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The Forsaken Angel

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They are one apart [07 Apr 2003|10:19am]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | Gentle hums and other computer noises ]

Gods, its been so very long. My, how I've missed this poor place. I wish that I could have made an announcement beforehand. I am now engaged in a rather serious move in life. I'm leaving the place I've called home for so long and am in the process of beginning anew. Things are not easy at the moment. I've had no time to do anything and have been dying to feed. Somehow, I'll make it tonight. I still must see my beloved feline. My time is short though. I haven't a moment to spare. Done is done I suppose.

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This is another night [24 Feb 2003|11:23pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]
[ music | The gentle purr of my companion ]

I've been neglecting all this. I've been caught up in my dream world with one who loves me dearly. I'm not sure how to react totally. Things have become complex and this may raise some unwelcome bumps in the path I have chosen for the moment. I've been filled, but right now I thirst for something I cannot describe. My sweet feline reclines atop this corporate machine. Oftentimes I have wondered what it would be like to live as he does. At this moment, I'd give many a thing up to be with him as another feline. Sweet and cunning. Some time soon, I'll become a hunter and have myself a taste of the world. These moments have been cut so short. I cannot manage to do the things I wish. Ah, until a later time, children. I must be off.

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Laying down duties [11 Feb 2003|05:12pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]
[ music | Television noises ]

As far as I'm concerned, it's not a matter of quantity, but quality. I am still comming the point of uncertainity. The moment I have a chance for happiness, things occour in which causes doubt within my mind, heart, or something of the like. I am engaged because I am so very immature. I still have my doubts. If the chance arose, I would be with another and this is bothersome. I swear to gods above that I have all the emotions one could have for someone who loves them, but I still have the doubts and this is unnerving. I have an undying desire to make others happy and this causes many problems most of the time. I'm missing things and it is quite annoying. I feel horrendous. Farewell children.

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Comming to take you away [29 Jan 2003|09:03pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | Non. ]

It's a wonder. How I achieve this ability to ovewhelm people with my appearance alone. Of course, I wear what pleases me. At times I wear black and at times I wear white. I don't seem to have much else. It matters not. I always want more and more. It's like no matter how much in excess I may have, it isn't enough because I will find some random thing which will catch my eye and seduce me into submission.

Oh, and 28 shopping days until I become a year older. Get it in early.

I seem to spend a lot of time with setting up the hype for that... although it's nothing of importance. I gather I should relay something of signifigance, but I usually have nothing. I actually have been hungry lately. I really need to find a willing victim. All this time in which I spend without is taking its toll. I've been letting myself take in my own blood from minor wounds. If only I could have the chance. I thirst so.

My muse fails to appear to me, so until a later time, children...

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So here we are [27 Jan 2003|06:03pm]
[ mood | artistic ]
[ music | John Lennon - Imagine ]

I must say that no matter unfaltered I may seem by the climate, it seems that my body responds in the worst ways to cold. I despise winter so. It is like I was made for warm weather. I wonder at times if I am the only one. I feel so out of place that I ponder about where my true place may be. I'll be leaving for Texas at some point. I made the decision quite some time ago that that would be where I would be living for the rest of my time. Since I was young I had wanted to leave this place. I don't believe that my heart is here any longer.

I'll introduce you to my beliefs so as to know how to not have me become intollerant of any specific person.

Though I have a very open mind about religion, I have a rather firm belief within polytheism and budhism. Karma, reincarnation, the idea that there is a god or goddess for all things and a spirit within every living thing. I refuse to accept people who may try to press their religion upon me. I have a certain ammount of belief for christianity, but it does nothing for me. Jesus at some point did live, but seeing truth behind all the things which happened around him is hard to believe.

There is no way to say to me that there is any one kind of human better than the other. They still all breathe, reproduce if necessary/desired, and will bleed if cut. They are no different from any other mammal. We are no more above animals than they are above us. We have certain advantages, yes, but so do they.

I do not dare say a person is ugly, for someone out there will not think that way about the person. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and should be thought as thus. The only way I could come to hate a person is if there was a given reason. I am non-violent and attempt to make it so that others follow with that. Much respect for those that have chosen peace over war.

So, I leave you behind tonight. I hunger and thirst. A deeper demand than one could imagine. Until a later time, children...

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So much for that [24 Jan 2003|06:18pm]
[ mood | complacent ]
[ music | GTA3 BG music ]

I'm so very unnerved at the moment. I gather that I don't come off as someone who can be very safe. I don't plan this at all. 'Tis true that I have an undying love for the ideas of the vampire and the thought that there could be real ones out there that have the fabled powers of old tales. Really, there are many things about myself that are not included within the confines of this place. Realize that this is part of me though, a facade to hide the darker things about myself, the darker ideas that emerge from within my mind. I have many an obsession with so much that is darkness and the night, but this is one singular side. Deep within myself, I have the feeling that I truly am a vampire, but it does not go very far. My only hope this time was to get away from the real world for a moment. To be able to escape a little from the world that sometimes seems to be crasing to the ground around me. So, thusly, I gather that I should make this part of a disclaimer of sorts... though I highly doubt that anyone will know of this specific little spot at any moment soon. Tsch. Like I could care.

So, from here on, it doesn't matter. I shall do as I please within this place, my own temple. Try to bust your monotheistic, heterosexual, biased views in here then! Woo... I want some blood.

Until a later time, children...

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Momentary whatnot [23 Jan 2003|03:12pm]
[ mood | weird ]
[ music | Dave mathews Band - The Best Of What's Around ]

My Bloginality is INFP. Whee.

That is all. This has been a public servic announcement.

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It was another day [23 Jan 2003|02:15pm]
[ mood | thirsty ]
[ music | Shootzy Groove - L Train ]

It is possible that I could fall in love again. It's been a long time since I've seen even a glimpse of the possiblity. Something of beauty he is. Charming and kind. Understandable almost totally. Simply amazing. It's surprising that one could even meet such a person. Really. It's strange how one can get so little inspiration by speaking of someone, but so much when only thinking. Somthing amazing could happen this weekend. I can only hope for the best though. I trust that things will go at least a little well. I wonder for the moment if what I've done if correct. I became something disagreeable the night before. I said things which were not savorable. I thikn I managed, though, to come out on top with people still keeping some sort of level thinking when it came to me. One may only hope.

The plan for now will be on a lookout for some sort of employment. Myself having none as of thus, I gather it would be a good thing to make sure I do not become too under-funded to go out at all. True that I don't need any kind of money to get what I truly need, but I should make sure I can make a host of myself from time to time. I gather that it would be something of ease to get a job. I'm an enthusiastic person with patience. Perhaps I should remember that phrase.

I've been near you, but you've never noticed me

I must admit that I have an undying love for music of every kind. I'm something of a worldly person, though I've not travelled for quite a while. Well, until a later time... sleep well children.

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And so we descend... [22 Jan 2003|08:15pm]
[ mood | satisfied ]
[ music | Static-X - Black And White ]

It's interesting to think about how anything in this exsistance could be called an event. It's not like one wakes up and says "There's something that will happen that I can call an event." That kind of perception is reserved for those with the ability to see the future, which I believe no mortal person could posess. There are many interesting things, though, which I discover every time I wake about beings like myself. It's like one lears something new on a very regular basis. As if though as we get older and wiser, we become endowed with abilities that weren't there before. Or so it is thought this way. I can only assume it is the same for others, though not mirror to my experience. Living in this line of life does things that younger people I think would be amazed at. The things One is able to do now shadows greatly the things in the past and foreshadows the future of things. I hope that in my time things come to the point where no one will be killed for petty differences. Ah, one can hope. Until a later date, children...

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