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11th October, 2008. 10:07 am. Real estate ramblings ... ugh! As crazy as it may seem, my wife is in one of her house-shopping moods the past couple of weeks. I really don't mind that much, I enjoy dreaming of a different house, though her wants and mine are usually very different. I want another place in the country, she wants to move to town. Now remember, all of this is just dreaming; with the real estate market the way it is, and as tight as credit is, I don't pretend to believe getting a loan would be easy -- or even possible right now. But window shopping I can do, though I'm frankly quite happy where I am. My daughter (for whatever reason) thinks life would be better if she lived in town. What boy she knows lives in town I'm not sure of, lol! Anyway, she has been talking long and hard about how much she would enjoy walking to school, walking downtown, etc. Having grown up in our little town, I can tell you that the only reason my mom and brothers walked as much as we did was my mom didn't drive and we only had one car anyway. We walked to town because we had to -- or we rode our bikes, which was mostly what we did. Anyway, the house my wife has been wanting to go look at has been for sale for at least a year. It falls under the category of "distressed property." It's a fixer-upper ... or a demolish-and-start-over, which ever you prefer. It's a 100-year-old home, and was actually a very nice, well appointed colonial style home when it was built. It was part of a large estate on what was then the edge of town. The house is two full floors, with a big wrap around porch that goes across the front and down one side. The home has 5 large bedrooms upstairs, plus a full bath. Downstairs you have a formal living room, a parlor or sitting room, another bedroom, a huge kitchen, dining room, then an addition that goes across the back of the house that's half 2 car garage and half utility room/mud room/laundry room/pantry and full bathroom. There's a full attic and a partial basement. Sounds nice, doesn't it? The problem? It's been neglected for years, tied up in a bankruptcy case of a man who died without a will. It sat vacant for 4 yerars. The roof suffered extensive wind damage, and the interior has the resulting water damage to the plaster. The last time it was for sale (2005) we looked at it then. The house had been lived in by vagrants, but not vandalized ... yet. My wife and I "let ourselves in" to the house prior to it going officially on the market back then and took extensive photos inside. You wouldn't believe how much worse the house has gotten in 3 years. The roof still has major leaks, depsite the attempts at patching the owners tried. Nearly ever ceiling has major water damage now, with the plaster falling down or ready to. The occupants over the past three years have vandalized the home themselves -- they beaten holes in the majority of walls, apparently just to damage them. They attempted to do some painting, but they painted over peeling wallpaper, which looks like crap. The house is really, really sad, much worse than it was 3 years ago. My wife has been bugging me to go through the house, and I finally agreed to do it. I was curious too, I'll admit. I like the old house, but I was really afraid of what we were going to find in side. The house was in foreclosure, but the family either renewed the loan or something, because they kept ownership of the home. According to the realtor, they are very motivated to unload the home. I can see why. Looking around outside, I noticed that thieves have recently stolen the outside a/c condesner unit -- the cooling coils are copper, and worthwhile to recycel if you need drug money. They left the shell of the unit. After seeing that, I told the realtor that I'm betting they've stripped the basement of copper pipe and the furnace of its own coiling coils -- a fact we confirmed. I don't know if they tried stealing wiring from the home's walls, but shit, just think what fixing the plumbing and heat/ac systems would cost alone! The ceiling of the mud room has had its drywall and insulation stripped out; you can see where that part of the roof is still leaking some. This big ass house would first need a really good roof over the entire thing, with new sheeting. The gutter boards are rotten in a bunch of places, so add in rebuilding those around most of the edge of the roof. Most of the plaster repairs I could handle; there's a way to reattach original plaster back to the lath using special washers and dry wall screws -- meaning the parts that have pulled away but haven't yet fallen to the floor. I had to make similar repairs here, which have held up fine. The hardwood floors throughtout look very good, for what its worth. You can tell the first room the new owners started in -- the living room. It's the only room that appears to be repaired and finished. The owners paid about $85,000 for the house 3 years ago, and honestly, you could sink that much again into the house if you had it to spend. The asking price now is $99.500, which is about twice to me what its worth in the condition it is in. I don't know who the hell would lend you money on a derelict house like this. The realtor was a beautiful young BBW who just charmed me to death. Long black hair, big smile, and deep cleavage I just wanted to lost in. She carried herself well, very attractive and professional too. I love confident women! I'm glad my wife and I went to see it. We have both had a "thing" for the house. The realtor told me that with winter coming on, the mortgage holder would agree to a short sale -- where the lender agrees to sell the property for less than the mortgage value because they know that they won't get their money back even in a foreclosure. This place would probably be a good candidate for a short sale -- in a foreclosure sale, I doubt it would bring squat. I've never had a realtor suggest to me from the get-go to try a short sale, so that means this is probably an option. Of course, even if we paid 60 percent of the asking price we would have to double that investment just to make the home liveable. Ugh! I like the old place, but my heart just isn't into taking on a big ass money pit. Three years ago I might have, but no, not now. The house is larger than the old farmhouse we have now, so heating would be a bitch I'm sure. I think Bob Vila needs to buy it, he has the do-it-yourself skills and deep pockets. As tight as credit is now, I don't know that any bank would lend a dime on it without a very complete plan of rehabbing it. The real problem, even with that plan, is location. The neighborhood where this house sits is older; the first two blocks have homes ranging in age from 20-80 years old. Most of them are owner occupied. As you get closer to the house we're looking at, the quality of the homes and properties declines a lot -- there are older homes in various states of disrepair that are rental units. Even`if we bought th house at a discount, by the time you poured enough money in it to fix it up, you would have a house you could never sell for what its worth. The neighborhood just doesn't have homes that sell for much over $100,000. This is why none of our local real estate rehab/investors have snapped it up. It could be quite the showplace, and if it were in the right neighborhood -- say along our historic main street -- the house could top $200,000 easy. But located where it is, its something the owner will have to love -- and live in -- cuz you'll never get all that investment out of it. Going through it was good, but sad. My wife realizes that the house has declined so much that its out of our reach financially and abilities. Its very sad to see it happen to the grand old house, but we're just going to stay where we are. If we invested half of what we would need into our place here, wow, what improvements we could make! Fortunately there's nothing that huge that needs building or rebuilding, and for that I'm very thankful. Our old farmhouse has a good roof and is a very sound old house. I would like to build a 24x40 shop building, but I hate to do into debt for it, so I'll keep wishing, its much, much cheaper! Enough real estate ramblings for now. My wife is working a festival with the Scout troop today. Daughter is asleep still and I have some projects and errands to do myself. Beautiful day for a festival outside too. Speaking of weather, I got a surprise visit yessterday from Joe, my firewood guy. He was passing nearby and wanted to see if I wanted him to bring me wood this year. Yeah, that sounds good. We have to cut some weeds and clean up the wood pile that's left first, but he's got to cut some wood first. We'll start with 10 ricks and go from there. That will cost me about 2/3 the price of a single month's LP gas load, and that should be me through most of the winter with any luck. I may buy extra just in case. Gotta go ... have a great day all! Current mood:  cheerful.
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9th October, 2008. 11:44 pm. Busy day done ... I'm plumb tired, looking at my 'puter screen and listening to streaming Talk Radio while writing. It's been a busy day, so I better recap. Hang on! My lunch with my old boss went great. We had a fantastic time catching up both on our families and our friends from work. One of the first things out of her mouth was that she wanted me to come back to work for her. We spent time talking about that. She rolled out the red carpet and told me anytime I want to return to let her know. She wanted to know if I would be interested in doing some columning writing and some other projects, which is right up my line. We agreed to get together and discuss the details later on. We talked shop talk most of the time, and I can't tell you how great a time it was. Ever had a boss who treated you like a person and was fair, compassionate and willing to go the extra mile for good employees? That's my old boss. Of course, I'm so glowing over the lunch that I'm forgetting the grinding stress and anxiety. But you know, I have changed in the past six months, and I have wondered if that wouldn't make life different? My workaholicism was tied to my self-loating and low self-esteem issues that I'm working on now. Anyway I had fun and sincerely felt honored she was so kind to me. While we were leaving the restaurant, my wife drove by and waved. I called her cell to see what she was up to, and we went to the downtown drug store (with soda fountain) and I bought my wife lunch and filled her in the conversation I had with my old boss. We browsed around downtown for a while after lunch, then she went on shopping and I went on to my exercise workout. I'm glad I didn't go right after lunch, I had about 90 minutes to let my salad settle. My workout went great today. I nearly skipped it today, simply because I didn't want to do it (lazy ass me). But whatever part of me that knows I need the exercise convinced me to just go on and do it. That's unusual too, because I was ready to blow it off. I could use this conscience thing around a little more often, lol! Gotta run for now ... back again later or tomorrow ...! (1 Shoot Up%%%% | share your thoughts) |
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9th October, 2008. 10:57 am. quickie update ... gotta write rapidly ... I'm here at the 'puter getting ready to head to town for a lunch date ... another woman, and NOT my wife! No, no, I'm not stepping out, this is on the up-and-up. I'm meeting an old friend I used to work for for lunch. I've known her almost as long as I've been a journalist, and worked for her a couple of years about a decade ago. She's now in charge at the local newspaper, and I wanted to get with her and do lunch. Kind of a "welcome" to town thing, and also because I want the dirt on what's going on in the company! I expect her to pepper me with questions too. The rumor I heard is that she's going to feel me out for possibly coming back to the newspaper in the future. If that happens I'll be honored for certain. Would I like to go back? Sure! ... I think. The stress of that job was a killer. I damn near bled out due to a major stomach ulcer due to the stress. But there's part of me that wants my identity back, that still wants the challenge (as though life isn't challenging enough as it is? lol!). I'm getting ahead of myself anyway. My wife wouldn't be too in favor of it because I was a workaholic in that job. I lived it, breathed it, brought it home and slept with it. It really was more important than the rest of my life -- a fact that I never saw until after I stepped aside. The workaholicism was part of one of my issues that I've been dealing with in therapy. Because of how I felt about myself, I saw my work as always substandard and saw myself as barely competent in what I did. I could never be good enough, so I could never quit working. I felt that if I ignored my work I would completely and utterly fail, that I would embarass my co-workers and my employer. Only be giving 110 percent -- even at the expense of my family -- could I manage to squeak by. It was a shitty existence. I felt lucky to keep my job each week. I've certainly changed my thinking in many ways since those days. Part of me is afraid of all that returning; I've felt some of it this week -- the insecurity, the feelings of inadequacy, etc. I've had to deal with all that in the work I do for the magazine, and that's nowhere as competitive as the newspaper environment. Again, I'm getting ahead of myself. She was asking a friend of mine some very pointed questions about my writing, and why I'm not at the newspaper instead of the magazine. We'll see what happens. After lunch I need to go workout. I hate working out on a full stomach, but I'll try not to over do it at lunch. I'll have a salad, so that'll help. Wish me luck :) Current mood: chipper.
(1 Shoot Up%%%% | share your thoughts) |
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8th October, 2008. 5:29 pm. Rant once again ... I don't know what's going on with me, but I'm exhausted already and I haven't done much of anything. I'm really feeling the pain of my workout on Monday, and I pushed myself too hard. I'm hurting and stiff all over -- not enough to disable me, but shit, it hurts to move. I didn't go to do my workout today as planned. I just didn't feel like it. I'm in a bad mood anyway. This thing with my wife is so toxic, its killing me. I feel like the turd in the punchbowl of her life. Whatever the fuck I do or so is wrong or hurts her feelings. I've never felt so out of place before. I asked her last night why she was mad at me, and before she could answer our daughter popped in the door, all ears, to listen to the conversation. My wife said she would tell me later, and walked out of the room. And that's where it stands. Whatever I've done, I'm a rotten son-of-a-bitch for it. I can't wait for this week to be over so she can go back to work and I can have my sanity back. All I get from her is shit that I need to do, or worse, why haven't I done that yet? She's out shopping the last two afternoons, and all she can do is find shit that I need to do. I don't mind doing stuff, don't get me wrong. Being bitched into doing anything rubs me the wrong way. I don't feel good right now and I'm not ready to take any crap. Apparently neither is she. She asked if I wanted coffee and ask caffinated or decaffienated -- I said caffinated if that's ok with her. She nearly blew up over that -- "that's why I asked you!" she yelled. My wife took herself off one of her antidepressants she was taking a few weeks ago, and while she would explode if I suggested I could tell the difference, the truth is I sure as hell can. I don't know if this is all physical or partly mental too. I just feel like shit, I just want to crawl into bed and hide and sleep. Fuck it all. My wife just asked if I wanted to go see a movie. Not a bad idea, but right now I don't want to be with her. I have my coffee, and I'm going to finish that and then either go to bed or stretch out on the couch. I need to get away from life (and wife) for a while. Not a pretty picture, am I? Maybe next time I post, I'll be in a more positive mood. Sorry, but it'll get better again. Gah! Current mood: shitty. |
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8th October, 2008. 12:35 am. Weird freakin' day ... My wife was still pissed at me last night, refused to say good night when she wen to bed other than yell it from the hallway as she passed. Whatever. This morning she was still in a bad mood, giving me crap about being mad that she had thrown away the packing and box for the item that just sold this morning on eBay. I'm over it, but she isn't. I had an appointment this morning, so I left as she continued to grumble at me. Whatever. She tracked me down at the end of my appointment and offered to take me to lunch "for all the nasty things I said to you this morning." I don't know where the hell that came from, but I'll roll with it. Lunch was good, but something I said (not sure just what, of course) made her again pissed off at me. Not severely, but that simmering-below-the-surface-attitude. WTF?? Her period is due to start, and God forbid that I even SUGGEST she's PMS'ing. She would chop me into pieces and spread my ass across 5 states! She had a dentist appointment this afternoon, so I came home until I knew they would be coming home, and then I left to go get a haircut. I considered shaving my beard, but the stylist was very nervous about me doing that. Instead, she did a bang up job of a haircut and trimming my beard; it's NEVER looked this trimmed and neat. I'm happy with it, and decided to go a while before I decide to shave it. It felt good to do something for me, if that makes sense. I feel like I won't scare the kids in the park anymore, lol! I'm not sure what sort of style would go with my face. Most fat guys have beards to help hider the chin(s). I had considered a goatee and mustache, but I dunno. Sounds like work! Why is it I always -- always -- want to have sex with the women who cut my hair? The young woman who cut mine was a lovely brunette with large, strong hands. She called me sweetie, which is always a plus. I tipped her well, she did a great job. Laying her tits on my neck while she cut my hair didn't hurt, either! Tomorrow I meet with the dietician to go over my diabetes levels and diet stuff. I don't know what to ask her, but I expect she'll have plenty to tell me. My therapist thinks I should meet with her more often to discuss my addiction. I may ask her about that too. We'll see how that plays out. I have to work out tomorrow afternoon, so that will take up a couple of hours. I may skip Thursday, just depends. I hate to miss any, really. That's all, I'm off to watch TV before my shower. |
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6th October, 2008. 6:49 pm. Gotta vent! My blood pressure is still a little above the point of blowing a gasket, but I'm calming down. It's been a crappy day here in the neighborhood, but its gonna have to get better tonight. My wife is off work this week (as are the kids). I had an appointment before lunch and then my workout this afternoon to get done, plus pay the insurance, blah blah blah. My wife decides that she's going to clean up the library -- most of which is my stuff. And yeah, it needs cleaning, but I've been in the middle of two eBay auctions, and I had just unpacked one item to photograph it and repack it. I had the original box and packaging, which to collectors is a big deal for a 25-year-old item. My wife began nagging me this morning about what she's going to do with all my "stuff" that's in her way. I asked her to not mess with it today, go to another room today until I can get in there to supervise where all my junk goes. Otherwise I'll never find it, or something that looks like garbage to her will get tossed. Well, that's exactly what happened. The room looks great, but shit, where'd my stuff go? I wanted to finishing boxing that item I mentioned, and I can't find the packing or the box. Shit! I ask my wife, and she swears she didn't throw anything away. I go to the porch and see about 8 trashbags that weren't there this morning. She swears nothing important was thrown away. Yeah, right. I had already listed the item on eBay Sunday, and highlighted the original box and packing -- its a big deal, like I said. I had it last night, so it had to be in the garbage. I tear into the bags one by one until I find the box and packing. I had nearly begged her to clean another room today, just for this reason. I knew this would happen. Thankfully no real harm done .. that I know of. I don't know what else may have been tossed yet. Hopefully nothing else. The funny part is that my wife acts like its my fault! I couldn't be here due to an appointment and my rehab exercise program, and that's my fault? We had an argument about this before I left this morning. She walked away from me, and I got my stuff and went out the back door to the car. She came outside and yelled "You don't appreciate me." Yeah, that's probably true on several levels. The good thing is no harm done; I'm winding down from my being really pissed. She's still being indignant that I got pissed over it. Should I apologize for being pissed she tossed away something of mine when I couldn't be there to help? I feel like my reaction was reasonable. I got angry, but didn't kill anyone. I hope this is not a harbinger of how the rest of the week will go. Sometimes when she's off work she has an agenda that makes me and the kids wish she wouldn't take vacation a week at a time! It did me good to get out of the house today after our argument. Things that piss you off seem less important when you can let your emotions cool off a bit. I have to run for now. I'll be back ... Current mood:  grumpy.
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5th October, 2008. 11:28 am. Lazy Sunday morning ... It's been a lazy Sunday morning for me so far ... my wife and son woke up early and they're still gone to church .. church is out, they're probably going to the store. My daughter got home late last night and her allergies were killing her. She was tired from being on the road all day, and playing two concerts. She went straight to bed and slept until nearly 11 a.m. She's not feeling very well. I was kind of in a funk most of yesterday. So many of the things I had honestly wanted to get done were pushed aside by the trips to town, etc. My wife had promised she was going to go pick up our daughter, but I knew when she said it that was a line of crap. I always stay up late, so there was no reason for her to stay up late and wait to go to town. My wife goes to be about 9-10 p.m. unless there's something on TV she wants to stay up for. In sessions with my therapist, I was encouraged to try to see about my wife and I have some time for intimacy through the week; as it stands, the only time my wife allows is either Saturday or Sunday morning, and lately, those have all been busy. My wife said we'll have plenty of time this coming week to be together since she's off work, but that's not true (given the only time she wants to have sex is in the morning). Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday mornings are already committed. Both days next weekend are committed. And my wife's period is set to begin any day now. It's discouraging that my wife doesn't want to make more time for us to be together, sexually or not. We had some improvement, but since school started, its been back to the same old same old. We're too busy to be together now, there's always next weekend ... and its busy too, darn. I've wondered if there just aren't some very basic differences between us that I need to accept, or try to find a compromise on. My wife still carries around a good measure of Catholic guilt, i.e., enjoying sex is a bad thing. My wife has (at times) been very unihibited, and if I knew how to draw that out of her more, I would. She loves maragaritsas, so perhaps ... ??? LOL --- I have been avoiding going back online for an OA meeting, mostly because the emotion it brought out in me was so powerful. I need to go back, I just don't want to do it while my family are around. I get the feeling my wife is very unsure about my involvement in a 12 step program. She's afraid to ask about it I think. I'm not sure what she thinks, she just avoids it altogether. She takes my books and turns them face down, as though she's hiding the titles from the kids. I'm not ashamed of it, though I still have times I want to tell myself that I don't have a problem with food. I am going to ask my therapist next week to confirm this is an addiction, which I know it is ... I just need to talk about how I want to run from it, to push it aside and believe that I have the willpower to suppress it. The truth of course is that my binges show the opposite. Its still hard to consider that my willpower isn't enough. When you've grown up believing that with willpower, anything is possible -- and to find out it isn't -- is a tough pill to swallow. I'm still working on that. I think part of it is pride, not wanting to admit failure. I need to look at this as a day-by-day thing ... to take it a day at a time, and celebrate each day I don't overeat or binge. This part isn't about losing weight, but about learning about this behavior and avoiding the triggers. Right now, it seems going into a dollar store alone (and hungry) can be a problem for buying food I don't need. The family is home and its time for some lunch, then time to get the things done I didn't yesterday. Today's a beautiful fall day here, the sun is shining and not a cloud in the sky. More to come later, until then, have a great day ... Current mood: chipper.
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4th October, 2008. 9:12 pm. Murphy's law, alive and well ... Today was one of those days best described as a clusterfuck. Out of the list of things I had planned to get done, I only accomplished a couple of them. What really messed up the afternoon was a phone call from my wife that my son's Scout trip was going to end a day early. She was with my daughter down in the southern part of the county -- down in God's country (where the men are men and the sheep are nervous) where my daughter was playing at a fundraiser with the band. That part of the county is so hilly that they have to import cell phone signals by tanker truck; in other words, if you have to use a cell phone, you are shit out of luck. So I get this really broken-up call from my wife. It sounds like she's on the other side of the moon, and I'm getting every third word or so ... "... called ... home later .... maybe ... check phone ... not sure ... see if .... ok I think ... check .... call if ... zsyssmuck ... bloogah snarferger ... ok?" The the phone went dead. What the hell was she trying to tell me? I called her back, but it went straight to her voice mail. No signals from The Dead Zone. I had just gotten home from my 2 successful errands, so I'm puzzling over what to do next. And like any man, my decision was simple: Do nothing until I hear something else. And the "something else" happened about 10 minutes later. The phone rings and its my son, who asks if his mother is on her way to pick him up. "Huh? Where are you?" I find that he's at the church where the Scouts meet, home a day early from their 2 night camping trip. I don't know what the hell is going on, or if my wife is heading over to get him. I try to call her, but she's still in the Dead Zone. I hop in the car and start the 20 minute ride to town. I get there and all but one adult has left; the remaining adult has panic in her face. One of the boys' parents is out of town until later, and there's no one to take responsibility for him. She's stuck with him until his mom and dad come home. I really like this mom, and the extra boy lives closer to me than to her, so I took him home with me and got her off the hook. I took him on home to his house. By the time my taxi driving was done, so was the day. I'm not sure what the hell happened at the campout. My guess is that it was so unorganized that they ran out of things to do; from what my son said, that's pretty much what happened. They had not planned additional activities for merit badge work, etc., so they came home a day early. -- My wife went shopping with my daughter early today, and brought home a table full of yard sale junk. Our house is basically furnished by yard sales, and we don't need more junk to sort through. At least it wasn't an expensive trip! I was hungry earlier today and stopped in and picked up a couple of fast food burgers. They aren't the best food to eat, but at least I avoided french fries. I was trying to keep it cheap. -- I'm toying with shaving all or part of my beard. I need to trim it up, and I'm seriously considering cutting it back to either just a moustache or goutee. I've had this beard for 25 years; I last shaved it off in 1983! I don't look forward to shaving regularly, but frankly, my beard is looking a little mottled, mostly gray with a sprinkling of black, and I just wonder what I would look like without it. I can always grow it back, right? I'll cut it down to a half-inch or so in length, which is what I do when I trim it close. Once I get that done, I'll decide if I have the balls to shave all or part of it off. Wish me luck! |
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3rd October, 2008. 11:22 pm. Week done ... Its hard to believe its Friday night already. Today has been busy, but it doesn't feel like I've gotten anything done, if that makes sense. I slept in this morning (was tired from my workout Thursday), got up, showered, then on to a lunch meeting at noon. After that I had to come home and get my son ready for his Scout trip. He and the boys are going canoeing until Sunday. I had to stop at the bank for some cash and that put us behind. We got there on time, and found that we were pretty much the third to arrive. This time of year they've had a change of officers, and everything is disorganized to the extreme. When we got there they were trying to figure out meals for the weekend. Huh? No one thought of actually planning that a week (or two) ago??? Hell, they didn't have anything -- ANYTHING -- planned. They didn't know what pots/skillets/utensils they might need; they didn't know what tents to bring, the list went on. It was the least organized outing I've ever seen. Apparently there were some BIG assumptions made regarding who was doing what. But everything apparently got done, though they were nearly two hours late getting out of town, which means they'll have to set up camp in the dark, or nearly so. At the bank today, the teller gave my son a Dum-Dum sucker. And all afternoon, I wanted a sucker too. Not a Dum-Dum, but I wanted one of those Charms sweet and sour suckers. After the Scouts left, I dropped by the dollar store to see what kind of suckers I might find. I didn't find suckers, but shit, I went overboard. I bought a bag of double stuffed Oreo cookies. On the way home in the car, I binged big time -- I ate the entire bag. This wasn't the large package, but a smaller one the dollar stores sell that has 22 cookies in it. Doesn't matter how many, but I ate them all. I couldn't stop, I was out of control. As long as I was driving, I didn't think about what I was doing. I can't believe I did it. I also bought a bag of those caramel creams (also known as "bullseyes"), but I didn't touch those today. I can eat one or two of those at a time, piece candy I don't binge on. I left them out in the car overnight. Usually an eating binge for me is triggered by some emotional event or something similar. I wasn't upset today, but I can tell you that I've been considering asking my therapist to discuss with me my food addiction. In fact, I wondered today if it was really an addiction. I told myself I could eat a few cookies and quit. I guess I answered my own question! It is hard for me to think of this as an addiction. Part of me wants to wish it away, to deny it, to not do anything related to the 12 step group stuff I've been part of the last month. My self control failed the test today. I was down to the last 2 cookies before I realized they were nearly gone. I went ahead and ate the last two anyway. What the hell, right? What's 2 more cookies? As much as I hate to say it, my wife is getting to be my own worst enemy. She bought a box of cookie dough from my son's school Market Day program, and she's been eating the raw cookie dough out of the box, and sharing it with me. I've had a couple hunks of cookie dough, but she's finished off the rest of the box. Due to my diabetes, I need to watch the carbs and sugar I eat. I can have some, sure, but I raw sugar stuff -- like a bag of cookies -- is bad for me and my blood sugar. I need to stay out of dollar stores alone! I better scoot, I need to bag some garbage. If I keep writing about food, I might have to fix something to eat! I have some sugar free butterscotch candy that I'm sucking on now, and its mighty good. G'nite to all ... Current mood:  okay.
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grayeyes |
3rd October, 2008. 10:41 pm. Today was very nearly a disaster. Thankfully, it was partially redeemed by the delivery to my mailbox of the A&E version of Pride and Prejudice. To which I say: booyah. Despite my intense dislike for Collin Firth, I love this version of the film and will watch it again and again with nerdy, girlish glee. It was this version that inspired the Worst Book in History: Mr. Darcy Takes A Wife. Again and again and again. Every 3rd page, in fact. Mr Darcy Takes a Wife picks up where Pride and Prejudice leaves off ... after the wedding and straight into the sack. That's about where the intrigue ends. I read through some other reviews of the book, hoping to gain some better insight (and better articulation) into what others liked or didn't like beyond my fairly blanket statement of "it sucks!" I was genuinely shocked to find that all of her reviews were really positive. People love this book, praise her over the top grandiloquence, love her anachronistic metaphors, and salivate over the page upon page of euphemism to describe Mr. Darcy's uncommonly large penis. I'll admit that I've only managed to struggle through about 100 pages of this tome, but I can't help wondering when the fucking will end and the plot will begin. I can only read about Elizabeth Bennett Darcy getting lost in the vastness of Pemberly for the millionth time, Fitzwilliam Darcy's uncontrollable lust for his new wife, and how his footman is an asshole so many times before I feel like screaming. Also, seriously, if I read the words "connubial bliss" one more time I will lose it. I will read every last word of this stupid book because my father always taught me to finish what you start, but if I don't start to see some plot soon I'm going to hunt down Linda Berdoll and have we're going to have words. While I slap her. |