Date:	2004-02-08 01:20
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	sad
Music:	Radio Volta, Philadelphia Indy Media

im not in a good mood now. im not sure what set me off. i don't know. life's problems suddenly seem a lot worse to me.

im so confused about what to do with my love life. i know that if i start dating im not going to be in love and it's going to be meaningless. but isn't that better than being lonely? or is lonely not so bad after all. i still have feelings about amy. im not sure what to do now...

im going to bed... maybe life will make more sense in the morning.

Date:	2004-02-07 20:15
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	awake
Music:	Bleed American- Jimmy Eat World

I just took a nap and now I feel plenty awake. Tomorrow there's going to be a KFC Cruelty demo @ the KFC across from the Willow Grove Mall from 12 noon to 1 PM. Everyone is welcome to come as long as no one gets in any fights! I'm going to be so pissed if Nick and Amy go at during the demo... Everyone bring as many people as you want signs and leaflets will be provided. I'm going to get something to eat now... im hungry...

Date:	2004-02-07 14:39
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	energetic
Music:	Bent- Matchbox20

Not much has been happening with me, but don't take that the wrong way. I'm actually feeling pretty good. I just haven't been outside in like 2 days..lol. It feels like summertime. I'll probably do something tomorrow. I do need to get out. I have a headache from staring continuously at my computer screen for the past four hours.

Date:	2004-02-06 09:14
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	okay
Music:	Creep- Radiohead

Today I woke up late and didn't go to school. I'm okay with the situation with Amy. I'll admit that it hurts alot, but I feel alot better now. I did some stupid shit last night and now I'm embassered. I was acting like a loser... I'm going to try and stay busy. Call up some friends, get more active, read more, focus on school work. I'm going to go read now. I'll talk to you guys later.

Date:	2004-02-06 00:39
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	drained
Music:	Bulimic- The Used

Amy and I broke up today. I never thought that we would've ended so quickly. Things got really messy. She had a crush on this nine-teen year guy who works at the target photo lab. AAH! I'm going to make this short. She cheated on me yesterday with target guy! He picked her up in his car and took her back to his house where they "kissed a little". I cut school today to see her and she cried in my arms. I saw her later today. I walked out of target on her and we broke up. Were going to be friends. I love her still. I don't want to lose someone so important to me. I have to swallow my pride and try to work things out. I still have to move on in some sense of the word. She has moved on and although she says that she won't feel the same with him and she doesn't know why she's doing this, she has. I'm not going to be a loser and cry and mourn over her. I don't know what the future will hold for Amy and I, but I do know that we'll be close in some way or antoher. There's this girl that I do like at school and I'm going to ask her out. I need to get Amy off my mind. I did something dum tonight. I took five of my zolofts and im thinking about taking another five. I have NEVER abused drugs in my life, but I need to pass out. I need to stop thinking. Thinking only makes it worse.

Date:	2004-02-04 16:52
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	mellow
Music:	Wating for the Moon to Rise- Belle and Sebastian

It's been a few day's since I last updated. So I have to catch you guys up on some things... but I'll do that later.

I talked to Amy today during lunch and after school... We sorta worked things out. I want to stay with her badly. I love her we've been through a lot together, but this situation is weird. I didn't get sad after talking to Amy last night. Don't take that the wrong way. I don't know. She hasn't been herself lately and I've been trying hard to make things work out. I'm going to give her, her own space now and we'll see how things go from there.

School has been going good. I've had plenty of homework, but it's all easy. So it's not so bad.

Date:	2004-02-02 20:42
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	loved

i had a shitty afternoon. i was so stupid. i thought that no one cared about me. i txted amy and told her that i needed to talk to her and then she showed up at my door... she truly made me happy. i wish that i could've showed her there how she made me feel, but i got locked out of my house and she could only stay there for a minute. i cant wait till i see her in school tomorrow

Date:	2004-02-02 16:21
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	depressed

i feel like shit... I don't know what's happening to me. I haven't felt this bad for such a long time. I've had my shitty days. Lately it seems like I've been having so many of them. I honestly can't say that anything makes sense to me.... I feel bad about everything, yet at the same time I'm angry at everything. I feel like I've tried my best at everything I do, but in the end nothing works out. I feel this way about so many things... I don't know what's wrong with me... I'm so sad now. I just want to give up. Sorry everyone...

Date:	2004-02-01 08:54
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	rejuvenated

Ever since I moved I haven't had a good night's sleep. I'm normally up until one or two in the morning. Last night I slept good... I think it's because I talked to Amy and got a lot of stuff off my chest.

Amy,

I love you.

~Max

Date:	2004-01-31 22:03
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	hyper

Slept late today...

I hung out with Amy and had incredible sex... She rode me the first time which was fun, but the doggy style sex we had a few hours later was incredible.

Date:	2004-01-31 02:33
Subject:	First Day at Abington Junior High.
Security:	Public
Mood:	content

Overall today was a good day. It had it's ups and it's downs, but it was definetly a good day.

In the morning I took the bus to school. It was nice because I sorta new some of the people on the bus already and Lacy (Arin's friend) wasn't going to let me feel awkward. She was so sweet. She talked to me the whole bus ride and once we got to school she waited with me for Amy to come. She even introduced me to everyone that she talked to. I walked Amy to her first period class ,which is something I want to do everyday if she doesn't mind. After that I went to the Guidance office for about an two hours. I slept. Listened to music. Read. It was really boring. Eventually I had to go on a tour of the school. Then I had back downstairs and waited for another hour. James ( a boy that Amy hates ) came down and started to bond with me. It was weird because he was nice and I had no reason to treat him badly. So I just sat and talked with him for an hour. But I'm waring him. If he hurts Amy in anyway whether it be physically or verbally I'll treat him the way Fiero treats his elephant. Later on I got my picture taken and all that good stuff. I had lunch with Amy today and said hi to Adam. I think I scared him...lol. Then it was off to Spanish class. I got hit on twice in that class ( I'm nice to them and I either tell them that I have a girl-friend or I shoot down their every move like I'm gay or stupid. My last period class was Biology. I saw Kelly there (some girl Lacy introduced me too in the morning) She's ubber sweet and cool. She also introduced me to some of her friends. It was awesome because I felt comfortbale because she obviously just wanted to be friends...lol (Lacy introduced me as "Amy Simpson's boyfriend*I like that title... lol* There was a fire drill and I talked to some of the other kids in biology class. Guidance wanted me to go to my locker about ten minutes before school ended so I had I would have time to figuire out where my bus is. While waiting for the bus Amy came out and talked to me. I was so happy to see her then it made me feel content... Once I got off the bus I walked home with Lacy, Bridget, and James. Once I got home I called Amy and we figuired out a time to meet up at the KFC to do some stickering. I didn't want my mom to see me leave with all of my stickers so I left before she got home. I ended up waiting outside KFC in the freezing cold for over half an hour. I felt like shit for most of the night after that. Eventually Amy showed up with Arin and somehow we all ended up inside the KFC with Arin eating a Chili-Dog. When suddenly Nick shows up. Amy's additude has changed greatly towards him. Last time that she mentioned him to me she was telling me how much she can't stand him and some other crap. Now she was ranting on about how every little thing he does is adorable... Change of heart? I don't think it would've been farfetched to say that if Amy and I weren't together that she might be with him again. I really don't know, but I could see in her eyes that she like him... just a wee bit. It didn't bother me much for some reason. I'm not sure why, I know that she loves me. One thing that Amy said tonight did make me want to run home go to bed and pull the covers over my head to hide the tears. She said I so would suck him off. To some guy who had to be at least sixteen and he was a total jerk towards me. He made fun of me and if I wish I wasn't in a such a crappy mode. I probably would've fought back... it's probably better that I didn't. I rarely ever take cheap shots at people although there were plenty of opurtunities whre one could've. Apparently him being a dick towards me didn't bother Amy because she said that she would suck him off after he said this. I KNOW that she wasn't serious, but it still made me feel horibble. After what we've been through how could she say that! Especially with me sitting there next to her! I was debating when to leave when Amy invited me over her house. I just had to be alone with her and question her on the events of that night. I needed to know if she would hurt me. Again. Every five minutes I asked Amy if her mom was coming soon. I wanted out of there FAST. Not to mention that I SUDDENLY came down with a cold and was sneezing every few minutes. Once we were back at her house I started to feel more comfortable, but I still had thoose words playing over and over again in my mind *you know what they are and i don't have to type them again* I started wondering how she would feel if I told a girl that I would eat her out WHILE AMY IS SITTING NEXT TO ME. Amy and I lied down in the center of her living and watched "Gigli" while her mom was on the couch and Arin was on the chair. It was nice because it gave me the oppurtunity to talk to her. I told her exactly how felt. I let my emotions overflow onto her... I won't get into details of what was said and the responses. But now I'm glad that I did. Now, more than ever I have given her my heart. Please, don't break it.... I will always care for you and be there for you, Amy. Whole-hearted is my love for you and immortal it may be.

Date:	2004-01-29 18:25
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	enraged
Music:	Open Your Eyes-Goldfinger-Open Your Eyes

I finally got the propaganda that I needed to continue my animal activism. I got some bad-ass matierials that I've never even saw before. I'm definetly going to be doing demos soon. I watched the new version of free me and meet your meat today. I get sad and angry every time I see it. Seeing it keeps me motivated.


I got registered for school today. Tomorrow I'll be starting.

Date:	2004-01-28 20:00
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	amused
Music:	Third Season-A.F.I.-Shut Your Mouth And Open Your Eyes

Hung out with amy today..good times. we went to the movies and the mall. She's so anti-comformity and dresses uniquely. I love it when people stare at us. 8-) I feel cool when I'm with her.

Date:	2004-01-28 08:52
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	hyper
Music:	Bouncing Off The Walls Again-Sugarcult

OKAY SO I'M UBBER HYPER AND UBBER BORED!...(using Amy's word)

I talked to Ivy online, she was in school hehehe, and she told me that Cristo kissed her! Big news! He sounds like he has lots of promise. (Happy for Ivy)

I called Amy! I woke her up! She's so cute when she's tiered. I love her so much! GRR!!! I just want to get out of the house and do something with her..lol

Date:	2004-01-28 05:31
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	giddy
Music:	We've Had Enough-Alkaline Trio-Good Mourning (Advance)

NO SCHOOL! NO SCHOOL! SCHOOL IS CLOSED! COME FROLIC WITH ME IN THIS BEAUTIFUL WINTER WONDERLAND!

Date:	2004-01-27 15:37
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	groggy
Music:	Everything Needs A Lady- Alkaline Trio

I haven't posted much lately. I moved and I just got my phone line hooked up. Tomorrow I have an appointment at Abington Junior High School... I have to make up my roster. I'm going to try really hard to get eighth period lunch. I hope it snows tomorrow I want to go to the movies with Amy. I've see her every day for the past week. I love her so much. She's the greatest. I'm so happy now that I live close to her.

I'm still waiting for my PeTA tabling stuff to come in the mail. I'm feel like I'm suffocating.... I really have to get out there and table or demo.

Date:	2004-01-12 17:22
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	determined

I have a lot of shit on my mind... The move, school, etc. Most of all Amy. I miss her so fucking much. I know that I'll see her soon. I wish that I could've visted her at friends. If you read this Amy, I just want you to know that I tried and your mom wouldn't let me. I wasn't blowing you off. I love you. I'm gonna try and calll her again.

Date:	2004-01-04 13:57
Subject:	Missing Amy
Security:	Public
Mood:	crappy
Music:	The CD Amy made me

I can't bear it anylonger... I won't lie to myself anymore...I wish I was stronger and could control my emotions better. I'm a fucking mess without Amy. I realized that I emotionally depend on her... I had a breakdown last night. I couldn't sleep. I wasn't even tired. The only two things I was capable of were crying and writing. I miss holding her in my arms. I need for her to come home soon.

Date:	2004-01-03 11:20
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	lonely
Music:	The CD Amy made me...

I'm downtown in Philly at the moment. ALONE... I came down on the train with my mom, she had to some business to take care of, she gave me some money to shop. I'm going to met her back at the train station around 4 P.M. I'm at the Rittenhouse sq. Library now. Blah... but none of that really matters to me now.

Amy has been on my mind all the time. As I walk. Lying in my bed. Sleeping. Eating. I miss her so much. I wish that I could be cool and say that I'm NOT going crazy now that she's gone...BUT I really am going crazy. It's eating my heart away. Up until 9:46 P.M. last night I WAS okay with her being away. When suddenly I guess it set in. Now I"m in pieces...part of me wants to tell her that it's I'm okay with her being away. The larger part of me wants to run to her arms, wherever she may be..

Amy,
I miss you with all of the pieces of my broken heart

Date:	2003-12-29 16:13
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	artistic
Music:	Rolling Stones~"She's Like A Rainbow"

Things with Amy aren't fucked up anymore. I called her after we both vented online. Things cleared up fine. I'm not going to say much more of it, but you can check Amy's Journal and read my responses. If you do take the time to you either really care about me or you have no life.

Chances are 1 to 1,000,000,000,000 that you actually care about me.