| 10:57a |
ranty rant
I don't feel in control of my life...I mean which ultimately, we want God to be in control but I don't feel like He is either.
Well, I mean, it's my fault...I do not feel like I've been faithful to my prayer life lately and I just don't know how to get back to it. Because of work, I can't really do daily mass, which I know from some of you is going to be a very prevalent suggestion, and one I wish I could do. AUGH. Another problem: I've been having so much trouble focusing during mass. I'm "there" for the consecration and for communion, but the rest of it is in and out at best. I don't even know what I'm so distracted by.
And I'm getting fat. Not that I am fat, but I'm gaining weight and I HATE feeling out of control that way. And the funniest things "get" to me because of it. Like last night, I was at mass in Corvallis, and Audrey, who's been a missionary in Argentina for a year, came back and was saying that her mom was like "Audrey you're so skinny!" (P.S. Audrey has always been slender.) She was like "No wonder I lost weight in Argentina, there is so much food here!!" For some reason that was really anxiety-producing for me, and I started to feel those old feelings of being envious about something that really DOES NOT MATTER.
Well, the good news is that Kelsey and I found a place in Corvallis. And I will join a gym. And do my own cooking. So hopefully I won't be stuck in this body for much longer. I move in 13 days...EEEK! That is stressing me out too. As much as I want it, it's "safe" living with mom and dad...which is precisely why it's good for me to do this. I'm 23 for goodness' sake.
Pray for me please! |