Allieeee

2:12pm: don't be so scared, it's harder for me

4:26am: But I get distracted by the way his toes move when he plays,

so i let it burn.
i just poured my heart out,
there's bits of it on the floor.
and i take whats left of it and
rinse it under cold water,
and call him up for more.

and I say, "Baby, yes I feel stupid to call you,
but I'm lonely.
And I don't think you meant it when you said you couldn't love me.
and I thought maybe that if I kissed the way you do,
then you'd feel it too."

he says, "i'm sorry...
so sorry.
I'm sorry,
so sorry."
He grabs my wrists,
As my fingers turn into angry fists,
and I whisper, "Why can't you love me?
I'll change for you... I'll play the part."

11:40pm: I love you.
I am in love with you.
I am completely in love with you.
I am totally, completely, head-over-heels in love with you.
I am totally, completely, one hundred percent head-over-heels in beautiful, wonderful love with you.

I used to wake up every morning, afraid that I was going to live through the next day.

You make me feel ten feet tall. You make me invincible. You motivate me to wake up in the morning and start my day-- always with a text message to you. You continue to motivate me to be good, to study, to be a good person. You make me happy with who I am. You make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. You took my depression from being my core, the thing my whole life revolved around. You make me feel beautiful. You make me feel loved. You make me want to do my best at everything.
You make me better.

Sometimes I feel like I smother you too much. Sometimes I feel like I should hold back on the extra details about how much I love you. I'm scared I will lose you. I'm scared you will come to your senses and leave me.
I'm not afraid to die. I am not afraid to live. But I am afraid of being without you.

But every one of my silly fears is cast away every time my phone vibrates with a text message as it just did- "I want everyone to leave so I can chat with you more." I want to be with you forever.

I want to take pictures of bingo balls 3-14-10. I want to have text sex. I want to have real sex. I want to fall asleep to your messages and wake up to them. I want to tell other boys to leave my house because I don't trust them while I'm dating you. I want to tell everyone how amazing you are.
Forever.

I am totally, completely, one hundred percent head-over-heels in beautiful, wonderful love with you.
I am totally, completely, head-over-heels in love with you.
I am completely in love with you.
I am in love with you.
I love you.