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[20 Sep 2003|02:34pm] |
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mood |
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 indifferent |
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It's awful that I never find time to go online and update. I've become distant with Eliza and especially Maj the two greatest people I know. I take this as a sign that after Colin left I should have left but I loved it here and now I am not here to enjoy anything. I hate to give this up because then I really am going to loose touch with Maj and Eliza and I didn't want to do that in the first place. I grew away from this place and let's face it I have no time for it, but maybe I'll try still to keep updating this thing with boring updates if not maybe I should just go back into hidding.
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[21 Aug 2003|11:21pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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I've been around just a little busy. I've been spending way too much time with my family but in other news, I am over Colin. He broke my heart just a little and it's fixed, well as much as my heart can be fixed.
I was online the other day and so was Maj but she had her away message up so I left her a "hi, bye" message but I really wanted to talk to her but maybe I will see her soon. I miss spending time with her considering she is my best friend ever and always will be. I need to have my share of "Maj time" soon. ;)
I probably won't be online for a while because it seems like everyone is busy these days and now I'm going to be catching up with friends that are in town for a while, I've been needing to do that. I hope everyone is doing well.
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[09 Aug 2003|03:04pm] |
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mood |
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blah |
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I thought it was time for an update. I feel like things have changed. I HATE CHANGE! I've wanted to get together with Maj but she is pretty busy now adays. I miss her. I've noticed a lot of people here don't update that much anymore. All I have to say is you all should because.....-thinks about it for a minute- I really don't know why you should update but just do it. I'm a little bored and so out of what has happened here but hopefully I'll be online some time soon.
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[01 Aug 2003|04:33pm] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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I'm back from taking some time off that was needed. I've missed everyone [that I know] the most especially Maj. A lot has changed for me and it's just not worth going into. I think I'm back to myself again or at least I hope so. I know I should have this long post to write but why bore you. I'm back and around, lurking that is. :)
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[09 Jul 2003|08:54pm] |
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mood |
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drained |
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Blah. I'm being emo again but for the right reasons. I miss Colin and Maj. I miss colin tons and tons but I miss my Maj more. She has always been there for me and it's sad to see her sad. I wish the guy Shane would come and rescue her because she was so happy when he was there. I miss Colin because he always put me in a better mood and now I just lurk and lurk which doesn't make me happy but it's ok because I doubt if I went online I would be happy. Short update but who cares. :( x's a lot.
EDIT:( Ooc )
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[05 Jul 2003|07:20pm] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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music |
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"Girl in the Mirror"-Britney Spears |
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pfff how do I even start this update. Hmm how about Colin is gone. He was suppost to be around but he just couldn't and that's fine. I just wish he was. Everything was going pretty good between us. We grew a lot closer since he was here and now I just won't be seeing him or talking to him anymore. I don't know I guess I thought he would be able to stick around but he just couldn't. I can't blame anyone but I wish I could. I'm a little disappointed in myself for hurting someone and now I've been hurt. I just don't know if I will be able to recover right away but I might be around, I just don't feel like talking right now and I'll probably be lurking but I just feel too upset to do anything, but in time I'll be back to myself.
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[03 Jul 2003|03:57pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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I guess you can say that my friendships have gone down the drain. One happens to be with Jesse. He says I strung him along but the whole thing behind it was I didn't exactly know my feelings at that moment when he told me. I didn't want to lose him as a friend and I did just that because I didn't want to hurt him but I didn't want to lose him as a friend. I realize I can't go in the past but I never meant to hurt him and if I did I am sorry and of course I know I didn't play with his feelings and I appreciated he told me the truth but there just wasn't anything there.
Colin hasn't been around lately or if he has, his damn away message is up. Maybe this whole wanting a relationship isn't going to work out. I want friends first and already I screwed that up. I just didn't want a big drama situation and I got it. I know I haven't been the greatest friend especially to Maj. I just have been doing a lot of thinking and worring about myself which I normally never do. I've noticed I've changed and maybe it isn't for the best.
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[25 Jun 2003|08:00pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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"My Way" Usher |
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Today or tonight how ever you want to look at it was my date with Colin. I hate saying date so maybe "Gathering" I don't know but you get the picture. It was nice all that mattered to me was him being with me because I haven't seen him in forever. He is my buddy and although I don't see him a lot I talk to him every week or so. Well I won't go into details but I guess all I can say is I asked him about us and he told me whatever I wanted was fine and I think....taking it easy is the best way for now. I just -sighs- feel like if I rush I might make a mistake, not that he is a mistake but it's just I see everyone so happy, -coughMaj&ElizaCough- and I want what they have but I don't know if I really want that. ehh anyways ERIKA is here and I <3 her even if she tried to kill me in Swimfan. Just kidding. Well There isn't anything else to say except ELIZA makes me sad cause she doesn't IM me anymore.
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[24 Jun 2003|09:47pm] |
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mood |
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 giggly |
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music |
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"Hold On" B*witched |
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Well I have good news which I can't say but I might spill it by the end of this update because who am I kidding, I can never keep my mouth shut with a secret. :x Well let's see tomorrow I have a little "outting" with Colin and this time he better not make up an excuse about his damn family oops!. Well I have to make this short but I saw my episode of 7th Heaven and I must say I play a gangster pretty well. I think the whole attitiude, bad girl thing works for me. -laughs- Ok that isn't true but it could happen. Well maybe tomorrow I will tell the good news but today I can't but I can put it this way, everything worked out and I'm pretty happy! :)
Oh yeah, ELIZA shouldn't write parties because it looked like PANTIES... <3333 and I had her help me with fixing my layout. I put my bio up, be proud I am not a HTML nerd anymore...ok I am but give me some credit please.hah
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[21 Jun 2003|06:08pm] |
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mood |
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impressed |
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music |
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"Miracles Happen" Myra |
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Today was the big day me and Colin were going to go hang out but he called and said plans had change. I expected that to happen but I was hoping it wouldn't. That's Colin though, he always has to change his plans. I was disappointed but I am so use to it by now that it's nothing new. He use to do this to us when we would go hang out as a group. He was suppost to tell me something important but I guess it isn't that important anymore. Life goes on as I say.
I got some pretty good news though. I was talking to someone and I found out something that kind of took me out of the gloomy mood I was in. I found out how someone thinks of me and I appreciated it. It was nice to hear how one feels about me and it helped me out. -small smile- I think this whole situation is getting better.
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[18 Jun 2003|05:14pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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I am so proud of myself I actually re-did a little bit on my info page. I added pictures of my roswell castmates and it's so cool if you put your mouse over them it says stuff. -laughs- I know I am such a nerd but I could never figure out how to do that stuff so I am proud of myself and it put me in a better mood. So I want everyone who wants to -laughs a little- to go check it out, please!
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[17 Jun 2003|09:30pm] |
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mood |
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 guilty |
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Today I had a great day, talked with Colin finally and he is really sweet but I always knew that. He is such a good friend. We both agreed to hang out this weekend and talk since it's been a while. I needed him back in my life even if it is just for friendship. I thought I had this whole situation figured out and I don't. I wish there was some handbook on "the hard times when more than one boy liked you" but there isn't. I don't want to hurt anyone and I am not into picking because I don't know. I wish it I could just pick a number and whoever had that number would be who I wanted but that's not true. The truth is I like being single and I like having them as friends and of course I want to be more than friends with a guy but I don't know who. I wish I had a twin sister and then my twin could go out with someone. I mean I already broke someone elses heart by telling him my feelings weren't the same and I am still living with the guilt. I hate being in this situation because I don't want anyone to get hurt, is that wrong?
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[16 Jun 2003|09:09pm] |
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mood |
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blah |
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music |
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"American Idol Greatest love songs" |
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I think I need a break from this whole type of lifestyle. Ok who am I kidding I can't take a break and miss the drama. I just am tired of some of it and a little annoyed at a few but I am sure I will get over it soon. -scrunches her nose- Yes I am in a complaining mode so just deal or don't read. I am sick of being the friend who people depend on to be there and never IM, no pun to anyone who does IM me but it gets rather annoying, I mean sure I don't talk a lot and when I do it's about my problems but isn't a friend suppost to listen. I don't know I just wish I could change a few things but I am always ready to lend an ear to listen because that's how I am, I actually care. I guess I am just frustrated and although I don't mention any names, I figure those people know who they are.
Today I got to say "Hi" to Colin but I had to go so I felt bad that when I came back he was gone. I miss him a lot. He is such a good person and so carring. I <3 him. oh and Jesse and me have been catching up lately and he is so funny with his typos. Just a few minutes ago he said ASS GOD instead of As Good and then made a comment about his unbiological sister's ass -laughs-.
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[15 Jun 2003|03:10pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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"It's about Time"-Lillix |
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I think I am just going to crawl into a little hole so no one can find me. I hate to complain or anything but I am just so confused. I am hearing that all these people like me [ok not a lot but some] and I just don't know what to do. I mean I just guess I've never had guys like me -laughs- sad but true. I am seen as the innocent girl next door. It's crazy to think these people who say they like me actually like me and aren't pulling a prank on me. -she sighs- I know they haven't told me but I've heard and I feel like if I don't make up my mind they will make up theirs quickly. I can't even believe that I could attract someone because I am such a nerd. I am just confused and it's bothering me too much. I just found something else out too but I am not in the mood to even go there.
I need my MAJ because I need to talk to her. <333
Eliza rocks my world!!!
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[13 Jun 2003|10:50pm] |
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mood |
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confused |
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Today I finally hung with Maj after months of not seeing her. It proved how much I missed her. We talked about a lot -laughs- She is such a good person, I love her to death! I've noticed that everytime I am online Colin isn't which is making me upset and trust me he doesn't want to make me upset so if he reads this COLIN YOU BETTER COME ONLINE SOON!! hehe. Also I sort of have this problem and it's driving me crazy...Rather not discuss it but I just don't know what to do. Anyway I just wanted to say I <33333 ELIZA so much! Bye!
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[11 Jun 2003|04:29pm] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
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music |
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"Low" Kelly Clarkson |
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I've been a way for a little bit but should be back soon with aim and hopefully ELIZA got her's fixed!!! But in other news I've been a pretty crappy mood these last days. I mean it's no one's fault but my own. I've been distanting myself. I really can't say why because there is no reason. Maj is too busy for me now and I know this cause she never Im's me anymore like she use to and that's kind of hurting my feelings but I knew the day would come where I wouldn't be the one she would call to tell the good news too anymore. I guess it is true the cast never talks anymore, it's like what we had on the set was too good to be true. Sure I live in the past but who doesn't. Then Colin is never around and if he is, I'm not around at that time. I just feel like things that I had aren't there and the people who I trusted the most don't even bother to be around. I don't know maybe I am having a sad day or maybe I am realizing that living in the past isn't something that can always happen.
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[07 Jun 2003|06:46pm] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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music |
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"Because" Lillix |
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How come no one is online? You people aren't suppost to be busy -laughs- but Maj has her damn away sign on and it is pissing me off that I keep missing Colin online. I hate AIM and I am never going on it untill ELIZA, MAJ AND COLIN ARE ON THERE!!!
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[06 Jun 2003|04:14pm] |
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mood |
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 geeky |
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Here I am I crawled out from the whole I was living in and finally going to update. I miss Maj and Eliza so much but I only miss MAJ a lot cause she loves me more than ELIZA -sto- and she should know why. I see Colin is here wow don't I feel proud ok I don't but MAJ had to bring him here and I love her for that. How come I am not online? well that's because I don't want to be and I don't have a reason to be. Don't you love my excuses? Oh of course you do. Oh and Felicity is on so I must watch that. I <33 most of you.
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[03 Jun 2003|07:20pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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music |
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"Low"-Kelly Clarkson |
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Been a little busy with things, probably won't be online untill Friday :( but don't worry it's not like I talk to any of you anways -sto and laughs- So I've seen Nate's update and he thinks I am not interested in him and yea maybe that's the truth but I rather get to know him instead of flirt and stuff....just isn't my thing especially when I have had a crush on someone for like two years or more I just can't move on you can say. Anyways I better go got some things to do and yes I am LURKING!!!
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[31 May 2003|01:10pm] |
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mood |
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chipper |
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music |
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"24/7"-Lillix |
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I am beginning to think I am an update whore but this is a short one. hehe. I got a new layout thanks to the wonderful Eliza she even helped me load it and everything because I am so dumb to the html things
-laughs- Also I talked to Nate a little more and it made me want a big brother like him -smirks- he is just so sweet. I think he was flirting with me but because I've been out of the love situation for a while, I could be wrong. I <3 Maj so much just because she is cool hehe.
Will you people stop talking about how me and nate should hook up! Thank you!
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