Amnesia girl!

History

5th April 2005

10:37am: Smiminim, D'man, yep n'us
Well this is my entry to Blurty! Yay me! Nothing too big going on here, unless your willing to read on...

I'm sick, queasy, with headaches and the occasional vomiting (Yes. I am, if your wondering.) I talked with Darrell this morning, Ive been insinuating and he knows now. Whew! I'd wanted to tell him over dinner but he's been WORKING, again! Until I came up to the studio no one believed he had a girlfriend. Then of course I never call him either :) So we've got the weirdest thing going on. I hate him and he hates me but we've been together so long that we sleep together, infrequently just as infrequently as we always did, and Its exclusive at least on my part. I've had my suspicisions but I dont let it get in the way because I'd worry myself to death. HE continuously accuses me of dating and sleeping with my daughter's dad. Which I am not (no, like I could if I wanted to.) But I'd rather not.

He's like one of those toys you pull the string on and a selected number of responses could come out, "Why wont you forgive me?" "How's things going with you and your man?" Why cant we get back together?" "Everything I say after this is a humongus big fat lie." "I'm not trying to get with you" "I just wanna be friends, I mean we've got a kid" "Wanna go out?" "How is my daughter?" "What did I do that was so Bad?" "You know I love all of you" <> "Why wont you forgive me?" "How's things going with you and your man?" Why cant we get back together?" "Everything I say after this is a humongus big fat lie." "I'm not trying to get with you" "I just wanna be friends, I mean we've got a kid" "Wanna go out?" "How is my daughter?" "What did I do that was so Bad?" "You know I love all of you" "I dont just want you for sex!?!"

I mean leave me the fuck alone and pay your fucking child support REGULARLY and stop taking "medical leaves" before you get fucking fired and then I really wont talk to your ass!!
BY THE WAY WHERE IN THE HELL IS MY CHILD SUPPORT CHECK!!! YOU FUCKING ASS!!! DONT YOU THINK SH'WE NEED THAT MONEY?!? IF YOUR NOT GOING TO WORK, BE THERE WHEN THEY DONT SEND THE MONEY BUT THEY "TOOK IT OUT OF ... CHECK" DONT EVEN THINK FOR A MINUTE THAT WHEN YOU START PAYING AGAIN THAT YOU CAN SPEAK TO ME, LET ALONE SEE YOUR DAUGHTER BECAUSE IT AINT GONNA HAPPEN. YOU FUCK!

Now Back to my Baby Daddy (the second and third one,) He is sooo uptight! And High-strung! He is a beautiful man in concept. A very hard worker, excellent in fact, not to mention that he is PACKING (why he thinks I'm cheating is beyond me, & probably a later entry.) He is striving very hard to be a business man, and someday he will succeed. Alas, it leaves me on the bench and under criticism that I haven't yet decided NOT to work for the MAN! As I feel like a loser because I dont get enough attention and yes do occassionaly wish someone would come and hug and kiss me and make me feel like a lady. As I bitch and complain that we dont have enough money and we'd have more if he'd get another job.

Ok now that I've written it out I'm convinced that I am a horrible girlfriend! I must be driving him insane. I should be by his side supporting him, BUT I have to support two babies and on the verge of a THIRD if he doesn't get his crap together and pay for the procedure. Hell I dont have any extra cash to pull from the bills that I pay to put on IT myself. And unfortunately for him he's a parent too and if I have to ravage all possibility of living my dream why should I be the only one behaving responsibly?

<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>
My hon just asked me If I wanted to get an Apartment? He's going to rent out his house so we can downsize/meld in together. (In case your wondering his house is huge and he can get quite a bit per month for it.) Voila! More money! Things are looking up!


Check Me Later!
Current Mood: & giddy
Current Music: None today!
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