Picture Obsession is Loose Again!   
01:50pm 21/02/2003

08:21am 19/02/2003
mood: exhausted
music: Nickleback- Leader of Men
Time for school. I'm behind in Geo to...Gah, I hate school with a passion. Its like freakin prison *grumbles and storms off*
08:16am 19/02/2003
mood: exhausted
music: Nickleback- Leader of Men
Yesterday one of the kids in my school was playing his guitar in the hall and it tore me to shreads. I felt so empty. I would have given anything at that moment to have Steve with me, to make him the one who was playing. *Sighs* Where ever I go, there are always things reminding me of him. And when there isn't, my thought stirr and he is brought back into my attention. I don't know, maybe this is what loves like. I can't wait unlill the Ex. I have a funny feeling I'll know when I see him up close.....
05:13pm 18/02/2003
  OK, I promise there wont be any more pictures....for now ^_~

I'm bored out of my mind. And waiting from Steve to come back online. *Sighs* I think I love him. I've been telling him that I love him in response to when he says it to me but untill now I havn't ment it with my entire heart. Now, When I say it, it sounds cheap. Like nothing could ever express it oraly. I feel like he's always going to be there to lean on. And some how I can only hope that we work out. He makes me feel loved, like no one else can.

I didn't get to talk to him yesterday because my father kicked me off the net. That did nothing but fuel my resentment towards him. If your reading this, and just happen to be a teenage girl with a controlling father, only you could understand my frustration. I am forced to lie to him, to go behind his back, because he is so protective and strict. The very thing he tires to protect me from is the world. And becasue he is keeping me from it, I only crave to be free even more.

Parents have much to learn...they should realise that there is no right way to be a parent....
Tons of pictures, And I love them all :p   
04:40pm 18/02/2003
mood: horny
music: Fuel- Won't back Down
BEWARE! If massive amounts of photos in journals annoy you, turn away now, lmao. I've got crazy over Lestat ^_~ Honestly...I can't get enough of him *sighs*

Teacher Student relationship, am I mistaken? This is my favorite picture ^_^

you mock me?

He looks so...hurt

*sniffles* If he cries, I will to

eek! Me and Steve! *giggles and runs off*

oo...such a sexy picture, makes me all tingle ^_~ jk jk

omg, this is getting out of hand *drools*

this picture was actually in a dream of mine. Only I couldn't make out the face clearly...*ahem* On to the next picture! lol

A tad bit more colorfull than the others >.>" also more erotic <.<'

he looks so innocent somehow...so delicate as he takes her hand...*sighs* I only know one other man who has ever convinced me of being gental. He knows who he is.

He looks spitefull, no? lol. Hope you enjoyed that as much as I did ^_^
*Ahem* Picture Crazed ^_^   
05:48pm 17/02/2003
mood: flirty
music: Summerwind Was Always Our Song- The Ataris

Mmmmm...Cute, no? This picture makes me melt into a puddle. *sighs* His expression is so wild ^_~

-Ahem- Anyways...this is The Ataris for all you ignorant people ^_~ cute aren't they? Well, thats not why I like them. Thay play like mad, and plus they play the song "San Dimas High School Football Rules" and that song is part of my life. Mostly because it speaks volumes of how me and Steve feel about each other (so maybe it's our song?) Sorry, lol. I've been talking about Steve alot... that's because I've been waiting for him to come online ^_^ and he is always on my mind anywas :p lol

Well, I'm off to hunt for more pictures ^_^
One Month!   
04:00pm 17/02/2003
mood: giddy
music: Saliva- Always
Wow...I just realized that the first day I met Steve was on January 17!

That means I've known him for a month *sigh* it's like our one month anniversary ^_^

I found out he's come up with another gift for me -.- These gifts drive me insane. I spent the day drilling into Marissa to tell me, because she knows what it is, and all I've learnt is that it's not something he's made and I'll have to wait untill summer to get it! Thats such a long time! *dies* X.x

I hope Steve is online today...then I can see if he rememberd ^_~ c-ya people
08:31am 17/02/2003
mood: sleepy
music: Fuel- Won't Back Down
Yup, It's about that time to crawl from the saftey of my bed out into the freezing cold. More and more I find that school is starting to feel like prison.

I'm told its a choice we make (going to school) when in reality it isn't. We don't chose to wake up at early hours and spend the day listening to some spitefull middle aged man drooning on and on. Our parents do. Oh well, at least I get something out of it.

I'm cutting this one short. I have to brush my teeth. Yes, thats right, the most important thing is brushing my teeth ^_~ Smelly breath is honestly the biggest turn off -.-"


Isn't he cute? ^_~ I love Hoobastank! lol *huggles him adn then runs off to huggle steve*
05:56pm 16/02/2003
mood: contemplative
music: Hoobustank- Crawling In The Dark
Today was a bust. I spend the entire day standing outside in the freezing cold walking halfway home. Its times like this when I find it impossible to avoid looking over my life, wondering if everything was worth it.

I'm not a depressed person, and like to think I am happy, but when you are shuffeling home in the cold and you're alone, and tired, you begin to break things down in your mind and sometimes what you come to is quite depressing. Often I've feel small, like I couldn't change anything. How many poeple have lived long lives and died, never making much of a differance durring their lives, only focusing of survival when survival was pointless becasue we all end up facing death at one point or another.

Durring the time I spent outside today I realised what I want most is to be rememberd. To be loved. Not to simply die and be forgotten. When I say I want people to remember me, I don't mean that I want to be written about, or be famous, only to have someone to love me so much that I become a part of their life and become part of their soul. to be on their mind in moments of pain, to fill them with joy.

And if I could find someone to share this feeling with, I would feel safe. For me, love is when you devote part of your soul to another being. I don't think a soul is a physical thing, but you feelings, you hopes, everything that makes you who you are. If you gave part of that to someone, along with trust, you offer them love.

And love is what makes us imortal in a sense. Because I believe that in the end, your life doesn't flash before your eyes, but all of the emotions you have experienced do instead. You feel life in the most extreme way and if you feel love for someone, you hold them in your mind for the rest of eternity. The eternity which are those last few moment before death, or those moments of pain and lonliness.

The love you have carrys you through life, pain, and suffering. It is what keeps us alive spiritually.