New Voices Order   
04:08pm 06/08/2003
  *NV- Feel The Painnnn.
*Does anyone REALLY know What's Eating Vagina Grape?
*I just had an epitome!
*You ARE the full package!
*Excuse me, is that pony loaf? Rice-a-Poni.
*Shut up Gabe.
*May I have more potato salad and fried chicken?
*OMG, that's terrible. I've NEVER heard anyone use that word so freely.
*Elevator rides in the dark.
*GO TO BED.
*Hi my name is Meghan, and there's nothing interesting about me. Blahty blahty blah blah blah, tweetle deedle dee.
*I'd like a talled iced caffe mocha and a jumbo chocolate chip muffin. It's ALWAYS $4.97 on my day.
*Not on my time!
*No Stoning.
*Hey Sexy People... and barbara.
*Pale penis dragon.
*Stealing street signs should not be illegal.
*Oh Joseph! Up to your old tricks again. Trying to make children feel bad about their futures.
*It's called "Real Sex" and it's not porn.
*I've been here for while now. Got nothing better to do than count the days til my escape. For 11,568 hours I've patiently awaited..... SHIIIIITTTT......FUCKKKK...
*I saw you wearing those gay boy glasses.
*Don't play in the rain... especially at Donna's house.
*O is for ohhh in the bathtub.
*Changing voice recordings on Barbara's cell phone is fun.
*Pistachios are evil.
*So is peanut butter.
*You're so anal.
*Look the White Stripes.. let's all freak out.
*Newspapers inspire.
*Starbucks is a higher power.

I miss you all more than you could imagine.
Thank you all for the inspiration.
Keep it up, you are amazing.
;-)
 
     

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Hmm   
11:59pm 03/08/2003
  well.. I'm back. I had the most amazing experience of my life. Everything else seems too insignificant to deal with.

Out
 
     

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Hmm   
11:59pm 03/08/2003
  well.. I'm back. I had the most amazing experience of my life. Everything else seems too insignificant to deal with.

Out
 
     

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Writer's BLOCK   
11:59pm 25/06/2003
 
mood: optimistic
music: Train- Calling All Angels
Yea, I'm trying to write this play thing before I leave on sunday. It's so difficult to do. I dont know how I wrote the first one or why it won. But I'm glad that I get to be away for three weeks. I'm excited and nervous at the same time, getting to step out of my comfort zone. I think it will be interesting. I'm kinda worried ab not liking my roomate. I hope that he's cool and doesnt annoy the mess out of me. I've decided that I wont become jealous and kill him bc he isnt there for playwrighting, but acting.

WELL i have just been hanging by the pool for the last few days and eating alot of food. but i have good news, fans:

I GOT THE JETTA THAT I WANTED!!! WHOOP WHOOP

now all i have to do is save up hundreds of dollars and get it painted so it will be shinier and stuff. BUT im definitely keeping it black. I can't wait til it gets in from the shop so I can start working on it. My birthday party is this friday and im pretty sure that it's not going to rain!! I hope it turns out to be fun and i hope to see my friends before I leave.

I NEED TO START MY DIET AGAIN, IM A HEFFER.
 
     

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Friends ONLY   
12:49am 21/06/2003
  Now that my feelings have been completely exploited, I have decided to make my journal Friends Only. Sorry, there is nothing left for you here, you nosy heffer.  
     

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ugghh   
05:33pm 18/06/2003
  Well, Grandma didn't want to cough up the dough..

so that car is out of the picture.

But today I found a Black 95 Jetta that is only $2,500. I got my hopes all up. Then my stepdad came home and told me it was out of the price range. But he was willing to pay that much for a GD saturn. I'm trying to have calm composure right now, but words can't express how far beyond pissed off I am right now.
 
     

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To Grandmother's Purse We Go   
01:15pm 17/06/2003
 
mood: hopeful
music: Over the River and Through the Woods
OK, so today is monday. The first real day without school. Just as suspected I am bored out of my mind with nothing at all to do. I watched "The Color Purple" this morning. I thought it was a great movie with great direction. It had excellent characters too. Now I'm sitting here wondering what better things all of my friends are doing. I also need to start working on my new project to take to New Voices in a few weeks.

Remember how I told you I hate my parents bc they wouldn't get me that car? Welll... I still hate them but my Mom called my Dad today to ask if he would help out with the money situation. He obviously said no. But he DID say that he would ask my Grandma if she had money to give so I can get the car I want. I hope he asks her and she makes up her mind soon before it is gone!

Let's keep our fingers crossed.

I love my Grandmother...
 
     

(Take 1 | Lights, Camera, Action)

 
auto WRECK   
07:42pm 16/06/2003
 
mood: pissed off
TODAY absolutely SUCKED. I'm very angry right now. I got up EARLY today and looked in the newspaper for cars. So I found some that I wanted to check out (all in Richmond) and Chip took me to go look at them. Ok, all the Hondas that looked at were crap. They were cheap and ghetto and ugly as mess. I found this dark blue 97 Saturn SL2 .. we went and looked at it. It's the perfect car for me. and my dumbass parents WON'T get it. Its ONLY $3,000!!! I'm thinking.. you dumbasses.. this is a very rare situation that I will actually like a car this cheap and they are going to pass it up. I HATE THEM. God, they are so freaking retarded. So, later I talked to my mom about it and told her to ask chip if there was anything I could do to make money for it so I could have it.. and they went into this big effin deal about how I need to get a job. HOW THE HELL am i going to get a job when I dont have my liscense?? (RESPONSE: You can get a job like your sisters did) You mean my dumbass sisters that nearly failed school and didnt do ANY extracurricular activites. Do they really expect me to have a job and be in every freaking club ever made and still do theatre AND keep up my grades. HELL NO. its not going to happen. SO now I'm being punished by having to drive a peice of crap. i hate them for putting this on me. I hate them for not trying to find a way around it. i hate them every time they spend money on themselves. they both have expensive ass cars and they cant even get me the cheap one i want. Im PISSED. i don't feel like ever talking to them again. I just want that damn car right now.

Besides that, I went to some stores today and bought some stuff for my playwrighting BOOT CAMP im going to for three weeks. THANK GOD i will have break from them. It's too bad I also have to take a break from my friends....

It's been a while. and i'm still waiting.
 
     

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Alma Matters   
10:06pm 15/06/2003
 
mood: bored
Graduation Friday night was depressing. I sat there with my friends in the audience watching my friends walk across the stage. It was kinda strange (being in the audience and not on stage with them). It reminded just how close we really are. It rained really hard for a little while.

I was out of it the whole time.

Word of Advice: Don't take 3 benadryl at a time. You WILL be out of it too. After everyone had finished graduating, I went and told them all goodbye. It hasn't really hit me yet that it was the last time I would see them for a very long time.

Today I cleaned out my bookbag and binders from this year. Wow, I didn't realize just how much crap we have done this year. It's crazy. My stepdad's family came over today so I made plans to go to my dad's house for enough time to escape them. It worked out pretty well. Tomorrow I am going out to buy stuff for my 3 weeks in richmond. Yep, 3 weeks away from home. Making my play, writing a new one. I hope it's not too boring and I REALLY hope that I don't hate the people there. I'm pretty sure I will get stuck with some crappy roommate knowing my luck.
 
     

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Yea. It's Over.   
10:43am 13/06/2003
 
mood: okay
music: John Mayer - Love Song for No One
Today was the last day of school. No more until September. Graduation is tonight. Time to say goodbye to everyone. It's finally here.

here we go

The summer begins. Where will it take me? All I have is time to see. To make the best of it.

I just can't get enough
 
     

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And That's What Friends Are For   
11:57pm 12/06/2003
 
mood: hopeful
music: Cruisin
Thanks Jessica for all your help with my journal. But beyond that, thank you for your support. I really appreciate all the encouragement you have to offer.

Now I see that my true friends will hopefully stick by me no matter what. Even though i may not see them every day.. and it may be hard at times to get by thinking about what i cant have and what im trying so hard to earn, but I can always count on my friends. I really appreciate them.

My Thanks goes out to everyone who's there.. even if you are hiding behind a facade. I understand. Even if it takes forever. Im here bc ur more than i could hope for. Stay.

*Ms. Bishop: Thank You for this year. Words can't begin to express the appreciation I have for what you have done.

* Much Love for everyone graduating tomorrow. You mean the world to me. What will I do without you? I know I have been out of it for over a month, but I'm still here. Each one of you will take a part of me when u leave. I'm not ready to say goodbye.. but I know u have to leave. I hope you take the same passion and hard work I have seen from you and put it into everything you do. Keep ur head up. Congratulations:

Karena
Sara
Sarah
Chris
Talia
Andrea
Ericka
Monica
Tae Tae
 
     

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Almost There...   
01:34pm 12/06/2003
 
mood: scared
music: ANTS MARCHING
Wow... ONE day left and I'm there. The long awaited but dreaded summer vacation. What kinda vacation takes you away from the people you like.. your friends. I dont know what to think. This year has been amazing (understatement) It has given me more than I could ever dream of. So, I'll take you back in time for a while.....

It's the summer after the 9th grade. I have nothing really going for me. I like school way too much so I decide to take summer school to get ahead. Now I hate my parents because they are making me pay to learn... $200. Well i dont go to the pool at all because of some whack surgery. So now I'm going back and I'm pale and everything is looking down. ya see when I was younger I played soccer. it was my passion. i would give up anything just to play. but when i didn't make a certain team one year, i gave up on everything. I was a psycho.
Back to where i was.. so i'm going into the tenth grade with nothing to look forward to. No hobbies, no good friends and I dont know where to turn. I dont get along with people well so its tough.... AND THEN... it happened. I decide to try out for a one-act play competition because I hear that you get to perform it in a hotel in Richmond, Virginia against 45 other schools around the state. And this is the ONLY reason I join. To compete. And for one month I work with a group of about 15 or more people on a play called "atomic shakespeare". I learn every detail about everyone of them. They become my best friends. They change me in every way. I become much more of an extrovert and I realize talents I've never had before. Later in the year, I will tell them more than i would ever tell anyone. And my director, Stephanie Bishop, becomes not only my teacher, but one of my best friends in the entire world. I love every single one of them. well, we take this one act play to the competition in Richmond.. and through our passion and hard work, we win First Place in the state. This means we get to advance to a national competition and represent Virginia. So for the next 5 or 6 months I work with this same group of people (Except Michael who dropped out for more important things.. like soccer) and we become even closer as we raise $10,000 to attend. Luckily for us, the competition was held in VA that year so we didnt have to go very far. During the rehearsal process (each day after school til 5:00) I met so many more friends. I'm very involved in school and i'm in many clubs. I meet a girl named Carrie and we become great friends. She is a very religious girl and she is very passionate about everything she does. And for this time, I am defined by the people around me (friends.. parents). I become exactly what everyone expects. I try to impress constantly. I'm setting myself up..

So we take our show to the SETC (the national competition) and we get slammed by the judges. We dont win. But we face a huge challenge. A challenge that has been a very difficult one for me.. moving on. After the competition, we went right into the musical. I acted in it as well as designed the set. It actually turned out pretty good and I got to see many of the same people that were in the first show. My best friend for four years and I played a little prank on a few friendst that turned TERRIBLY aweful. we found out a few things they had done.. and for months i turned my back on all of them. I shut them out. Me and my 4 yr friend grew apart and ended up hating eachother. And im without the people i like bc i shut them all out. Now im screwed. I try really hard for a long time to gain there friendship back. Now we all hate the 4 year friend together. Also, I ran for Junior class president (REMINDER: im still in my extroverted friendly stage) And for many weeks.. im nice to EVERYONE. I suck up way too much. and the week is finally here.. the week of elections.. of the musical.. of my breakdown. YOU see.. i find someone and i think im in love this week. The problem is.. they're already taken. But they dont let that stop them. And im become OBSESSED. i stay committed to this person more thn i ever thought possible. but i felt so free that i didnt want to stop. I couldnt slow down. It all moved way to fast. So in this week of my musical.. of the elections.. I stop eating and i never sleep. I can't seem to focus on school. And just in time, the musical is over, i win a playwrighting contest (on june 29th i leave to richmond for 3 wks to make it into a play), the elections are wrapped up (i win) and im on my own (theatre is my life and the friends i see everyday are now leaving). But im stuck here. In this weird state... depressed about theatre.. obsessed ab this person.. and completely failing everything in school just to focus all my time on someone who isnt good for me.

and i start to change

the elections came just in time bc afterwards i stop liking everyone. All my friends get the back burner. My relationship with family weakens. I stop trying in school. In fact I skip one class every day for a month by lying to my teacher bc of this person. NOW.. i try things that i never thought i would. And i become completely vulnerable. I would be open to (and hope for) getting drunk and partying even though it hasnt happened. I dropped my friend Carrie. and all the others except a select few. As of now, I'm still in this confused state. Trying to decide which way this person will go... am i still gonna be the secret on on the side or what. maybe im just being used. maybe this is the best thing thats ever happened to me. or the worse.

SO NOW im here. One day left of school and I'm scared out of my mind. I'm scared of leaving everyone that matters to me. Im scared of hurting the relationships that exist. Im scared of leaving what i've become soo comfortable with... why am i in love with what i cant have? (becuase im getting mixed signals) how will i survive a summer without them? (im afraid i wont.)
 
     

(Take 4 | Lights, Camera, Action)

 
first journal   
07:15pm 11/06/2003
 
mood: disappointed
music: DMB- Grey Street
Today was a complete failure. I didn't really get anything done. Now, I'm just one day closer
to leaving all of my friends for a long time. And many of them (the seniors) for even longer. I want
to keep in touch, but you never know how you will change without them. I'm scared of leaving
the place I love. I don't love school; I despise it. But my friends are very important. Leaving
and risking losing friendships scares me. Everyone has to do it so I know I'm not alone.

Well, I had my Spanish III exam today. It was quite easy because my teacher isn't very smart.
Allyson called me on my cell during class. Our teacher didn't care. After my half-day at school, I
went to the pool for a few hours. Amanda came. It was very hot and it got boring. I got burnt.

I'm feeling very shallow this month. I decided on some of my goals for this summer:
Get tan
Write some plays
Buy as many nice clothes as possible
Go to alot of parties
Get healthy
Hang out with friends

I'm sure there will be many more to add.

I have my English Exam tomorrow with Mrs. Alley. I don't want to take it. I don't want to study
for it either. I figure it's too late in the year to try to learn everything in one night. And I know
my end of the year grade won't change that much.
I'm sad to see the Jesus Game go. It was the best game in the world. That
game brought be closer to all of my friends. And it had nothing to do with Jesus at all. I gave
my video camera to a friend and now I'm freaking out. I can't find the tape that was in it. The
tape is VERY important because of what it has on it. I REALLY hope that my friend has it. If not,
I'm screwed.

IM not happy at all today so my journal is very boring. I will have to come back with interesting
stuff.
 
     

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