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Katey Tripoli came this weekend. It was amazing, it was just what I needed. Having the three of us back together again was just amazing. My girls. No drama, just fun. Amanda and Kate are just what I needed. And this weekend was absolutely the best by far. I haven't laughed or smiled that hard in a long time. She better come back next semester, it would be out of control if she did - oh mah gah. She talked about how much she wanted to leave last semester and it was b/c of her ex bf, being so close to home, and of course, Amber. But since she's been at IUP all she can think about is MU. We all got so close here, and she said she knows she'll never find people like us there. I hope that's the kick to bring her back here. She reapplied so let's hope she goes through with it this time.
So Kevin is a tool.. I finally gave up on him because he's just another frat boy looking for ass and I'm not going to be that girl for him. Oh and look! he's already found someone else to replace that. I'm glad nothing major happend.. except now I need a date for my formal.. yikes.
My friends from home keep asking what's wrong with my family. How can I tell them? I can't tell anyone for god's sake. My mom is a mess, making me a mess, making my sister a mess, and my dad just seems to pull it all together. Thank god he is such a great man. I think through all this it actually made them stronger as a couple. Too bad the rest of my family are a bunch of assholes. I still can't believe all this crazy shit happend. I'm starting to cry right now just thinking about it. Am I ever going to talk to my cousins again? I know I'm not going to see or hear from my aunt or uncle but as sad as this sounds, fuck them. They're the one's who did this. It's my cousins who have no connection with it. Our whole family is breaking apart. For thanksgiving this year I really don't want to go home. What do I have to look forward to? Nate is in Syracuse. My family isn't speaking to each other, so my cousins who turned in to my best friends over summer I won't see. and my mom desperately wants to get out of roch for the holiday. What's the point of staying? I'd rather move to China then stay there. At this rate.. we might be moving somwhere. Who knows, who care. I just want to see my mom smile again. It's breaking my fucking heart to see her like this. I've been home once since I've been to school and all my mom wants to see is my sister & I to come home and be with her. When I go back to roch, fuck anyone else I'm staying in my house with my family. I just wish my sister would be a little less selfish. She wants to stay home to see her friends. Fuck that, she drives all around every weekend visitng them, can she just give one weekend to mom? Who is struggling right now? UGGGH i just want things to be alright. And it kills me that there's no way for me to even try and fix this.
Beth IM'd me last night.. kind of random. I sometimes wonder why she does. And why she has to say the things she does. "Well we can't be friends right now" whatever the fuck that means. I honestly thought I was reading it wrong because it just didn't look right. We can't be friends b/c we're away at school? You want me to fish out why you said that? Because I don't really know and don't want to get into the whole friends talk again. That's why we can't be normal! Everytime she talks to me it's like how are you? why aren't we friends? If we talked every once in a while to catch up and NOT go into that talk, things would be normal. Last night when it said jjmonkey returned from away, my heart started to race a little and i was like whoa what's going on here? I had a feeling she was going to IM me and that we'd end up talking about why we're "not friends." Ok.. I thought we were, so whenever she says that it's kind of a blow. It's not like I don't want to talk to her.. I just thought about how steph & i rarely interact when we're at school, and how good we can be when we come home. Leave some appreciation to come home to. Katherine and I talked the other night and straightened things out and I'm glad. I was never mad at her. I'm not mad at anyone. I don't know how to describe it, but I honestly just don't want to go home..
If we do stay home for t-giving, it means that someone will call me to go over to steve's house to hang and then i'm going to pretend that i don't do drugs, and don't smoke, and am miss little perfect. Well fuck that. I am who I am and am actually comfortable now. I don't know what it is, but its just like I have no desire to hang out with the people I used to. Was that the push I needed to break away over summer? Who the hell knows.. all I know is that things have changed, and I'm alright with that for once.
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