it's 6:10 am and I've been up for about an hour now. I can't sleep. Amanda's fucking snoring was ridiculous & i had to yell at her 4 times before it finally stopped. I can't sleep because I'm so pissed off at her. I need to get out all of this stress and fast. I told her yesterday I wanted a single.. but not for the reasons I really want. I basically just said I wanted one and left it at that. But let's go down the list of reasons of why I'm so bitter towards her right now.
she owes me money
she mooches off of brett
she puts me down & makes me feel like shit about myself
i babysit her at parties
1) last semester & the beginning of this semester alone, I have spent at least $2000 I figured out this weekend when I went home. That's alot of fucking money seeing as how I spent it on mainly 2 people, and never went anywhere, never shopped really, maybe once or twice at the goodwill, and will never see it again. I spent it mainly on weed, gas money, cigarettes, food, some dance team stuff, and parties. Ya know what's funny about it though.. is that all of that was spent on two people. I shouldn't have to fund two people, because now I can barely fund myself. Amanda had some money when she came to school fall semester and we split the weed cost usually.. but that only lasted about the first month. Because she barely worked over summer. Sure she'd get money here and there but instead of paying me back, it would go right to the weed. Winter break, she barely works again. I think she made like $49. I work every day for 2 weeks. Does that mean I have to pay for her? She always tells me how broke she is, but that doesn't mean I owe her shit. And then I start to wonder where the money's going.. I go to the bank see my bank statement, flip out because I went from $1500 in my savings to $500 then to $400 now its at $318. And whene I flip out, she has the audacity to tell me the bank is wrong? Take the blame a little! Sure it was my money, but when I take it out and buy us food and cigs and your gas and most of the weed, don't tell me the bank is wrong, WE took that money out and just didn't pay attention and/or didnt care at the time. So one day I was pretty upset after I had to pay her $80 for the boot and realized, "there's no way I'm ever getting this money back." She used to talk about her ex roomate owing her $1000 and how she was taken advantage of. Um, ok. When I got yelled at by my mom for taking money out that I don't have, I ask Amanda when she's getting a job because I want that $80 back. "Well I have this plan to go up and down the strip to look for jobs and I'm not going to stop until I apply at every place." I was happy. I thought she was going to take initative finally and I didn't care how slowly I would get my money back, as long as she could repay me. That initiative shit lasted 1 hour. She goes to one place, takes an hour to fill out the app, and then ends up smoking with Brett. Do you not even care?! And since then I can honestly say I don't think she's applied anywhere else.
Brett Mooching) So now that I've stopped smoking cigs, weed, and stopped drinking, I'm not her bitch anymore. But that's what brett has become. She is down at his appartment all the time because he always buys weed and invites her to smoke. So she lives down there now which is cool with me, but I don't like the comments she says when she comes back. "Brett like wants to spend so much money on me all the time. I don't know why but he just keeps offering to pay for everything." I know why, because you have no money and he's trying to be nice like I was! And the fact that she for 2 weeks now has remained high at LEAST 3 times a day, smoked cigarettes when she needs em, and has had $0 is beyond me. Brett pays for everything and doesn't even notice yet. Kate said she called him her "sugar daddy." well that's cute and all, but it's not nice. Especially when he already had been without her knowing it b/c she pinched out of his bags all the time before. And I admit, I said yeah let's do it, but that was when she kept saying how he owed us money from last semester when he mooched and blah blah. So I thought it was ok. Now I feel like shit and that's why I won't smoke his weed when I go down anymore. He shouldn't have to pay for me, he already has another child to pay for now.
Putting me down) When I started to pledge for ASA, I knew it was going to be hard because I had dance team, radio, and classes on top of that. She didn't make it much easier. Whenever I'd come back exhausted there'd be like a thousand people in the room, people on my computer, and they'd all be stoned telling me how much I'd missed. Thanks guys, I needed that support. And then when I feel I should quit because I'm so stressed, I tell her. And all I got from her was basically an anti-ASA rally. quit quit quit. I don't need you to tell me what to do, I just wanted you to listen. And telling me what to do is something she does often. Telling me what to say to my parents, how I can smoke if I want and live my own life. Telling me that the guy I like is disgusting and not worth it. Telling me to tell Jen Evans off. Telling our lunch table that she is done so she gets up and we all have to? Listen. The world does not revolve around you. And this control thing with making my mind up for me? No. And I hate when she talks about my parents and how weird they are. Fuck you! I love my parents, so they do nice things for me and basically they have for her too. So I come back and say, "what and your family's not?" "Not like your family." I love my family. And I hate that you say anything about them. You know nothing about them. Complete disrespect. She knows nothing about my life anymore because all I get are rolled eyes or laughing in my face. Real mature.
Rudeness) Over summer, she came up to my house with Sarah. I was so excited to have them come and stay. They get there at about 2am stoned of their asses. Ok whatever, I can handle that. So we're thinking of things to do and all she wants to do is smoke. That's it. You came up here just to do that? You do that everywhere else you go why waste your time here doing it. And not to mention the entire time, she was a complete bitch. She made Sarah feel like shit, she made me feel like shit and for what? I don't even know what her problem was. I treated them to plates, I drove them everywhere, I wanted to show them a good time because they're guests in my house. She acted pissed off the entire time. She kept putting me down. When they left Sarah told me how she kept putting her down. WHAT? What was wrong? So Christmas break, she comes up with Brian Morton. And I thought, ok, my parents will be home this time. Let's not go crazy with the smoking. Well that's all she wanted to do still. Don't you want to see anything or do anything? And the attitude again. She acted like a complete bitch and I still don't know why. My parents treated us to a fucking dinner AND a movie. And still that wasn't good enough for her. So the day comes where she's supposed to leave. I couldn't wait, honestly. She was ruining mine & brian's time. "Well, I think I'm going to stay an extra day." and I said "...ok." snap back to attitude, "Is that alright with you?" and I said, "Well you're not really acting like you want to be here, but whatever." She cut the attitude for the most part after that. But then she left the next day anyway. Why did you waste 5 days at my house being so rude to us? Where did that get you? Another control thing.. Nate. Whenever we're talking with him or hanging out, she gets in between us. I never noticed it, but he brought it up. He was drunk one night asking me why I let her boss me around and then said in exact words, "whenever you and I are talking, she pushes you away." She does? She does. I never noticed it. Not until the next day when I went to meet her up at manser for lunch, saw nate, and talked to him outside. We were leaning up against the railing talking to each other, and she literally stepped right in between us and lean against it. Real awkward. Like why did I not notice any of these things before?
Parties) Ok, you know people here, why are you clinging to my side. So when she is bored or doesn't want to stay for whatever reason, apparently we all have to be ready to leave. One time at Sig Tau, I was talking to Ryan. She is tugging at my side like a 5 year old kid. I'm in the middle of conversation, and not about to be as rude as she is, so I keep talking. "PAM WE NEED TO GO OUTSIDE" why? I'm talking. "Um, you can go outside, I'm talking to Ryan here." She storms off. She comes back in looking pissed and says something to me mumbled I didn't hear and I was annoyed so I ignored it. Meg comes over "Amanda's sick we have to leave." "um what?" "she's out front and wants to go." So I said "hold on Ryan." I go out front, stoned off my ass, meg's been drinking, and she's sitting there sick. So she stands up hands me the keys and says "you need to drive we need to go." Um, ok boss sure thing. "I'm not ready to drive Amanda, can't you sit for a minute & wait?" groaning. "I can't drive and i have to go!" I was getting pissed. "I can't drive EITHER. SO come inside and get some water and sit for a minute until I sober up a bit." So finally she agrees, I get her water, we go in and she sits. As soon as we're all hanging out with her again, she's fine. Was she really sick or was this some attention/control thing again.
No respect) The night before my dance competition. I don't think I've ever been this raging in my life. I have to be up at 5:45 to be in the lobby by 6. I've never been up that early. So I get my hair done that Saturday night and then decide to go out which wasn't until like 10:30ish we left. So we get in Amanda's car and go to the slums. The party was ok but we decided to go to the football house. And already I have to drive because she's tanked. I drop them off at the football house, tell them I have to go to Walmart to get last minute shit, and will call when I'm coming back to get them. So I go switch & get my car, go to walmy, and come back and call her. Cell's off. Ok, its already 1:00, I don't have time to wait around, and I know there's no way in hell I can let them try and walk her back. So finally I just decided to go into the house and she starts calling and is drunk off her ass before I get in the door. I can't find her because she's off stumbling somwhere. I find her, it takes a half hour to get her to finally leave, another 15 min to get her in the car, and then the diaster happend back at the dorm. She pukes everywhere and has the door to the stall locked. Ok she mocks me out for gross things all the time and tells me gross I am, well that was the sickest thing I'd ever seen. So I'm trying to help her, get her in the shower, get her OUT of the bathroom so she doesn't get caught. She'd be in so much trouble if someone had walked in there at 3:30 am and saw that mess. So I get about 1.5 hours of sleep before my big competition and was a walking zombie the next day. Then I was all cranky when my parents took me out to dinner and I don't want to tell them that I'm tired as hell because my roomate has no respect for me and does what she wants. I don't want to make her look bad. But why am I covering for her? Like what does that get me? Walked on a little more.
I can't handle it anymore. I'm tired of being disrespected as a friend. Why do I do nice things for people who are just going to make me feel like shit in the end. I can't sleep because I start thinking about everything and have all this resentment towards her. Next semester I am getting a single because I need my own space. I need to be able to think clearly and not put up with bullshit. I never got mad at anyone at high school unless it was worth it. I feel like I'm mad here all the time, I can literally feel my blood pressure through the roof from all this stress. No wonder I have fucking mono. It sucks when someone puts you through so much and you still want to be friends with them. Why? Why am I even wasting my time? All I ask is for respect, some space, friendship and not sneakiness, and, well, my money back.