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Tuesday, May 20th, 2003
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11:11 am - i ♥ you
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Here I Love You
by Pablo Neruda
Here I ♥ you.
In the dark pines the wind disentangles itself.
The moon glows like phosphorous on the vagrant waters.
Days, all one kind, go chasing each other.
The snow unfurls in dancing figures.
A silver gull slips down from the west.
Sometimes a sail. High, high stars.
♥
Oh the black cross of a ship.
Alone.
Sometimes I get up early and even my soul is wet.
Far away the sea sounds and resounds.
This is a port.
Here I love you.
♥
Here I love you and the horizon hides you in vain.
I love you still among these cold things.
Sometimes my kisses go on those heavy vessels
that cross the sea towards no arrival.
I see myself forgotten like those old anchors.
The piers sadden when the afternoon moors there.
My life grows tired, hungry to no purpose.
I love what I do not have. You are so far.
My loathing wrestles with the slow twilights.
But night comes and starts to sing to me.
♥
The moon turns its clockwork dream.
The biggest stars look at me with your eyes.
And as I love you, the pines in the wind
want to sing your name with their leaves of wire.
♥
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| Friday, May 16th, 2003
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4:03 am - hey now. hey now..
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hey now, hey now
don't dream its over...(i wont... i dont want to)
hey now, hey now
when the world comes in..
they come, they come
to build a world between us...
we know they won't win..
i love you! thank you!!!:)
current mood:  grateful
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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3:42 am -
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For you...the strangeness of happiness in the heart wraps around the seriousness of pain. in a seemingly endless world of fake and untruthful... i found the most wonderful source of all happiness and purity in this world...you.
my reason for breathing, my being.sharing the intangible happiness and the love with someone as special as you are...my grateful heart thanks thee.. twice, thrice.. even a billion! for no one has ever made me feel this way...
...my heart
...my soul
...my love.
current mood:  loved
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| Sunday, May 4th, 2003
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9:07 pm - i love you
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here it is love. :)
got this from my g2g community. ala lang. enlightening e. enjoy:)
i love you. :) mwah!
Questions:
1) When and how did you find out you were lesbian? Age? Were you studying in an all-girls' school? How did it manifest? Was there ever a time that you didn't know what was happening (confused) or what being lesbian meant? Did you try to find out? Where there stages of discovery, from an identity crisis to a final understading? Or did you understand from the onset? A time when you thought it was wrong (as many sectors in our country proclaim) and tried to change yourself? When and how did you resolve these things? When and how did you reconcile who you are with what the rest of the world thought, generally? If you can give me a brief "story," I'd greatly appreciate it.
I am a woman just like everyone else. Lesbians are just women who love other women, simple. It’s not something that a freak of nature does to you. Yes, of course I’ve been confused. I questioned my identity a lot. But that is what makes my character and principles all the more secure. As a lesbian with pride, you really have to be sure of yourself to stand the smirking face of society.
It’s not a choice. It’s who you are from the start. It’s just recognizing that potential in everybody and being true to your core despite all the conditioning of society. That is really the choice –living in a miserable closet or loving and living despite what anybody thinks.
2) Tell me about your "coming out," and how people within your personal circle (family, friends) took it. Who reacted the most violently? Who has accepted you and who still hasn't? When did this happen? (I read about this in the essay, but if you want to add details, that would be ok). How did you tell them? Did you agonize over it (to tell or not to tell)? Who helped you decide? What was your reason for finally doing so?
My mom cried when she found out but it was more for the fear of the prejudice I had to face. Sometimes parents just need to hear that you know what you’re doing. I assured her I can look God in the eye and say I am not doing anything wrong. In fact, I feel that He/She is the one guiding me to love and giving me courage. When it all boils down to it, that is what it really about—love. My dad’s reaction touched me. He said “mahal na rin niya kung sino yung mahal ko.”
All of Life is an eternal coming out of the closet anyway; --out of the traps and labels that’s out there waiting for you. You do it by becoming yourself without pretensions. You don’t have to shout it. Like the glow of a person in love, It will exude. Bravery’s reward is the fulfillment of being more of who you are.
3) Tell me about instances of disrimination you've experienced, and how you dealt with them. About instances where good-intentioned people tried to change you ("why not try to go out with guys... i'll set you up, yada yada). What do you do?
I just tell people: I don’t hate men nor do I want to be one. I just think women are better. Homophobia is just a person’s anger at being confused. It’s caused by misunderstanding. Homosexuals are considered inferior now the same way women were thought inferior before. And look at women now.
Heterosexists are just people who do not admit that side of them as a result of being fragmented. We should stop the witch-hunts. All in all, everybody will benefit if the irrational sexual stereotypes were removed. We all become freer people.
4) Ceia tells me you're also into advocacy. Can you expound on this a bit?
Advocacy is a way of fighting discrimination. I was kicked out of STC because I was a lesbian. Everywhere lesbians are shamed, abused, fired or raped. It’s such a violation of human rights. I don’t want it to happen to others. I think it’s time those who are different stood together and fight for a freer place to love.
5) Are you studying? Working? Do you have a girlfriend? How old is she? What are your dreams, plans (just general and brief) about career and family?
I want to continue helping the world transcend its hate and boundaries through art and teaching. Despite the restrictions, my girlfriend and I are very happy. I find more connection and sensitivity in same-sex relationships. You complement each other but it’s not being a half of someone else. It’s being a whole person, appreciating the magic of two. I pray everybody gets a chance at being that in love, you defy the whole world for it!
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