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Wednesday, January 8th, 2003
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11:44 pm - Yay!!! Finch And The Used concert!!
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hey!!! im soo excited.. me and my awesome friend mallory( thanks sooo much for getting us the tickets)!!!! are going to see finch.. ive seen them already, but i didnt go with mal. and we will surely have some fun that day :)! today the school called my house.. i dont know why, they like to do that, there probably calling to tell my mom im failing something, they like to fuck me over like that.. thanks school. calling my house = to death.. my parents are soo anal about everything.. all well. today i went and paid my speeding ticket with adam! thanks adam for bringing me ! we went shopping afterwards and i got a bracelet, and a pink tank top, pinks the best colour ever. we went in the photobooth and took pictures of ourselves being idiots. i love it. after that i hung out with karly, and we are going to quebec march break together !!! its gonna be sooo much fun, i need to get myself a fake id. just to get into the bars. not to drink, i dont drink, never have never will, i just think its a waste of money and so is all drugs, " like im high on life okay!!"..- me when people are asking me if im high or whatnot.. fuck i hate that, not everyone does drugs.. but people in cobourg seem to think that. just because im an outgoing person doesnt mean that im drugged/drunk off my own ass to be like that. im just naturally fucked in the head.. no just a little crazy. anyways i havent talked to karly for a long time and it was good catching up. im getting my snowboarding boots tomorrow :).. i wish my feet didnt grow out of my old ones, they were soo comfy and nice. im in a good mood today i guess, still upset about certain things,hopefully i wont lay awake at night tonight for ever thinking about what went wrong and what i did, because i really didnt do anything wrong, he was the one who asked me out knowing he would be gone, and then after being gone he realized it wasnt working. so he broke up with me, im not hung up on it though.the things that are keeping me up at nights is thinking of the reasons why we havent talked and why i dont feel that he even considers me as a friend anymore, thats what has been bothering me. im one of those people who gets bothered by having someone not talk to me for a long time. i just wish we couldve stayed friends. but if hes gonna be an ass and not talk to me im not sure i would want a friend like that. im sure hes very busy, so i shouldnt be such a fucking bitch about it. i hope he knows im really proud him, and i hope hes having a blast !
i also hope erin is doing better than before, i feel soo badly for her, i dont know what i would do if my grandma(oma) passed away, and erin if you ever need anyone im here, and i will be there in seconds. i love you erin soo much your awesome babe. and i miss your smile and your jokes and your ideas ( i hope i see you tomorrow!!)!! your are wicked, you always make me feel soo much better about myself whenever im feeling down. i wish i could make it up to you, youve done soo much for me ! you are the best of the best.
well i think i will go to bed now.. sweet dreams *kisses*
current mood:  grateful
current music: Atreyu- ain't love grand
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12:28 am - tired.
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well tonight was cool i got to hang out with adam, coolness. we are gonna go up to whitby tomorrow to pay my ticket .. frankly im excited. i get to pay off my ticket for speeding.. :)
current mood:  restless
current music: bright eyes-lover i dont have to love
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| Monday, January 6th, 2003
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10:31 pm - without.you.
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you were everything i wanted
now your the only thing i need
without you my world is filled with-
sleepless nights, restless thoughts
of what went wrong.
i can't dream knowing that you arent here.
your gone, like i wish my life to be,
without you nothing is important to me.
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10:21 pm - does anyone even care?
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okay, it seems my friends just dont give a fuck about me today, its like i dont exist and they dont care about my problem right now. heres the problem, i need to go to whitby to pay this fucking ticket that i didnt deserve in the first place, and i would really like someone to come with me because i dont like driving alone, and no one is up to it, which is complete bullshit, i cant believe them, the one time i really need them to stand beside me and give me some kinda support there not here to give it to me. sometimes i feel like im getting completely used by them. i am always around supporting them with whatever they need. and this one time i need someone no one is here for me. this is complete shit. i still have one more person to ask,maybe she will come with me. its not like im asking for a fucking ride or gas money i just want the comfort of not being alone, i dont like driving alone... well other than being really pissed off about that situation i had a good day, me and andrea hung out and went to blockbuster, and the library.. good times, we photocopied this book on sex, they had nude pictures of chick and guys doing it.. lol it was funny, man im soo immature sometimes.im gonna put one of the photos in my locker i think. it would add to the random collection of stuff in my locker.
tomorrow i have to work at 4.. im really not looking forward to it. wednesday is nightschool night, and hopefully me and karly go together, and hopefully before we go to nightschool we can go to whitby and get my fucking ticket paid off... gah i hope she doesnt mind skipping fourth to get to whitby on time.. the stupid place closes at like 4 30... lazy cops. i hope karly does this for me... i would have her babies! anyways enough about that. im sick of this
If every limb were broken,tires had all worn thin and my toes are all in pieces.
Do you know what I would do?
I would play can you drag yourself 200 miles
with just your fingernails?
A little game that I made up.
Do you know that I never ever lose?
current mood:  frustrated
current music: Saves The Day- A Drag In D Flat
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| Sunday, January 5th, 2003
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5:35 pm
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who's your indie rock boyfriend?
brought to you by Quizilla
i took a quiz to see who would be my perfect indie rock boyfriend, and it would be CONOR OBERST from bright eyes.. i love bright eyes, so i thought it was kinda funny that i got him as my indie rock boyfriend. thats just me
today was wicked because i didnt have to go to work, but it sucked because i got up and thought i had to go, so i didnt get to sleep in! :( i went to the mall and got a new lip ring, that makes me happy. all in all today has been decent. i hope tonight i will get to talk to someone that ive been meaning to but havent found the right words to say. its really getting painful and i really dont know what to do, this town sucks and i cant seem to find anyone who shares the same interests as me. someone take me away.
current mood: restless/worried
current music: The New Amsterdams- when we two parted
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1:50 am
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this is my first entry. it wont be a very long one thats for sure. i had to work tonight and i really dont like my job, i know everyone says that, but i just started and im really horrible at it. im sure they will fire me soon ! stupid jobs. i have to work tomorrow also, not looking forward to that, and im really not looking forward to going to school on monday. i really just wanna crawl into a dark hole and not come out for a long period of time, everything as been going really shitty lately, and nothing seems to be looking up right now. like last week i got a speeding ticket!!! and i wasnt even going over the speed limit that much, it was a younger cop and i guess he thought he was doing his duty by stopping a teenage girl from speeding over the limit by 5 km.. yes your doing an amazing job officer.. your getting me in shit with my parents for being out late, and now making me pay this fucking 50$ ticket with the money i make at a fucking chain corporation that sucks ass. now i have to drive to whibty and pay this ticket. im kinda ticked off because cops are always pulling me over for stupid reasons. if i was going fast.. maybe i would deserve it. but i wasnt !. anyways enough whining from me, im really getting excited that this is my last year of highschool, and i just cant wait to get out of this town and go travelling for a bit. i really wanna start taking photographs, and maybe someday becoming a photographer, i would dig that kinda job, i would dig it if i got to take promo-shots for bands that would be sweet. well im off to bed. *This is the bed that I have made this is the grave where I will lay these are the hands where I will bury my face*
current mood: depressed
current music: Boys Night Out
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