all thought i like skipped town or sum shizit. me and darrell r still coo and all but it's kinda wierd ya know. dat whole... break-up and try to work things back out kinda jazz messes wit ya head a lot. specially in darrell's case. man... y do i gotta go and luv that kid?! all i think bout anymore is how i totally messed it up btwn us and now i'm all like *ehh* bout it. on to other things. chris comes back monday. YAY!! i luv chris. ganster as all hex but i luv 'em. him and aaron r my lil gang bangers. how cute r ghetto guys?! lol just think bout it. a dude in a rag got major pts wit me. u betta believe that day @ steph's darrell was sportin the rag when he came rollin up to the door. mmm mmm mmm... luv the rags. aaron was rockin his @ skateworld last time i was there *god knows how long ago*, chris had his, shaun had his, matt has his, man they all had em. the young bloods they call 'emselves. crazy lil gansta kidz. hehehe but i luv 'em all. jeremy is the only 1 who don't look good in a rag. that boy came to skool wit a baby blue 1 on... hu uh boy. take it off. lol. he ain't the ghetto type to be sportin a rag. he needs to just stick to his books and not the looks ok?! lol. but yeah ya'll that's all from me. keep it real. peace.

Current mood: mad to glad
Current music: 2pac 'unconditional luv'
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4:28PM - new diary

well since that stupid teen open diary is like never workin, i decided to make me a new diary. party on wayne, party on garth!! lol. *nerd alert* yeah but newho. i dunno really wut to write in here cept ya'll that got them stupid open diaries... get rid of em. them friggin things neva work. pieces of crap if ya ask me. awwh well. ya can't save em all right?! man this vanilla coke is sum good stuff. *dances* mama cita!!! aight yeah there'll be none of that shizzle no more. lol. BACK UP OFF MY JUNK!! sheesh. wut a punk!! jokin. man ya'll are so edgey ain't it?! chill out man. kick ya feet up, grab a coke and a cookie, and flick on the tv. loosen up. ya'll are like *stiff* and jazz. i can't be like that. i bounce from extreme happiness to extreme boredom to extreme sadness to extreme everything. ya know how it is right?! that's wut i thought. man don't make me come ova there. bust a cap. hehehe. jokin. man ya'll are killin me. i gg. *phew* lata. oOoOoOoOoOh yeah... i almost forgot to tell ya'll...

you came all the way down here b/c u wut, thought it was important?! HAHAHAHA!! man u need to think bout this now. me... sayin sumthin important?! *rolls on the floor laughin* u crazy man. ur killin me.... ur killin me. i'm leavin for real this time. happy turkey day ya'll. lata.

Current mood: crazy
Current music: public announcement 'mama cita'
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