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Niki

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WOW [13 Jul 2003|11:13am]
hey everyone
i havent updated this journal for the longest time....i didnt realize it was that long.
i have been really busy and i have been writing alot in my live journal also......if
anyone wants the address it is..... www.livejournal.com/users/flowing_tears
its really interesting. well i g2g for now
i miss you all
love always
niki
~Send me an angel to heal my broken heart ~

well [07 Jul 2003|09:29am]
i havent updated in this journal lately because i just got a livejournal and its kool i have 3 journals now and i dont know what one i like more. lol. well i dont feel like writing much right now so if you wanna know whats been up go to
www.livejournal.com/users/flowing_tears
talk to you all later on
Niki
4 angel s ~Send me an angel to heal my broken heart ~

what the hell!!!! [06 Jul 2003|10:29am]
OKAY SO NOW KEN HAS A GIRLFRIEND AND IT ISNT ME........GGGGGGRRRRRRR.....WHY NOT ME? WHO KNOWS BUT IM PRETTY DAMN PISSED.....OH WELL LOOKS LIKE RYAN'S STILL FREE.....LOL....G2G
1 angel ~Send me an angel to heal my broken heart ~

*Depressed* [05 Jul 2003|02:10pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | absolutely nothing!! ]

omg! i am ssssoooo depressed all of a sudden....ya know why? because i havent seen ken or talked to him since wednesday...i know some people may think that im crazy but i seriously love this kid.....yeah some people are probably saying oh well you dont know what love is....bullshit...i know exactly what love is and that is a fact....i called him and he just left...why did he have to leave? why didnt i stay home and call him earlier like i was gonna? GGGGGRRRRRR!!! i am so hungry....i havent eaten anything all day today oh well....once i talk to ken ill be happy and actually wanna do stuff today....i mean i do wanna do stuff but not until i can talk to him. i sit here and everyone else i know has a boyfriend and they talk about going to the movies or watching the stars and i sit there like yeah one of these days i will be doing that...it just really gets me depressed sometimes...
*KYRA~and yes i know you kyra you are gonna think its your fault....let me tell you it is NOT your fault....you talk less about jeff then sam does about matt....every 2 seconds sam has to say the name matt......its sick!
i just really need a boyfriend!! hopefully ken and i do hook up that would be great...i know im gonna chase his ass down until we do...LoL....
Well i guess im gonna go for now i will talk to everyone later on.
Love Always:
Niki

*~*I LOVE YOU KEN!!*~*

2 angel s ~Send me an angel to heal my broken heart ~

****KEN**** [05 Jul 2003|11:48am]
[ mood | crazy ]
[ music | ignition remix ]

i have been thinking about him non-stop since the other day when i saw him.....i NEED to see him today!!! im not even playing...i hope he is home when i call him because i miss him and we arent even together....yet anyways.....i want to be with him sssssssoooooo badly...omg!! kyra you know how it is!!!
i am in a CRAZY mood today...i dunno why either...oh well..today should be good then....if a certain someone DOESNT call me...aka-JOEY!! i swear if he calls me then i am gonna go off on him so badly.....i feel really good about myself today....i dont know why maybe b/c ken doesnt like it when i put myself down...i dont know....
OH WELL.......LoL
g2g
write more later on!
Love Always Niki

3 angel s ~Send me an angel to heal my broken heart ~

wtf [05 Jul 2003|10:12am]
my parents left and didnt even tell me...whats up with that?...i bet you they didnt tell me they were leaving because they went out to eat and they didnt want me to go with them....therefore i wont beeating at all today because there is NO food in this house that doesnt take an hour to cook....this house is B.S.....thats all i got to say about this house.....I HATE IT!!....of course they cant give me a few bucks but they can go out and drink all day and then go out to eat at least once EVERY day! but they cant give me a couple dollars ever once in awhile....why? because they are GREATY!! i cant wait until i get a job and they need to borrow money....HAHAHAAHAHAHAHA i dont think so.....
well g2g for now
Buh-Byes
Luv Always
Niki
3 angel s ~Send me an angel to heal my broken heart ~

*Last Night* [05 Jul 2003|09:36am]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | Eminem~??? ]

*well i ended up going to the chicopee fireworks instead of springfield, we ended up parking in the chicopee high field and sitting a few feet from the car....we had fun....i am pretty sure we had the best seats in the house....LoL....christian was ssssoooo adorable....when the fireworks started he screamed but after he was sitting on either my lap or karens he was fine....hes only 1 1/2 years old...its not that bad for his age.....then towards the end he started to fall asleep.....ssssooo cute
*well i didnt end up talking to ken last night....::::::cries:::::......i am gonna call him today though and i might possibly go see him....him and i really need to talk about some stuff....hopefully it'll happen today....i want to be with him sssooo bad and i still need to tell him about some shit that happened yesterday with joey....(the stupid prick ass mo-fo).....so yeah thats all i gotta say for right now.....oh yeah i wish i could say that jason had a great birthday but i will never know if he did or didnt.....
talk to you all later
Love Always
Niki

ps~joeys sister lynn is a bizatch!!!

~Send me an angel to heal my broken heart ~

[04 Jul 2003|05:15pm]
my eyes hurt from crying........ken hasnt called me back yet! GGGGGGGRRRRRR......
kyra~ i love you sis!
JASON MICHAEL~I LOVE YOU!!
love always
niki lynn
~Send me an angel to heal my broken heart ~

[04 Jul 2003|04:55pm]
KYRA~IM NOT GOING TO SZOT!! OH NO!!! I AM GOING TO SPRINGFIELD.....GGGGGRRRRR!!!
~Send me an angel to heal my broken heart ~

Holding the tears inside........ [04 Jul 2003|04:31pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | tears running down my face! ]

~yes i know i have been writing a lot of depressing shit today...but oh well.....
~i was told one day that i was an only child from my dad....then all of a sudden i get told i have a brother that is ssssssoooo hard to deal with.....i dont know how to deal with it....what if my brother was still alive? maybe i'd be close to him or maybe i'd be distant from him. what would i do if he was here? i cant do anything since he isnt....what would have happened if my brotehr was here and my real dad was still a drunken bastard would my brother have stuck up for me all those times i was punched in the face by our dad or would he tell me to deal with it myself.....i have always wished for a big brother ever since i was little and then i found out i have a brother.....what the hell is up with that? i wasnt told from the begining but within the last 2 years i was told....i was told when i was younger but i never really believed my dad because he was a drunk and i barely believed anything he ever said because most of the time he didnt even know what was going on.....i hate my dad for everything he has done to me and everyone else...why does MY dad have to be an ass and keep coming in and out of my life....i HATE HIM!!.....i will NEVER forgive him for anything he ever did.....
~i really need to talk to ken about all this shit because ken will make me realize everything and he will help me.....he will let me cry on his shoulders.....i just want to be held and i want him to hold me and i want him to comfort me while i am crying....i love ken sssssoooo much.......i cant wait for him to call me back....hopefully i am actually home when he calls.....i am gonna go 4 now though.....i love you all sssssooo much....
Love Always
Niki Lynn

DAD~i will NEVER forgive you for any of this!!! i hate you with a passion!!!!!!

1 angel ~Send me an angel to heal my broken heart ~

i am MAD bored!!!! [04 Jul 2003|03:11pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | Tears streaming down my face! ]

~~~How I Feel About Ken~~~
* i love him
* he has a great personality
* hes sweet
* he knows how to make me smile
* he's a cutie
* he likes me for me
* he does NOT want me to change
* he lets me talk to him about ANYTHING
* he is like a hero to me
* he helps me make decisions to do good things instead of bad
* he cares for me more then any guy has
* he knows when somethings wrong w/ me and tries to cheer me up
* HE IS SSSSSOOO UNDESCRIBABLE, ITS LIKE AN ANGEL HAS CAME DOWN TO ME AND GAVE ME WHAT I WANTED!! I CANT WAIT UNTIL HIM AND I START DATING....I WILL BE SSSSSOOOO HAPPY!!!*

im sure you can tell that i am MAD bored!! i tried calling ken but noone answered his phone...gggrrr....im gonna try again sooon though....i wanna go to the fireworks with ken but i dont see that happening since i already have plans with karen to go but she is taking her fucking brother with us....i can never go anywheres w/out him knowing where i am....wtf....i thought it was gonna be just me, karen, and the baby...i guess not though....i guess ill try to have fun anyways...what else is there to do? NOTHING!! i cant tell her that im not going now b/c of that....oh well...i really wanna go visit ken but he isnt home! GGGGRRRR!!!!!! i need a big hug!! i feel like breaking down...i just keep thinking about how i never met my brother....WHY DID JESUS HAVE TO TAKE HIM?? i want my brother back ssssssooooo bad...i want to have that older figure in my life....to tell me if he likes my boyfriend...or for him to have friends that like me and i could date them.....why did he have to go at 1 month old?? the good thing is he didnt have to deal with our dad and his drinking shit.....i kinda think that if my brother was here my dad wouldnt have drank so much when i was little because my brother would have showed him how he would lose both his kids instead of just one....im pretty sure my brother would have knocked some sense into my dad.....is that why he was taken by the lord...b/c he would have shown the truth or because he probably would have killed my real dad because of all the shit he pulled? why?? i dont know but i wanna know!! well i am gonna call ken now just to talk to him....i love you jason...happy birthday!!!
talk to everyone later on
Luv Always
Niki Lynn

1 angel ~Send me an angel to heal my broken heart ~

::::::JASON:::::: [04 Jul 2003|10:27am]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON!! ]

~~~~HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON MICHAEL!!!~~~~
I WISH I WAS WITH YOU.....COULD MEET YOU....SOMEDAY IT WILL HAPPEN BUT FOR NOW I GUESS I WILL HAVE TO SETTLE FOR JUST BEING ABLE TO LET YOU LOOK DOWN ON ME!! I NEED YOU HERE WITH ME....I WISH YOU WERE....I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT TWENY-FIRST BIRTHDAY!!
LOVE ALWAYS
YOUR BABY SISTER
Niki Lynn

5 angel s ~Send me an angel to heal my broken heart ~

:::i keep reading this poem that ken wrote to me::: [03 Jul 2003|07:26pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | Mariah Carey~Hero/weird thoughts runnin through my head~~ ]

i am gonna write the poem again on here because i keep reading it and i miss him....and the weird thing is that him and i arent even dating...YET....i havent talked to him all day....cries....i hope he gets home early enough to call me....if he doesnt i know i will be talking to him 2morrow because he promised me that he would call me on friday...the only problem is that im gonna be really depressed tomorrow because its my brothers birthday and he would have been 21 but he is no longer alive.....cries....i wish i had a big brother...why did jesus have to take him away from us? why? that what i have been thinking all day...ggggrrrr....
~R.I.P~JASON MICHAEL.....I MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!!~
i never met my brother he died before i was even thought of.....its ssssooo depressing...omg!!
well anyways heres the poem ken wrote me that makes me think of him so much more but i dont mind because he is sssssooo sweet....and kyra was right yesterday when she said to me..."if you guys start dating maybe he'll actually take you out unlike joey"...kyra you were right...why did i stay with joey all that time? i dont know...

***************************************************************************************
this poem has been copy-writed:

~Paint My Love~
* I'll paint my moods in shades of blue
* Paint my soul to be with you
* I'll sketch your lips in shaded tones
* Draw your arms round my waist
* And then all doubt i shall erase
* I'll paint the rain that softly lands
on the crescent of your hands
* I'll trace a hand to wipe your tears
* A calming look to quell your fears
* A silhouette of dark and light
* While we hold each other tight
* I'll paint the sun that warms your heart
* I'll paint the stars in the evening sky
* And draw their light into your eyes
* I'll draw a striking touch of grace
* That shows the gentleness of your face
* I'll trace your hand to hold in mine
* A touching kiss to mark the time
* I'll draw the years all passing by
* So much to learn, So much to try
* I'll paint the truth, Show how i feel
* Try to make you completely real
* I'll use a brush so light and fine
to draw you close and make you mine
* And with this ring our lives will start
* In swearing that we'll NEVER part
* I offer love you cannot buy,
* Devoted love until we die.
*****This poem is in dedication to a very sweet, loving person. Her name is Niki. This is showing her the true way i feel about her and i wish i could let her understand.
But for now i am gonna have to settle with being friends till there is an oppurtunity.*********
Luv Ken.......12/14/01

********************************************************************************************
i love that poem and it means sssssssssooooooo much to me.......why did i stay with joey for so long when i could have had this so long ago?? thats the question i have been asking myself all day....why?...who knows....

well i dont feel good so i am gonna go lay down for awhile longer now.....i will talk to everyone later on.
Buh-Byes
Love Always:
Niki

3 angel s ~Send me an angel to heal my broken heart ~

BORED!!!!!!!! [03 Jul 2003|07:04pm]

Who are you?? by Pooka
Your Name-
Niki

Nicknames-
shortie, Nik-Nik, Niki lynn, etc...

Birthday-
10-21-86

Have you...been kissed?
of course

Have you...Eaten an entire box of Oreos?
wouldnt doubt it

Have you...Been on stage?
yup yup

have you...Gotten in a car accident?
yup a few times and none were my fault!! LoL

Have you...been to Death Valley on horseback?
nope

have you..Stayed home?
duh

Have you....Made homemade fudge?
yeah

Have you...Seen the Eiffel tower?
nope..not that i remember anyways

Favorite...Shampoo:
i dunno any kind that makes nmy hair nice and shiny, soft!!

....Soap:
cucumber melon body wash

....Color:
BABY-BLUE / black

....Day:
it depends

....Night:
fridays

....Band:
many

....Season:
spring and summer

....Commercial:
they are all boring!!

Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
not yet....hopefully soon!

Favorite type of Sandwhich:
subways~hm & cheese grinder w/ lettuce and tomatoes and mayo...sounds good...

Coffee or Hot Chocolate?
ice coffee

Cold or hot? weather?
in between

Big or little?
depends on what you're talking about....

Lace or satin?
satin

Red or blue?
blue

New or old?
new

Here or there?
there

Meme brought to you by Meme Jack

~Send me an angel to heal my broken heart ~

Hey [03 Jul 2003|06:06pm]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | get busy!!!!! ]

Hey everyone
lets see, today i woke up mad early and went to work with my mom again. but hey i got
20 bucks out of the deal so im set....lol....then i came home called a few people and then
i ended up taking a nap because i was so tired from getting up at 630 two days in a row...
i wanna go out somewheres but i dunno where...i dont wanna stay home my mom is out
with her friend and i was supposed to go with sammie today but i guess that aint happening
because she has to leave at 7 for the fireworks and its lke almost 6 so theres no point of going
there now.....ever since she got her new boyfriend shes been distant from her friends ONCE AGAIN!!
everytime that girl gets a b/f she leaves her friends for him...thats sssooo wrong.....what a bitch!!!

KYRA~i love you sis...you are great!!!

i cant wait until tomorrow!!! ken is sssssooooo damn adorable!!!! i love him to death!!! i wanna
talk to him today but he went somewheres for the day.....cries....well im gonna update another
journalnow...tty all later
buh-byes
luv always
Niki

1 angel ~Send me an angel to heal my broken heart ~

SORRY ABOUT ALL THE CAPS.....I'M REALLY HAPPY!!! [02 Jul 2003|07:43pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | THINKING ABOUT KEN!!!1 ]

KYRA YOU ARE THE GREATEST......I LOVE YOU....I AM SSSSSOOOOO GLAD THAT I HAVE YOU FOR MY FRIEND....I CONSIDER YOU MY SISTER BECAUSE WE ARE SSSOOO CLOSE AND SSSSSOOO MUCH ALIKE!!! YOU HELP ME SPEAK MY MIND.....LoL....YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN....I LOVE YOU BUNCHES!!!!! SOORY YOU DIDNT GET TO SEE JEFF TODAY ANOTHER DAY THOUGH....FOR SURE....OKAY...HOPE YOUR NOT MAD AT ME....

OK SO TODAY WAS GREAT!!! SAW KEN...KISSED HIM TWICE AND HE KISSED ME ONCE....SMILES....HE IS SO DAMN ADORABLE!!!! HE SAID I HAVE A SURPRISE COMING TO ME ON FRIDAY...WONDER WHAT IT IS!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! IS IT GOOD OR BAD?? PROBABLY GOOD.......HAVE A BIG FEELING HE IS GONNA ASK ME OUT.....PISSED OFF AT SAM BECAUSE SHE LIED TO ME.....GGGGGGRRRRR!!!!!! SHES SUPPOSED TO BE MY BEST-FRIEND BUT SHE LIED TO ME.......NEVER GONNA 2GET THAT ONE.....OMG!!! WELL CAN TALK TO KEN TONIGHT BECAUSE HE HAS STUFF TO DO BUT TOMORROW I CAN IF I CALL BEFORE 10 OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT......I WILL DEFINETLY END UP TA;KING TO HIM ON FRIDAY THOUGH!! SMILES....YOU SHOULD SEE MY FACE WHEN KENS AROUND ME....MY FACE LIGHTS UP SSSSSOOOOO MUCH!!! HE MAKES ME SSSSOOO DAMN HAPPY......RIGHT KYRA?? HAPPIER THEN I WAS WHEN I WAS WITH JOEY....

WELL I GOTTA GO FOR NOW
WRITE LATER
BUH-BYES
LUV YA ALL
NIKI

KYRA I LOVE YOU.YOURE GREAT!!!!

I HAVENT BEEN HAPPY IN SSSSOOO DAMN LONG!!!

2 angel s ~Send me an angel to heal my broken heart ~

my day so far [02 Jul 2003|04:18pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | absolutely nothing ]

Hey i am gonna talk to ken now.......wow five minutes have gone by....
i talked to ken!!!!! we actually talked for about 20 minutes but he swore on my sole that he is gonna call me back.....WWWWWOOOOOHHHHHOOOO!!!!! he told me i should go see him today but i dunno if im gonna or not!!! hhhhhmmmm....should i or shouldnt i?? let see........who knows.....

KYRA if you wanna come over for a little bit call me!!!!

went to work with mom then went to see gramma in her new home.....(nursing home).....
well i will write later gonna go lay down until someone calls me!!!!
luv ya all
Niki

~Send me an angel to heal my broken heart ~

[01 Jul 2003|04:26pm]
You represent... angst.
You represent... angst.
You have an extremely cynical outlook on just about
everything. It's okay to sulk and be
depressed, but life is short, and you only get
one. It's only what you make it, and only you
can make it improve.


What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla
1 angel ~Send me an angel to heal my broken heart ~

[01 Jul 2003|12:42pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | i dont know!! ]

i am SSSSSOOOOOO bored!
i need money to do stuff in the summer!
i NEED a job.....there should be more people hiring teenagers in the summer...thats what i think anyways....
the day is half way gona and i havent even gotten dressed yet...i need something to do....like what? i dunno,
i have been calling places ALL morning to see if they are hiring for summer help but i havent gotten anyone yet and besidees that i seriously think that EVERYONE is pms-ing or something because everyone is being so damn rude today....OMG!!
well ill write later on..i think im gonna go take my shower and do something with my pathetic life....
Love Always:
Niki

2 angel s ~Send me an angel to heal my broken heart ~

one of these days...... [30 Jun 2003|05:09pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

one of these days i am gonna punch her ssssooo hard she will wish she NEVER hit me....
she had no right to slap me in the face.....everyone is probably wonder what i am talking about...
my mom and i were sitting on the couch getting along perfectly good and then my stepdad asked called
me so i said "what do you want" so my mom slappe dme across the face because i said it while i was in the living room
g2g
write later

2 angel s ~Send me an angel to heal my broken heart ~

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