| Maritimes |
[25 Aug 2006|11:25am] |
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I just got back from Halifax. Nice place, that east coast :) Very charming.
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| Mmmmmmemes |
[01 Jul 2006|12:30pm] |
Music Meme stolen from madscientist
I used the first cd in my cd player, then used the next two that were laying closest.
How are you feeling today?
Tout Doucement (Feist)
Will you get far in life?
Mushaboom (Feist - VV Mix)
How do your friends see you?
One Evening (Feist - VV MiX)
Will you get married?
The Simple Story (Feist with Jane Birkin) hmm...
What is your best friend's theme song?
Mushaboom (K-os Mix)
What is the story of your life?
Mushaboom (Mocky Mix)
What was high school like?
Lovertits (Feist with Gonzales) hahaha!!!
How can you get ahead in life?
Mushaboom (Postal Service Remix)
What is the best thing about your friends?
Inside + Out (Apostle of Hustle Unmix)
What is today going to be like?
One Evening (Feist...Gonzales Solo Piano)
What is in store for this weekend?
Gatekeeper (Feist)
What song describes you?
Snow Lion (Feist with Readymade FC)
To describe your grandparents?
When I was a young girl (Feist VV MIX)
How is your life going?
Gatekeeper (Do Right Mix)
What song will they play at your funeral?
Lonely Lonely (Frisbee'd Mix) aww....
How does the world see you?
Overload (The Cardigans)
Will you have a happy life?
In The Round (the cardigans)
What do your friends really think of you?
I Need Some Fine Wine, You, You Need to be Nicer (The cardigans) Awww....REALLY???
Do people secretly lust after you?
Good Morning Joan (The Cardigans)
How can I make myself happy?
Holy Love (The Cardigans)
What should you do with your life?
Drip Drop Teardrop (The Cardigans)
Will you ever have children?
Losing a Friend (The Cardigans)
What makes you sad?
Little Black Cloud (The Cardigans)
How do your parents see you?
Don't Blame Your Daughter (The Cardigans)....woah....
What's coming in your future?
And Then You Kissed Me 2 (The Cardigans) awww...
Do you believe in love at first sight?
Godspell (The Cardigans) ....woah
What song makes you most happy?
Daughters (John Mayer)
How would you describe your past?
Wheel (John Mayer) Hmmm...things do tend to cycle...
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| Where's this strength when I need it? |
[23 Jun 2006|01:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Feist - Lonely Lonely (Frisbee'd Mix) |
] |
On wednesday I had a sob fest while in the shower before work. Then I had another sob fest yesterday, only I didn't even make it to the privacy of the shower stall and I bawled laying on my bed instead. I thought of Andre a bit...but mostly I cried for what I lost when I left Jeff. He would never have treated me the way Andre did, and I lost him for good. He was so gentle and forgiving and understanding. With the summer actually here now, I miss Jeff more than I did when I left him. Maybe I was depressed back then when I broke up with him. Leaving him was a decision that definetely affected the rest of my life. We had so many plans and even our families liked each other. Did you know when people took our picture, I'd actually smile? I've never openly smiled in pictures until I met him, and I haven't since I left him. I always thought that was something special that only he could bring out in me.
Maybe I'm shifting my hurt feelings and loneliness from Andre to Jeff so that I don't feel so angry with Andre. I don't know. I just can't stop thinking about Jeff. Even what he looks like, his mouth and his eyes and his hands. And his voice. I really miss him.
Feeling this kind of rejection opens my eyes to what Jeff must have felt. Everything was going fine and then one day his girlfriend called him up to say things weren't going to work. And why? No good reason, really. "things just won't work out" is what I said. Bullshit, when it comes down to it. I should have waited. He said we could work things out together, that we needed to work at a relationship. I ignored him. And now I'm hurt and I know how he felt. It's been 4 months since I've seen him and suddenly it feels like yesterday that this all happened. Speaking from my heart at this very moment, I wish I could take it all back.
Of course I'm only remembering the good things when I think about him. That's what missing someone is all about. Most days lately I just think those good things outweigh what was bothering me about our relationship, simply because...well you can work on a relationship and certain cicumstances but you can't change a person. And I wouldn't want him to ever change.
I suppose I deserve this heartache. I'm the one who ended it. I treated him like shit and now I'm regretting it.
I thought about calling him. Something tells me he's moved on though, and found someone else by now. I e-mailed him last week and haven't heard anything back. I don't even know what I'd say. And if I figured something out, how would I start? How could I ever begin to explain myself and to ask for forgiveness? I know that realistically, we couldn't get back together. There would be trust issues and I think his family would disapprove.
Above all, I miss what we had. I don't miss the trips and the outings, and the gifts and the weekends spent at his place. That's all external and anyone can find it with any person. What I miss was the way he looked at me, the way he loved me and cared about me. He respected me and only wanted the best for me.
You know that feeling you get when someone looks at you and it feels like they can see into your soul? He looked at me that way. We had one of those connections that doesn't happen often.
One day I may end up with someone who doesn't share that kind of connection with me. But I will always have the knowledge that I did, at one time, have that with someone. That kind of all-encompassing love that makes you giggle from your toes all the way up your spine when you see them. At least I've been lucky enough to experience it once in my life.
*edit* I just realized what song was playing when I finished this entry. I didn't pick it on purpose! It's called lonely lonely completely out of coincedence! I think that's hilarious in a sad way.
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| well, whatever |
[19 Jun 2006|04:52pm] |
That's it. It's over. He broke up with me. I could see it coming, obviously. He said "this isn't going to work". And I saved him from saying much else because I don't want to hear any bullshit excuses. Anyways, whatever. His loss, not mine!
There is, however, a lot I failed to say to him. I wanted to ask a few things, too. Mainly I just wanted to give him a piece of advice...to never do this to anyone again. It's not fair...to string a girl along, tell her you're in love with her, introduce her to your friends and family (usually a sign a guy's serious), sing to her in your car, tell her you can look into her eyes for a long, long time, and say, "this feels like it's going to last a long time...", and then tell her "This isn't going to work out."
I'll be fine though. Give me a few weeks and the only remnant will be the dried flower which is already sitting beside the others from failed relationships. Just a reminder that at one time or another, someone cared, even if just for a little while.
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| Drama in the Centrum! Oh, dear... |
[17 Jun 2006|10:43pm] |
I went out tonight with Laura and a bunch of people from the place she works at (I know a few of them, two of whom I used to work with, too). We were at O'Connor's when they evacuated us because some dumbass left a briefcase with wires hanging out of it on a bench outside the theatre nextdoor. Hehe saturday night drama!! EVERYONE PAY YOUR BILL AND GET THE FUCK OUT!!
So it's 10:41pm and I'm home early, with nothing to preoccupy/distract myself with. This sucks. I wish I was sober, too. Being sad and tipsy is no fun...
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| Days like this... |
[11 Jun 2006|10:29pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
] |
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music |
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Feist- Inside and Out (Apostle of Hustle UnMix) |
] |
It's days like today that make all the pain and worrying worthwhile. I had an amazing time, for some reason...it's not as if anything extraordinary happened. I just had a wonderful day. I helped Ben with his movie and then spent most of my day with Andrzej, lapping up his attention.
Today I'm appreciated, loved, completely spoiled and I feel beautiful.
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| What is it about Monday nights? |
[20 Mar 2006|10:07pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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I am so exhausted.
Today I went to work for 6 hours, went straight to school, then sat with Lindsay and *tried* to talk about school work. But, personal matters always end up ruling our conversations, no matter how hard we try (this week was more difficult though, Lindsay's going through a really tough time), and we hardly get any real work done.
Anyways, I went home, thinking I was going to study for that bio test I have tomorrow...but I'm so TIRED. It's barely 10pm yet! I love watching Leno's Headlines on Monday nights, and almost every week I manage to fall asleep either during the evening news, or during Leno's monologue...if I'm lucky I'll be up long enough to actually catch Headlines.
Why is it only monday nights that are so hard to stay up for? Any other night of the week and I'd be up until midnight or later!
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| I look like a soccer mom |
[15 Mar 2006|09:04am] |
I cut my hair cut yesterday, just spur of the moment. I think it was a mistake. I look like a cross between Peter Pan and a soccer mom. It's so short! I don't know what to do with it. Maybe I need a bandana or scarf or SOMETHING to put in my hair to make it seem less strange. It's almost like a pixie cut except...I look like a mom!! I've got it all spiky in the back, but the front it so short that I can't do much with it except pin it back.
For now I have two things to be grateful for with this cut.
1) all my dyed hair is gone
2) my hair isn't in my eyes (I have real bangs!)
I'll post pics when I can.
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| March 8th! |
[08 Mar 2006|11:03am] |
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Happy International Women's Day!
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| Oh PLEASE, someone hold my hair back... |
[09 Feb 2006|09:40am] |
Urge to puke very great...watch out...*gag*
This V-Day's gonna suck the big one. First time I'm actually single on this "special" day in about...5 years.
I have a midterm that day. I think I'll celebrate it being over by getting loaded with Lindsay. I was thinking of asking Jen to come along but she can be a pain (ie. makes fun of everyone). Maybe Laura could come, too. But then again all she'll do is whine and complain about her situation with her ex. Damnit, I am so fed up with hearing about him.
We shall see...
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| I forget...is it a sin to be proud of oneself? |
[07 Feb 2006|09:33am] |
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mood |
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happy |
] |
90% on my first biotech test! Go Isa :D
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| Just some self-assurance. |
[02 Feb 2006|10:15am] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
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music |
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Cloudbusting- by Kate Bush |
] |
Well, after a huge blowout with Jeff over msn last night, I think neither of us has anything left to say. It didn't quite end on a happy note. However, it did end in a way that won't allow this thing between us to drag on painfully. When it all comes down to it, I'd rather he be angry with me than me being angry with him. Too much energy goes into being angry. Maybe he's not angry. He claims he was laughing at me in his last e-mail. That's ok. A bitter laugh in his throat is better than a sob.
I don't care anymore. I know I'm intelligent, I'm attractive, and I can stand my ground. If that's too much for someone, then I'll just look elsewhere.
For now I'd rather learn more about myself then try to figure out how to make a relationship work. I'd like to learn how to live my life by my rules, on my time, to my liking. I don't need someone to satisfy my needs, and I don't need anyone to make me feel good about myself. I have friends and family for that, as well as my own confidence in my abilities.
Being single is a funny feeling. It'll take some getting used to. But everything a boyfriend can provide, I can find somewhere else.
I'm sure I'll be a success one day :D
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| So long, Jeff |
[24 Jan 2006|10:11am] |
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mood |
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melancholy |
] |
I broke up with Jeff yesterday. Too much to talk about and I'm all talked out. We love eachother but I know I won't be happy in the long run. I'd like to rip the bandaid off quickly rather than forestall the pain!
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| :D |
[07 Sep 2005|05:29pm] |
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Happy Birthday to meee, I am twenty threee!
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| I like buying new music. |
[08 Jun 2005|05:36pm] |
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I picked up the new Coldplay CD today. It's excellent, just as I expected. If any of you pick it up too, listen for hidden track #13. It's beautiful.
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| poop. |
[25 Mar 2005|10:24am] |
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mood |
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 naughty |
] |
Aaaaaaah what am I doing???
I am:
-showering
-shaving my legs
-shaving EVERYTHING
-driving to kelly's place
-watching a movie at kelly's place
Yeah you can read into that as far as you want because what ever you're thinking is probably right. Although I have my period. Hum. That hasn't always stopped me before...Blah. ok. Off to shower.
(someone slap some sense into me??? please???)
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| Life |
[06 Jan 2005|02:59pm] |
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mood |
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 indifferent |
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I never feel like updating my journal anymore. I don't have much to talk about. I am looking for a new job, hopefully at my bank. I'm also looking into joining a gym to lose this stupid weight, argh. I have to put that off til tomorrow because my lazy boss has called me into work an hour early.
*sigh*
My life isn't too interesting right now. I'm bored with everything.
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| Wow :) |
[16 Oct 2004|10:24am] |
Way to go  empyreal, with 22999 points! my my...
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[17 Sep 2004|11:06pm] |
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I was in a really good mood tonight on the way home from O'Connors. It's nice spending time with just the girsl every now and then. I feel lucky.
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