Savage Ace Lynch's Journal
20 most recent posts

Date:2004-01-30 09:53
Subject:
Security:Public

am walking
out in the rain
and I am listening to the low moan
of the dial tone again
and I am getting
nowhere with you
and I can't let it go
and I can't get through...
the old woman behind the pink curtains
and the closed door
on the first floor
she's listening through the air shaft
to see how long our swan song can last
and both hands
now use both hands
oh, no don't close your eyes
I am writing
graffitti on your body
I am drawing the story of
how hard we tried
I am watching your chest rise and fall
like the tides of my life,
and the rest of it all
and your bones have been my bedframe
and your flesh has been my pillow
I am waiting for sleep
to offer up the deep
with both hands
in eachother's shadows we grew less and less tall
and eventually our theories couldn't explain it all
and I'm recording our history now on the bedroom wall
and eventually the landlord will come
and paint over it all
and I am walking
out in the rain
and I am listening to the low moan of the dial tone again
and I am getting nowhere with you
and I can't let it go
and I can't get though
So now use both hands
please use both hands
oh, no don't close your eyes
I am writing graffitti on your body
I am drawing the story of how hard we tried
hard we tried
how hard we tried

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Date:2004-01-29 19:17
Subject:
Security:Public

Welcome to my sweet hell. I ain't nothing but a bounty hunter...
htttp://elevenseswithafag.net/Iindex.htm

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Date:2004-01-29 19:17
Subject:
Security:Public

Welcome to my sweet hell. I ain't nothing but a bounty hunter...
htttp://elevenseswithafag.net/Iindex.htm

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Date:2004-01-24 17:42
Subject:An update on YOUR lives... :D
Security:Public

figured I would update all you dipshit fucks on reality.
Breaking news is I finally disected Fantasy from Fabrication.
So things were hidden cause it was illegal to see certain loved ones. So, basically, i ddint give a damn and he did. Of course we cant go ruining our lives over it right? Now, of course. But I sure as hell give you a biting chance at reality.
So, I finally got my domain up. Doing cool shit. Moving to Denver asap, savign the cash n shit. Got myself a vehicle and a full time job. Or actually, two full time jobs now. Getting my own skyrise apartment.
Heard some wanna-be me was going to 'elope' but as someone said 'too many of us have had our dick in her, man'. And she fucked up and ditched the brickbrains.
And then this catholic virgin lost her virginity. Or so the rumor was spread from her b/f at the time that she did. And now they are all talking about how she is ganna be dumped in the 'worst way'. And I am all "OMG! I WARNED THOSE DUMB KIDS!"
And out of all this, might I inform you that the 7 year itch comes from years 2 through 6. So, I am ganna be laughing my ass off. Sides, seeing that certain whores male and female have been passed around I see it as a HIV congregation zone. Dude I am so glad to be single. And I am even happier than I know all the people I have ever fucked, adn the numbers have not change for like a year now.
You know, I get out of these things to only watch at these people who claimed not to be whores or drama or sheep... And they do that. They start rumors, dont keep their mouths shut, follow the crowd, become 'celebrities', and catch HIV. I hope they all have a fucking blast with it too. Cause when they turn 22, just like the rest of people there, and they are still sitting in a coffee shop, living with their parents, doing drugs, catching AIDS, and drinking themselves dumb... Well, I wont be here. And neither will anyone else that has a brain. Damn. I really feel bad for them. Awe well. Might as well cause some drama. HAHA! I love hearing what guys say aboutt heir whores behind their backs.
Anyways, so I met this awesoem guy. no worries, he has a gf and he is way too much like me. Its cool to have someone to chill with. I have been with the Denver crowd alot. Umm.. I just found out that one of the chicks I know has a cock and is actually a guy. That one blew my head. Kinda set me off balance to know I am chiling with a bunch of gay guys. On lighter note, I make 30 K a year... Thats about 2,000.00 a month. I feel sooo cool now. HAHA! Yoru all a bunch of Fags!

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Date:2003-12-24 10:05
Subject:
Security:Public

The reckoning comes and goes. Like ice metling from the browned skeletons that still hang from the trees. I packed my backpack and chose my road. 7 miles onto the path I chose, I found my destination. Laying in wait to talk to me. To be my only reverance. The statue. A beautiful woman, wings folded in, hands in prayer, and those tears you don't see you... But you know they are there. They are the same with me.
The tombstones names were hidden by the previous snow. A comforting sense. It helps us forget the dead and just see the beauty of the graves. A resting place I will one day find myself. An to look into the light or curl in my pain a fathom under. It will end in such a way I cannot control. I can manipulate, but cannot control.
I perched myself into the lap of my woman, my lady statue. Turning my eyes towards the heavens, I could once again feel my frozen black wings stretch as if breathing in the freedom of revenge. Brushing the sanguine colors of my hair back from my face, I stood. Staring into the domain which my Lord rules. I hated him for making me what I am. I hated him for giving me human breath. And I hae the fact that I still hide behind his cross. Fear and Stupidity. They are the greatest control I have ever had over the human race.
A solitary Christmas morning. Two weeks of living off my revenge. I forgot all other emotions. They still touch me, but I shun them to sit in my solitude. I thrive on my anger.
Blank eyes flashed down to my side. Pulling back my trench coat, I ran my fingers across the cold barrel of my gun. Fingering the handle I could feel the anger shiftign through my entire body. The snow kissed my face as I looked into the trees, as if confessing my sins to the unknown creatures that flew above me.
Trust no one. Believe none of what you hear, believe only have of what you see. There will always be reality it fantasy. There will always be an underworld. an underdark, that will always be manipulating. There will always be those people sitting next to you in dinners or bars that have seen more than you can possibly think of. And you would never know. There will always be vampyres and sanguinariums that walk among you in the daylight. And you would never know. Someone down the street will always be involved in government conspiracy's and has 7 wives who don't know about each other. And you will never know. I never knew any of these until I questioned. Until someone who had a taste showed it to me. And I expored more than I should've. It is not that you can't get out. It is the thrill that does not ever want to escape you. Once your eyes are opened to the hidden world. Almost like an alternative reality. A movie world... Once you see that, you can never close your eyes. Pray to whatever God you will that your eyes are never opened to my world.

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Date:2003-12-22 09:41
Subject:Dilluted Obscurity
Security:Public

Toss somethings into the open. Watch them misuse and abuse. Create your rumors and lies. Play game in my guise. Drop a penny into a wishing well. Travel down to my hell. I see, I have been betrayal herself. I have been left alone. Lost and dismayed. I grew cold.
For that I always will hate you. I will always want you dead. You are a social fucking butterfly. You think your hot in bed. I can vouche. You can't kiss. I can vouche, your face in the only pretty part. I can vouche, your a lieing, cheating, whore. I can vouche. Look at your record. Look at your lies and rumors. Look at all the people you sleep with. Wait til mommy finds out. Grow some balls. Graduate highschool. Stop reading too deeply. We are all impressed. Really we are. That some little kid frolicks about. Pretending to care, to scream and show. As I said, long in the past. Two blue eyes of a demon. Flicker and flint. Scan and squint. Read and pretend. And then they get jabbed out by random needles.

**hits the ground laughing** I am soooo badass!!

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Date:2003-12-22 09:38
Subject:
Security:Public

There's a way out of any cage.
-- Captain Christopher Pike, "The Menagerie" ("The Cage"),
stardate unknown.

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Date:2003-12-21 16:22
Subject:Resurrected and Unaffected
Security:Public

I lived a life to die for,
Nothing but kissable killer,
I always meet the whore,
Never thought I'd kiss her,

No one ever cared for me,
No was ever there for me,
Spoiled little cunt to me,
Time to roll in misery,

Reching for the gun,
A trigger is my fun,
I may be shunned,
But your the one who is done,

You wanna be a cunt,
You are already a whore,Been broken down and disinfected,
Hacked up to be rearrected,
Bitch you see,
You've been misdirected,
My soul is not reflective,
I'm resurrected and unaffected,
Ran outta sympathy,
Ran outta empathy,
Your nothing but a doll to me,
Nothing but a nobody,

Couldn't take no more,
They stepped in my way,
Their brains are on my floor,
I laugh at thier gore,

Hiding behind my cross,
I am laughing at my own loss,
To play a game,
Without this shame,

Been broken down and disinfected,
Hacked up to be rearrected,
Bitch you see,
You've been misdirected,
My soul is not reflective,
I'm resurrected and unaffected,
Ran outta sympathy,
Ran outta empathy,
Your nothing but a doll to me,
Nothing but a nobody,

I win,
Check mate,
Your too late,
Your sittin bait,

Close your eyes,
Say your prayers,
Bow your head,
Your soul is theirs,

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Date:2003-12-21 12:22
Subject:an entry to a whore
Security:Public

So there is this sociopathic girl who claims to be talking to me. Who claims to know what I say and feel. She claims to be there. And she is the most fake person I have ever met my entire life.
And this is a warning to her. I am gone. I am dead. I died that night in the hospital. I gave that info a few days ago to get you to shut up. And my warning is this: If you do not stop these words and actions, if you do not keep walking instead of following me around, then I will be forced to take action. Your life will be over just as you have ended mine a million times. Just leave me and my affairs alone. Go get tested for std's. Go get a life of your own. Stop being such a posour. Grow up passed highschool. Your not a kid anymore so stop acting like one. I am sick of hearing your name. And if it keeps coming my way, I will ruin your name. I have the evidence. I have the proof. I have my soul and mind, even though my heart is gone. But that only makes me cold and emotionless. But your stirring anger and that isn't good. Remember to explain to your mother how you were fucking my boyfriend when you are taken to court on my trial. Cause she will really wonder about when they state your sexual relationships with him and concern about all the rumors. I am sure you don't want any charges.
So just stay out of my business. I am out of the drama. I am out of the bullshit. I am out of you incestant backstabbing. And you know what, you are nothing but a whore. And everyone knows that. And they all talk about it. So grow up and climb out of the trash before you slip into the sewer. I live in that underdark. Not wise to cross my path. Just leave me be. You've done enough. Lay down and die.

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Date:2003-12-20 13:54
Subject:Happy stickers.
Security:Public

So, I just noticed this sheet of happy face stickers. All with the same sickening grin. They make me laugh when I see them.
And I think I snapped for a moment. I pulled them out of their case, giggled demonically, and licked them. I realized what I did and cannot stop laughing. And I think it is sick and wrong. But I can't stop laughing.

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Date:2003-12-20 11:25
Subject:Reality of Romance
Security:Public

Some love is beyond unreal. A reality we think we can taste, feel, smell, and love.
Like love that occurs when being stranded on a desert island with a gorgeous stranger. And after being chased by pirates you make love on the beach. Or being hired by the government to be on a top secret mission, and your partner is the most gorgeous thing you have ever seen. You hate eachother at first, but before the mission ends and you part way, a romance occurs and one of you dies.
Or my story of living on the streets, falling inlove with a crazy guy when seems to be in the mafia, breaking up over his disloyalty and running to join a wiccan coven in Kansas, then joining the mafia itself. And he asks you to run away with him out of the country and get married. I am still not sure of the ending to this one.
Once you have had that taste, the presence of a fantasy movie, the ones you desire all your life... Once you taste it, it will always linger on your lips. A hateful but passionate kiss. Poisoned petals of a rose.
No one ever said love would be easy, but they never told you it would leave bleeding wounds that would never heal. Could be bandaged, but they would always burn at times.
I would say I didn't want the adventure, but it made me feel like I lived in a dream. People tell you that you are crazy when you tell them the truth. They tell you that you make it all up, adn yet, it is everyone around me that made it up. That group was my fantasy. And all I desire is to fall asleep in someones arms and watch the rain catch the glimmer of the lights as it runs down the window.
People should learn to be thankful for the small things. You never know when they might get taken away. You never know when you have taken someone or something and not appreciated it. The sunrise in the morning.. You could get hit by a car and never see it again. Ever the color of blood. The feel of pain could go away too. You could lose someone close to you at any moment and not let them know how special they were to you... Don't let reality slip away when you start to see the fantasy. Because someday you might lose the reality...
Welcome back reality.... I've missed you.

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Date:2003-12-19 20:56
Subject:The world has its own twists...
Security:Public

So. contact was made. Shit went on. Missing of persons happened. And I am out of square one on a razor's tip. And I think I am leaning on the wrong side of it. But only time can tell. Just as long as I keep my head. Which is hard enough to do.
And I love him. But he fucked me over... So I hate him. And all in all, he was the best thing and the worst thing that has ever happened to me. However... confusion sets in and I begin to wonder and cannot stop myself. Perhaps absence should follow. Or perhaps I am too curious to allow that.
All I know is I taste and smell him. I can't stop smellling him. He has a distinct scent. This time not deluted by the familiar cologne. This time it was pure him. Him and leather, but with him leather always followed. Just keep my head high, hold my soul... And hold my heart in my back pocket. Keep myself outta harms way. I have had enough of brutal boyfriends in my time.

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Date:2003-12-18 20:39
Subject:
Security:Public

Nice old school rock playing. Great guitar with a western tinge to it...
And my life gets more complicated again...At that very moment a certain someone who I once loved, and always will, contacts me. We talk. he says he is trying for me. And here I thought he was the little red light shining in my room from the neighbors house. And again, my life gets more confusing with the words he used 3 times... "your call". Wow that makes me shake. I dont make great choices and my next choice will be final. Maybe I can hold of dating or relationship shit with everyone for a while. No one knows him better than me. No one loves him more than me. And for that, I love him, in a hating way.

There goes the neighborhood.

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Date:2003-12-18 19:07
Subject:Can't be serious!?!?!
Security:Public

Holy! **falls off chair**
So NOW things fall into my lap. Dude....
So I ended up getting a bunch of modeling offers, one in my town, one in the city I want to move to, one on the beach in Florida, and one in LAS VEGAS!!!! .............. Realize, all travel expenses are paid and all. But cute little me in Las Vegas? Maybe this lack of controlling boyfriend with large manacles waiting for me is a good thing? I dunno... I know I am going to need some human contact soon here. I just need to care for someone and have someone care for me. Not sure if I can care again. Have not hurt quite yet. Been twitchy, but not hurt. Emotionless?
Anyways, back to the tale. So I get all this mails from people wanting to pay me to sit there and be adorable. Should I take it? Should I not?
I learned being cute can make me alot. I just better be cute for a reason other than that. Heh....

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Date:2003-12-17 18:52
Subject:
Security:Public

$3,752.00 a month.. and not a thing to do with it....

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Date:2003-12-16 09:51
Subject:Funding???
Security:Public

Hmm.. So I went throguh the calculations. And with the job I have, and the one I will begin when my motorcycle works next week. (If I pay $60 a friends dad fixes it for me)...

Basically, not telling how quite yet, cause when I tried yesterday the computer locked up.. But at the end I would have $3,600.00 left over after lviing expenses. AND IT IS ALL LEGAL... Sort of... ;)
Cmon baby, ya know you want me.
.....................or at least, a bunch of denver kids want me. heh.... I needa find me an Angel or a lawyer. Either way.

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Date:2003-12-12 20:48
Subject:Karma like Coffee
Security:Public

So last night, I got into a fight with Jason cause I am ‘stealing’ his girlfriend. I was already stressed as it was. A house of 7 drunken enemies is not something that places me at ease. Especially when they bash on my charisma. So I took off on a walk. I dressed in all black leather with crosses and long white blouse. Laced up my boots and bolted with the dog. I ended up at a gas station. I saw this hippy chick staring in the window. I asked her if she was okay, and she went off on how she loved coffee. She smiled at me and stated that her name was Karma. So I bought Karma cheap 7-11 coffee after we laughed about it. We sat down on the sidewalk drinking our coffee and smoking our cigarettes. A goth and a hippy, that must’ve been quite the sight. We talked about life and love. We spoke of our favorite things. Funny what they are when you get down to it.
Karma grinned slyly at me, “I don’t know. I have always had a thing for carbon… Just to mush my fingers in the ask try and feel the silky powder. Umm… I like buttons. The wood ones, you can chew on them. They taste better than plastic. And when a cat umm… What’s it called?”
I laughed aloud and took a drag. I spoke through my smoke. “..When they get emotional. They funny fluffing up thing they do. And then run your fingers backwards. And I want a bottle with the smell of rain, even if it is the smell of the ozone getting burned away. My next one is weird…”
Karma clenched her hands in her dress and then around my freezing hands… Fingerless velvet gloves don’t keep fingertips very warm. “Please tell me?”
I laughed to myself. “The sound of shattering glass and bells. Beautiful sounds make me think of a graveyard tower… Or the feel of the glowing sun while driving a large junker car to the desert. My hair glowing in the sun. warm breeze. A cigarette doing its best to live as I hang it out the completely open window. Some nice classic rock to Sheryl Crow on the radio. Not knowing your destination… Just know your freedom.”
We both said at the same time, “Room to spread my wings, and maybe someone to spread them with.”
“Do I know you?” I tried to remember the days of swimming with the hippies at the falls. I couldn’t remember but a few faces I was so stoned all the time. Warm water, tons of moss and crawdads biting your feet. Wearing my hippie skirts that bellowed around me every time I jumped in. And the soft melody of drums, guitars, and occasional harmonica.
“Ya know Karma,” I said as I stood and dropped the rest of my cash at hear muddy moccasins. “I am sorry. I think I have messed with you too much. And you bite.”
She laughed and waved as she picked up the cash and got into the VW that drove up. “Too much anger, but a beautiful and great heart.”

I walked away with a strange feeling. As if all of that meant something. When I got home Jason told me I was breaking him and Val up. And so I packed my things. I left the boy rats and took 4 of the girls. I stuffed my things into half of a pick-up and went to my parents. Back to square one. No more friends. A little closer with my family, but that can change at anytime. I realize now that Karma is hitting me hard. I abused the chance she offered me with Angel and all those people in Kansas. The four I really liked ‘Puppet, Shane, Josie, and John’. And the one I loved, Angel. Josie and I talk very often. As often as we check email which is a few times a day. John and I about 3 letters a week. Puppet and Shane, no contact. I miss that last conversation of how I “MUST” come back to Kansas cause I would do well there. Puppet said that. He is a smart kid. And the way Shane always showed up when I thought about him. The way he is so happy and loving all the time. Reminds me of a Teddy Bear with wings. And Angel… The way he did that ‘I am disappointed in you smile.’ How he actually would come near me when I was upset. How I felt better when he hugged me and told me he would not let anything happen to me. I’d even go as far as to judge between two people on the bed part. But you know, I am best to keep my mouth shut. The loser is the type to place a hit on a girl and spread tons of rumors. I’d rather just laugh. I laughed when he seemed embarrassed when I told him he was beautiful. And still hold him to that even to this day. We fell asleep together during a movie and no one bothered waking us up. I think I feel asleep first and he just didn’t want to move. He did the best he could for me even though he doesn’t have anything to offer. And I think I would actually rather have him than some rich guy that is an ass. I liked it when he was angry. I never thought I would say that about anyone. But it really was cute. It made me so happy every time he told me he would not let me leave. Even though I knew I would. He always let me know I was too logical and told me to just think with my heart and soul instead of reasoning. I guess you know, sometimes things don’t make sense. And he was right. It is probably better to let them make sense out of themselves. Sides, the entire moral of the story is Karma really isn’t a bitch… In fact, she is pretty nice. She has a good sense of style for a hippy. Lovely soft brown eyes with long sandy hair, and she isn’t too tall. And she likes coffee and cigarettes. Yeah… Karma is okay. But I wonder if since I bought her some coffee and gave he some smokes… Well, maybe she will go easier on me. Tsh. Keep dreaming… Keep dreaming…

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Date:2003-11-27 14:11
Subject:The Chess Game
Security:Public

The game begins...

I have been in alot of shitty situations in my life. I have had every bf stolen from me from the same girl. And I still called her friend. I have lived on the streets for two years and the asylum for one. I have been in many abusive relationship and on every drug out there. I have held someone at gun point and pulled the trigger. I have dealt drugs and stolen things for a living. But you know what, in this city, I am not ever ganna lift my skirt for them again. Just something to make my skin thicker than it is. No love. No hate. Just a bunch of pawns on my chess board and no one left to play with. In a good game of chess you rarely know when you have lost. They just haven't seen it yet.
Well, I learned somethng.
My boyfriend never really gave a damn and is a spoiled little child. Whens omeone tells on him he has to be a tattle tale back. he has to make up excuses on why he is such a horrible person. And not only that, he has to keep searchng for who he wants to pretend to be next. He is a no body and will always be nothing but a hopless nobody. Sides. I can ruin him.
My friends? there never were any friends. There was a girl who just wanted to play with things. She wanted to mess everything up for not only her entertainment, but for he revenge on how she things I am prettier than her. Her jealousy drove her to being the lowest form of humanity.
All the others were pawns. Being played by a chess game of four players. The fourth player I am still unclear on the meaning of the actions. But I will do my best.
I will get off all my charges, so help me. And I will find out who was meant for me.
Jason Patrick Parliment was right. "There is no love. There are no such things are friends. Everyone uses people. There will never be happiness in anyones life. And you know what else, our relationship never meant anything. I hate you and I never cared at all for 'us'." Well, Patrick, I sure you wasted over $10,000 on our love. Pretty big investment for that. Large invenstment for driving every which way just to find me again. And now, I had enoguh.
No more games from men. No more crap from these people claiming they love you. He was right. No love. No friends. Nothign but a bunch of humans that will always be the same in lying, manipulating, and becoming happy off of attention that they do anythng to get. They are all a bunch of idiots if they think they can hurt me ever again. I am better than that. And by Gods, I am better than them. Cause I don't have to steal people, abuse people, and manipulate to make my life have meaning.
Now... Back tot he meaning of life. Coffee with my teachers. Some people need to be shot. Some people need to be left alone. And some people will be abused, mistreated, lied to, cheated on, walked over, denied any social contact, and then figure out what liife really is all about. It is the other two that I feel bad for. They will never learn what the last will.
CHECK MATE

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Date:2003-11-16 10:57
Subject:A little more confused...
Security:Public

He could not face me alone. He came home with two other people. A chick he fucked a while back. And a guy who has been my pet for 7 years now.I guess it is best he did. I would've beat his head in for abandoning me and destroying the remainer of my life.
I woke up this morning and something is wrong. In my sleep I got a complete tutorial on how to fix my motorcycle, it makes me nervous. I know things I never learned. The problem is this... I passed out when I woke up. Something is wrong with me, I cannot stand straight. I am so dizzy. I fell over just trying to stand. I don't know what is wrong with me exactly. But I know it isn't good. Maybe it has something to do with being drunk the past two days and the non-stop crying. Maybe my anger and confusion. I am not sure. I just need to get my balance. I am not sure. But it isn't good.

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Date:2003-11-16 10:57
Subject:A little more confused...
Security:Public

He could not face me alone. He came home with two other people. A chick he fucked a while back. And a guy who has been my pet for 7 years now.I guess it is best he did. I would've beat his head in for abandoning me and destroying the remainer of my life.
I woke up this morning and something is wrong. In my sleep I got a complete tutorial on how to fix my motorcycle, it makes me nervous. I know things I never learned. The problem is this... I passed out when I woke up. Something is wrong with me, I cannot stand straight. I am so dizzy. I fell over just trying to stand. I don't know what is wrong with me exactly. But I know it isn't good. Maybe it has something to do with being drunk the past two days and the non-stop crying. Maybe my anger and confusion. I am not sure. I just need to get my balance. I am not sure. But it isn't good.

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