Blurty for everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
View:Calendar.
View:Memories.
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.

Friday, June 24th, 2005

Time:7:12 pm.
Mood: worried.
I've eaten o many cookies I'm afraid I'm going to get fat. Well fatter. I've eaten so much the past few days. Since the accident. Must remember moving is harder so I MUST MUST MUST eat less. Can't be fat for September. Just cant
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, December 29th, 2004

Subject:New Year, New Me?
Time:10:50 pm.
Mood: excited.
Music:Greenday- Holiday.
I'm off back to Uni for new year to party with my friend but alos kinda cos I know that he'll be there... I can't help it I get all giggly when I think of him. A pox on me for being so unbelievable lame! Grrargh. Anyway have lost 2st 6lbs go me wooohoo. And plan to tell him that I fancy him on Friday, and to be honest I'm not really sure I care how it goes. Will just be good to have it out, not that I'm particularly subtle so if I were him I'd kinda already know. If things go pear shaped am determined to have a fab night and to be putting the moves on someone at midnight. A new year, a new me... and counting.
Comments: Read 16 or Add Your Own.

Wednesday, November 17th, 2004

Subject:update
Time:4:05 pm.
Mood: chipper.
well, am the president of a society. Just had my 20th birthday woohoo. Lost 1st wooness. Still fat tho. Like this new guy... and he may like me.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, August 4th, 2004

Subject:It's been a while
Time:9:30 pm.
Mood: hopeful.
well am back home for the summer, uni was fine part from one small module that i failed. pah ave to do retakes thi month but technically dont need to pass them woohoo. Got a txt asking me if I wanted to be on the board for my course was like *woo* totally made my day. Anyway in other news had fight with H who is bossy and controllign buy that was liek last month had a shit time back at uni when we moved in. Refuse to let it ruin my 2nd year tho am determiend to have a ball. Am gonna join the commitee, paper and random other things. work my arse off hopefully get a 2:1 *fingers crossed* and shed some god damn weight. Sadly today ave eaten shit loads. Ave an amusing but shittly paid job which occupies my days and am getting driving lessons. Life is kinda good cept I've done no exam revision ave to get my act together and ave confrontation with H on the horizon, but guess it has to be done. Kinda well not even kinda lets be honest; I fancy AV yes I do and I dont kno why but I really do. Argh just keep picturing us getting off but cant see us together would be too weird. just wish he fancied me... but he doesnt. Actually think he still fancies SD. Love her to pieces and she's my best friend but grr she's just so happy with MD I want someone like that. Not AV cos that'd be wierd but someone. Guess the reason guys don't fancy me is cos I'm fat and i'm obsessed with being fat. So what I should do, and do intend to is get off my arse and do somethin about it. Might even get to pull SC who I still like and mabe even MS who I like but am kinda put of by his hands.. Anyway am hoping for a good new year next month.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:It's been a while
Time:9:30 pm.
Mood: hopeful.
well am back home for the summer, uni was fine part from one small module that i failed. pah ave to do retakes thi month but technically dont need to pass them woohoo. Got a txt asking me if I wanted to be on the board for my course was like *woo* totally made my day. Anyway in other news had fight with H who is bossy and controllign buy that was liek last month had a shit time back at uni when we moved in. Refuse to let it ruin my 2nd year tho am determiend to have a ball. Am gonna join the commitee, paper and random other things. work my arse off hopefully get a 2:1 *fingers crossed* and shed some god damn weight. Sadly today ave eaten shit loads. Ave an amusing but shittly paid job which occupies my days and am getting driving lessons. Life is kinda good cept I've done no exam revision ave to get my act together and ave confrontation with H on the horizon, but guess it has to be done. Kinda well not even kinda lets be honest; I fancy AV yes I do and I dont kno why but I really do. Argh just keep picturing us getting off but cant see us together would be too weird. just wish he fancied me... but he doesnt. Actually think he still fancies SD. Love her to pieces and she's my best friend but grr she's just so happy with MD I want someone like that. Not AV cos that'd be wierd but someone. Guess the reason guys don't fancy me is cos I'm fat and i'm obsessed with being fat. So what I should do, and do intend to is get off my arse and do somethin about it. Might even get to pull SC who I still like and mabe even MS who I like but am kinda put of by his hands.. Anyway am hoping for a good new year next month.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, June 12th, 2004

Subject:Ta da
Time:3:46 pm.
Mood: confused.
Music:Lifehouse - Somebody else's song.
well I have new hair, its short, v.short and not how I imagined it looking but its kinda cute sorta pixish. Tumbs up for the new hair then. It would look soo good if I was thin but kinda emphasises how fat I really am. sigh. Am dieting but hopefully next summer when I go home things'll be different and fingers crossed I'll be thinner for Sept. On a weird note keep thinking about... can't even believe I'm saying this.. but MS. I do not fancy him, do I? So why do I want him to like my new hair and why do I keep thinking about him? Argh! It's all wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, May 28th, 2004

Subject:Can you say Daith?
Time:12:28 pm.
Mood: accomplished.
Hmm me neither, bit I finally got one. Am not sure what I really think of it was kinda spur of the moment but figured was the perfect thing to complete my ears and I think it really is. Happily, its suprisingly painless itches a little though not like my helix *roars* which was a complete beeyatch. Kinda wish I'd gone home but then never would've got this beauty and all the shiny stuff I bought so far. Am so beyond skint but ave a hankering for the bookshop feel I should appease myself with the library instead but may well pay it a visit on the way to town... Am kinda down, I don't know why. Guess uni is just a lot less fun then it used to be now everyone is all coupled up and rarely here.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, May 26th, 2004

Subject:And Again
Time:12:52 am.
Mood: awake.
Last exam today, guess it could've gone worse but could've gone a hell of a lot better. Went on a celebraty trip to a new town & I got the cutest new shoes. Also braved hair washing and only 1hour and 20mins to dry its an improvement! Just finished and the fire alarm went off, was seriously like oh fuck, fuck, fuck fuck thought it'd be the steam from my GHD's but anyway was nothing to do with us and firemen were real fitties. All the same would be nice to live somewhere where the fire alarm didn't go off every week, am hankering for the new house & suprisingly a new piercing. Really want a nape but figure would be hell to maintain with hassle of srying my hair & hair washing on those stupid hairdresser sinks. So was thinking something ear related as am soo not thin enough for the navel project, like industrials but think it'd look strange with my BCR & tragus seems so blah. Anyway ave ad many kinda fantasies bout D & S obviously moved on from SC but hate my body, feel uncomfortable letting a guy kno I fancy him when I look like this. And again everyone was thin today & looked sexy & summery I looked fat. Ave all these beautiful shoes, belts & bags but nothing to wear with them. SD's coming up from home on Saturday and really dnt want her to, firstly cos I'm scared she'll uncover my little white lies, second feel uncomfortable going out when I look like shit in everything & third I'm seriously skint, wish I'd just gone home.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, May 23rd, 2004

Subject:Bleh
Time:2:31 pm.
Mood: nauseated.
Went out to T's birthday everyone miffed with A etc. Felt v.fat next to all of them, they all looked beautiful. I looked fat. Wanted to wear the usual but H told me she thought I should change which is kinda kewl as shows we're good friends. Had a good night tho, wore new shoes were suprisingly comfy. Got very drunk but seem to have lost couple pounds. sadly ate a cheeseburger yesterday and noodle and chrisps was v.sick, naturally tho. Which was good anyway cos cleared my stomach and feel better for it. Was kinda coupley last night and I kinda wanted someone to hold my hand & look at me like I was special ...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, May 22nd, 2004

Subject:Realisation Strikes
Time:10:41 am.
Mood: awake.
Music:Natasha Beddingfield - Single.
It occured to me recently that I didnt get fat over night so there's no point weighing myself twice a day everyday cos not much is gonna happen for a while. Also chances of me reaching target weight by start next academic year are slim to none. I aim to be thinner tho and keep working towards it am gonna be way more active this summer and next year am gonna do lots of exercise with A. Am gonna put navel project plans on hold for a while as want it to be perfect. like it to look a certain way but cant really explain it too well. Kinda like when your navel is really wide and shallow sadly mine is deep and squashed so will work on it. Also have been thinkin bout a tattoo recently am thinking a star or faerie or something more personal. Like the idea of getting a Henna tattoo design and adapting it to make a tattoo maybe in brown or mossy green but prob black at the mo. Generally like the back of hand ones but want something less obvious like v.low on the hips kinda pubic region-y. Unlikely lower back as dnt want it to show or spoil my chances of backless dresses. Neway kinda dont fancy SC nemore I think. But I still wanna get off with him. Hmm if my body was perfect then think I would prob be up for a lot more. oh the sleaze. lol. But also fancied this guy in the library. woohoo. Argh need to revise and go shopping.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, May 20th, 2004

Subject:Today
Time:5:37 pm.
Mood: accomplished.
Started eating again couple days ago, but get really bad cramps at night if I eat after 6 and feel sick. Put on the weight again too am less depressed than I thought I would be still feel really fat tho. Is so much stuff I wud love to buy and can actually afford but it wud look shit on me. Met lots of cute guys in last couple days which makes me wish was thinner and better looking but aim to do something about it. A asked me if I thought SC was fit again think she's cottoned on. But saw picture of him and he was less fit and kinda creepy. Wasa kinda like er??? But still wanna pull him, not fumble tho is a bit of a slag and doesn't want a relationship. I think wud be weird fumble with someone I'm gonna see so much n carry on being friends. On a good note my hair is great today wooo me.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, May 16th, 2004

Subject:Fallen
Time:4:59 pm.
Mood: nauseated.
I ate. 3 whole slices of really disgusting pizza am such a heffa. Yesterday ate tuna sweet corn sandwhich, bowl of chicken and rice and two whole slices of chocolate cake not to mention a glass of lemonade and a handful of dolly mix. Feel sick. angry & disappointed. Purged yesterday, tried again today but nothing came, nothing at all just couldn't get it out. I feel fat. We were sititng in the sun and C wore a blue bikini and looked amazing next to her was just a big fat lump. I hate my body. A asked me if I thought SC was fit yesterday was like hmm don't know well he was kinda at the party. She was like hmm but implied he was a bit of a slag and he fancies K but all guys do and maybe C too oh and P. Feel fatter now like one big ball of fat. Have put on like 4lbs in the last two days guess was water retention then. Feel like crying and ave dun no HS today and did none yesterday. Finally my hair is crap and took 4 hours to dry yest and 2 hours to wash. Ddidn't go out with H & C either as felt fat and had nothing to wear that wud disguise my shortcomings. blah my navel hurts inside think may be stupid stomach digesting all that food makes me sick thinking about it.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, May 15th, 2004

Subject:The Aftermath
Time:2:51 pm.
Mood: determined.
So it was shit really really bad never want to be that unprepared again literally knew none of the answers worse still cudn't make out what the questions meant, figure will go see personal tutor Tuesday n just say ... so then what happens if I fail ... am guessing it'll be a retake in the summer so when HS is over am gona start revising for TP way I should have before. Now I'm thinking of food want dolly mixture and ice cream and tuna mayo on toast n mushroom n pasta with cheese and custard. Not all together of course cos that'd be kinda weird. But I'm not really hungry am just craving food cos I know I've got some in and I havent eaten in a while. But ave lost like 8lb which is prob just water retention n I kno i'll put it bck on minute i start eating again .. unless I never start eating again. Is that even possible? Sigh. Neway am washing my hair well in the middle of CPR teatment hair all wrapped up smells good tho am hoping it wont be a bitch too dry. *please please* Oh and am so starting HS today am not getting into the same mess I did with TP.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, May 14th, 2004

Subject:weights
Time:10:48 pm.
Mood: distressed.
C 8st 3lb, H 10st 5lb T 13st. Kay still havent eaten today I wanna be C thin well 8st be perfect. Have finished sections A-D but briefly chances of sections I revised coming up veh veh veh slim. Grr argh just found out get letter sent home from exam board if you fail and get bollocked by personal tutor, mine will try n be sympathetic in a condescending way. Pah ave to see him next Tuesday anyway need to go into uni take book bk check placements. Tomo am washing my hair yup its been that long, can you say ewww? Seriooualy plan is to work till 12pm, sleep till 5am, get up, exercise, shower and start working till 8 maybe get 8.20 bus in be ther for 8.45ish early i know. maybe go to lounge read over notes or go up and try and find the rest. It's gonna be bad I can tell.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:Friends
Time:4:17 pm.
Mood: cranky.
eurgh so up at 6.50am frantically cramming for 2mo's exam even tho im well aware chances of topics i've covered coming up are pretty slim am still slogging on, well kinda taking break now. Felt i new scientific dating techniques pretty well, i so dont tho am just being lazy. Kinda vexed spent 2 1/2 hours revising what i thought was a topic for sec B but was in fact really A grr argh bastards labelled it wrong. *roar* Had tuna mayo sandwhich at 1.30 but then I felt fat ... Tried on some clothes two really nice skirts and they were both way too small my aim is too fit into em nicely so i can wear em with my new shoes. Also dcided that I want an inverse navel piercing stead of both of em or a bottom surface. But still think bottom surface is kinda kewl reckon it'll be harder to heal tho so inverse navel it is then. Cept have no/little ridge on the bottom so *fingers crossed* when I do get it done it'll be a keeper. I want to be thin so badly so I have to keep trying. Oooo today noticed my arms had some muscular definition shame bout the dangling fat tho. In other news am vexed cos some fucker has scratched the lining of my pan and it is well expensive to make things worse I've made a point of mentioning that I dont want it to be scratched so if they must use it please be careful. Am just honestly fucked off really. But C & H deny scratching it tho they say they did use it. Have a hard time believing C would but am just angry really. Maybe more so cos they've denied it and cos we're really god friends I have to believe em. Cept this leaves me with a ruined pan and an earful from my mother when she finds out.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, May 13th, 2004

Subject:it wasn't so bad
Time:10:26 pm.
Mood: weird.
Im finding this all a little too easy like its not a problem was actually considering eating another 40grams of sugar cos i knew i could get rid off it. Am not going into eating disorder territory so think from now on i'll have breakfast and dinner and just not snack it'll be better in the long run plus my body wont conserve every bit of food it gets so ... I don't know I'm just worried that this may become a habit and that i kinda liked the ribs and the dolly mix when they came back up made me feel in control and powerful like I was in charge. weird huh?
Comments: Add Your Own.

Time:10:04 pm.
shit so ive literally just eaten about 40grams of sugar I'm gonna be fat forever at least I didnt eat the whole packet but I have to purge have to have too
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, May 11th, 2004

Time:3:47 pm.
Mood: confused.
Seth
You are SETH'S SPAZZY HANDS.


What Quirk From THE OC Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

well go me.

Sigh ave big exam tomo am so underprepared and am just not worried. Why am I not worried? Whats wrong with me? I'm gonna fail and have to redo the year ...
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Friday, April 23rd, 2004

Subject:yayness
Time:1:26 am.
Mood: content.
Music:none its late.
C's home had a very nice day just chilling out was great just realised how lonely I was now A has her new man. Ave yet to do any revision strangely not worried yet swear I'll start tomo tho gives me like 2 weeks. Stupid, stupid shud've started in the holidays. pah. Neway am going shopping tomo with C looking forward to it. Am gona buy random shit n come home and revise non stop. plan.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, April 20th, 2004

Subject:sigh
Time:9:17 pm.
Mood: blah.
Walked to uni and back today took 40 minutes. A whole 40 minutes, but figured I could use the exercise was kinda nice many random ducks and canal boats had the urge to sing Rosie and Jim but was very close to the water so decided not to. Blah on way back was accosted by some pervy old black man, ther like my target audience. Why don't I get the seth-cohen alikes why oh why? pah is most unfair. Did get my black n white photos back tho and they rawk sadly colour ones highlight the bad skin of everyone I know. Seriously swear my camera was set to hideous is not one decent colour photo. But figure I still put up all photos that I'm not in. mwhahahahahaha.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Blurty for everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
View:Calendar.
View:Memories.
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.