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Blurty for ~*~Love Me For Me~*~.
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| Saturday, July 29th, 2006 |
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Ugh, thank goodness Friday is over. Last night we went to the in-laws because they are moving and my hubbys sister and her family came down. So of course we HAD to go ... much to my irritation. But we get there, everyone is just laying on the floor because there's no furnature left in the house. First they phone us yesterday at 4pm ... just when I got home, to tell us to leave our dogs at home (well of course we'll leave the dogs at home because a) you hate our dogs and b) there's 2 new puppies at the house. Then, we HAVE to go because my hubby has to help with the pot plants just because they are too fucking lazy to do it themselves. They fucking irritate me, they only know us when they need something. What bugged me even more was the other day it was my father-in-law's birthday so of course my mom and dad give him a call to wish him, my dad spoke to him first. My father-in-law didn't even know who he was speaking to ... didn't even remember my dad's name, kept asking him who he was and where he was phoning from!! I mean for fuck sakes, I've been with my husband for 5 years and married for 1 !!! How could he not know who was speaking???? Perhaps he was pissed like he always is. Fucking asshole. It actually hurt me because he's quick to remember my dad when he needs a car ... or when he needs my hubby to help him (my hubby works for my parents) so he has to take time off work to do shit for his parents. Which is bullshit!! I'm so glad they are moving to the coast. Now we don't have to see them every fucking weekend. The only time we'll have to see them is if we go down there (which I don't see happening very often) or if they have to come down here (which will mean we'll get kicked out of our room and have to sleep in the spare room because they like to have the best of everything ... even if it means kicking someone out of their own fucking bedroom!) They boast they have all this money ... they paid for NOTHING for the wedding ... my parents paid for everything ... and then they are too cheap to fucking stay in a bed and breakfast or hotel when they come here ... fuckers!! I'll just shut up now because I could go on for hours .... and then I'll just irritate myself even more! Have a great weekend!! |
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| Monday, July 24th, 2006 |
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Ok, this is possibly THE funniest thing I've read in a REALLY REALLY long time. Have a great week!! ( Nelex....Hilarious! ) |
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| Thursday, July 20th, 2006 |
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I've been thinking a lot today ... and all of it has been about the past. Which sometimes can be a good thing because it reminds you of where you have been and where you are now. It reminds you of all the good things ... and unfortunately all the bad things that you did or happened way back when that you always try and forget but they just don't go away. But the more I think about my past the more I think "would you change it if you could??" And to be quite honest, I'm not sure. All that stuff I went through has made me the person that I am today. I'm stronger today than I was straight out of high school. Even those things in the past that I keep trying to forget, those ones that have left burning marks in the back of my mind that never go away. I don't think I would change them. Or maybe I would ... at least one of them anyway, because no one needs to go through that, and I'm sorry but it's just something that should NEVER be done. Ever. And if someone was caught doing it ... or if they were "outed" they should be hung ... Harsh I know. But I don't see any punishment that would suffice for what they had done. There is a couple of things I'd add into my past - I never got to say goodbye to my grandmother or my grandfather before they passed away. My grandmother passed away last year end of August ... 2 weeks after my wedding. I'm just glad she got to see me get married. I never got to say goodbye or thank you to her, she passed away a couple of days after I got back from honeymoon. I still remember that day so clearly in my mind. I was sitting at work, I get a call from my mom in tears telling me that the doctors can't do anything to help my gran and that I need to go to the hospital to be with her. My husband came to pick me up because there was no way I could drive. Halfway to the hospital I get a call from my brother .... his exact words where "You still need to come to the hospital" I was a little confused so I asked him what he meant his response "Ouma is gone, you need to come to the hospital". (For those non South Africans Ouma is an Afrikaans word which means Gran) I broke down ... I tried my best to pull myself together to be there for my mom and dad ... but I just couldn't. I don't deal well with death. I never have. I wish we had made it to the hospital in time to say goodbye. I talk to her every now and then ... she never answers me back, but I know she's listening. That brings me to my grandfather. He passed away at the end of last month. I had the opportunity to go see him in hospital ... but I just couldn't bring myself to go. I don't want the last memory of him to be with tubes sticking out all over the place, half coherent not actually knowing who's there and who's not. I would have lived with that memory forever. And that would have been the only memory I would have of him. I never got to say goodbye or thank you to him either. And it kills me a little more each day. Knowing that they are gone and are never coming back. Sometimes I have the urge to ask my mom how he's doing. Then I remember he's no longer here. I'd go back in time to say goodbye and thank you to both of them. To make sure they knew exactly how I felt about them, how much I actually loved them. I don't know if they actually knew because I don't show affection very well. It scares me. Other than those couple of things, I really don't think I would change anything from the past. As hard as it would be, I wouldn't. I wouldn't go back and stop myself from trying drugs for the first time ... it was bound to happen, we were kids - we experimented. That was it. I wouldn't change the people that were in my life. I wouldn't change that I moved away from home, I wouldn't change a second of any day. Because you just never know how it would affect the rest of your life. It could mess you up forever and then you would despise yourself for going back to change it. You would have to live with the fact that you had the power - but lost it because you wanted to change your life, make it better for yourself. But perhaps that would be selfish, changing your past. That would be to your benefit. Not anyone else's. I don't know, maybe I'm just thinking too much. But I just can't get these thoughts out of my mind. It feels like it's telling me something. I don't know what it is. But I need to figure it out before it drives me mad. Before it drives me to do things that I don't want to do, things from my past that no one knows about. Things that could jeopardize everything I've worked for. Things that would rip my families hearts out if they ever found out. I don't want to be responsible for that. But I'm a big girl now, I'm living my own life and it's about time that I took responsibility for everything that I do, say, think and act upon. That's what adults do isn't it? That's what grown up means - or maybe I'm wrong and it's not. Maybe I was wrongly informed when I was growing up. Hell anything could be true ... |
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| Wednesday, July 19th, 2006 |
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Ok either I'm a moron or something really bizarre is going on. Or perhaps I just over looked the fact that there is about a TOTAL of 5 people that have updated their journal since 2003!! (I discovered even worse but 2003 seemed like a popular year for everyone to decide to get a real life and stop fucking around online.) Maybe I just miss-judged blurty and should have gone to LJ or GJ ... they seemed more popular, but I liked the look of Blurty. And I thought last night (or should I say early hours of this morning - err that could be why I actually chose blurty ... it was 1:30am!) that I had chosen the best one for me. But I'm not quite convinced yet. I mean, am I just being a moron and looking at the wrong journals? Or is it that everyone has actually carried on with their own lives and forgotten that the Internet actually exists?? Oh well, I guess I should really get going since it's already 4pm and almost time for me to get in my car and carry on with my life like it actually makes a difference. |
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As if today couldn't have gotten any worse. I should have known that this morning that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach wasn't in fact that time of month. It was on the other hand an early warning sign of "you should have stayed at home today!" But do I listen? Nooo ... I get out of bed, have a quick shower and rush off to work to get stuck in traffic for half an hour ... that should have been sign number 2 for the day. But me being me I just ignored it and carried on driving to work. So problem #1 - I'm late for work. Not good! Problem #2 - I didn't bring lunch. Not good either because now I'm sitting here in my office starving! Problem #3 - My boss is coming back next Monday!! I'm just having a pretty shitty day I guess. That sick feeling in the pit of my stomach is still there ... perhaps it's just letting me know that either I have something to eat or *die* of starvation before it's dinner time. On a different note, I bought my husband a watch for his birthday. Nevermind the fact that I only gave it to him yesterday (his birthday was on the 10 July!!). He was happy none the less. Now he can't cancel our weekend away for our anniversary next month. I'm just evil enough to take the watch away. Ok, maybe not - but I sure as hell will be pissed at him and he'll be in the dog box for a long time. Although the dog box looks quite comfortable! Ok, now I'm just rambling on about rubbish and it's nearly time for me to go have a smoke so I'm going to end this before I say something incriminating! |
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One thing that irritates me about my job is the fact that I get NO recognition from my boss what so ever! The worst thing about my one boss (I have 2 bosses ... aren't I just SO lucky?!) is he leaves the country for a month and comes back ... this is an on-going thing and it irritates me because I don't actually LIKE that boss (And the funny thing is, I'm not the only one that feels like that!). I wish he would just stay away and not bother coming back. He seems to be able to run the business from out of the country better than he does IN the country. He's always pushing my buttons to irritate me. Which lets face it doesn't take much to do these days. Before he left the one thing he said to me was "I'm not happy with your work performance." I was standing there staring at him gob-smacked! I was so shocked that I actually didn't know what to do. I left his office feeling really irritated and let down. I pour my heart and soul into my job! How can he say I have "poor work performance"?? I start my day at 7am in the office, I take 5 minutes during tea to have a smoke and then another 5 minutes DURING my lunch hour to have a smoke. I then go back into my office and CARRY ON WORKING! So I don't take lunch. I then work until 4:30. I've done everything I can possibly think of to please him and nothing has worked. I've learnt new things on my OWN time (and used my own money) at home to better myself for my job. Does that get recognized? Hell no. I sometimes don't even take 5 minutes out of my lunch break to have a smoke and I work for the whole lunch hour and for the rest of the day. Does he notice that?? NO! So I'm really at my wits end. I have no idea what I actually have to do to please him. During my interview for the job he actually made a comment about my weight (let me be honest here, I'm not exactly the "super model" type. But my husband, friends and family love me for who I am and I know how to do my job and not just half assed like everyone else. I do my job well but he thinks if you are over-weight, you can't do a proper job!) I should have known then that I would be unhappy with him in general. To make it very clear, I'm the ONLY over-weight female person there. The rest are these "super model" types that he can stare at all day! He'll be back on Monday. So I'm sure you can imagine my excitement! |
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Blurty for ~*~Love Me For Me~*~.
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annoyed.
amused.
thoughtful.
irritated.
hungry.
pissed off.