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Blurty for FiXation On The Darkness.
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| Sunday, April 20th, 2003 |
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| I decided to make my journal "freinds only" cuz i dont want SOME people reading my stuff! | ||||||||
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| Monday, April 14th, 2003 |
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yes i am very bored....so heres some poems and stories and shit i made and leave me some posts or something...i am very very lonely :( Hates you! sometimes you just wana break down and cry, everyone hate you cuz you're what? not too cool enough but just another freak, just another geek, your head screams suicide, go hide and die go hide and die, everyday you hope your one true love will come comfort you, but they never come, you lost hope, now the whole world screams, go hide and die, go hide and die, everyone hates you! (thats a poem by me) heres a story by me... Alone I Bleed As I wake up I realize I’m a 15 year old girl caught in the middle of the war. All alone with nobody to run to. My family didn’t survive the night. At around 2 or 3 in the morning I heard something screeching over us. Then there was a loud impact. I felt extreme heat coming from upstairs. I ran out of the house as fast as I could. All I could hear was my 3 younger sisters crying and my mother yelling for help. You’re probably asking why I didn’t go back in the house to help them. Well it was hopeless, I couldn’t go upstairs because the stairs collapsed and there was fire everywhere. It felt like I was going to pass out from the heat . When I ran out of the house almost everything outside was destroyed and there were men with guns. I knew I had to find somewhere to hide quickly so I ran into the nearby woods. There, I had a place I always went to when I wanted to be alone. It was a small cave. I knew I was safe so that’s why I fell asleep. Right now I am starving. I have to go back into town and grab something to eat. As I walk all I see is gray skies overhead and destruction everywhere. A few buildings are still burning from last nights bombing so I have to be careful not to get too close to them. I feel so scared because I know that at any moment someone could just shoot me. I don’t know what to expect. I am truly paranoid at this moment. I start to run. Then, score, I found the bakery and its still standing. I walk in and stuff my shirt with pieces of bread and grab a couple of drinks. I run back to the cave as quickly as I can. Then finally I make it to my new home without getting noticed. I ate the bread as if it were my last meal. Of course, I said a prayer before eating. I savored every last bit of that food. Then I lay there thinking of what will happen to me tomorrow and the day after that. Am I going to die, or is someone going to save me? I dosed off for a little while, only to be awakened by voices. They were shouting something in a different language. I couldn’t understand. It was two very tall men. They had guns and wore big black boots. Their uniforms were navy blue. They were headed toward me. I panicked and I ran out of the cave. Sadly, they saw me and started shooting at me. I dropped to the ground but I wasn’t hit. Then they came for me. They picked me up and just looked at me. Then one of the men took out a knife. I screamed and said, “ no please you can’t do this!” They didn’t understand me so one of them covered my mouth with their hand. Then with his knife he chopped off my hair. I was so happy that it wasn’t my skin they were cutting. After I was bald he brought his knife down to my stomach. He cut me. I was trying to scream but the other mans hand was still covering my mouth. I felt like I was going to die. Then they let me go and I dropped to the ground. I could see the two men running as I was laying on the cold, damp ground. I was crying, holding my wounded stomach. There was blood all over my hands and ground. As I lay there I looked up at the sky and the skies were very ugly. Right then and there I realized the world is a cruel place to live in and I don’t belong here. I’m a 15 year old girl, all alone, holding my wounds, and crying. “ Where is my savior?” I asked. Of course, no one answered. All I heard was machine guns and people screaming. I said one last prayer and closed my eyes. As I closed my eyes, I realized I couldn’t close them. There was an image there. It was my mother and my three sisters playing in the clouds. They weren’t dead or where they? Was this what being dead was like? I don’t really know, but then suddenly everything went black but I didn’t panic. I just let the darkness take me. There was nothing but silence. I felt like I was asleep and nothing could ever wake me up. I was at peace, away from the cruel world that killed me. (yeah thats that story what do u think about it???....well yeah laterz Dude-E-O's) -Loser with a capital T |
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well hey people i just got home from school it was a minimum day and we got out like at 12:05. This morning i woke up i was mad sleepy so i took a shower cuz i stank of sleepiness, then when i got out i put on my clothes. i put on my black dickies pants and my korn shirt then i did my hair. i made pigtails at first but i didnt like how it looked so then i took that down and put my hair in a pony tail, but i didnt like that either so i just let my hair down..then i didnt like how my plain jacket looked on me with my hair down so i decided to wear my jacket with all the pins, then i didnt like how my jacket looked with the dicki pants so i put some jeans on, then the jeans werent ironed so i just wore the dickies. then i had my uncle take me to school, it was mad early but i just sat in the library till my freinds came, then when ashlei came we went to go look for UMMM( this tongan dude) we didnt find him cuz it was raining, so then the bell rang and we went to class, in class we got this stupid BIO worksheet, it had monkeys on it, so me and ashlei and Kris started making these funny lil cartoons with the monkeys. i kept cracking up right in front of the teacher but he didnt say shit so it was all good, then we went from class to class it was like 35 minutes each class nothing interesting happened but i saw this dude i think he was new, but anyways he was mad hot so yeah i was cheking him out u know, then in spanish this chick was in the room shes like a rocker/anarchist/skater or whatever...well anyways she wrote FUCK WAR on the board, then she was lifting up her shirt i thought she was gunna flash the class, but no she had another shirt underneath which also said FUCK WAR i thought that was pretty cool, she seems tight. so then after school we were walking out and as usual me and ashlei were looking for UMMM but we only saw him walking out of the gym! so we walked out of school and ashlei left with her mom, she was sitting in her car looking for UMMM*BTW Ashleis a stalker!!!* then i saw my mom waving to me i was like ooo nooo so i ran to her and then she took me to jack in the box and then we came home...thats about all thats happened today, laterzzz DUDE-O-E-O-E's....ps...you're a loser with a capital T for reading this, yes yes you! look it im an ASSHOle!!!  your asshole. What swear word are you? brought to you by Quizilla |
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| Sunday, April 13th, 2003 |
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 You're nothing, really. But you're nice. What type of music are you? brought to you by Quizilla |
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| Yay! i finally made it how i want it to look, it took me long to find out didnt it??? well not that anybody is reading this but yea whatever, so this morning i woke up at around 10:00 when the phone rang, it was my cousin, she told my mom her and the family were coming over, so i got up and got dressed, then i saw leftover pizza which i didnt get to eat last night cuz i was at a 15anera. my mom warmed up the pizza and there was only 3 slices left!!! i wanted a pepperoni and cheese one but my mom wanted me to get the mushroom pizza so i could give the pepperoni one to my bro but i got mad and said no im keeping it and my mom got mad, then i went online and my freind jared Imed me telling me that my cousin nancy was coming over and just as he said that nancy was here, so then i showed her my new electric guitar , its an ibanez iceman, i tried playing Toxicity for her, im barely starting but i can play the begging of toxicity good! haha then she tried playing it and yea we did that for a while, then we went online some more, after that we went to this one store called "style Express" where we tried on clothes but bought nothing cuz we were broke, when we got back home my other cousin Ernesto was over , he hates me i think his mother has him brainwashed to not like out family, so then i showed him my guitar and he was messing with my amp and he made it sound really dumb so i took the amp from him and put it away. then he left then me and nancy walked to the liquor store and i saw this one guy in a red BMW and it kinda looked like carlos santana but i dont think it was him, at the liqour store we bought chips and candy, then we came home and my mom and aunt were watching war coverage on CNN and my uncle was online, then nancy left, after that i watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory which is my favorite movie.then iate shrimp they were spicy though...then came online some more. and now im writing this journal ...thats it for today, whoever u are...laterz Dude-E-OOOOOO | ||||||||
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| ok this is my first day with this journal thing and i have no damn clue on how to make it look pretty, oh well i guess i just have to figure it out myself or something | ||||||||
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Blurty for FiXation On The Darkness.
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blah.
lonely.
mellow.
shocked.
exhausted.
confused.