No More Blurty..   
10:09pm 29/05/2004
mood: calm
music: Brand New
I moved on to Bigger and Better things, like Livejournal. everyone does it, its the coolest. haha heres a link if you want it.
i love you!!!
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Let the rain fall down..   
05:46pm 09/02/2004
mood: hungry
music: "let the rain fall down" Hilary Duff
i hate the rain actually, thanks Hilary Duff, you bitch. haha.. yeah so Friday, i wanted to go to the show, and i guess i should have just gone and said i was stayin at Mag's house, but yeah didnt... sucks.. havent been to a show in a while. umm, so instead i went out for Mexican with Mags and Chels and Shannon and Hunter-baby and then we went and saw The Butterfly Effect.. SO GOOD! bout made me puke a couple of times but it was so good. then sat i had work, and the power went out cause someone hit the transformer and after two hours in the dark i got to go home, that was great. then i went and saw mags and came home, and i spent sunday layin around. i was in bed eating and watchin tv and Tony said that was a sign of depression, but its not, its just me being too lazy to put real clothes on and make-up to go somewhere. whatever. pretty bored right now. im goin skiing this weekend, and yeah thats cool. but its gonna be expensive and i feel kinda guilty about it but yeah thats the way the cookie crumbles. im supposed to go see mags tonite, but i dont know if i will. uh- i want a new car. i want the 2 door tahoe Z71 real bad, but i have no money and i found out that i have to take some of my own money for the trip. i knew we shouldnt have tried to go this year cause we dont have the money but whatever, my momma can be a stubborn bitch sometimes. i need to work more, and i think i wanna work in the kitchen some cause they make a lot more than i do and it looks fun, but Dave says its hard. i dunno about all that, but yeah. umm..
Funny story about today: i was walkin down the hall and Phil put his hand out and i grabbed it and told him that i just wanted to hold his hand, so we walked down the hall holdin hands and i told him that i was gonna tell everyone that we were dating now, and he couldnt even make words. he just said "uhhhhhhhhhh" and i was like im kidding you ass, im not going to tell people that we're dating...didnt wanna date your skank ass anyhow Philip.. haha
and my matchmakers sucked. well for the most part they sucked. i got my b-key but it said that me and owens were least compatable, bullshit thats what i say, bullshit. ok i think im gonna go dance in my room or something, but im hungry..its a good thing the kitchen is on the way to my room. SWEET!
i love you.
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New this week   
04:23pm 06/02/2004
mood: content
music: Jet
Monday, i dont know. Me and Mags have been on the announcements all this week, and its crazy great. they played my song today.
For the next couple of weeks i'm gonna make $10 per day goin out to Enloe to pick up my Joelie from Drivers Ed, thats pretty cool.
Today on the announcements they played my song (the song by Jet) and it made me happy. i been happy today, like im not everyday but today especially for some off reason..
on monday, no, tuesday? no no it was monday cause i worked, i got by another car. this guy with my car, the same car as mine, hit me cause he didnt check his blind spot. i mean, i dont think anything is wrong with Maggie the White yeah. now she has battle scars. WAR HERO!
Got to see Drew on wednesday..youth group. i love youth group. and the people in my youth group. theyre so nice and great. *big smile*
tonite is the seven show and i wanna go but im thinkin its kinda late and i dont know if momma will let me. whatever.. i think im gonna go see Butterfly effect with mags and shannon and maybe tony and chelsey.
i love you!
09:48am 29/01/2004
mood: dorky
music: "toxic" Britney Spears (i know you love it)
So..the snow kept me in my house for about a day and a half, but i get cabin fever. makes me go crazy. it comes to a point where annoying everyone in your house is just something that you feel you need to do. my momma was bout ready to beat me i know. but its all good. Mags decided that she needed to drive her little bitty 2 door Grand Prix (with no defroster, might i add) in the freezing rain, to come and get me and take me back to my house. i mean, all the trouble we had with that could have been avoided if she had just listened to me and let my daddy drive me over there in his huge ass 4 door Surburban (with defroster AND 4 wheel drive) but hey, it was an adventure. so i spent the night at mags' house on monday night, and had to come home tuesday to get ready to go to work. yes kids, i cant go to school, but i can go to work. whatever. it wasnt bad, and momma and daddy came to eat. and Nicky let me go before him. (because he and rick are eachothers lil bitches and so Rick ALWAYS lets him go first, no matter when he came in or how long he's worked.)
Wednesday, which was yesterday i think, i got up and layed around cause momma told me that i had to be responsible (and in the way she was talkin, i was bein responsible by layin around). my daddy is sick, and he worked tuesday night, wednesday night, and he has to work tonite, and then i think not tomorrow night but sunday night. its rediculous but whatever. and so until andrew came home, i had to answer the phone and keep the dog from goin crazy. and not long after andrew came home Tony called and asked me if i wanted to go get a puppy with him, and so i did. and i started cryin as soon as we started walkin around in the pound cause its just so sad! there are all these dogs with no homes, and i just couldnt hold back. i fell in love with this little white fluffy one named Alpine, he was too cute and about 3 months old. i really just wanted to take him with me, but Tony didnt really want him. i mean, that makes him sound heartless cause i think he wanted them all too, it was harder for him cause he could only take one, and there were SO MANY, but yeah. he looked that this 3 month old mix that was like, shepard/husky and it had a blue eye and a brown eye and it was cute and all, but we didnt think that it would do too well away from its sisters (there were 3 of them) and it was really shy by itself, and so then we played with this little 6 week old german shepard/ chowchow mix, so cute, and decided that was the one.
Tony named it Bellou (which i have a hard time sayin cause i cant say the Ls real well, it just sounds like im stupid and tryin to say Blue) and its fluffy and tanish orange with black marks around its eyes. looks like a tan raccoon to me, but yeah. its really a cute dog. I call it my dog just to get to Tony cause it likes me more than him. haha.
So after we took Bellou home and got him situated we had to go show everyone at Starbucks the picture (cause Tony practically lives at Starbucks) and then we came back to my house and watched Blue Streak, which i had never seen, even though we owned it. whateva! after that Tony left to go meet up with Matt, and Mags came over! and we (mags, Joelie, andrew and myself) walked over to the hill to go sleddin. i didnt go sleddin cause it was just too damn cold and everyone else busted their arses but yeah, it was fun. then mags had to go home and i went to bed.
Today's plans include: Hangin out and general being gayness with Meg. Going shopping with Mags. Possible clothes washing so i have clean clothes in case we actually go back to school. and maybe i should review tonite so that i remember what the hell i was doing a week ago..haha cause i dont. okie, i love you!
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The Noose   
04:35pm 22/01/2004
mood: impressed
music: the noose, durr
So glad to see you well
Overcome and completely silent now
With heaven's help
You cast your demons out

And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you off your cloud
But I'm more than just a little curious
How you're planning to go about
Making your amends to the dead
...To the dead

Recall the deeds as if they're all
Someone else's atrocious stories
Now you stand reborn before us all
So glad to see you well

And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you to the ground
But I'm more than just a little curious
How you're planning to go about
Making your amends to the dead
...To the dead

With your halo slipping down
Your halo's slipping
Your halo's slipping down
Your halo's slipping down
Your halo's slipping down

Your halo's slipping down to choke you now

"The Noose" ~ A Perfect Circle (Thirteenth Step)
that song is just like whoa, i love that cd too. the whole damn thing, well im not a BIG fan of number 1, but its tolerable atleast. i guess i need to go talk to some people and look for another job. damn. okie i love you!
Wrote this Last Night   
08:46pm 20/01/2004
mood: amused
Do you understand that i want to be with you every second of the day?
Do you see that i'm trying to say things to make it okay?
Do you realize that if it doesnt work out i'll lose you forever?
Do you conceive that i just want us to be together?
Do you grasp that i only want to make you smile?
Do you know that i've wanted to say this for awhile?
Do you recognize the tone of the words i'm saying now?
Do you believe that we can make it work somehow?

im back into writing again, but its all so sad. why cant i be like Shell Silverstein?
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youre controlled, by your own design   
08:31pm 20/01/2004
mood: thoughtful
music: Rufio
Stress like whoa, but its not really like stress its just that thing i do where i think too hard and about too much and i got so much on my mind that i forget to do a wide range of things (both important and not). Last night mags called me to tell me that they had told anthony how she cheated on him, which is insane cause it was like 7 months ago and we couldnt figure out why they would tell him now. then i called evan and asked him if it was him that told and he said no, but that he told him he knew, and that he was talkin to him, and so i talked to mags for a long while before i slept, and got up this morning and went to school and come to find out Jimmy, good old lovable would hurt a fly if it stole all his goods Jimmy had told, and got a little attitude when i asked him why he would do that. he says that they all told him, and that he "needed to know", yeah, 7 months later he "needed to know" whatever. theyre all tryin to make themselves look good when theyve all known for this long without sayin anything and they all told her not to say anything to him, whatever. i just cant understand it. i'm gonna talk to him tomorrow. anthony tried to ask me why i didnt tell him, but mags comes before everyone and i dont know why he would even think to ask me that. then he tried to say shes "been with lots of people" BULLSHIT and that he was "scared" DOUBLE BULLSHIT. she has not, i was yellin it in the parkin lot, whoever said that is gonna get whats commin to them. if spreadin gossip isnt enough, theyve all turned to lying too. someone needs to save them.
anyways, i went into work and they told me that i could go home, again, cause Dustin was workin. So now i need another job cause i love the one i got but i dont work enough, and so i need a job for the mondays, thursdays and saturdays. wednesdays = youth group and i work at Lonestar on sundays, tuesdays, and fridays. arg. i cant deal with that right now.
this friday is DRs birthday and i bought him a card, and it took me forever cause i didnt want to be cheezie, but i didnt want to be all buddy-buddy, and i just didnt know, so i found this one, and its a pickle. its a paper pickle, and on the inside it says "I bet you didnt expect to get a paper pickle for your birthday" and i loved it so i got it. and i found the perfect cards for a couple of other people. i love card shopping. not when i have to though, cause im one of those people that hates doing things when they have to, just when i dont have any reason to buy cards, but i see ones that are just so perfect i have to have them for someone else. thats the greatest. then you get to write long ass notes in them and it.
its gettin cold in the basement, and mags should be callin me back pretty soon here. i wish i could talk to tony, i wish he would call me back or atleast aknowledge my existance. makes me sad inside. but i suppose this is the way God wants it, and so it shall be. mad love for all of yall cause i love you!
You cant fight the tears that aint commin..   
09:36pm 19/01/2004
mood: contemplative
music: new A Perfect Circle
today i cleaned my room! yay for me! i was gonna go out with meg for dindin but she was gonna hang out with her momma, which i understand, so i went with my family to Wildflour for dinner. i talked to people, and i realized why i love youth group so much. the people in youth group are not mean spirited. they arent hurtful or bitter, and they wont talk badly about you behind your back. they do things for a reason, a valid reason, as all christian people should do. and you dont have to be a christian to be a good person, it just usually happens to be that its like that. (a religious person, maybe i should say) i dont understand why some of my old friends do some of the things they do to people. i cant understand why a human, with emotions and feelings, can hurt another human, with the same emotions and feelings, so badly. its just beyond me.
as part of my new years resolution, to better myself (like everyone elses really) i'm tryin to also be more religious, and be more of a christian. all this includes being more honest, and listening to my parents, and learning more about the bible and christ through youth group and church. this past week we talked about gossiping, and how its against the bible. and a point that was made was that if God judged us as we judge others, where would we end up? (the answer : prolly in Hell) and so why do we need to gossip and ruin other people? there are other ways to feel better about yourself. i wish everyone could understand that.
whatever, im tired and i havent finished Gone With The Wind yet. i love you.
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Todays just an, ordinary day   
12:39pm 17/01/2004
mood: thankful
music: Johnny Rebel
last night was..interesting. Mags wanted me to go with her to this guy that she works withs house, his names Mike and we'll call him Mike. So we met them after i got off work, and then we went to his apartment, which is like in Birchtree, out past Western Blvd, an insane drive from lead mine road, and it was..interesting. haha. when we got there they make us drinks, well Mags tried to make drinks but shes not the best bartender, and her skrewdriver wasnt exactly what i was wantin, and so Mikes little brother, he's 16 (damn, i wasnt the baby) mixed me some limonade and vodka and me and mags took a shot. [then mags took another..] and so yeah his little brothers name is Steven, but we'll call him Stevie. (even though he hates everything but Steven, even Steve). and then this other guy, Mikes best friend named Mike, we'll call him Big Scary, got sick and puked spaghetti (or as i call it, basketie {pronounced buh-skeh-tee}) and it was gross. but me and mags passed out somewhere between one and two this mornin and then got up around seven. i slept in a TINY little FETAL BALL at the end of the sofa, cause mags took up the whole damn thing. if i had known that it was Stevie on the floor next to us i woulda just rolled right off and snuggled with him (not in a oh baby lets snuggle, in a its fuckin cold and theres no room on the sofa, scooch over). but anyways, we left at like 10 and Mike wasnt even up, and we went to get Sherry and Kala from the Embassy (mags' little sister and her friend) and then i came home and showered and now im just waitin for Meg so that we can go get her hair chopped and then head to the DIXIE CLASSIC!!! *dixie shall not be forgotten* so yeah, maybe i'll go purdify myself. work tonite at 6 for G-Money (aka Nick) but i need the money. i love you!
i just remembered i dont like coke..   
08:26pm 15/01/2004
mood: ecstatic
music: all kindsa CRAZY ring tones!!
today was an ok day. i slept in EVERY class, maybe people will notice that and think of me come time for superlatives next year, "most likely to fall asleep in class", wont that make momma proud?! we think mags got it this year. whateva. we did group work in History and i SHARED a desk with Bubba. if you dont know bubba, then you dont understand that hes a big boy and those are some tiny desks. there the ones with the seat and desk attached..and i was barely on there. it was silly. so then, came home, got ready, went to the mall and got my new flip phone. so great! i LOVE it. cant stop playin with it. it makes me wish i had lotsa friends to call me and stuff but i should be doin homework anyways. haha...homework sucks.
OHOHOH so last night at youth group it was great... learned a lot, and if you know me you know what i mean, and if not, then you prolly wouldnt really care anyways, not to sound mean but its not something that everyone gives a good gosh darn about. haha, gosh darn. so anyways...thats about all i got for now. I LOVE YOU!!
that southern thang   
08:38pm 13/01/2004
mood: excited
music: R.Kelly now..damnit
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEG & B-KEY!! (yesterday...) went snowboarding this weekend, so fun. andrew tried to leave me, well i guess he did leave me, but this guy named Mike (we call him Mikey-P) taught me, until me knee swelled up and Drew arrived, then i just stayed in the mountain house. *big silly smile* everyone was really nice and i feel so much closer to all of them. i have, however, decided that the next trip needs to be to say, the BEACH cause it was SO FUCKIN COLD!!! but it was fun none-the-less. school i suppose. i mean, theres nothin special there. this afternoon when i called in to see when i work today (5 or 5:30) he told me i could take the night off and i was like SWEET! so i did and spent the whole afternoon at the mall. -something i hadnt done in a very long time- i spoke to Pong and he's gonna get me a phone on thursday and then i went into Buckle to try on my pants and ended up spendin about 2 hours in there, Evan bringin jeans. when i ran out of jeans to try on, i still had my Sweet-n-Lows, from lay-away, and i had some Silver Dittos and i had some Sweepers, and i know that maybe one of you will know what those are, but whatever, and then i realized that i didnt have my wallet. then i was angry.. so i came home and i was gonna go right back to get them, but i was really hungry and i dont really feel like walkin back through the mall, so TOMORROW! i get new jeans, and i get to go to Youth Group..hehehe...and then yeah thursday i get to get a new phone and friday...ITS THE FREAKIN WEEKEN! so word. til next time kids, i love you!
02:28pm 09/01/2004
mood: excited, but angry about Nicki
music: TOOL
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUMMER!!!! (if you see this) its snowing and we got to school late and then i left during the middle of third period cause momma came to get me and andrew to come home and pack cause we're goin to winterplace to go snowboardin with our youth group. i have to buy a phone card cause i cant go 3 days without talkin to mags. dur. but now i have to go finish packing so i can get there and not have to ride on the bus. I LOVE YOU!

JUST A WARNING: if anybody talks to Nick Santapetrio (or however the fuck its spelled) tell him that next time he tries to start shit with Maggie, he'll regret it more than anything else in his sorry little excuse for a life. i'll be sure of it.
shes back!   
05:04pm 07/01/2004
mood: silly
music: Rufio (just bought "1985" and lovin it.)
MAGGIE THE WHITE LIGHTENING IS BACK! im happy to have a car again, but as soon as we make her purdy again we're gonna sell her ass and buy me somethin newer. i think i want a prelude now. Tony says it wont happen but i think it could. I had work last night, that was funny. Nick was really mean to Tamara, and it was the first night that we actually worked together and hes nice. hes real funny and hes kinda like me, except a morman boy, not a christian girl. whatever works. yesterday was also the first day back to school, and it was not bad. i didnt have my car so daddy took me and i was gonna get mags to take me home when "Bubba" (this guy named Matt who talks like Bubba Sparxxx) asked me if i wanted to go to his house. he was kiddin but i told him i was goin to work, but that if he wanted to take me home, to MY home, then thatd be chill. but when i got to the back of the parkin lot, daddy called me and was like "Im here to get you, come to the car, you have a dentist appointment at 4. WHAT?! where the hell did that come from. i went to get a cavity filled but it wasnt really a cavity it was that they wanted to make me part of a tooth to go in the gap, and it was done. so now i have a part of a fake tooth on one of my teeth. we can make it a game and you can look and see and guess which ones fake, ok? haha.
About school: i have first period with mrs. hill and its not gonna be as hard as i thought, i dont think. and then second with mr. griffith, so easy, and then i got lost goin to third yesterday, its right down like the same hall as second, and i been there 2 1/2 years, but i got lost. walked in late to 3rd with mrs. altman, shes cool though, she didnt care. thats prolly gonna be easy(er) too. then i have US History with ms. wright. its already a piece of cake, but there are lots of black dudes in there and black chicks too, and i think i might end up fightin one of em when it comes time for Civil War. (SOUTHERN PRIDE!!) but yeah...s'bout it for school
I need a lunch pass, mags had to turn hers back in to get her new one, suuuucks! i cant stay in that damn cafeteria. i almost had to fight this fat black bitch today when she tried to tell me the seat i had been sittin in was "her seat" (she really said "um, excuse me, i think youre in me seat" and i said "um no i been here thanks.") FUCK THAT MAN! i'll find a way out...youll see. haha. i'd just come home, seriously. but its better than school.
this weekend im goin on a ski trip, im snowboarding, with my youth group. it should be..interesting. we'll see, but right now im gonna go get andrew a notebook, get my paycheck, and maybe get starbucks, before i go to youth group tonite. MUCH LOVE! (cause i love you!)
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Family & Friends..   
11:27pm 03/01/2004
mood: exanimate
music: "Kashmir" Led Zepplin
Past couple days been cool.. i havent had a car and so mags has been drivin me around when momma needs her car. momma and mags and i went to this really good Italian (i-tal-yan) resturant in Brier Creek area, SO good. and then we were gonna go see a movie but we were so late that the line was too long to get in and buy tickets. damn the Raleigh Grande, and the man at the Six Forks Cinema place was SO MEAN. so i was like fuck that, i aint goin there. so we went to blockbuster and like everyone came over to my house and we watched Cruel Intentions, after doin Yoga.
Today i got up and cleaned the house a little, especially my room, and then i took andrew to work and took Zach home and then came home and helped momma and then Mags came to get me and we went to her house to get her dog to go for a walk. this seemed like a good idea... the dog, doesnt like other dogs. it somehow got off of its leash and i had to run after it cause it was runnin away. yeah i had to run, it was hard too. i hate runnin. that was about it for me, we went back to Mags' house and watched the Lizzie Maguire movie...and ate Nachos. mmm.. they were good. then i came home and showered and went to Yelena and Andreys house for a party. after that i got andrew at work and saw my MEGGER. i missed her, i was yellin her name and she didnt hear, silly girl. but we talked. i had talked to mags and was plannin on goin to Patricks house, but i didnt know where it was to begin with and he wouldnt answer his phone and then mags said she wasnt even invited and i was like fuck it, im not even gonna bother to go be around their stupid asses. so andrew and i went and got hunta bebe and chipper and we went to wendys and then to Starbucks and i saw Logan and Brad walkin past so we went outside and Zach and Zach were out there so we hung out outside for a while, then i took everyone where they needed to be. then came my momma and daddy, and our new dog, which isnt really our dog- its my granny and papas dog and we're keepin it, but its kinda a scary dog, its the same kind as Maddie. SCARY! but now i think i will go read, and i gotta call mags.. i loooove youuuu!
Entries of Confusion   
10:26am 02/01/2004
mood: hungry
music: A Perfect Circle
This morning i am up to early, but its only because i have to be. momma came in my room like an hour ago (9:30) and told me to put clothes on, as if i sleep neked, and go clean the stuff out of my car. [rule number one, always do as momma says] so of course i did, but then i started wondering "for why am i doin this?" and so when i was because my car was gonna be towed. i dont remember if i wrote it or not but maggie the white lightening is a burned out old hag, and she needs some surgery, and she wont do anything but roll foward (or whichever direction she seems to be facing on the hill) and so shes goin in to the shop as we speak. man, they can keep her. the only attachment i have left with that car is that it was my first, and i paid for half of it. beyond that...SKREW IT! but yeah..shes gone now.
Daddy told me yesterday that he was "running away from home" today and if i didnt already know what he meant, i might would have wondered about that. hes going out to bahama to study for the weekend. yes, study, as in for a test. he has to take some test thats supposed to help him get a job. whatever man. i dunno, now that i been up a while im gettin hungry, if anybody wants to give me a car, i would make you king (or queen) of Annaland for life. {*OO's and AH's from the crowd in Annaland} haha i love you!
09:10pm 01/01/2004
mood: lazy
music: "Lucky in Love" stupid lonestar music..
Work was alright, im convinced that two of the guys that work there are homosexuals and theyre in love and thats why they dont know what theyre doing most of the time. theyre not really, i love em both, but they were really slow tonite at bussin tables and i was not about to bus if i didnt have to.
................I RAN THE DOOR ALL BY MYSELF!.................
i wasnt even supposed to, but i did. i was just standin there at first and i was supposed to seat, but Nick was runnin around and then i just kinda took over and did it the rest of the night. Steve came in late and sat for me, but they were understaffed wait-staff wise tonite. maybe theyll get it right next time i work. i was first cut so i left at like 8 and andrew wanted me to run him around and i told him i would take him one place and, if need be, pick him up later. i told him i would not taxi tonite, cause i just dont feel like it. i worked late last night, got up around 10 this mornin, went out, raked leaves, jumped on the trampoline for a bit, then went to work. this has been like the fullest day yet i think. i dunno, im just in one of those moods where i want company, but not really, cause i dont really feel like doin anything, cept eatin cause im hungry, and then i just want to go watch movies or somethin. [this is the type of mood that means im not really interesting, the one that is best enjoyed by the friends that have grown to expect next to nothing out of me, like Mags] maybe i wanna go to the movies. i dont think i can go to the movies by myself...
i saw joelbie today, which made me happy. i gave him his hat back in exchange for a shirt, that is tiny and says Umbro, does anyone else remember Umbro? or is it just me..i use to rock that shit man! didnt stay there for long cause i had to go to work..whateva. i think i will go eat and then watch my movies in my room on my tv with my dvd player all by myself. i love you!
02:26pm 01/01/2004
mood: stressed
music: "take a picture" lit? i dont remember who sings that
Feliz ano nuevo, as we say in es-pan-yol. last night i got so angy at work! i was scheduled 5:30 - 9:30, which sucked enough as it was, but then they UNDERSTAFFED the fuckin resturant and one person didnt even fuckin show! i got out AFTER 10:30. blew up my whole fuckin night. meg ended up goin out with jason, which was no problem cause if she hadnt i woulda ruined her night too. but me and mags met up and went to the Red Roof Inn to meet up with Cilla and Sarah and Beverly and her friend. it was nice. i left not long after midnight though cause my chest stayed real tight, meg thinks i had an anxiety attack, but my daddy thinks it was heart burn. i hate that..makes me sound old as hell.
i got to see tony yesterday, which made me happy cause i hadnt seen him in a couple of weeks. we hadnt fought in a couple of days, which is good. i think that since our one big fight we been alright and should be for a while. he did try to steal my daddys sunglasses, but i told him was funny. we were drivin daddys car, since mine doesnt work, and he had the umbrella like it was a gun and the aviator sunglasses and i wanted to take a picture cause it was the greatest thing i think i have ever seen. well, except for santa in front of me and patrick at Kohls, that was great too.
i have to work again tonite, but its 5-9 and its a thursday so hopefully everyones real tired and still sleepy and they wont want to go out to eat cause i dont wanna be there long, unless im doin door or seating. then its ok. i guess. i hate my car, but i love you!
three cheers right here   
10:02am 30/12/2003
mood: energetic
music: Brand New
Mags came back yesterday! and tony said somethin positive, i mean i would have liked to actually talked to him yesterday but there was too much and i could think straight to put a meaningful sentence together to save my life. when i got up, the first thing i did was check my messages, cause im nerdish. then i ate, of course, but then i had to get ready to go to the dermatologist. i almost called someone to see if they could be paid into takin me, cause i didnt want to drive, but then i got out to my car (wearing my new hoochie skirt- the "Standing Only" one) and the damn thing wouldnt start. DAMN IT. so i tried to call my daddy, since he aint got nothin better to do, but he left the phone here, and so i had to call momma and me and andrew spent well over half an hour outside "humoring" her so that she would see it was BROKEN. finally we called Carl and he told me to just keep holdin it (like tryin to turn it on) and eventually it started. i dont think im allowed to drive it for a while, but its ok cause mags got a CD player for her car for christmas. its nice. anyways.. after the dermatologist i put gas in my car, that finally worked, and got andrew and then we went to the mall so that he could return all the clothes we got for him at PacSun, i still think thats a cheezie name, i liked it better as Pacific Sunwear. whatever. so then i went and saw mags and her new dog, Jenny, and ate italian food with her momma and her and her sister, and then we went and ran errands and then we went, surprise surprise, back to the mall! mags got 2 new shirts and i got a new pair of tall shoes, to make me taller than everyone, cause thats my new thing, im taller than you! then...we got andrew from work and anthony was there and we all met up with patrick and evan, and we went to the "crack shack" or the "Loucian Drug Den" or whatever the hell you wanna call it, and they started a fire and it was cold as fuck and still pretty funny. soon after we left and came home and then ate some had been hours.. and went to sleep just to wake up today to tell you all of my marvie adventures. by the way, rad is a really cool word again, so everybody use it. i love you!
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what the fuck just happened here?   
09:58pm 28/12/2003
mood: depressed
music: Cold
its a fitting title, in the span of like 2 hours, i think i just lost one of my best friends. at first i was really angry at him and i told my momma that he could fuck himself and that i didnt need him but i do.. i need all of my friends, thats why i call them friends. i dont need aquaintances, but i need my friends. i guess someone who is so willing to give up a friendship in a two hour span after one big arguement, shouldnt really be my friend, but he is. or was. its weird now.
"it makes me mad, cause i wanna be happy so bad"
"Dont know what you're expecting of me, put under the pressure of walking in your shoes, every step that I take is another mistake to you"
i need mags, im fallin apart without her. i use to like to think of myself as the rock, but now i see that it takes two, we each have the rock quality, and i need my rock. im so sad.
08:02pm 28/12/2003
mood: enraged
does anyone else have one person or "friend" that can drive them absolutely insane or make them so angry they want to SCREAM in 2 min flat?! CAUSE I DO! im screamin real loud on the inside. really random, evan just called and wants me to go hang out at brass taps, hadnt heard from him and i know they been havin parties..hmm. whatever