| 10:12p |
discontent?
I am a 23 year old woman with a career. Not a job, a career. I get paid well. I have great benefits. I have a beautiful apartment and a wonderful roommate. I have a brand-new shiny car that I call my own. I have a great church community, and an intimate knowledge of and friendship with a loving and forgiving creator. My brother lives within walking distance from me and takes time from his busy schedule (17 credits which include things like 400-level thermodynamics) to spend time with me, even though he has a girlfriend. I have many wonderful friends who are always there for me. I want for nothing.
So what is wrong with me? Why do I feel mopey when I go home at night? Tonight and last night, all I wanted was to go back to mom and dad's place, and watch House with them and play with the dog and cats. What is with this? I'm back in this wonderful city that I love DEARLY and consider home. But I've been back less than 2 weeks and I'm already ridiculouly homesick for my mom and dad's house.
When is this going to end? I'm not a college kid anymore. I'm a grown woman. I'm too old to be so attached to my childhood home. It's not that I'm not able to be self-sufficient, because I could live on half of this income. It's that it scares me. I don't know why. Nobody that I know of acts like this. Nobody that I know is still going through this homesick thing (while, by the way, living an hour's drive from mom and dad's) this late in the game.
I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Truth be told, I like the responsibility of cooking for myself, cleaning for myself, and generally being responsible for myself without having to worry if my parents are worried because I'm not home when I said I'd be. Or if I sleep in an extra 15 minutes.
So why do I have this incredible yearning to go HOME, and why do I have this terrible fear that HOME, in this life, will never be anything but mom and dad's house? It doesn't make any sense. |