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[29 Mar 2004|03:06am] |
hello again...thought i'd gone and left, never to write down another word again.
buzz. you're wrong.
as it may be, it's never a good idea to try and compose a coherent thought at 3 in the morning when there
really isn't anything to say. no really.
i'm at work and nearing the point of exhaustion and there's still 5 hours to get through. i don't think caffeine or cigarettes will do it. i've washed the floors, done the dishes and the laundry and still i'm tired.
my boyfriend is coming home from b.c tomorrow morning. he's gonna come visit me, and all i'll be able to manage is a maybe a kiss and i'll pass out at his feet. won't he be impressed? hah. in advance, i'd like to apologize to my boyfriend carey for my future behaviour. he'll still like me though..i hope.
stay tuned for coming attractions.
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[12 Jan 2004|07:37am] |
got a faint ringing in my ear, and a empty stomach.
i'm half an hour away from being done a 10 hr overnight shift and all i can think about is going to sleep.
sleeeeeeeeep.
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[10 Nov 2003|01:14pm] |
i get myself so tangled up with people, then i realize that i don't know how to get back
to the way it was before.
i've ruined friendships with guys over these kinds of issues. as a matter of fact i'm
still struggling to regain his trust because of a mistake we both made and regret.
and then there's you in front of me all over again. standing there smiling at me
like nothing has changed and we're still togethor. you lean forward, and then shake
your head. like you almost kissed me and i almost kissed you. but realized where
we were and the reality of it all.
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[07 Nov 2003|03:15pm] |
small>
having one of my best friends tell me that he wants to be with me is very disconcerting. very very much so.
especially at three in the morning.
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[18 Oct 2003|11:13am] |
browrrrrrrrr.
too many people and little kids in the house.
i'm going back to where i came from.
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[12 Oct 2003|12:50pm] |
spend friday and saturday drinking and recovering. i really haven't drank a lot in the past few months,
so where four months ago i wouldn't have gotten a bad ass hangover from 7 or 8 beers drank over the
course of several hours. but now i do. ugh...it's enough to make me not want to drink at all ever again.
maybe it was because they were drinking blue and budweiser though. nonetheless i had alot of fun,
and now i'm bored again.
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[10 Oct 2003|03:50pm] |
so i don't have cancer and i'm not going to die. phew. the blood might have something
to do with the large amounts of drugs i snorted up my nose a few months ago, and only is
now healing, which is a reasonable explanation, and one that i can deal with.
but what i do have is a raging eye infection which the doctor refuses
to give me anything for, and I CAN'T SEE A DAMN THING WITHOUT MY CONTACTS
no thanks to the dude with the phD who should've given me some eyedrops.
grrr...but i'm going to hang out with a friend of mine for the weekend so that should be fun.
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[09 Oct 2003|02:06pm] |
| [ |
music |
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hot water music |
] |
my first day back in manitoba starts as follows:
i coughed up more blood this morning and if that wasn't enough and my mom's making me go to the doctor.....
i open up the fridge to get the milk for my coffee and knock over a jar of pickles. of course
it breaks and i have to spend the next half hour cleaning it up. then i try to get some sugar
and knock over the popcorn box with knocks over my brother's bottle of ritalin, and of course half of it
falls into my damn coffee. so i make some more only to realize we're out of sugar.
other than that i'm happy to be back. :-)
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| think of me in pieces. |
[08 Oct 2003|08:57am] |
i didn't waaaaant to leave the house after getting home from work, but then it occured to me that the books in my backpack weren't going to deliver themselves back to the library without my assistance. the last thing i need is a fucking library overdue charge upside those two c-train warrants i'm currently about to run away from.
yes...tomorrow i leave calgary to head back to manitoba. technically i should've been home already but i spend 40 bucks over the weekend on beer. i reason that it was for a good cause. my brother and i spend the evening on saturday rambling all over downtown looking for a place that didn't sell 4.50 beers and where pool didn't cost 2.00 needless to say it took us all night to accomplish this.
so anyhow, i'm MIA for the next couple days. this time tomorrow i will be onboard a greyhound and probably sleeping my way towards MB. updates in 48 hours will tell how this goes.
cheerio.
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[01 Oct 2003|03:33pm] |
( how long does it take you to.... )
yet again i didn't go to work this morning because i was just too damn lazy. i think my brother is getting a bit mad about this way of things, but i don't much care, as long as he's getting my part of the rent/food moeny there shouldn't be a problem.
tis not my concern that his g/f takes her anger out on him, and he takes it sitting down. it occurs to me that he's a bit whipped. i mean, she goes to school during the year. so he gets to play housewife to her. cleaning the apt, making supper, doing all the shopping. granted, her course is a heavy one at that, but hell, life sucks. i went to school during the day all last year and then went to work at night because i needed money for food and rent.
i like the girl a lot but i don't think she's being fair to my brother in the least. but hey it's none of my business really. they obviously care about each other a lot and maybe that's the reason why. i don't know, i just could never see myself standing up for that.
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| we are kids, we play punk rock and roll |
[30 Sep 2003|02:32pm] |
watching fear factor last night, morgan, kara and caroline. they're supposed to be studying but of course they're not. the part where they have to eat something live comes on. in las vegas, sitting on the blackjack table is like a dozen of these african spiders that live in caves.
these are not spiders on the screen. for one thing, THEY HAVE FUCKING CLAWS. and the damn things are huge. they're all crawling around the table scuttling around, standing on hind legs, waving these claw like things in the air. spiders can't stand on their hind legs damnit. and walk nevermind.
i'm a zillion miles away but i'm backed up against the couch, recoiling and screeching whenever i see one of these monstrous so called spiders. and like always, the poor contestants have to eat them. my god....
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| because i can't forget |
[30 Sep 2003|10:31am] |
since the weather forecast last night said it would be 18 degrees outside i wore shorts to the store. and i froze my ass off.
i guess when they say nice weather ahead they probably don't mean at 9 in the morning. hah.
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[24 Sep 2003|09:06pm] |
blurry eyed and staggering tired. i can't tell where my contacts end and the rest of the world starts.
up at 6, home by 5, almost asleep by 9.
i hate weird co-workers. the ones who stare at you funny, and give you the feeling every time that you walk in front of them they're staring at your ass.
heading back to manitoba next weekend. i think i'll be back next summer. calgary is a great city.
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[22 Sep 2003|10:23am] |
well look at this happy shit, amber is up before noon. and yes i did go to sleep last night.
dragged my unwilling body off the couch at 7 to head down to TIPS, in hope that i would get work today. but really i should have been up at 6 in order to accomplish this, and as a result there was nothing i could do.
so now i'm up this early with a whole day ahead of me.
i think i'm gonna go to the zoo.
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[21 Sep 2003|01:03pm] |
so i'm happily walking down kensington, listening to the radio and generally minding my own business. like there's ever a time i don't...
anyways, ahead of me i see a native guy crossing the crosswalk. i run to make the light cuz i don't want to get hit of course.
so i'm across and i hear the guy yell really loudly. HEY! HEY YOU!
i realize he's yelling at me, so i turn around and he's like right there in my face. i do the smart thing and ignore him, hoping he doesn't throw me into traffic.
he says something along the lines of "hey punk" and then trails off into a scramble of words. i don't respond but continue to listen to my walkman.
at least he got the insult right.
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| ain't that right? |
[20 Sep 2003|03:16pm] |
[x] Story behind the screenname: it's a tool song, a totally kick-ass band.
[x] Top 5 bands: right now? blind melon, hot water music, choking victim, dropkick murphys, rancid
[x] Bottom 5 bands: anything on the radio
[x] What makes you geeky?: my idea of a good day is spending it at the library. guess where i am right now?
[x] Special talents or quirkinesses: slight esp tendencies.
[x] Photo, if available (please use LJ-Cuts!): nada
[x] Basic facts about yourself (age, location, hobbies, etc.): currently living out of my backpack on my brother's couch, getting over a drug addiction, smoke way too many cigarettes/drink too much beer. fear of staying in one place.
[x] Whatever else you'd like to tell us: this morning i coughed up a whole lotta blood while brushing my teeth.
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[19 Sep 2003|12:17pm] |
who needs alcohol when youve got antihistimines?
my allergies bother me occasionally so last night i took a pill to relieve them. and it helped, my sneezing stopped, but it also got me really fucked up. i'm trying to watch survivor and the tv screen is going from side to side and my head is spinning.
this was completely unintentional....all i wanted was for my eyes to stop watering and the sneezing to stop.
kinda funny when you think of it though.
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| three for thursday. |
[18 Sep 2003|05:45pm] |
1. What are 3 things/situations that really stress you out?
-being unsure of what i want to do in the future stresses me out, though i try not to think of how much.
-whether or not my sister is deserving of my help, because she's such a fuckup
-just like the clash says, should i stay or should i go? because i don't know.
2. What are 3 things you can do that will de-stress you?
-a cigarette/beer/hit
-going for a walk
-listening to music
3. Who are 3 people (first names only, please) that are a real pain in the butt but you love them anyway ?
-my sister dawna
-my so-called boyfriend clif
-my brother morgan
---------------------------------------------
thus so far my day hasn't really accomplished a lot. the snow has finally stopped but the temperature is still kinda cold. but i spend most of it outside anyways, wandering around downtown and sitting in the park reading, smoking and drinking coffee. i was hoping that my brother would pass through, then we might've went for a beer. but alas no, and i guess it'll have to wait until tomorrow. my evening ahead will probably consist of watching tv and reading some more. what an exciting eventful life i lead when i don't have drugs in front of me at all times. oh well..
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| its the real motherfucking deal yo. |
[17 Sep 2003|04:12pm] |
says the carson daly when he sings....
i just now noticed that the last post was a double. haha. what a loser i am. anyhow, still in calgary, still hanging in there. what for i don't know.
sucking a lollipop but its hurting my tongue, so instead i bite it in half and swallow it. i should make like chuck palahniuk and pretend to choke, then maybe people would give me money. i'm currently reading that book right now, so the idea came to me of course.
must smoke. cheers. shit man, i need some friends on this journal.
be sociable, smile amber.
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| st andrew's fall. |
[09 Sep 2003|08:26pm] |
I can't tell you how many ways that I've sat,
And viewed my life today, but I can tell you
I don't think that I can find easier way
So if I see you walking hand in hand in hand
With a three armed man, you know I'll understand
(Pockets full of crappiness
Can't piece together my day
So I pose myself this question
Maybe sleeps gonna get me in the shade
I got my head buried in this pillow
I got my head buried in this pillow
So low...)
But you should have been in my shoes yesterday
You should have been in my shoes yesterday
hello.....
in calgary still
and looking forward
to
going back.
wherever that is.
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