| 9:59p |
thoughts from the confirmation retreat
I helped with the confirmation retreat this weekend, since Jenn is in charge of confirmation and needed another chaperone on the retreat. It was an interesting experience, especially since it's been a few years since I decided that I did not want youth ministry to be my career path.
The retreat started with me putting myself out there a LOT. I had met these kids once, and my two duties on Friday night were as follows:
1) All chaperones (except the two who were "judges") had to perform something in an American-Idol-esque contest...so I got up there and sang a song in front of a bunch of high schoolers! "Paula" said she could see my real colors and I shined like a star and had a strong presence. She gave me an 8/10. "Simon" (a.k.a. Father John) said I was pitchy and all over the place and gave me 3/10. (However, I scored higher in "Simon's" eyes than anyone else did...lol.)
2) The first activity was "the movie of my life" activity where we had to draw 5 "slides" that reflected our past, one of our present, and 6 of our future. The kids didn't know me as well as the rest of the chaperones, who had been teaching them confirmation classes since October. I prayed long and hard about how much to share and I really came to feel that if I wanted their respect, and I wanted to encourage them to really open up on this retreat, I was going to have to pave the way. My life really has been mostly sunshine and smiles, so I knew I had to include my one big struggle. I did it. I did it without crying, I did it without my voice cracking, and I did it in a way that I could show that God had been with me the whole time, and that he helped me grow from the experience and that's what set me on the path I'm on right now (becoming a counselor.) My openness paid off...in my small group, when all my girlies were talking about their pasts, most of them opened up about pretty huge and personal things. Two actually broke down and cried.
I didn't bond with the high schoolers as much as I wish I would have. I realized that there is a really big block for me in that I'm still afraid a bit of not being liked. I want to shake that so badly, and I realize there is only One who can help me shake it off. It's going to take work, it's going to take prayer, it's not going to be easy. At the Farm Home, I got so into the role of not caring if they liked me or not, that I don't even try anymore. It was a really weird adjustment, going from working with kids who have a GAF of 50 or less to normally-functioning teens. Very positive, but confusing all the same.
Another interesting point for me on the retreat came when one of the chaperones, who is about my age, and from the way she talked and acted, is VERY Catholic and into...well... most of the Catholic values. She was telling me about how this guy she knows who used to be a Dominican brother, doesn't believe in using contraception even after marriage. This isn't the first time somebody has said to me recently that they know a really old-fashioned Catholic who doesn't believe in artificial birth control. I'm not really sure how to respond to that. I never feel like it's the appropriate time or place to go into a whole lecture on why the church is against it, but I also feel guilty for not identifying myself as one of those who doesn't believe she will ever use the pill, or condoms, or anything of that nature. Maybe an appropriate response would be "Actually, you know, I can see where the church is coming from, and I intend to use NFP someday. I'd be happy to explain myself to you at some point if you're interested." I don't know! It's not that I judge people who don't see things the same way I do. It's just that...it's hard when someone assumes you're coming from a certain point of view, when your point of view is actually so much more conservative, and you hesitate to correct them at the risk of sounding judgemental.
Ok guys, prayers needed, from all you praying people. This Thursday, I have a review hearing for one of my cases and it will be my first time in court. I want to be fair to this girl. And her mom. I want them both to get the services they deserve. Please pray for the Holy Spirit to be with me. I have a really difficult time with some of the attorneys involved. I feel like they make very immoral decisions sometimes, and I wonder how they can care so little for the welfare of children.
That's all for tonight. Love to all! |