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~Meggy~'s Journal
Let's pretend that you are being forced to go re-live one day of your life.
You cannot change anything.
This is just an opportunity to experience the wonder all over again.
Describe the day of your life you would choose to re-live.
I feel really sad right now. I just cried my eyes out.
You know what's wonderful?
That's ok. I don't feel guilty for feeling sad.
My goodness. This is wonderful freedom. I feel alive and underneath it all, that feels wonderful. This must be joy.
Sarah is officially my favorite co-worker:
https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=1
In other news, work was cr-razy today. I probably can't go into too many details, but this woman misunderstood what the judge said, is certain she gets to have her kids back by the end of this week, and told me I'm discriminating against her based on her disability (severe bi-polar), and that she's going to call a press conference about how DHS is discriminating against her.
She is going to be a very difficult woman to work with.
In better news, this weekend was great, my sweet sweet cousin Claire hit it off with GCB's brother, who is in town on vacation from the military. He's REALLY quiet but he really hit it off with her and is now myspace and facebook messaging her all over the place!! Go Claire!
The Beavers will not be the champions of the College World Series this year.
They were not selected for the playoffs, for the first time in 3 years.
Sad day, but I still have a lot of love for our guys and for Pat Casey!
Go Beavs!
I went camping this past weekend with my "dixon friends" and I'm still on a bit of a high from the experience. The weather was very sunny, and very hot (which I love) and it was at my favorite campground (which see).
( you might want to get an oxygen tank...because this is breathtaking )
Nothing too noteworthy happened, except when a few of us were sitting around the fire (by a few, I mean like 8...which was half of the total that went!) G, ever the fan of deep conversations, wanted us to all talk about what we were thankful for over the weekend. I was able to talk a little bit about how without even understanding what I would mean by saying this, this group of friends has been the face of Christ for me in many ways.
And then mass...Mass this weekend had the "theme" of the Holy Spirit, and Father Lucas in his homily put an emphasis on how we are supposed to be relational creatures. The Gospel reading included John 3:16, and the Old Testament reading even talked about a God of love. It made me realize how badly I wish I could share this part of my life more fully with these guys. It makes me so frustrated that society sees my church as some power-hungry institution that sexually represses people. I know there are a lot of you who read this who are going to think "yeah...and??" but really...man...teachings about sex are NOT the central teachings of the Church! I really feel that if the central teachings of the church (God's love, redemption, forgiveness) were more widely understood, then so many of the "rules" would make more sense. I can see how if you're not familiar with the "whys" how the rules would seem so ridiculous. but that's not the best place to start.
I don't feel like I'm making sense right now. Lol. Maybe I'll try this again another time.
Anyway, this weekend was amazing, the beauty of Oregon definitely makes me feel very close to the One who created it.
Now don't you want to move here?
So today during lunch break, I gave blood. I have a pretty good track record with giving blood. I'm always a little extra tired for a day or two afterward, but I don't ever pass out or get nauseated.
I rushed out of the donation site today to get back to work on time, without sitting at the cantine, and I was fine...I drank probably 24 oz of water throughout the first part of the afternoon.
Then I was doing a home visit to a foster parents' house. She was talking to me about the kid on my caseload, when my vision rapidly started going darker, and suddenly I couldn't see. (the fact that it was 85 degrees out probably didn't help.) I was gripping onto a chair for dear life, and interrupted her saying "Hey, I'm feeling a little lightheaded, may I have a glass of water?" She was like "Oh my goodness, you look pale! Sit down!" and she brought me a glass of water. Her husband walked in the room and said "Whoa! You don't look too good!"
So I stayed there chatting with this foster mother for a good 15 minutes. REALLY embarrassing moment narrowly avoided. Can you imagine if I'd gone down??? LOL they wouldn't have known what to do with me! Can you imagine them calling DHS..."So...we've got this unconscious caseworker on our living room floor..."
I'm totally fine now...my body just wanted a break I guess!
I love you!
I always will.
Mom and Dad's house will always be home in some sense. It will always be a refuge for me, it will always be a safe place, it will always be something of an escape.
But all of the sudden, it's not exclusively my home anymore.
I've come to realize that I've lived the vast, vast majority of my adult life in Corvallis. I know Corvallis way better than Woodburn or Salem or Silverton. I feel more in tune with it than Mt. Angel. (Mt. Angel is so impossibly tiny that if you go there more than twice, you know it well.)
I've caught myself more than once lately referring to Corvallis as "home."
I'm a visitor here at my parents'. Not in a bad way. I'm a visitor that is literally welcome to waltz in any time of the day or night. If I came upon hard times, I could even live here.
But I'm developing my own identity as an adult!! I'm sure I'll revert to here as my home a little bit once I move out of Corvallis (which will eventually happen; it might not be goodbye forever, but within the next year I will probably say "see you later").
I'm doing it! I'm living on my own, I'm supporting myself 100%!
I feel really strong and stable right now.
Living with Jenn, Melissa, Em, etc was always fun, but something about it...I don't know...I was never completely mentally healthy. I'm certainly not blaming it on them. But something about life right now...I feel like I have permission to be ok. I don't know how else to describe it.
I have felt so alive now for months. It's not like I have a bad life, it's not like I've ever been depressed. And I'm certainly not saying that in these past few months, I haven't had my moments. But overall...I'm a really well-adjusted person. I'm a very, very positive person. And God gave this all to me for a reason.
Please pray that he helps me to share it with others in a way that glorifies him.
Please know that I am here for you right now...I'm so here for you...if you need a pillar to lean on, God has given me the grace to be that right now. This strength wouldn't and couldn't just be for me to have to myself.
Let me know how I can best be a friend to you.
I also have a feeling that God has some pretty exciting things in store for me within the next 2 years. I have a feeling about what kinds of things those are. But that's between God and myself, at least for now.
JOY!
So anybody that's known me for any amount of time knows that I have massive problems with two things.
1) Being assertive
2) Not taking everybody at their word.
I think they are related. I really think that I've had such a wonderful life that I've never been given a real reason to not trust. Along with that, I've had a lot of people in my life who have helped me look out for my own good. So I've never really had much use for being assertive.
Well...these are not traits that serve me well in my job. They were not traits that served me well at the Children's Farm Home either, but I really had so little responsibility there, I was "just an on-call" and didn't have a real relationship with any of the clients.
That changes at this job. I have to confront, I have to call people out on their stuff, and I have to learn to not believe people for what they are saying. That last part is the part that kills me. It's really, really hard. There's all this evidence compiling that one of my clients, we will call her Lynn, is using again. So I called her today to confront her about it. She started crying, denied everything, and it was SOOOO my temptation to go "Ok, I believe you." I wanted to believe her. I mean, I don't. But what if I wrongfully don't believe her? What if the two reports I've gotten in the last two days that sound very suspicious are just coincidentally two different people misinterpreting her actions? I have to remind myself that this client is known to lie. The people who reported these things have no reason to lie to me. I still really want to believe Lynn, I want to believe she's doing well so we can return her kids back to her. But I have to act in the best interest of the children, and that means that I have to casenote this and be suspicious of her.
I feel good about that, in a weird way. I don't feel good about the fact that she was sobbing on the phone, I don't feel good about thinking that she's using, but I feel good about myself for standing up and confronting her. I don't exactly kick butt at my job yet. That's going to take awhile. But I think this is progress...I think!!
In other news, I found out this weekend I didn't get into grad school. I was preparing to defer for a year if I did get in, so it's not exactly heartbreaking news. I KNOW I will have it next year!!