| Ender. | ||||
| 01:17pm 01/10/2004 | ||||
I'm torn apart by words that you have said. And all in all, I know we're falling apart. Where did you run to so far away? And here we are to sing you a song. And there you are asleep against the window pane just like always. You said you like to hear the rain sometimes. And all I can do is tell you the truth. And oh, my eyes will tell you the same. And here we are to sing you a song. And there you are asleep again. And here we are to sing you a song. And there you are asleep again. Grasp our hands together, we feel we are one result. Grasp our hands together, we feel we are one result. And grasp our hands together, we feel we are one result. Grasp our hands together, we feel we are one result. Result... And here we are to sing you a song. And there you are asleep again And here we are to sing you a song. And there you are asleep again... |
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| Read 5 - Post | ||||
depressed| fuck | ||||
| 03:50am 29/09/2004 | ||||
The only reason we're not is because i'm so much of a goddamned optimist that i told her no, it would eventually work out. I'm fucking kidding myself. Now i've really gone crazy. We're screwed, i know it. Whatever, she deserves someone better anyway. Somebody who doesn't fucking "suffocate" her like she said, and take away her social life just because he wants to spend time with her. God forbid. Just waiting for "the word" to come. But it won't be from me. |
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| Post | ||||
irritated| hm | ||||
| 09:08pm 21/09/2004 | ||||
I believe no one is reading it. I'm pretty sure. I think that Cori thinks i've stopped updating it, since she stopped hers. Nick never read it anyway. Jim is lost in college and probably dropped this link off somewhere. And Tim is the only wildcard... not really sure about that but i'll just assume "no," because i haven't made a meaningful post in months. So. That leads me to believe that i'm typing to myself. And even if Tim is reading it, i think i don't want to find out. I would rather assume that no one did. That way I can say Whatever the hell I fucking want to Without having to Worry about What anyone Thinks about it. It's a nice feeling, assuming no one is reading what you're saying. I think in essence, that's really what a journal is for. I don't understand this online journal bullshit anyway. Twelve year old girls don't go around passing their diaries out and forcing people to read them. That would be idiotic. So why do people post on "journals" and want everyone else to comment on them? What crap. It's supposed to be intimiate and personal, and a cheap (free, really) version of a written diary. Anyway. No one reads this, i'm assuming. And i want to be right, so don't prove me wrong. Let me say whatever the fuck i wanna say for a while, until maybe i calm down. I think i have a problem with putting people down. Nick, mainly. And i'm not appologizing to him directly because i'm not comfortable with it. He knows i'm joking most of the time... but some of the time i'm really not. I'm compensating my own low self-esteem by insulting him and it's not fair. I always feel stupid and worthless... so sometimes i joke and i call him that. I'm glad he's not a sensitive person or that might really hurt. I hope it doesn't, i don't mean to. He's just there... and it's just a vent that i can't see to shut the fuck up right now with the shit i think about all day. Because, since i think i'm worthless and insignificant, i have to make someone else feel that way. Or, at least, guilty. Either way it's a victory to an extent. Goddamnit. This is turning into a fucking deadjournal, which we just joked about today. Fine, i'm fucking emo, but i'm a fucking pissed off emo person with good reason to be. What reason is that exactly? I don't know, a lot of things... and when i find out for sure that no one is reading this, i will tell you/me. I have so much fucking mindless work for school, and so does she, preventing us from seeing one another on top of the decision she has made to... well, not see me anyway. No, i don't want to get into that. I'm just going to get myself in trouble and get more angry, which pretty much intensifies everyday. Should i go back to the counselling place? I mean, i can only do it for like 4 months... since i have to student teach and i don't know if i could see them next semester. It would be a waste to just do it now. I wouldn't get a fucking thing done. I would still be a fucking wreck (if she keeps up with this ridiculous plan) anyway. I don't know, it's really racking my mind and i just can't decide. I need to soon. Hello? Is anyone out there? No? Good. No one is there for me anyway when i need them. So there's no difference. Goddamnit i hate it here when i can't see her. It's a fucking wasteland basically, there's just nothing to offer now. Yeah that's dependence, i know that. But whatever, that's the way it is and i've been comfortable with it. That's just how i get, you know that if you know one fucking thing about me. I get caught up in shit like that. And that's what way it is. "Endless fight... fight... fight... FIGHT!!" Sorry, just singing/screaming some Unearth tunes. Another good thing to take out aggression... listen to some metalcore or whatever the hell the genre is these days. It's funny that this will be my longest journal entry ever. And no one will read it. It's not even that i think no one is reading it, i don't even want anyone to. It would just be more shit people could put on me to say, "yeah, Andrew is fucking crazy." And they'd be right. Cause i am right now. Whatever. You know i put up an away message, something to the extent of "it doesn't matter where i am cause no one cares, and even if you're reading this, you don't care" and i got THREE responses. The most for an away message (in an hour!!!) in a very long time. 1) Eric - "you smell" Gee thanks fuckface, that helped. Don't try to be funny anymore. 2) My brother Chris - "i read, but no i don't care" Dickhead. Maybe i should block you, asshole. 3) Cori - "I'm reading it, and i care, and i love you, a lot" Thanks for being affectionate, i've missed that. Now maybe if i can actually see that in-person a little more than every 4th or 5th day, i'll feel better. And that's the way things are. Why? I don't know. What was going to be my last hoorah on college, really... with Cori, Tim, and Nick all here and all very close to me... is turning into shit. Cori doesn't want to see me. I have too much fucking work. Nick hangs out with Gina every fucking second. And Tim... well there's always Tim, and i'm happy about that. Without him right now, i would be in a lot worse shape, i will tell you that. He's been very respectful in not asking me about my personal life and that's really cool man. I'm glad you don't pry into things. BUt don't be surprised if i just crack someday while i'm playing GTA and just say "man i wish these girls in bikinis with rifles that i keep killing over and over were real." Cause it could happen. Winter session will basically be the same as this. Great. Cori's in Barbados, i won't see her the whole time. Nick... no idea what he's doing. Tim's here... good man. Spring? Heh, fuck that. I'm student teaching from 7-3 everyfuckingday so i won't get to do anything, not to mention a couple night classes a week to take up more of my free time. There's a good chance i'll never see Cori again as much as i did last year. Maybe i deserve it? I have no idea, i don't understand the situation after like 2-3 weeks of it, so what makes me think i'm going to understand it now? I won't. I think i'm done. This didn't solve anything but at least i typed it all out... for me, apparently. If you are somehow reading this... wow, i'm sorry. You should have stopped a long time ago. Nothing productive was said, and nothing productive was gained. You wasted your time. Be excellent to each other. |
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| Read 3 - Post | ||||
| yeah | ||||
| 02:01am 18/09/2004 | ||||
But also unlike some people, i still won't update it much. For those of you who know what's going on right now, i'll spare the details. For those of you who don't, get in the fucking loop and talk to me, morons. No, to tell you the truth, it's too late. It's hard to elaborate anyway because, since i don't understand the situation, i don't know how to react still. Regardless... it stinks, so yeah stuff sucks now. So be excellent to each other. See you on the good side of things. Chill. |
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| Post | ||||
| okay | ||||
| 01:44am 02/09/2004 | ||||
But i know that all two of you who read it know most things about my life anyway. So it's an interesting point between a rock and a hard place... because i never have anything to say here. And i don't want to say something incriminating about anybody (if the feelings warrant so) who doesn't read this... jsut because they don't read it. ANYWAY. There's nothing to say! So i don't know when to update or what to put in it.... I guess i can throw this up: http://www.audioscrobbler.com/user/AndyChrz/ Really kickass site that tracks everything i listen to on here. So that means i'm going to listen to even more than i normally do. Yep, it's possible. Um. Nothing else... just class, and stuff. I finish tomorrow and i'm finished my week. But i guess i'll eat dinner alone... i don't think my 4-7 class (which only meets 4-5 times this whole year, i believe) will end early. Darn. Anyway, bye. |
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| Post | ||||
| THE TRIP: Precursor | ||||
| 01:20am 14/08/2004 | ||||
Until then, keep working (or get a job if you aren't) and get ready for school! Wooooo. |
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| Read 1 - Post | ||||
excited| fine | ||||
| 08:00pm 06/08/2004 | ||||
One more week of work. Yay. Even though it's easier this time around and i don't mind it a lot, it's still a pain and i still get paid minimum wage, stupidly. Tired of it. Then i go on a vacation, the annual summer thing. I don't exactly know the order of these cites, but this is where we're going: Pittsburgh, St. Louis, Cincinnati, Milwaukee, Chicago, Detroit, Cleveland. I think. Anyway, whatever order we're going in, we're seeing a baseball game in every city. Should be pretty fun, but i may get tired by the end. We'll see i guess. It's only for about 9 days, so we've got a ton of driving ahead of us. That's next... Saturday i think. So this is the last time i'll see Cori for a while. But i have to move her into her dorm, since she's going to go in early to Smyth. Should be interesting in that basement, we'll see how hot the room gets soon i suppose. More music. I know you don't care. So to make it easier, just go here. http://www.audioscrobbler.com/user/AndyChrz/ It tracks every song i listen to on my computer... which is basically where i listen to 95% of the music i listen to. Nothing else happening really. Sorry. |
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| Read 1 - Post | ||||
blah| the new MLB | ||||
| 08:40pm 23/07/2004 | ||||
Dirrty South: Altanta, Florida, Tampa Bay, Baltimore, Washington (from Montreal) Don't Ya Know: Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Cincinnati, Detroit, Louisville (from Seattle) Da Midwest: Chicago, Chicago, Minnesota, Milwaukee, St. Louis Westmidwest: Kansas City, Houston, Texas, Colorado, Arizona Schwarzenegger Country: Anaheim, Los Angeles, San Diego, San Francisco, Oakland Ha, thank Tim and i for this one folks. It works so much better. Everybody needs to follow the NHL and bring divisions to truly local status, and do away with leagues! |
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| Read 2 - Post | ||||
| woooo | ||||
| 08:07pm 16/07/2004 | ||||
Cori's out for the weekend (actually, the week), so there's no reason not to update since i'll just be sitting around doing nothing. Work is work. I have 4 more weeks to go and then i'm done. It's been fine. It's actually interesting learning about some things in urology, and trying to figure out some things on my own about patients. But, yeah, i'm no doctor. It's so much stuff. Anyway, yeah, it's alright there. I just wish i got paid more... So much new music, but i need to think about cutting back in the next 9 months or so. I might want to consider saving money. I dunno... Plug of the week: N, the game. Download it here: http://www.harveycartel.org/metanet/n.html and go to the downloads page. It's incredible... and it's 1MB!! Just have flash player, and try not to run a lot of programs at the same time cause it eats resources. Absolutely incredible game. If you get far, check out level 24-3 in the high score list... YEAH THAT'S ME ON TOP OF THE WORLD! I'M FIRST!!! :) I think everyone in the world should be watching Jeopardy these days. Ken Jennings is a genius... like, Steven Hawking kinda genius. He has won on the freaking show now 33 times in a row... yeah, 33 times. Think about that, that's 6½ weeks worth. He's won more than $1.1 million! I officially love Jeopardy again now. Actually there's not much else to say. I think my grandparents are coming to hang out this weekend here... but we're not doing anything. So i'll be pretty bored. Eh. Keep it hXc. |
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| Post | ||||
| Computer fixed | ||||
| 07:51pm 08/07/2004 | ||||
Rock. |
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| Post | ||||
relieved| Computer problems | ||||
| 10:17pm 07/07/2004 | ||||
My computer is broken. Explorer no longer runs. I got a virus and it corrupted it. I fixed everything but Explorer... the virus and spyware is gone, i found and deleted every single file. It didn't work. So it's really aggitating not being able to fix my own computer. There's nothing i can do. So i took it to a place to get it fixed. It may be back Friday, i don't know. Sucks. Bye. |
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| Post | ||||
| stolen from cori / yes this counts as an update | ||||
| 08:20pm 22/06/2004 | ||||
sing: yes drive: very well thank you speak another language: spanish, un poco roll your tongue: yeah do a backflip: only underwater. :( ice skate: never tried. hit a bullseye: i have slam dunk: not a 10 foot net, i did it on a 9 foot one though Do You drink: no smoke: no play any sports: i would if i could have a job: yeah do well in school: not well enough eat meat: i love food with parents get along with your parents: i guess have a bf/gf: of course beleive in love at first sight: i do. how about God: yes Have You Ever smoked: no gotten drunk: no shoplifted: no gone skinny dipping: no cut class: only in college dyed your hair: no performed on stage: not since high school read a book more than 300 pages: three words... HISTORY ED MAJOR broken a window: don't think so broken a promise: i don't know Would You bungee jump: probably not sky dive: yes become a vegetarian: no move across the country: with a lot of thought and reassurance get a lump sump if you won the lottery: no, you get more the other way shave your head for $5000: i would actually steal a car: nah get a tattoo: not cool Name three movies you like: Monty Python & The Holy Grail, The Truman Show, Airplane! Name three books you like: 1984, Animal Farm, Johnny Got His Gun Have you ever fallen in love with a fictional character? Which one(s)? Why?: no Republican, Democrat or other? Why?: Democrat, because i'm smart Attendance percentage at high school dances?: zero What television shows do you watch regularly?: Family Guy, Simpsons, any and all sports Abortion is...: legal The death penalty is...: debatable How do you take your coffee?: in the trash How do you take your tea?: sweet n low, creamer Who's your favorite teacher/professor?: Mr Riley from AP US History How do you feel about your parents?: they conceived me, that was nice of them What sort of music do you listen to?: HxC, metalcore, screamo, hard rock List five or ten bands you listen to.: 311, Reveille, Killswitch Engage, Taproot, Chimaira, Linkin Park, POison The Well, Hopesfall, Bleeding Through, Sinai Beach, Botch Do you use public transportation?: not really Ever told someone you love him/her?: i've lost count! Morning person, night person or both?: night owl Siblings?: one, Chris, 23 What are your friends like?: well, the 3 of you know who you are... Amusement parks are?: exciting Cafeterias are?: 3 years ago? Dogs are?: inpredictable Any phobias, traumas or other weirdnesses?: strangely enough, dogs, and most other animals. that and being alone |
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| Read 4 - Post | ||||
| nothing to say, that's why i don't update | ||||
| 08:25pm 14/06/2004 | ||||
Work is still annoying. Same thing everyday... prep charts, find charts, make charts, repair charts, file charts, organize charts... all so exciting. At least the people are fine and i get along with most of them very well. Just boring, that's all. Saw Cori the last two weekends. That's a luxury, i wasn't sure that i was going to be able to see her every week but it looks like i can until she goes to Florida. It's a fun day and night when i'm there. It's good to hang out together (mostly alone) at that time since it's the only opportunity we have, even though it's not like we're waiting weeks to see one another or anything. One week is just right, i think. Last weekend (9 days ago) we saw The Day After Tomorrow. It was an all-around good epic disaster movie, yet i was expecting even more epic disaster. I'd say Independence Day ranks higher on the list. The next weekend we just sat around the apartment (oh yeah, she's in the Courtyards by the way) and watched Miracle on DVD. Her roommates had it. And this was a very good movie, i'll admit it was better than i expected. Being a hockey scholar of sorts, i expected to be bored by yet another Disney hockey movie... but it was very good (as well as accurate) and put a neat spin on an already great story. Recommended. Going there again this weekend, not sure what the plan is. We'll figure it out. Again, got more music. But you (all 2 of you) don't care. So nevermind. Nothing else happening really. It seems like the summer is not flying by... i can't believe i've only been working for 2 weeks. It seems like a month already. Ech, just what i need, a long boring summer. I've only said this the last 3 years... but i can't wait for school to start again. |
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| Read 2 - Post | ||||
| i'm not emo, i don't change journals | ||||
| 08:12pm 04/06/2004 | ||||
Nothing going on. Working every weekday again, like last year (see entries from 11 months ago). Not fun, but not awful i guess. I was overdramatic before. It's just a very repetitive and exacerbating job, that's all. Maybe i'll get more used to it. Maybe i'll get more sick of it. I don't know. Going to see Cori this weekend. Probably we'll see a movie and that's it. Not planning anything amazing. Just nice to see her. I guess i'll shoot for once a week, but we'll see how well our schedules match. Or how high gas prices keep climbing. More music was bought. More music will be bought. But you don't care, so i won't tell anymore. Nothing else going on. Really no point in updating this more than once a week. Bye. |
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| Read 1 - Post | ||||
| H to the o-m-e | ||||
| 10:52pm 29/05/2004 | ||||
S-U-C-K-S No friends here... just Cori 50 miles away and Nick 30 (though i'm sure i'll rarely if ever see him). So it's a long, boring, lonely, annoying summer yet again, forced to work in a place i don't want to with people who are pretty loud and reasonably annoying (that's what you get with 20 middleaged women). Yeah, also not paid enough for a crappy job where i do as much work as anyone else there. Whatever. That's the way it is. Last exam went well. EDUC take-home final went well also. I have 3 grades put up online but i'll wait til they're all there to post them here. Moving day was sad... i guess i should be used to saying goodbye to Tim and Nick but i'm not, not at all. At least i got to play Phantasy Star one more time with Nick. It was fun. He said we might try again over the summer... we'll see, although i've love to. Music i just got a few days ago: Slipknot - Vol 3: (The Subliminal Verses) Scarlet - Cult Classic Byzantine - The Fundamental Component Really good stuff. You'd be incredibly surprised by the Slipknot album, they are seriously different. It's very interesting. The other bands are really obscure, surely none of your know them. Went to a Phillies game today. Of course they lost. The Flyers never lose when i go to those games, the Phillies never win. I wish i'd kept track of a total win-loss record of Phillies games i've seen. It might be something like 6-18. Damnit. But i got to see Cori and it was really fun... i liked it a lot. Thanks for coming. I start work on Tuesday. So two more days to mess around. We'll see what happens. Yeah... Dunno how much i'll update. I know i tried that whole, like, updating everyday and night thing last year. Not gonna happen this time. Just not into it. Bye for now. |
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| Read 2 - Post | ||||
| phew | ||||
| 04:13pm 22/05/2004 | ||||
Other than that takehome final due Wednesday, i just have one last real final Friday morning, that i probably won't study for until... well at the earliest Wednesday night. Probably gonna start Thursday though. We'll see. An interesting side-effect from typing all those papers (30 pages worth or whatever it was)... i'm typing much faster and much more inaccurately now. I keep assuming that everything has autocorrect. You should see the entries on there... thousands of them. Every typing mistake i ever have is on there... so i never make mistakes on Word anymore. Everywhere else... eh. Tim has a comp sci project due tonight. And like always, doesn't want the world to notice that he exists for every second that he works on it. I think i've said a total of 2-3 sentences to him today... which is probably 2-3 sentences too many. Sorry for bothering you, but some people like distractions every couple hours. Will he want to eat dinner tonight? Film at 11. It's too hot, again. Even Cori couldn't stand it much today. And it should get over 90 for the next two days. Joy. Good thing i'll be inside not working. Oh yeah... Flyers. They made a miraculous comeback Thursday night and are playing for the rights to go to the Stanley Cup Final tonight. Will they win? No idea. Did i pick them to even get to a Game Seven? Nope. Are the Lightning still faster, more dangerous, and fresher? Yep. Again... no idea on tonight. I'll just watch and pray. Saw a movie last night with Cori. Man on Fire. It was very good... actually a little different than i thought it would be. Basically i came into it thinking "hm, Denzel pretty much just kills a lot of people, right?" Not exactly... it was a very deep movie throughout, one of those coming-to-terms-with-things kinda flicks. And he tries to enact revenge on everyone for the kidnapping of a girl that he really grew close to. Second half the movie = incredible. Highly recommended for fans of 24... one of those renegade men kinda movies at this point. And a great ending. And the kicker? True story. Yeah, what an intense true story. Go see it. Anything else to say? Hm, nope, don't think so. Just waiting for Tuesday to buy my last bunch of CDs here. As always there will be an update specificing what they are and how i feel about them. Be patient. Less than a week and i'm back in Kent County... |
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| Read 3 - Post | ||||
| nine days later, an update to hold you another week or so | ||||
| 02:29pm 15/05/2004 | ||||
Monday 5/17: Read 34 pages for POSC Get my ECON test back and whine about it Meet with my EDUC group and finalize our presentation Tuesday 5/18 Read 3 chapters for HIST397 Turn in my final essay for HIST104 (thank God i got that done already) Go to a History Ed. meeting at 5pm, miss half of my EDUC class Group presentation assessment assignment for Group 1 for EDUC Take part in my own presentation at 6:45pm for EDUC Wednesday 5/19 Work on POSC and HIST397 papers Thursday 5/20 Work on POSC and HIST397 papers Friday 5/21 15-page HIST397 paper due 5-page POSC333 paper due Group self-assessment for EDUC presentation due .... Wednesday 5/26 EDUC final due .... Friday 5/28 ECON final at 8am .... There is, basically, the upcoming 12 days. Probably the most grueling week of college for me so far... never had to write this much in one week. But i get a break in that i only really have one final exam... so my second week here is light. I'll take that, i guess. And other miscellaneous notes: I've missed you Cori, and it was fun to finally spend a night together last night. Thanks. We get to do it again today, i'm cherishing these couple days before i go into lockdown. I hope your few days home and in Latrobe were fulfilling, Tim. Hope the family's doing alright. It's been 10 years since i lost a grandparent, and even then he wasn't very close. I'm glad you got to spend time with family over the last couple days. Congratulations on Nick and Gina reaching 6 months together. With summer about to fly by, you'll automatically reach 9 months soon. Then it's schooltime again! The first half year is the tough part, now you're on cruise control. :) Bye for a while everyone... knock on 202A if you wanna see how i'm doing. |
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| Read 2 - Post | ||||
contemplative| fine, i'll update | ||||
| 07:23pm 06/05/2004 | ||||
Anyway. Haven't been doing a terrible amount of work lately. It's not really a good thing because it's making me feel like the semester is winding down... which it is, but i have a buttload of stuff to do... in about a week. From the 13th to the 21st, i will have either an exam or a paper in every class. I have a Education presentation on the 18th, which will be annoying, by not hard i guess. The Econ exam Friday should be fine too, but the papers will prove to be quite the workload. HIST104 - 5 pages, due the 18th. POSC333 - ? pages (probably 5-6), due the 21st. EDUC413 - ? pages (probably 7-8), due the 21st. HIST397 - 15 pages, due the 21st. Yeah. So, about halfway through next week, don't expect to see too much of me for about 10 days. I'll be locked in here typing away, hoping to get all that done... we will see what happens. New music, as always, over the last month basically: various artists - Ferret Music: Progression Through Aggression The Agony Scene - self-titled Dead Poetic - New Medicines Remembering Never - She Looks So Good In Red Demon Hunter - Summer Of Darkness Scars Of Tomorrow - Rope Tied To The Trigger Horse The Band - R. Borlax Remembering Never - Women & Children Die First Atreyu - Suicide Notes & Butterfly Kisses All Out War - Condemned To Suffer I spend too much money. Good thing i'll have a job in less than a month. That's all. You have an update, jerks. |
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| Read 2 - Post | ||||
accomplished| still sick | ||||
| 10:48pm 01/05/2004 | ||||
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| Post | ||||
| sick | ||||
| 08:57pm 28/04/2004 | ||||
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| Read 1 - Post | ||||
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andychrz |
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