| Rules for better life |
[09 Sep 2004|11:21pm] |
Do not give opinion or advice unless you are asked.
Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.
When in another's lair, show him respect or else do not go there.
If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.
Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.
Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.
Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.
Do not harm little children.
Do not kill non-human animals unless attacked or for your food.
When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.
These rules seem pretty easy to follow, and yet they conflict with the general societies moors? Why is that? My guess is that most people are what Anton Levay called "psychic vampires," which, duh, aren't REAL vampires. People who are emotionally needy or manipulate others to get their own way by making them feeling guilty are psychic vampires. Spending time with a particular person can leave you feeling drained physically and emotionally, hence the name. A psychic vampire will take and take and turna round anything you say or do to make them seem like the victim of a horrible crime.
On some level, everyone does it. A woman who asks "do these pants make me look fat?" is engaging in an unconscious form of psychic drain: after all, nothing can be said that will make the situation workable. You can't say "Yes" because then you're a fat manpig who obviously doesn't love the woman asking you and you should die and rot, and, if you say "No" chances are the person in question will respond with "You're just saying that!" Suddenly, their insecurity has become your problem. This sort of shit is what takes a major drain on every persons life.
A psychic vampire could be someone at work, or a member of your family, and people in caring jobs are often exposed to psychic vampires. Anyone who is damaging to you is a psychic vampire. People who try to exploit you or betray you are psychic vampires. A man who tells his girlfriend who she can and can't see is a psychic vampire. A woman who tells her boyfriend who he can and can't see is a psychic vampire.
In many relationships, there is a Giver and a Taker. For example, I can say with no guilt whatsoever that in Erika and I's relationship, I am the Taker. I enjoy being given things, on some level, but I know when to refuse a gift, and I know when I've crossed the line in asking for something. Erika has a lot to Give, and I know that it makes her happy to share, whether or not she'd admit it, with someone she can see appreciates it, someone she loves. When does a Taker become a Psychic Vampire? Simply enough, when (Take>Give). Is it possible for a Giver to become a Psychic Vampire? Yes, it is. When the act of giving becomes an act of control (IE, when a lover uses sex as a tool of control by denying their partner as a way of getting what they want), the Giver is now a Psychic Vampire.
Understand, psychic vampires are typically not mean, cruel people. Oftentimes, they are totally unaware of their impact on others. Initially, they are quite charming and attractive. Many are very intelligent. They draw others in with their positive traits. Like the vampires of lore, psychic vampires avoid looking at their own reflections, metaphorically speaking. This avoidance is the avoidance of self-realization. A psychic vampire who sees the black hole they've become is forced to make a difficult choice: Change (which means alot of admitting they were wrong, a difficult task for most people, much less the Vampire), or go on in the same manner, attempting to ignore what they can't: They are a fucking cunt/bastard, and everything they touch eventually turns to dust.
The hard part in dealing with these type people is that, initially, they do implant themselves into your lives as friends. Then, through a slow process, the friendship is replaced by a constant drain on you. Being that we know that some people take longer than others to get through their issues we continue to try to help. One offers a shoulder to cry one, advice, friendship and kindness. The vampire responds to the first sign of imagined abandonment or denial as an attack. To sooth them, we assure them nothing is wrong, that we love them, that they are good people. We do things for them: a movie here, a meal there, other friendly things. The cycle repeats.
Another writer had this to say on his personal experiences:
"My own experience with one in particular was it was always the same issues always dealing with the same person that she was trying to force to come into her life. Then there were the late night calls after a drinking binge with the verbal abuse, etc... What finally clued me in after many exhausting months was the statement from her "all your hard work is paying off". I wasn't the one that needed to be working on this I was giving the guidance she was the one that should have been working on it. What it came down to was her refusal to take responsibility for her actions. Maybe after enough people will withdraw from her life she will take the action needed. She has been given the information and she refuses to listen or make the changes. Do not let their issues become your issues. Refuse to accept or absorb their issues as your own. This is especially true if the person is considered a close personal friend as I considered this woman. I did finally stop taking her calls and it is amazing how much lighter things become. I am sure she is bashing me all over the place because of this but I know that the universe will balance things out."
While I disagree with his Karmaic outlook, the point is still made: YOU WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE VAMP. When the time comes for severance, there is no need to be bitter or angry. You may feel cheated, or used, and, to be blunt, that's not far from the truth, but some grain of condolance should come from the fact that, in your refusal to stand for their actions, it's entirely possible the vampire will see the drain they have on others and make an effort to correct what they can. A Vampire can easily become a Taker in a relationship, and lead a healthy life, but dont' try to make them. Chances are, they'll take it as an attack, storm around complaing to all your shared friends about what a bastard/cunt YOU are, and generally avoid any real form of confrontation in lieu of petty, energy-draining complaining. There are always more victims, after all, and the vamp knows this on some level, and will seek them out in your absense.
Anyway, that's how I feel. If it works for you, hey, stick with 'em.
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restless
nauseated