| BORREEDDDD |
[22 Jun 2003|10:29pm] |
Even though right now I feel I am once again aimlessly feeling my way through my own life.. I still have faith that I will eventually come to the place where I need to be. I have some decisions to make.. some more immediate.. whilst others can wait.. but they are all choices no less. And I am okay with that because this is what life is all about. Choices. Certain paths I choose to walk may change my life dramatically.
I've been really bored as of late. Nothing much has been happening. I have not been social at all. I've been painting a lot. Hmm. That's about all.
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| When I grow up I want to be a blue banana. |
[12 Jun 2003|08:20pm] |
I made myself a new layout. You can see it here. Tell me what you think or I'll prod you with an elongated carrot. ^_^
Now for an update on my life as of late...I am not really here nor there. Rather than existing without living, I am living, yet not quite existing. I don't think anyone realizes the impact these constant directional pulls have had on me. Rollercoasters, Kamikazes, and landslides. I've lost all words lately.. having trouble formulating them anymore.. and I don't know what to say. I don't know how to explain how erratic, inconsistant, and psychotic I really am to anyone. These mood swings. I am breathing in and being consumed by blissful moments as they come.. the way we desperately attack then melt into one another.. while another part of me is still screaming. I'm sitting in this hot apartment all alone and thinking; It's as if I exist day to day as a shadow of myself. I'd elaborate...I just can't find the words. I'm hard to explain. No one will ever get me. *sigh*
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| Take the shade from the canvas and leave me the white |
[10 Jun 2003|09:26pm] |
The people here intrigue me. I've really enjoyed getting to know them. I've enjoyed being here so far, and look forward to getting to know those of which I have not had the pleasure of speaking with as of yet.
Today, I have had a lot of time to myself...Which can be a good thing, but is not.
Days like these I find myself fighting off missing him. Nights like these I'd burn my hands to keep my fingers from rapidly dialing those forbidden and almost forgotten numbers to call him. All because I have this strong desire to mouth these words which meant so much when saying them to him... Sometimes I only think I still need to hear myself say them.. this desire to tell him that, I miss him and that I loved him...
On a happier note.. I got some fish today. I've been meaning for the longest time to aquire an aquarium and some fish, but I'd never gotten around to it. So, I did it today. I've been sitting by them in my rocking chair, just watching them swim around content as can be. Unaware of the fact that they will be confined for the rest of their natural lives, that they will never see the waters of the ocean. It's rather sad, but amusing to me at the same time. Odd, I know. I'm an odd sort of girl. They have inspired me though, I have been writing like mad. I could spend days writing, it just feels right. It's what I'm meant to do....Create.
Tah tah dolls, I must be off.
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| Your my sweet forbidden secret...You are everything... |
[08 Jun 2003|11:53am] |
I have decided to conform and get an online journal. I am singer/songwriter Fiona Apple. I shall try and give you a glimpse into everything Fiona. I am fairly complex, so continue reading at your own risk. :)
I am a ridiculously erratic and moody girl; I should slap myself on the wrist or punish myself for not taking full recognition of this. I cannot feel the exact same way all of the time from one day to the next. I find myself believing other people would expect this of me, yet the only pressure there seems to be is that of which I place on myself. I can never seem to trust how genuine people appear to be. I honestly not only like, but need to be alone sometimes, however I find I often feel this way even when I do not want to be, or intend to be when there are many other people in the same room. Sometimes I think I ask for what I receive in the end because I forget to protect myself the way I must.
Music is my passion. Without it I would be nothing. It is an amazing outlet of sorts for me. I’m in love with love as well. Love is more than a feeling, it's an action and deliverance of some kind. I'm not talking about huge tasks or climbing mountains, but rather, pure expression. I suppose the ideal thing would be to not only fall in love with someone who loves you, but who's idea of love is compatible with your own, otherwise I can imagine how there would be conflict. However.. love will forever remain a concept that is open to question, exploration, and wonder to me.
I’m so sorry for all of this meaningless banter. Heh.
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Never is a Promise 