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Tuesday, June 10th, 2008
11:42 pm - alter-ego
My alter-ego:

Rachelle 'Angel' Jasmine

has gone away!! Maybe forever, but who knows...let me introduce myself:

"My name is, Paul, and I am happy to meet you all!"

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11:08 pm - I wondered...
...and then I remembered Blurty!!

In the past couple of years I had hidden myself away in a grotesque frenzy of "UGLY", but now I am back and I am feeling there is a whole new meaning to my life.

Lonely I wondered down the road, and I knew that He was with me and then I came to a fork in the road and in so many ways, I stayed there for a while! I pondered as I sat on that rock, but I decided to take the road that was less traveled, and today I am free to admit that it was a worthy journey.

Now, I am much better, but I still have those days when I miss my mum, and then I then I remember the good times we had and how much she loved our family.

Today starts a new day for me and my friends, and as the words of the wise girl Pink said, "Let's get this party started!"

current mood: excited

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Sunday, September 17th, 2006
3:42 pm - OH MY GOD!
"Where have I been?"
"Where did the Summer go?"

My God! I just worked the whole thing away, and now I am back to school next week!

Let me get back to reality and then I'll post a long entry!

current mood: getting back to normal
current music: Guns 'n Roses

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Saturday, April 1st, 2006
9:17 pm - Hooters Girl
I am on the verge of being my own 'Hooters Girl' -- I've been busy buying items of clothing that is original Hooters Girl wear. I know that I cannot be a "real" Hooters Girl, but at least I can live the fantasy.

I've already received the slouch socks, pantyhose, black shorts and tank top. I am waiting for the original money pouch, name badge, and pins. I just remembered, I also ordered the original orange shorts and white tank that I am still awaiting!

I have to get out and buy some sketchers at some point. I know it's a long way off, but I am going to wear this for Halloween this year!!!

Okay guys, I will be a 'lil more productive and update this journal more often -- it's just I am ever so busy of late!

Tau Love and Mine.

current mood: good

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Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005
11:46 am
I copied this from a friend; (she gave me permission). Thank you L.

This one's short
Basics

1. Name: P.
2. Sexuality Preference: Straight
3. Location: PA
4. Birth date: June
5. Hobbies: Mostly theatrical arts and some sports

Likes

1. Bands: Pussycat Dolls
2. Movies: Comedies
3. Cosmetic Product: L'Oréal and Urban Decay
4. Favorite Book: Prozac Nation (reading it a second time around)
5. Favorite Celebrity: The 'down to earth' type

Dislikes

1. Bands/artists: Some Country
2. Celebrity: Brad Pitt
3. Things that annoy you: Lazy people and porn
4. Bad habits?: Crossdressing and working too much
5. Any phobias?: All kinds of bugs

Random

1. Describe yourself in 5 words: Creative, passionate, easy, comical, intellectual
2. Favorite food?: Tiramisu
3. Favorite place to be?: Shower
4. Favorite season?: Fall

Opinions

1. Drugs and alcohol: Drinking socially is cool, but excessively very uncool -- drugs; nah!
2. Abortion: I sit the 'fence' for this one.
3. George Bush?: Lost the 'plot' a long time ago!
4. Love: Spring comes, love flourishes!
5. Sex: Depends on the hair, lol!!!

current mood: good

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Monday, October 31st, 2005
11:00 pm - Being A Bad "Girl"! :o)
Oops! I did it!!! "Sounds like a Britney Spears song." :o)

*^*SIGH*^*

I was quite a naughty "girl" tonight.

I drove home from school tonight wearing a camisole, leotard, tights, and a skirt. The only thing remotely masculine was my sneakers! I went to class tonight wearing wind pants (with snaps down each side) and a sweatshirt over the clothes. Once class was over I went to my car; took the sweatshirt off and made my way home. As I was driving along the highway, I gradually un-popped the snaps; exposing my legs and skirt. When I stopped at a light, I straightened up the skirt and felt a great relief to actually be doing something that felt sooooo good!!!


"WOW! Did I really do that???" I just cannot believe it, this really broke the norm of my everyday existence! It did not worry me in the slightest about getting 'pulled over' by the police, afterall it was Halloween and I could've used that as my excuse -- lol!!!


Is it me, or am I getting more and more daring??? This is definitely a first, and I hope to do it again sometime in the near future. Next time there will be a 'rush' of excitement -- it won't be Halloween...so, I won't have an excuse...this I know for sure!




This is not really relevant to this entry, but I thought I would share it with you. I didn't get a costume I was thinking about getting for Halloween afterall, so I went to work as a Pirate on Friday.


Next year I am going to be a Princess (it has already been decided by a higher authority), and I will have pictures taken that I will post online.

Which Princess should I be?
Any ideas anyone?


Even though I did what I did tonight, it should be equally exciting the next time. I just have to remember that this was my first "real" step outside the 'closet', and I know that I am going to need to address this issue every time I get the urge to do something insane like drive my car 'en femme'.



I am so 'high' from this experience -- I just don't want the night to end. It was GREAT!!!

current mood: Daring & On Cloud Nine!!!

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Friday, October 14th, 2005
10:02 pm - Take the quiz...
http://www.crush007.com/love.cgi?id=1129334516npt

current mood: giggly
current music: No Doubt!

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Wednesday, October 12th, 2005
12:46 pm - Pantyhose are for women!
I was out at the mall last night hanging out with some friends. I went into a department store with my best 'girl' friend to help her pick out a dress for a date she has this weekend...I love being a help, but sometimes it can be a hinderance to me -- (knowing I cannot buy a nice feminine outfit for myself!)

After helping her pick a nice little number, she wanted to get a pair of shoes. So, the shoe department was our next stop -- she found some really chic shoes to go with her dress. I suggested that she might want a pair of pantyhose, just in case the night may have a slight chill to it -- "Good idea" she said! So, off we went to the hosiery section. All the time she was looking for a pair of pantyhose...I was also looking for some pantyhose. I picked out a nice pair for myself, and I said to her, "How would these look on me?" She looked at me straight in the eye and said, "Pantyhose are for women!" That ended any attempt of me trying to open up to my closest 'girl' friend.

So, I made some silly joke about dressing up for Halloween and we all went for a mocha at Starbucks. Indeed I am trying to get my thoughts and feelings out, and I thought J was more open than any of my 'girl' friends -- how wrong was I?

Today I dress in a black bodysuit, denim skirt, white tights, and high-heeled shoes -- it feels great sometimes.

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Friday, October 7th, 2005
1:55 pm - Need to talk...
Do you think I should seek out a psychiatrist???

I guess I just need to vent -- today I am feeling ever so...ever so...out of it.



I want to dress up, but then again I don't want to. (What's wrong with me?) Why do I like dressing as a woman? There's a lot I want to do, but I just don't know anymore.

What's right?
What's wrong?

Wearing womens clothing -- is it right/wrong?
I am so tied up (I wish!) at the moment with so many emotions -- where am I going with this?

I know what I need, but how do I get it? Some time away from this life -- I want to be somebody else, maybe the girl that I am not. ***Imagination goes adrift*** Nope, it doesn't work -- still feeling the same.

I guess I need to get out of here; I need a shopping fix, 'girls' night out (I use that term loosely) -- I'm not a girl, but I do have a lot of female friends, but they just don't know the 'inner' me -- I wish I could tell someone in my area, then doing stuff may be easier for me -- like sisters with a difference.

Oh! This sucks!!!

(Sorry readers, I am just feeling a little depressed!)

current mood: depressed
current music: 80's

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Saturday, September 24th, 2005
11:16 am - Halloween -- it's fast coming this year!
It's a tough decision -- what should I wear for Halloween?

I don't really want to dress 'en femme', although I want to dress up for Halloween being slightly feminine, but not showing it too much as I would be working with work collegues who do not know of my affliction. Then later that evening, I'll be out with friends.

Can anybody help a poor lost soul out?



Ideas I have had so far:

~ Tooth Fairy; web address:
http://www.halloweenmart.com/wecs.php?store=halloweenmar&action=display&target=PE33014

With this costume, I'd get to wear a tutu (sort of) with white tights, (tights are one of my favorite accessories).



~ Peter Pan; web address:
http://www.halloweenmart.com/wecs.php?store=halloweenmar&action=display&target=CH88077

I'd get to wear green tights and 'flash' some thigh, lol!!!

Okay, I'll look forward to ideas and suggestions -- thanks in advance!

current mood: optimistic

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Wednesday, September 7th, 2005
12:32 pm - Alone at last!!!
It's been a rather frustrating summer, but today I am off of work and nobody is home. I finally get to dress up!

Believe me it feels great to release myself from the bondage of being me, and now I can escape into a fantasy world -- today I am Lolita a dark mysterous female warrior. I fight everything evil, and those who diss me...because, I can!!! There are triumphant roars from my pet lions that give me great pride, and I feel I am ready for another week of being me.

I like what I am wearing today -- just something I threw together from my limited clothing supply. I am wearing a pastel pink camisole (from New York & Co.) A short brown skirt (DEB store), brown patterned opaque tights (Nine West), and my favorite black patent leather knee high boots. I probably look terrible, but to me I feel good -- it's just good to escape. I am behind closed doors and not hurting anybody!

Well, I have to run some errands, so I am going to have to get back into Mr mode. Until the next time, have a good week!

current mood: bouncy

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Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
11:17 am - Call in the psychiatrist!
Okay, this is hard for me, but writing an online journal might help me understand myself more.

Take a deep breath, and here I go...

...I am:
happy,
not gay,
although I have one too many flaws...

...the main one being that I am a "closet" crossdresser.

Here I am just going to be an anonymous individual that will write about how I am feeling and if you wish to offer me advice, please I will gladly welcome comments and suggestions. Crossdressing isn't easy, especially if your partner isn't too approving. Of course she knows about this, but it can often get quite stressfull for me.

current mood: accomplished

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