| 9:29p |
I WAS ASSERTIVE TODAY!!!
So anybody that's known me for any amount of time knows that I have massive problems with two things.
1) Being assertive
2) Not taking everybody at their word.
I think they are related. I really think that I've had such a wonderful life that I've never been given a real reason to not trust. Along with that, I've had a lot of people in my life who have helped me look out for my own good. So I've never really had much use for being assertive.
Well...these are not traits that serve me well in my job. They were not traits that served me well at the Children's Farm Home either, but I really had so little responsibility there, I was "just an on-call" and didn't have a real relationship with any of the clients.
That changes at this job. I have to confront, I have to call people out on their stuff, and I have to learn to not believe people for what they are saying. That last part is the part that kills me. It's really, really hard. There's all this evidence compiling that one of my clients, we will call her Lynn, is using again. So I called her today to confront her about it. She started crying, denied everything, and it was SOOOO my temptation to go "Ok, I believe you." I wanted to believe her. I mean, I don't. But what if I wrongfully don't believe her? What if the two reports I've gotten in the last two days that sound very suspicious are just coincidentally two different people misinterpreting her actions? I have to remind myself that this client is known to lie. The people who reported these things have no reason to lie to me. I still really want to believe Lynn, I want to believe she's doing well so we can return her kids back to her. But I have to act in the best interest of the children, and that means that I have to casenote this and be suspicious of her.
I feel good about that, in a weird way. I don't feel good about the fact that she was sobbing on the phone, I don't feel good about thinking that she's using, but I feel good about myself for standing up and confronting her. I don't exactly kick butt at my job yet. That's going to take awhile. But I think this is progress...I think!!
In other news, I found out this weekend I didn't get into grad school. I was preparing to defer for a year if I did get in, so it's not exactly heartbreaking news. I KNOW I will have it next year!! |