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I was just going to avoid contact with you completely. When you have somebody threaten to call the police on you, its usually the best thing to do. But I had a change of heart.
I don?t know you very well, nor do I claim to, and I don?t think I ever will know you. I do know one thing though, and that is that you have some serious problems. I talked to Miguel about you, and he told me a lot of stuff. I don?t know if all that he said is true, but I think most of it probably is. Firstly, know that I am not judging you. I'm hardly a perfect person myself, and I let myself down, and disappoint myself on a daily basis, but I like to think that I always strive for something better.
From what Miguel told me, it seems like you were hurt really badly in some way when you were younger, and now maybe you feel like you don?t have any control over your life, so there's no point, you just do whatever. Maybe I'm wrong, but that?s the best reason I could think of for you being how you are. It made me really sad to hear what he had to say, and I felt really bad about how your life is going. I wont talk about what he said, but I'm sure you have a good idea, since what he said is what you told him.
I really wish I could help you out, and I think that sending you this last E-mail is the best that I can do, (given the fact that its not worth being your friend if I have your father threatening to call the police on me). I can't do much, but I believe you talked to me for a reason. God has every event and action in His control, and everything happens for a reason, therefore I too believe that it wasn't accident you contacting me. Though I am very limited in what I can do, I hope I can give you some advice that may help you out. If I just ignored you like I originally intended to do, I don?t think that God would be very proud of me.
I want to let you know that it is never too late to turn your life around. I'm sorry you feel so lost, and hurt, and have come to live the way you do. But no matter how messed-up you feel, no matter how deep you have dug your own grave, there is always hope. Even if I could talk to you on a daily basis, I doubt I could help you, because the only person who can really help you is yourself. You cannot help yourself alone however, you need the support of God and your faith in him. I struggle every day with my past, and my feelings of guilt and remorse over choices I have made. Some nights I'm so ashamed of myself I cant get it in my heart to pray; I feel I'm unworthy to speak to God. But He is all-forgiving Jinelle, you can still help yourself, and turn your life around, but you need to be strong, you need to take it one step at a time, slowly eliminating all the negativity and sin in your life. Be strong, and don?t give up. If you try, and fail, and do something wrong, don?t beat yourself up over it, get back up and start again, and keep going until you're on the right path, and filled with peace and happiness.
I don?t personally believe in Catholicism, but I do know that if you pray to God in sincerity, and ask Him for guidance and strength, He will listen. Faith is faith, no matter what you call it. I know you have some believe in God, but you cant just give it lip-service, you need to put it at the top of your priorities, acknowledge it, and keep it in your mind every day, all the time. Eventually you will find a way out. I can talk to you until my face turns blue, but it will never accomplish anything if YOU don?t take any action, if YOU don?t live up to the responsibility. You CAN get away from the scars of your past, and away from all of the pain and confusion that you may have. I know it may be very difficult dealing with things day to day; your parents, friends, school, etc... but you need to be strong, be persistant, it takes time.
Now after reading this, you can be apathetic and go on as you are, and live a life that will ultimately just hurt you more and more, and lead to more frustrations and negativity. The other option is to listen to me, and take my advice, because this is coming from a person who cares. I don?t want you to end up like so many other people unfortunately have, I'd like to think that maybe you can make it out of this as the great person I know that you can be. You have so much potential Jinelle, but you need to open your eyes, and take some action. Please take my advice.
I wish you the very best in your life, and I will keep you in my prayers.
WOW. THAT'S CRUMMY? RIGHT? I GUESS IF YOU HEAR ABOUT PEOPLE BY WORD OF MOUTH IT'S SHITTY. BUT, OH, WELL. SHIT DOES HAPPEN. I CAN'T SAY MUCH ABOUT THAT.......
EXCEPT MAYBE HE'S RIGHT. AND OBVIOUSLY MIGUEL DOESN'T LIKE ME TOO MUCH.
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