kelly's Journal


		05:59pm 20/01/2004
	well this is all for this journal. time for me to say bye... right, or something like that.
		Post


		05:07pm 18/01/2004
	updated the other journal so go to the side and click other journal. =)
		Post

07:49pm 17/01/2004

mood:

cold

music: i hear a fiddle.

havent updated this journal in a while so i decided to. i use my deadjournal so i wont update this much anymore. but anyway. things are crazy as shit lately. if u wanna know u can ask, but its not some good stuff.

but omg. george never said he didnt like me as only a friend. and kyle likes me and amanda told him i like him too. so he got all excited and he wants to break up with her so he can go out with me. thats crazy as fuck. this is another long story. but george said he's going to talk to me more often and he said he never said he said that.

well. i dont really wanna update. but i got 2 big problems in my life. geez. they never go away.

<33 kelly

oh and i think i got the worst hair cut ever. and i streaked my hair purple. it kinda looks crazy. ahh.

03:56pm 14/01/2004

mood:

tired

music: mary j. blige ?? i hate her

today was not the greatest! this dude in my drama class asked why people take so long to get ready for school and he argued that school is just a place, and we're only in 9th grade and it's not like we're looking for someone to marry. but he pisses me off cus he's so opinionated. some opinionated people drive me crazy. they think that just b/c someone thinks differently, that they think wrongly and anyone could think that their judgement isnt that right either, but they dont even look past that. they just set out to make other people feel stupid whenever their opinion is not the "right" one either. ughh. it aggravates me. but thats not what made my day any worse. i dont really know what it was that made or broke my day, but w/e it was SUCKS.

side note: kelis or w/e the fuck her name is has the most annoying song i've ever heard in my whole fucking life. she has the worst singing voice i've ever heard, her hair is screwed and nasty, and she's not that pretty. and yet people still sing that stupid ass milkshake song! it needs to be fucked over by somethin better. hell, i wouldnt care if britney spears sang it. but that fucking milkshake song is awful.

anyway, back to my bad day. i woke up and i so didnt wanna get up. i needed a good couple hours of sleep still. but anyway, i kinda woke up in a bad mood. but when i got to school, i didnt show it. it would probably get me in trouble anyway. but i walked up and i saw george first thing. thats all i need is a reminder of what i can't have. ughh. anyway, he went inside and my friends talked to him and crap. i cant even look at him. its not cus im embarassed or shy or anything, but it just sux cus i want him so bad and damnit! ya know. anyway...everything was cool until gym. it wasnt bad or anything but gym is the fun part of my day. some guy called me a slut too. his name is george but he's a nasty ass guy. but it's not very nice. i've never talked to him before and im a slut. i havent even been to second base. how can i be a slut ?!? not possible. guys are jerks. anyway... it was cool for the rest of the day. until after school, kyle came up and asked if i still liked george and i kinda lied a bit. i told him i didnt know, but then i later said i kinda do. he asked why i dont have to guts to talk to him. and im thinking in my head "cus he doesnt fucking like me!" but i didnt. he should know i know that he only likes me as a friend, but he still asked why. thats kinda weird but w/e. i still wanna talk to george but i have not the slightest clue of what to say. but i feel so freaking ugly, maybe thats why he doesnt like me. but .... he said i was hot, unless his opinion changed, which i bet is possible with me. but idk. all my friends are so beautiful! im like the weird, ugly one in the clique. its like i dont belong with them and i belong with the classified goths or punk rockers. even though im neither of them. but casey always gets compliments and george use to like her, idk if he still does. and britney is so amazingly pretty too. and outgoing, thats why guys like her. terri could get any guy she wanted (she'd tell you that too. it pisses me off) if she was more out going and wasnt so judgemental. kortnie has a guy, or did, im not sure now. but he's pretty cute and she's pretty. stephanie.... mm, she's a "friend" but idk what to say about her. well, she's pretty... if only she didnt flaunt off her... not so skinny body. and then theres me. im kinda weird looking. im the only one in the group with red hair.. well its reddish but w/e. and im one of the 2 shy ones. im not really outspoken unless i think something should be said. i dont wear any kinda of up scale-ish clothes that they do. i dont dress like the other girls at school. but i dont dress like a guy either! but i wish i were pretty like them. thats probably the only thing i envy of my friends. and u cant buy beauty.... errr.. scratch that. just ask tarah frazey. hahah.

okay i have to get something off my chest thats bugging the HELLLLLL out of me. and its about terri! the sweet one. but anyway. she is very proudful of everything about her. she always says she can get any guy, and i bet its true, but she feels she has to tell it off and its so fucking wrong. she says she can get any guy in texas and oklahoma guys just dont like her. its stupid. and her mom was like really pretty when she was younger and stuff and its cool but we all know that her mom was built like a barbie when she was younger so she doesnt need to tell us over and over. and also, she thinks she knows everything. just cus she got her belly button pierced, she thinks she knows everything about it. like britney's mom got hers done a long ass time ago, like years, and she can only use earrings for the ring and terri thinks she knows everything about it. it is so fucking annoying. and she thinks that she can judge anyone and she gets mad when people call her a slut. like she'll call the model jared gay and who the fuck cares ? everyone calls him that but he's not gay. and she doesnt think she has to be nice to him. okay, he's a person too, he's got feelings whether or not she wants to believe it or not. another thing is she thinks that just b/c she is mad at someone, i need to hate their guts too. okay, that is NOT how i work. i'll be mad at someone if they do something to me or do something that has effected me. i will not hate someone just cus my best friend is pissed at them. thats stupid. ugh... she just pisses me off. and she got braces today and she thinks she knows everything about braces. im sure, im right there telling her what goes on since i've had em and they are already off, but she's like "no, for tiffani they did so and so" and im like its not the same for every person. UGHHHHHHHH. I JUST WANNA SCREAM! but yeah... i havent told anybody what i thought about terri. and i bet no one reads this anyway so i dont have to worry. ya see, im not the worst best friend cus i dont tell people in specific what i think about other people. and im not really talking behind her back b/c who really reads this ? anyway.... i feel better ... or worked up, im not sure.

anyway, i feel kinda sick. bleh. well i have church and all that shit tonite so im going to quit here.

kelly<333george

ohh and i got a blink shirt today! it finally came in the mail. that was the only upside to my day.

09:28pm 13/01/2004

mood:

tired

music: none

today was really good. idk why or how either but it was. it wasnt even weird around george either. i feel like i can be myself so thats grand. uhm... i made the bus this morning! whoo hoo. and .... school was great.

i went to amanda's to work out. we went to subway and went to her house and me and her got to drive. her mom has a huge truck, it was pretty easy. but i stick to cars. good thing it was a stick though. cant do them. but anyway, i did pretty good. i can go take my permit test in 20 days. well thats when im old enough anyway. i can't wait! i so wanna drive. it beats staying at home all the time.

well.. my life is going pretty okay right now. and my friends lives are going up too. so im glad, i wont have to listen to their complaining ;) amanda likes this guy who likes her back so i hope things will go somewhere with that. britney isnt going out with her boyfriend anymore. which is sad, cus he was so cute and funny. terri... is terri, she only wants texans. and kortnie and her guy are.... in some trouble. casey and her boyfriend are great, as always. she's so lucky with guys! uhmm... hayley and her guy are STILL going out. geez. whats with all these long term relationships?? i wish i could get stuck in one. but do i ever ?? mmm.. kristy and her guy are also still together. oh and kyle! my ex kyle has a girlfriend! they've been going out for a freaking month! i would've stayed with him longer if it wasnt for my friends. oh well, i regret that too. and ryan and hilary are still with. LoL, he said i smell like hot lucious candy today. haha, he's so funny. i love him. so everyones got a somebody. where the fuck is mine ?? im getting impatient here. =| what if i dont have a somebody ? what if he already died ? what if i already passed him ? what if i never find somebody and i live til im 90 all alone and i die a virgin ?!?!?!?! that would SUCK! haha. seriously, i want to find any kind of somebody.

kelly

08:49pm 12/01/2004

mood:

sad

music: riot girl - gc

ugh this sucks. george only likes me as a friend now. oh well. i never would've thought a guy like him could like me. but he was interested. thats cool. =) oh well. my pride's not hurt that badly. i kinda like his friend alex. haha, but thats all i think it will be. amanda went out with him and..... i couldnt. and plus he doesnt like me.

anyway, that kinda added to my bad day.

06:35pm 12/01/2004

mood:

full

music: none

today sucked as a whole. the bus like was either early or way to late. i got out there like 7:05 or a little later and i wait and i wait and i wait. by like 7:25 i went home. and my mom had to take me to school. i get there about on time and i start having a bad hair day. not the worst but it looked better before i had to run home from the freakin bus stop. ok i had a not so great looking day. u'd think it wasnt a big deal, but im one of those people who have to look decent or not go someplace at all. so that kinda sucked. in algebra we got this hard ass shit that i dont understand with everything i have in me. its so hard! in gym i didnt have to nerve to talk to george, and i didnt really wanna with me looking like shit. so i didnt and i feel sad cus i didnt, lol. i always regret things like that. but anyway, in english, we had to do this worksheet on complements and shit and i got a 10/30 on it. but it wasnt for a grade, but i have a test over it tomorrow that im going to fail miserably on. and history was fine. ryan is my buddy, and he always makes me laugh. he's such a teddy bear, i wuv him =)

then i went home with terri today, and i really wanted to ride the bus with her cus then i'd get to see george but her mom had to pick us up so that sucked. we went to wal-mart !! i hate wal-mart! but they had to get things so w/e. terri thinks that she's not my best friend anymore and people are taking her place ;( no one could ever do that. amanda treats me like shit and britney... kinda ignores me at times. and maria is.... hell idk, cus we never talk. so no one can take her place anyway. i love her to much. but i thought that was sad that she could ever think that.

anyway we had to go to big lots and terri got to drive us from there to her house. it was pretty funny, terri made a sharp turn in this huge intersection and her mom told her to stop so she just stopped there in the middle of the street. LOL. god, it was great. doesnt sound to funny but it was at the time.

anyway, im kinda sad, depressed, and lonely. but only cus its my fault and i chose to feel this way. i could've talked to george, i could've been happier, or atleast acted that way. sometimes i really feel happy if i pretend. i dunno.

thats allllllll.

kelly

09:37pm 11/01/2004

mood:

sleepy

music: gc - moving on

oh yeah and i forgot to say. i watched the league of extrodinary gentlemen (hah, i got the gentle in there this time) it really sucked but i watched cus my shane west was in it =) he did an awesome job too. but i never understood the movie ??

08:12pm 11/01/2004

mood:

tired

music: three doors down - i have no idea ?

this weekend has been pretty cool. very laid back. but thats cool, cus last week i was like all over the place so it was nice just chilling at home. but next week things go back to normal. its almost weird defining normal for me. my dad goes to work for the first time in 4 months. so yeah... its cool for him to get back in the wing of things.

i watched freaky friday last night. it was better than i thought it would be. and bekah came over to demonstrate, for her job, this vacuum which is extremely good. its a kirby i think. but yeah.

i've been really tired lately. i went to bed really early last night. but i woke up ready to go to church but my mom wasnt feeling good so we didn't go. i havent done much all day though, i had to read an AR book for english so that was kinda boring. but so is school in general. but im looking forward to going to see george tomorrow ;D he's so incredibly hott. i just wish he would talk. but i dont get it. why does he say he wants to get to know me, but he's too shy to do it ? im not exactly the type of girl to do all the asking and getting to know.

well i got to go take a shower.

kelly

03:03pm 10/01/2004

mood:

sleepy

music: fifty cent. i hate his music! he's hella annoying

i talked to george yesterday =) but he was not very talkative. all i said was hey and he said hey back. and kyle said i asked what was going on and so george replied nothing. but i dont remember saying anything except hey, but oh well. he talked more so thats all i care about. but yeah. he is so shy! i talked to kyle and cameron and they both say he is shy around girls. thats probably the only thing he is shy about too. but it sucks. im suppose to be the shy one, but he's the one who is probably more shy. hopefully i can get him talking. britney told me that last year, he liked her and he didnt even say a word whenever he liked her. he has to talk to me. idc if i have to go start it but he has to talk back to me. oh and britney told me that he said i was hot. ;D that is kickass. but anyway. i know im going to sound like a nerd. but he really made eye contact with me. like longer than the normal glances he gives. he looked at me as i walked by in the hall for like a couple seconds. thats a big deal, considering the little looks he gives. so that was pretty cool.

i got my report card yesterday. i had 5 a's and 1 b. whoo hoo.

oh man. last night whenever i was at brit's, she called michael's house and she thought he answered the phone and she told him she hated him. so like around 9 or w/e, he called me and i like freaked out and made her answer the phone. she talked to him for a min and then she gave me the phone. he asked why i called and said i hated him and i told him i didn't say that. he said someone from my phone called and said it and i told him it wasnt me. but then me and him talked a little while. he asked how school had been since he stopped going and i told him it was alright. lol, he thinks i hate him and i was like nah. but then he asked if i had a boyfriend and i told him about george and hes unbelieveable shyness. he told me he had a girlfriend who was with another guy he didnt trust. HAH! he needs to know what it feels like to be uneasy! but i didnt say that, i just told him that girl's will do that and he told me he knows cus i always did it to him. i just agreed. but anyway, he's home for the weekend. i asked him if he liked it and he said it was tons of fun. kidding of course. and that was pretty much it. we didnt talk much. but he told me he was thinking of me today. but i dont even care anymore. i dont care that he has a girlfriend and i dont care that he's home or that he called. i dont really care about any guy except george. well... i take that back, i care about my guy friends, but not in the liking kind of caring. so yeah.

i stayed the night at britney's last night. we did windsor-pilates (sp?) and they were pretty fun. it wasnt much of a work out but oh well.

i went thrift store shopping today. i only got a couple shirts though. thrift stores are the way to be ;P j/k but they got some cool stuff.

and then i went to rent some movies. my mom actually wanted to watch a movie with me! she wanted freaky friday and i got the league of extrodinary men with shane west. so i guess we're going to watch that together. fun. but now im home and im tired so i think im going to watch t.v. or something.

kelly

07:53pm 08/01/2004

mood: im "acting" happy!

music: orange county something... ??

im stupid, dead stupid. dont ask, just believe me. and it has to do with george too. but i swear as god as my witness, i WILL talk to george tomorrow. i've tried this whole week to just say something as simple as a hi, but it never comes out! and he wont come talk to me first, so i have to do the typical guy's work. and its not easy! ughh. i guess i see why it takes guys a while. but im shy, not all guys are this shy so they better have a good reason for not doing anything with us girls. but sydney embarassed me today. at the end of gym, she talked to george and said hi (with me by her) and hes like "uhh hi" and she was like "this is my friend kelly" and hes like "hi" and im like "hi" and yeah, it was weird! totally weird. i felt stupid. i want so bad to go talk to him but i cant. but then britney embarassed me too after school. she was like "kelly is so sexy! kelly makes me hot" while george was over there with our group. and she goes "have you seen kelly's belly button ring?" and he shook his head and she told me to show him and i was like no, and she kept pulling my shirt up but i wouldnt. but i didnt know she told me to show HIM, i thought she meant like everyone in the group. but terri told me george was waiting for me to show him but since i said no, he looked away like he wasnt interested, and all b/c i said i wouldnt! im stupid. and terri also brought up that george went up to our group today. and he did that before, but since me and him are awkward, he didnt talk to his friend who is sometimes with our group. and he use to ALWAYS talk to his friend, but he just walked and stood by chris without saying anything. so she thinks something is weird with that. but my gosh, he doesnt seem the shy type. amanda was talking to kyle about it and they both think george is shy about this thing which is why he wont talk to me. i hope thats it and its not that he's not interested and he only told everyone that he is to be nice. amanda says hes the type of guy to tell whats on his mind about girls and crap. but omg, im really shy around guys i like. and i really like him... a ton. and i have to be the guy and go talk first. i told kyle to tell george to talk to me and kyle said he already did but he said "idk" so i dunno if that means george said that or kyle said it.

i dont know how the hell im going to be outgoing tomorrow. i have nothing to say a lot of the time. and just go talk to george ?? i dunno where to start. i can start off the convo. but thats all. im going to dress nice tomorrow and see how it goes. i need luck like no other.

08:02pm 06/01/2004

mood:

hopeful

music: trapt - headstrong (i hate that song, it needs to die!!!)

oh my gosh guys. its been a while.. not only to update but to be online too. lol. well i guess i'll talk about sat. night. i bawled so much that night. that was probably the lowest part in my whole entire life. and then amanda calls. and she was at terri's and it kinda made me mad but not badly. but i answered the phone crying. she was like "omg whats wrong??" and i couldnt talk cus i didnt want her to know i was so sad. and i wouldnt tell her for the longest time. she was like "what can i do to help?" and i asked if she had depression and it took her a minute and she answered no, then i asked if she knows what its like to be depressed and she said no. so i said she couldnt help me. her and terri were both trying to cheer me up, then i fell apart for a little while. then i laughed it off... for the moment. they then told me they had a surprise for me. i dont really like surprises cus they make me wanna know right then and there. but i wouldnt know until sunday after church, which was when i was going to see them. so that went on and then sunday i went to church. then went to terri's. they were both asleep.. at like 12:15! geez. but oh well. then amanda pretended to call george and i freaked out, good god! and then they told me my surprise. the surprise was.......... they called george and told him i liked him! and can u guess what he said ??? he said he already knew, he found out from a lot of people. oh my gosh, thats embarassing. im obsessed about that boy now. ahh. but anyway, they asked if he liked me and he said he didnt know me, then they asked if he would be interested in getting to know me and he said yeah he'd be interested. and they wanted me and him to "go out" sunday but it was raining and freezing so it didnt work out. BUT OMG, he's interested!! yay. but now in gym, hes been yelling my name. but not to me. i think maybe he thinks i dont hear it cus im usually in the dressing room so. idk. but today i walked out and he yelled my name as i walked out to the gym. and im a dumbass. i was walking, by myself, and about to go in the gym door, and he was right there, looking, and i didnt say anything to him! i regret it too! i could've said "hi" or something so small but i just walked right on. im an idiot, i hate it too. but yay, he's interested in me. =))))))))))))))))))))))

lots has been going on. like from sunday i spent the night at amanda's. and then stuff with britney and kandace has been going down. britney is going out with this guy kandace thinks is cute. and they wanna fight and shit. its crazy. but then last night amanda spent the night at my house. and i woke up soooooo late this morning. my dad had to come in here and wake us up at 6 freakin 30. and the bus gets here at like 7:15 but i leave at 7. so yeah, my dad had to take us to school. and guess who walked out of the building right as i got out of the car?? ahh georgey!! he looked right at me too =D and then we walked in school and kandace was right there yelling like always to amanda. about britney too. and then britney's sis, hayley and her friend brittany were standing right there with me and amanda. george walked right past me too, he was like "Excuse me!" hes too cute. but yeah and hayley was actually defending brit. its a mess. everyone hates everyone. but then we went to find brit. and i saw george again =D he looks at me funny, i swear. i dunno if its good or bad ?? oh well, he's looking thats i care about. oooh and then heather, the biatch, was talking shit again whenever me and amanda walked by. she said something to her bitch ass friend and she started yelling down the hall "........ MICHAEL! ...... " i dont know what she was saying but once she said michael, i knew they were talking about me. god she pisses me off. shes a jealous bitch, what can i say ? but anyway, school was fine. and then britney called kandace's friend ugly and then megan got in brits face. so yeah... drama everywhere. but then after lunch we started walking down the hall and heather and her demonic looking friend walked passed me and gave me bad looks. ya know, im trying not to care and its hard. BUT MICHAEL IS FUCKING GONE! HE DOESNT LIKE HEATHER CUS SHE'S A FAT ASS UGLY BITCH WHO NEEDS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I FUCKING KICK HER STUPID WHITE ASS! i wanna say that but im too much a chicken. i wish i was tough, or i really would kick her ass. but i find it funny that she's jealous of ME, of all people. but im sorry michael didnt like her fucking ass. not my problem that she doesnt find a hot guy that likes her back. .. okay, im being mean now but she pisses me off. she doesnt know me! she calls me a bitch like its okay. im just as bad though, cus i only call her a bitch cus she called me one first. arent i so immature for 15 ? yesss.

anyway.. life is going great. i like george a lot but im too damn shy around him. if he could talk to me, i'd be happy. oh and amanda has another surprise about him too. idk what it is but im waiting for it. but i know that i have to be myself and that she has to call him before i'll get it. so idk ??

well i gots to do some homework. =(

i like george <33333333333333333

kelly

07:13pm 03/01/2004

mood:

uncomfortable

music: fallen

i finally figured me out. i love liam, yes, but im not in love with him. but then again.. i once said i love a lot of guys i've dated. so now i feel better. and so now i dont feel so uncomfortable anymore. i just love him like i love all my other ex's. not the real love thing. thats good. and maybe i just wanted to be in love and im not, so i feel kinda empty. i guess i've never been in love and its something i want to gain. but oh well. im sure that guy for me is out there somewhere, just gotta wait and see.

school starts monday. im so happy. it gets really boring after 2 and a half weeks. plus the episodes they show are re-runs and they SUCK.

i've been pretty down lately. mostly cus of friends. i know i always complain but do u really think i'd make a fuss if it wasnt true ? i dont think so. but terri is awesome, i love her, but she brags too much and it gets kinda annoying. britney doesnt really know me and she tries to, but she doesnt get it. amanda always backs down on me. she never fails on that. she wanted me to go to her house tonite but i couldnt. even though she was the one who was supose to come over here.

alright, honestly, im not the BEST friend, and im not the worst friend. but how come every time i need a friend, im always without ? i've been feeling really lonely lately. god knows why, i sure dont know. but its really starting to get to me. its like i have an empty spot in me and i cant fill it with anything. not friends, guys, family, food. nothing. and i cant talk to anyone about it. i know it sounds cliche, but i feel really lost. i know its the depression but i dont feel like going to some place to get help. whenever i go to counseling, i feel fine. but its when im not there that i feel the worst.

i dont see how some people can bottle their feelings inside. i mean, i do but whenever i let go, i feel more worse than i already did.

im sure im going to die at a young age... from depression. cus it never goes away!


		10:49pm 02/01/2004
	ok scratch that last entry. i deleted it anyway. i didnt actually plan for liam to read it, well i thought he might and i didnt get to delete it in time. what a dumbass i am. but im going to try not to update much anymore. this thing isnt the best for some people to read and its not that safe to write in. i wish things were the way they use to be. like maybe to 2 months ago. i was happily with michael, i didnt have to worry about other guys, and i wouldnt have a bro and 2 nephews to live with. ok im done
		Read 2 - Post

07:08pm 01/01/2004

mood:

bitchy

music: i dont know ??

i hate new years and new years eve. they are the most boring days, they're like any other days in the year, why do they need recognition? AND i hate black eyed peas, they are gross and smell awful. do they really bring good luck for the new year ?? i dont think so!

today has been pretty good. i woke up at like 12 or later. i dont remember, and took a shower.. *interesting* and got online. same old same old. hmm...

my sister came over and we watched the 2nd lord of the rings. but i didnt get into it. but i did get into the elf orlando bloom plays and frodo. ;D it's a pretty good movie with them. and.... uh... yeah.

keiston bit me today. that little ... monster. he always hits. he's a violent child i tell ya. maybe 3-4 weeks at the most with them. weeeeeeee, i be happy then.

omg, i dont even feel like doing anything with anybody. i had amanda and terri invite me over and i told them i was sick. well its not far from the truth though, so it wasnt a complete lie. but i dont wanna hurt them. and i had 2 guys call me, and i dont wanna talk to them. one hasnt met me but thinks i sound hott and he doesnt leave me alone! i wish he would take the hint but i doubt its possible. and the other one only called once so he's not a problem, i just dont wanna talk to him. is something wrong with me ? i've always complained about not getting invited places or phone calls and now i finally get them and i dont even care. strange.

well im done for now.

oh yeah, liam's hott !! whoo.

kelly

06:24pm 31/12/2003

mood:

geeky

music: mm.. that one group who sings kryptonite; idk the song

i've been thinking... seriously thinking. more of inside my head other than saying outloud. like.... well, i dont know how to start out. okay. here goes...

i guess i never really "loved" michael. i loved what i knew about him. but u couldnt ask me something about him and expect me to tell you the answer. b/c i didnt even know him! we never had a deep conversation about him or me. well i'd ask things about him, and he'd answer, but he didnt know ME. and how can you love someone you dont know? well, you can love babies and stuff when they're first born, but im not a baby...in that sense, lol. but yeah.. i've said i've "loved" so many guys. but i have loved some of them. but not in the lovey dovey type of love. but i guess i've never been in real love. i probably wont ever be. im just doomed like that in relationships. it sucks. everyones got somebody, but im still looking. and it sux that it's new year's eve and i wont be with any guy. lol, i've always wanted to bring in the new year with somebody. ahh, maybe next year ?

i just found out like, last week (?) that jonathan brandis died. the dude from neverending story 2, and the ladybugs. idk, i only knew him cus my sister was like in love with him and he was a "hearthrob" at the time. but he was really hott. and he commited suicide... they say from depression that was untreated or something like that. idk. i thought that was sad.

i'm thinking about going to britney's party thats pretty soon. i dunno the day. but she's gonna have alcohol and stuff like that. i've never drank before so i dunno if i will. terri wont, but i dont wanna be labeled a "goody two shoe" or w/e. cus... im not really that good. and everyone always expects me to be a role model, and my parents more or less think i'm the golden child. fuck it. i'm just gonna feel bad if i prove them wrong.

and something pretty random but i thought it was the best news in days. i got locks for my bedroom door now. one for the outside and one for the inside. i can lock the little demons out.... no, im not ever this mean to my own nephews, but my gosh. they're seriously bad.

thats all

kelly

12:54am 30/12/2003

mood:

hyper

music: john mayer ?? he SUCKITH.

havent updated in a while. so0o heres the dill.

Saturday I went to bekah's to watch a movie. Playing by heart, i think was the name. it's pretty good too ;) it has ryan philipee (sp), angelina jolie, and lots of other people i dont know in it. 1 thumb up on it. coulda been better but ya know...

after her house i went over to terri's cus she got home from texas early. and boy was she pissed about that! BUT all she talked about was this guy jared, toy, keith, keith's bro, brandon, blake, and cameron. She kept going and going. she's some energizer bunny, man! but anyway, i stayed the night there. then on sunday, britney came over to her house. so we chilled and b/c we all had money to spend, we decided to go to the mall. WELL, since terri and britney are wuss's, they made me return a HOLLISTER shirt to have them take the security thingy off. (cus they didnt take it off in texas) everyone was looking at me funny, CUS HOLLISTER IS NOT MY STORE! i dont fit the preppy standard to go in there, geez! but i go in there, and the alarm goes off and i get embarassed cus everyone turns to look at me. so then i had to explain the dillio to the hollister dude (who was pretty cute too, lol) so he was like "its no prob". but can u believe it, terri made me take HER shirt in there. im a kickass friend, oh yeah! ;D but then we go up to the cashier or w/e and tell her the situation, and she didnt believe me. i gave her the receipt and everything and she was like double checking me. im not a freaking dumbass. its not like if i tried to take it in there, WITH A HOLLISTER BAG, w/o a receipt that i'd get very far. cus then they'd think i had stolen it. but god, how stupid can someone be. im sure, lets go in a PREP store and try to steal a friggin shirt!! riiiiiiiiiiiight.

anyway, we went to hot topic and looked around. but i was rushed by britney b/c she wanted to go to pacsun, so i didnt buy anything ;( oh well. they didnt have the soco shirt i wanted anyway. so we go to pacsun. i HAD to buy something. there were so many hurley shirts and crap, i knew i was gonna buy something. but i ended up buying a new coat. its pretty cute. its red with black and white stripes on it. BUT its got that furry stuff on the hood. blah, i dont like that part but its alright i guess. i wanted this volcom shirt... but i decided not to get it. i need some shoes instead. so then we had to go downstairs for brit to cash in her simon gift card dills. that took about forever. so then we went back up to P/S and she got some shirts. then i went to journeys. i got me some new converse. they're red too. pretty fly..... (for a white guy) but yeah.. i like em. after there we went to charlotte russe or some girly place like that. gosh, it was GIRLYYYYY. i dont like that store. nope, nope. but then i realized i needed laces for my chucks so we went back to hot topic. i couldnt find any that werent like my other laces, in red and black. so i got anarchy ones. britney goes "maybe u should get some atticus shoelaces" and im like "what the fuck did u call that" and she's like "atticus ?" and i started cracking up at her. THEY WERE ANARCHY AND SHE THOUGHT IT WAS ATTICUS. HAHAHA. what a blonddde! what an embarassment, lol. she was like a bit embarassed herself. but then after that, she couldnt even say anarchist. she was TRYING to tell me i was "atticus-archist" or something like that. i was like "anarchist, hun, ANARCHIST!" she hit me......cus she's dumb, lol. but im not an anarchist, but they were the only set of laces of red and black, i already have the checkered ones! i even told her that but shes like "YOU HATE AMERICA! YOU ANARCHIST" mmm no. but anyway.. i got a necklace from there too. so anyway.... the mall closed at 7 so we had terri's dad about that time. now, i only had breakfast that day, so i was hungry. but terri, who never eats, was not hungry. so if it had not been for terri's dad, me and brit wouldnt have gotten food. so we got subway. ohh yess! my homeboy is jared. ;) but seriously, those subs are good. so we go to britney's and eat and stay the night. she got a ton of crap for xmas so she was showing us. she got a ton of BAM stuff, a BAM board, and like dvds and cd's. i envy her, she's lucky. but its all good. so her stuff was pretty awesome. she has a pink board. she was even showing me and terri what she can do. lol, she's a beginner, but shes learning. so after that we go to her room and decided to watch dvds. we watched grease. man, i love that movie. so funny. and then we got tired and went to bed at like 2.

this morning, i woke up at like 10 and everyone was still sleeping. so i just layed there... bored. i looked at her wall, and counted the ticks of her clock, and looked around... for 2 hours. FINALLY they woke up, b/c of me. lol, my mom is a psycho and i was yelling at her on the phone. my mom is weird, she doesnt know which of my dressers is the big one or the long one. geez. freakin a. but then we went to her living room and watched the newly weds. omg. i'd die to be jessica simpson. she's so beautiful AND she's got a fine ass husband too. ;D but then we watched more dvds. one of which was theres something about mary. its pretty good. 2 thumbs up. then we watched my personal favorite, THE OUTSIDERS ;))))) WHOO HOO. love it, love it, love it! ponyboy + soda pop = hott. but yes. that movie deserves 15484548184548 thumbs up. man, im hyper!

so we watch it and then we finally decided to get ready. and by this time its 5 o'clock, lol. i was still in my pj's with no make up on. lol. i looked like shiiiiiet.

OH YEA.. britney and her sister got in a huge fight when we were over there. they were chasing each other and yelling and cussing and yadda yadda. and we had to use haley's mattress last night and she got pissed about that so she made britney go put them up. so brit was like fuck no and yadda yadda. so when she finally decided to, she took the kitchen knives with her. brit was soooo pissed. and haley threw a dvd at britney and hit her in the ear. well, brit IS my friend, but she was the one who started the shit whenever haley came home this morning. but idk, i wouldnt take haley's side either cus she talks shit about me. but ahh, i got scared, lol.

anyway, we got ready and i decided to go home. i felt so gross, and my belly button was lookin pretty bad so i actually needed to come home. well i come home and i was pissed! my brother left MY bathroom a freakin nasty ass mess! it was disgusting. i wont go into detail, but EWW! so i go in his room and i yelled my head off at him. i first asked him why he did it, who did it, and then i told him to clean it. he said he was on the phone and i told him i didnt care, i needed to use to bathroom and take a shower anyway. the wise ass told me to use the other one and i went off. i yelled like no other. first off, he's living with his rents, WITH 2 KIDS, and he's causing a mess with it all. b/c me, my mom, and dad cant handle his noisy kids and its driving us up the friggin wall. but secondly, he is using MY bathroom. i have a nice, clean, pink bathroom. i want it kept that way, especially when im gone. there was no way in hell i was gonna clean up that mess. but i was like just fuck it and went to take a shower in my rents bathroom. after that i went back to my bathroom and it was clean, so i was happy again.

i dont remember what happened after that, but then james called me. pretty cute, but ahh, hes kinda annoying. then i got online.

it was pretty fun. i kept getting blocked though, and i got sad. lol. mean mean people these days.

ohh and terri got me an independent belly button ring. its cute, its red and black. whoo hoo!

*YOU'RE A BITCH BUT I LOVE YOU ANYWAY* ;D

06:56pm 25/12/2003

mood:

irritated

music: stupid radio

christmas was pretty okay. it was better last year, but oh well. got the new blink cd. whoo hoo.

hmm.. dont feel like updating. just had to say somethin bout christmas.

AND, my computer is the most stupid ever. it should die or somethin, at least then it cant d/c me all the freakin time. ahh

07:17pm 23/12/2003

mood:

cold

music: none

i was watching MADE earlier on mtv. it had this "nerdy" guy who wanted to be made into a ladie's man, or at least go on dates and get experience with girls. i think its kinda crazy changing yourself for something.. or someone. but i mean, he wanted it so i guess its okay. but it got me thinking. i mean, i used to do it. so i cant really say much about the people who do it. i mean, i use to be a really big "prep" or whatever u wanna call them. wore the abercrombie and american eagle and i thought i was a badass who was better than a lot of people. and i wasnt a badass and im not better than anyone else. and i cant believe i was like that either. i guess i just wanted friends, or to fit in. and i got both things, but i wasnt that happy with it. sure, i had the attitude, friends, and popularity, but it just didnt mean much to me. idk. now, im just the me who i've always been. im a nerd, yes and i dont care what people will think of that. and i DO care what people think of ME, most people do, even if they dont want to admit it. but im just fine being the person i've always been. and my "preppy" friends still like me, and im glad. people can really tell the difference between my friends and me and thats cool. i like being the one who is different.

but what i dont like about being me is that, whenever im the true me, guys dont tend to like it. i mean, i dont find myself like beyond ugly but who knows what they think of me. but if i were to like take a dare from my friends and dress like them, then guys are like all over me. its weird. im not gonna be what i used to pose as, cus anyone could tell you its not my style. but i always wonder what makes guys like me more whenever im something im not. idk. but, if george thinks im cute just the way i am, im most definitely going to stay true. but its not like i wouldnt anyway.

kelly

09:42pm 21/12/2003

mood:

grateful

music: ---

went to church this morning. and this girl from camp was there! i was really surprised, and i found out her grandparents go to my church. so it was cool seeing her.

i went to dollar tree with bekah. oh my gosh. she went to go buy stocking stuffers. and she bought like 10 things each for her 2 boys. dear lord, this had better be one big ass stocking. she bought a ton of stuff. it took us an hour in there! geezzzz. but there was this really hot guy in there.. with his girlfriend. but he kept giving side glances at me. i swear, i know i looked like crap, but no one has to keep looking at me at my worst, lol. for real. but he was kinda rude to his girl. she was like looking at candy or cookies or something and he told her she didnt need it, and she needed to do some push ups and crunches. i was like aww! cus she wasnt fat, she was really pretty. hes a jackass. guys dont say that to girls. its not cool.

terri called me today. i talked to like everyone in texas, lol. i talked to kyky and brittney, and this "cute" guy next door. his name is cameron, he sounds pretty hott. terri said he was blushing whenever he was talking to me, isnt that cute ? i love guys like that. plus she said that he is my type of guy and she and her aunt sally are gonna hook us up. haha, isnt that hilarious ? yes.

terri and her ex might get together! they are the sweetest couple EVER. no doubt. he's so sweet to her, he once said that she is making his dreams come true. is that not the sweetest ? i want a guy like that. but the chances of me finding that guy are slim to none. i mean, come on! what guy is really sweet and means it ? well.. im sure there is one, but i've never dated him. im hopeless.

well i guess thats all.

<3 kelly

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