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This week has been shit [27 Jul 2003|01:11pm] [ mood | sick ] I'm still sick and being sick sucks. Vik sent me home from work early today, which then means that I've clocked a big one hour at work this week.... The weeks have been going by so quickly and I can't believe its almost August... I'm pissed off because at work I'm only getting one shift a week. I'll be leaving soon, so they have to train the new people, but still!!... On Thrusday the "cool group" (LOL hahaha) is going to Canada's Wonderland.... I want to go to coffee time right now!! Unlike Hadeel, I'm not Herb crazy although he has been quite helpful whenever I've talked to him about something of a serious matter. I go for the change of scenery and people.... I should really call Doug soon. Before he left, I told him we'd keep in touch and I've hardly talked to him since then.... My short term memory is shot to hell. I usually can't even remember what I did the day before..... We all go through shit, just everyone's shit is different.... I want my check from Erin Mills!!!... I went Starburst crazy this week. I ate so much starburst, I practically lived off the stuff..... Jay's cool, but I don't know... It's a transition period...ahhh, Poopie!! LOL...You know, if I ever went to a small city, I would know there's about 45,000 people in it!.... I really should sleep in my bed. For the past 3 or 4 weeks, I'd fall asleep on the couch and sleep in my mom's bed after she's left for work. I need to stop that... Elizabeth is leaving for Poland soon! I won't see her for the whole month of August! :( ..... I really like Janet Jackson's "What About" song.... My mom was being nice to me yesterday. She heard me coughing and brought me some cough medicine... Herb says he sees unbalancedness, resignation and frustration in my eyes.. I still have to phone residence to see if I'm in that single room... In one week, I'll be going to an Arabic wedding with Hadeel.... Back to sleep for me *yawn* 2 comments|post comment

Summer Dayz Yo [22 Jul 2003|11:53pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | Any day now - Bif Naked ] Onto a different topic, I'm feeling really sick today. I came hom Sunday night and my throat was beginning to tighten. I thought it might be because of the cigarette I had smoked earlier, but then I woke up today and my nose was plugged and I was feeling like shit. I still feel like shit. I slept for almost 13 hours last night too. I could have slept more but I had to get up to get ready to go out. I felt like crap yesterday too, but that was more of an emotional crap. I just wasn't feeling it yesterday, just wanted to have some time by myself. I got home around 7pm after about an hour of not really arguing with Hadeel about how I don't want to chill tonight. I just loafted, slept and talked to Arden for almost two hours. It was a good conversation. He's one of the only friends that I have who I can tell anything to and who, even if we don't talk for a couple of months, get together with and things will be the same and not awkward. My shifts are down to one a week as of this week which has me really pissed off. I have to save money for university and I need spending money for when I go out as well as payments for my cell phone. I can't survive on one shift per week, seriously, its impossible. And it sucks that I might actually have to ask my parents for money and I hate doing that. Not only because I get the whole lecture about how I should learn to save my money (something I honestly need to learn how to do) but also because I do have a job and I should be able to take the money I earn and use it for my own personal expenses. I really should catch up on my reading. I was just about a quarter of the way done this novel "Fall On Your Knees" by I forget who, but I've just been so busy that I haven't had time to read at all. The narration of that novel sort of jumps around, so it makes reading it a bit challenging, which is good in a way because I don't want to read something that won't provoke me to think, analyze or is too simple. post comment

[20 Jul 2003|02:39pm] [ mood | determined ] Friday night was loads of fun. We ended up going to two strip clubs, Diamonds (with Cathrine and Amor) and The House of Lancaster. The latter was much better because the girls actually danced instead of walking from pole to pole. Bryan got about five lap dances, one of whic cost a $50! He even paid for one for me! (His exact words were "If I'm going down I'm taking you with me!"). Her name was Jesse, she was from Quebec and she was bi. And her tits were fake... I felt them! ahh! She made me though, I couldn't look her in the eye! I'm so not bi! The strip club was fun for a while but then I got board because you can only look at so many naked girls. It would be much more entertaining if they all didn't look so sad, especially the girls at Diamonds. I honestly felt bad for them. The only stripper who really stood out was the feature, Miss. Nude Toronto. Can't remember her name, something Silvers. She was thowing posters in the crowd and Hadeel was screaming so loud that she got one for Bryan. Afterwards we went back to Hadeel's house where Dan. Yves, Flizz, Posse, Grosse and Woodhouse joined us. Adrian all of a sudden got really sick and started puking, so we spent the night taking care of him as he passed out on one of the beds upstairs. I rubbed his head as Yves and Hadeel took turns holding a garbage bag by his face. ewwww. post comment

whoa..."so don't call me baby" [18 Jul 2003|09:04am] Today is Bryan's bday and so we are going to celebrate by going to a strip club and getting intoxicated afterwards. Can't wait. I've never been to a strip club and friends have told me that girls who go to girl clubs always get lots of attention. Hadeel will be with me (as will Adrian and Art) and so you never know what craziness might happen...heheheh....Bring on the naked chicks...I don't see why people think I'm bi.... Yesterday was pretty much a relaxing day. Hadeel and me went to coffeetime in the afternoon after she got off of school. That's been the routine for the last few weeks; coffeetime in the afternoon and sometimes in the evening as well, depending on if we can break away from the rest of the group or not. Speaking of coffeetime, I think I'm crushing on one of the regulars there. Won't say much about him just because I'm not sure of what's going on as of yet. I have decided that Staind is one of my new favourite bands. I really like the lead singer's voice and his lyrics. While we're on the topic of new favs, I'm totally infatuated with Bettie Page. I think she is one of the most beautiful people ever, seriously, and that's a word that I just don't throw around. And if I knew how to add a picture to journal entries, here is where hers would be. post comment

[12 Jul 2003|05:17pm] [ mood | sick ] The other day I was reminded that in only 6 weeks, I will be moving out of my comfortable surroundings and sort of throw into everything new. A "transition", perhaps. Everything will be different in a month and a half and I am excited but a little nervous. Understandable, I guess. And to make matters worse, I just recieved a response from residence saying that I could possibly be in a double room. It doesn't sound like a big deal, but I'm the type of person that needs their alone time to do their own thing. I would feel weird if I had to sleep in the same room as someone I don't even know. Plus, I'd feel like I'd have to make small talk with them all the time. Yah, sure, I may become close with that person, but we could also end up hating eachother. James suggested that I harrass the residence office by phoning and asking for a single room. I'm planning to take his advice. Flizz and I slept over at Hadeel's yesterday. It was partially a girls' night because we spent some time over at Corey's with the rest of 'em. We got home around 3am and then decided to order pizza. Pizza pizza was closed, so we went to Wendy's and then to McDonald's. It was fun, although I had to leave early this morning because I had a coffee date with James. We haven't had much time to talk to eachother lately cause we've both been so busy, so we drove around and ended up at some random Timothy's and gossiped like two old ladies. James, I think you are one of my favourite gossip partners!! So, tonight I think its a movie at Hadeel's. The other night we watched this movie called "Lost Highway". It was a dark movie and extremely confusing to the point where none of us really understood what was happening let alone all the underlying messages and subplots. I'm sure I understood what was happening, it would have been interesting. It's the kind of movie that you have to watch over and over in order to catch the little things that will help the overall plot make sense. I think I'm going to do a search for it on the net to help further explain what I didn't understand. I've also had a headache for the past 24 hours. It keeps moving around my head and at some points feels better but then begins to hurt again. Usually if I fall asleep, it's gone when I wake up so I'm thinking maybe the air pressure is the cause. Damn you, air!! lol 1 comment|post comment

hot fun in the summertime [06 Jul 2003|01:11am] [ mood | content ] I've been really busy lately, not that I'm complaining. Sorta neglecting my responsibilities though, which I have to resume once again. Spending time with friends is what summer is supposed to be about and I've been doing a lot of that. Relationships and the messiness that can sometimes come along with them have been on my mind lately. I'm very indecisive and considering all that has been happening in the last few weeks. blah! Me and Hadeel has also been spending a lot more time at coffeetime. I really like the atmosphere there, it is soothing in a way. It takes you away from all the gossip and drama of SC, and although sticks you into a new grapevine, It's not as unbearable and suffocating. I told Herb about everything that has been going on in the last few weeks and what I thought and felt about it all. He's not for it at all; "warning sign!" Tomorrow I'm going to Ikea to buy some cool stuff for my room for when I go off to university and am introduced to the real world. post comment

Good times [24 Jun 2003|12:06am] [ mood | sleepy ] Today I went to Brock's Smart Start to sign up for my courses, get a tour, discuss the university and get my student ID card (do I actually look like THAT?). The day was extremely long and seemed to drag on forever. I really like the university though, so in a sense I didn't mind being there. For this upcoming year, I signed up for Intro. to psychology, sociology, child and youth studies and Russian, great books world tour (where you read and discuss texts such as the Gilgamesh) and myths of the Greek and Roman gods. For the past week, we've been hanging out with Dan, Corey and company all day, everyday. They are really down-to-earth kinds of people and are easy to get along with. I've got many stories! :0 Doug is leaving this Wednesday! I'm going with Linda to drop him off because she will need me for the ride back. It sucks that he's leaving. He wrote me and a few other people (mainly the SC ppl) a letter and made us each promise not to open it until he leaves. I will seriously miss him. Doug is the kind of guy that if you have a problem, you can totally talk to him about it. Lately Hadeel and me have been spending time at Coffee time with Doctor Herb. He's a retired psychologist in his fifties. He's hilarious and helpful at the same time. He helps you with your problems, but doesn't give you advice. He makes you talk and say it for yourself and realize whatever it is you needed to. Yesterday Hadeel, me, Corey and Dan were sitting outside talking to him about relationships. "So why are you focusing on the past when you have a potential right here?"....blah and geez...Herb makes a good point....am still waiting for the explaination though 2 comments|post comment

Nice to see you all again... [19 Jun 2003|01:02am] [ mood | excited ] [ music | Plenty - Sarah Mclachlan ] It's been a while since I've written....much has happened: - Hadeel had a spur of the moment jam at her house this past Monday. It was great, I spent the night and most of the next day with er and a few people. I had work though, so I had to go home early. I met a lot of people from school whom I did not know. I was a little shy and tried to talk. We've hung out with them a few more times (like today), and its going pretty well because I'm talking normally. I really need to get over this shyness thing, it sucks. - There is a potential relationship brewing.... - I'm thinking this summer will be awesome!! Many jams, naked beach parties and sessions in sight! lol - Doug is leaving in one week!! I'm very sad, because we've gotten close in the past while. Wish we could have talked more earlier. I had a really nice, serious chat with Doug last week in which I became emotionally naked in front of him, and yet I feel comfortable with him. I trust him, he's one of the good guys you don't come across too often. - I'm definetly having a party at my house on the 28th! Can't wait!! Parents will be camping and the next day we are going to the gay pride parade in TO. Much fun ahead! post comment

[15 Jun 2003|01:00am] [ mood | anxious ] Since my last entry, I have realized a few things: - I really like my hair now that it is black again - I do not have feelings for Ben because 1)he doesn't make me laugh and 2)whenever he tells homo-erotic jokes or pretends to be gay, it totally turns me off (which I know is hypocritical because I do it too) - Things are not always as they seem - I need to be more social and outgoing in situations where there are new people - I love to death the group of friends I have now - I put up with a lot of shit that I don't need to - I should stick up for myself - I have a crush on the Scotiabank guy, Alex - I so want to remember the fun times that I always want to take pictures of EVERYTHING lol (it's sorta making me feel crazy and getting on my own nerves now) - I like to wear backward hats - Poison is great - I never had a party at my house - You're all invited June 28!! YAH! post comment

A decision is made [05 Jun 2003|10:52pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | Papa Don't Preach - Madonna ] Yesterday my mom and me flew to Thunder Bay to check out Lakehead's campus. Before we even left the house, we were arguing so it was a good idea we didn't have to spend 8 hours driving there (it would not have been pretty). Anyways, I fell asleep on the plane and before I knew it, we were there. There were so many trees, I almost suffocated because of the overwhleming abundance of clean oxygen. An upper year student was our tour guide and the tour lasted about 2 hours. We walked over the entire campus, and really, it seems like a good university. They have a lot of volunteer program type clubs that I would have liked to get involved with. Most of the community is physically active, doing such sports as skiing, rock climbing and kayaking. We got a good view of the community from the top floor of the library. We could see everything - all the forestry, the ski hills, the community, the lake - it was spectacular. Today was Brock day, and like the day before, my mom and me were arguing before we departed. Things smoothed over once we got there. I slept in the car on the way there. The tour wasn't as informative or personal, which I didn't like. It was only about 1 hour, but I there were a lot of qualities that appealed to me. The residences and buildings were nicer, my entrance scholarship is worth more and most importantly the progam I applied to is better suited for teaching. I figure getting an honours BA in child and youth studies would make me better equipped to teach compared to an English degree. And I could also see myself living and learning at Brock, making friends and having fun. Brock it is then!! I talked to Hadeel tonight and we're going to dye my hair again. It's too orange for me, I really dispise it. She's also going to come with me to Sara's house who I think is holding some of clothes hostage. She's had them for almost a year, and I would like them back. I haven't talked to her for almost 5 months *wow its been long*, but I know she has them. I've got some of her stuff too, which I have no problem returning since they don't belong to me in the first place. 2 comments|post comment

[03 Jun 2003|01:38am] [ mood | sick ] [ music | You Body Is A Wonderland - John Mayer ] Tonight I met up with Michelle from my online course. I had a good time and we talked for almost three hours. She seems like a really nice person, and she likes to talk which is good because it means that I don't have to think of some retarded kind of small time to keep the conversation going..."So...how 'bout that crazy weather?!" So on Wednesday, I will be going to Lakehead with my mom. We are flying there and making the return trip on the same day. I will be so tired from the plane ride. Then, on Thrusday we are driving it up to St. Catherines to check out Brock. Friday will be spent with Linda as we will be driving to Waterloo. She was going to visit the Waterloo campus by herself, but since I wasn't doing anything, I offered to go with her. It will be a mini rode trip. I'm getting a weird vibe from Ben now. Hadeel said that Pri felt it too. He just seems really strange to me, and not in the confused artist type of way either. Like erie strange, uncomfortable strange. Friday night Flizz slept over. We stayed up until 6am, which meant that she only had about an hour of sleep before she went to work. We talked, looked through yearbook pics and other photots. Me, Flizz, Hadeel, Pri, Kristine, Linda, Doug, Yves, Ben, Danny and his gf Shannon all went out to the pool hall that night. We got there only to find out that they lost their liquor license for 10 days - we were the only ones in the entire pool hall! It was okay though, cause none of us were looking to pull and we had fun. I even kicked Doug's ass in Street Fighter! I almost beat the game too - I rock! I had the most awesome shift yesterday with Hadeel. We had sooo much fun. We were throwing croissants at eachother and we had a really nice, honest talk about guys and girl stuff in general. I sat on the counter and we shared a donut. It was a comfortable conversation, where you tell the other person personal stuff and you become a bit vulnerable. But I couldn't help but want to hold back some stuff and it seems that I've begun to build a wall around myself to block my feelings from people, even my friends. I've actually noticed it in other situations too. I really love those conversations though. We goofed around and were there pretty late too. post comment

The good, the bad and the weird [29 May 2003|04:14am] [ mood | tired ] Good News: Monday was the last day of night school and online school - I KNOW I passed!! YAHHH!!! I was actually passing math before I started the exam! 51% - although a really crappy mark - is still a pass, and since the exam was not that hard, I think I actually got the credit! Go me!! My world issues exam was basically multiple choice and a sigh passage that was more opinion than applying any of the knowledge we have gained from the course. What kind of exam was that? It wasn't even challenging, so why did I bother to study?? I met up with "Mr. Ben" and Peter at SC tonight...LOL, it was supposed to be a quiet night with just a few friends, but the whole gang was there. Everyone was a little uncomfortable at first, but then it smoothed over and people talked. Excellent. I absolutely HATE silence, it totally freaks me out. I actually had a nice one-on-one conversation with him out infront of the store. It was nice, we got to talking. EVERYBODY is coming out this Friday, after Hadeel and Pri ditch the prom. It will be fun, I'm sure. Bad News: Today I got my rejection letter from Trent. I was upset because this is the only university that I really wanted to go to (and I really really really wanted to go to there)! So, now my only options are Lakehead and Brock, because I definetly do not want to take a year off (and be left behind while everyone else is going off to school and I'm stuck here at SC in Mississauga). I just don't feel like there's anything here for me. My mom and I are going to fly up to Lakehead sometime soon. I want to see the campus before I make my decision. Brock doesn't have the program that I wanted, but its something similar. It won't get me a teaching degree, but it will get me experience with children. Weird News: Without being too specific, I spent an interesting night out that was full of warnings and surprises....and 30-something year old men hiting on me...ew...they're old enough to be my father! That's the last time I let anyone leave me alone in a club! Damn....I hear the birds singing...Bed time! post comment

Moving on...to homo erotica and university [26 May 2003|02:11am] [ mood | rushed ] [ music | David Bowie - Let's Dance ] So I hardly studied today and will be paying for it tomorrow with my grades. My study habits have all turned to shit. Wednesday Kristine and I will be "bumping into" Ben and Peter at SC. It's so retarded because all four of us know that its a setup. So when I see them, I'm gonna say "What are YOU guys doing here?!?", just for added emphasis. I think all the homo erotica that went on last friday in the pool hall really freaked out Peter. I told him we really weren't lesbians, but he said that he wasn't sure if he believed me. He was serious. LOL Is it just us that pretends were gay??? Everyone had such a great time last friday that we're all doing it again this friday. Hadeel, Pri and Phil all have prom, but instead of going to an after prom party, they're going to come out with us. Earlier that day I will be bikini shopping with Linda at Square One. Kristine is going to be getting me a discount at Old Navy as a bday present, which is great because I need to buy a suit for this summer. Nada - I have a bunch of pictures that Ashley and Linda scanned for me and that I want to send to you. Some of them are of us at the first and last staff meeting that we had a while back and others are of me and you, and the Pri's/Magda's bday party that we all went to. I don't know how to post them in my journal (teach me!), so the next time you see me on MSN, remind me 'cause I've had them for the longest time and I always forget!!! My mom seems to actually be getting used to the whole Lakehead idea. Since I still haven't gotten back my education acceptance/rejection from Trent, I might have to end up going there. She has been telling me that a lot of people say Lakehead is a bad school in addition to all these undesirable things about the university. But, all universities have goods things about them as well as the bad. Tonight she told me that she's heard some good things about the school, but wouldn't be specific about it. I thought that was weird. Some of the things that I've been hearing about other people makes me feel like you can never really know someone, no matter how long you've been friends with them. Maybe its for the best though, because we don't know everything about any other person. If we did, would we like what we saw or knew? post comment

YAHHHHH! [25 May 2003|01:10am] [ mood | ecstatic ] I had a really great day today. Although I worked the evening to night shift, I had a lot of fun for a few reasons: a) I was hyper from the time I got there b) I worked with Hadeel, whom I never get to work with c) All my friends came into say "hi" and hang out, so I got to chill with them I also talked with "Mr. Ben" last night...till 3am...I was falling asleep at the computer again! lol He's very intellectual, seems smart. We played Intellectual Judo and I chose the topic of whether or not we, as a society, perpetuate criminal behaviour. We agreed, so it wasn't much of a debate actually. But still. I have both exams on Monday, so tomorrow will be spent studying - blah! Studying sucks and I know I'm going to slack off tomorrow instead of being focused on what I should be doing. At least I'm not denying it. I've found that I do tat a lot now - procrastinate and slack off rather than do my school work. Not a good habit to be developing. Oh well. Nobody's perfect. post comment

[21 May 2003|03:03am] [ mood | content ] Right now I am in the middle of an almost two-hour conversation with a guy I've never met. His name is "Peter" and he's trying to set me up with one of his friends, "Ben". He's actually the crush of another friend (will not say who in order to protect privacy, but some may know if she already told you"). Peter seems nice, easy too talk to, but a little freaky at times. Weird and flirty at times actually, but nice. I think he is just trying to get in good with me and Linda because we're her friends because it that wasn't true, then nothing else would make sense. But I'm actually totally interested in this Ben character. From what I hear, he's crushable, although I haven't heard much. We're actually debating on whether or not I'm a lesbian...god! Does everybody see this quality in me! I'm really not homosexual, people! Just because I like to grab girls' asses, talk about my hot sex-filled nights with them and stick my tounge out in a sexual manner towards them, does not mean I'm a lesbian....or does it?? He also described me as "confused and searching". I've only talked to this guy twice and already he's got me pegged. How weird is that. I wonder if I do come off like that, or if it was just the subject matter that we were discussing. Apparently his friend is the same way though - a match made in heaven? (That sounds too girlish). So this Friday, Peter et al will be going out with us. No, haven't done the bday thing. Last weekend it was understandable, circumstances did arise. I'm getting tired of this. Flizz better get the day off. We can't re-schedule again. I think it is more of a get-together than a bday thing now. It's too long past to celebrate, almost pointless. Me and Flizz went out on Saturday night to Chapters and a movie (Anger Managment). It was nice because it was just a girls night out. We did a search for some "hot guys" as Flizz would put it, but didn't turn up any..only a too eager Colisium security guard...eww...It was nice because we bitched about things that bugged us and talked through them. I like it when friends share problems and I always try my best to help them even when it involves messy work politics (argh - had enough of them). We had to take the bus though, and I've decided that I must get my license this summer. Jay is going to give me the number for his driver instructor because it apparently was a really good one that didn't sleep while he drove around town (LOL). Hopefully I will be able to do the lessons and take the test before I leave for uni. Jay says there's a way that you can get your test bumped up sooner, so he's gonna help me with that. God - imagine me on the road - everybody, look out!! 2 comments|post comment

[14 May 2003|12:56am] [ mood | thankful ] Yesterday I got an email from one of the girls in my online course. We have been talking since the course began and we've become friends. I told her about my trip to London and everything that I did while I was there. She's also shared with me some of the things that's been going on with her too. She suggested that after our exam, we should go for coffee and just chat and I could bring some of my pics to show her. I thought that was a cool idea; we don't have to even talk after our course is complete, but it was really nice to know that she wants to still stay in touch. It brightened my day and made me smile because we don't have to talk after the end of May and you can never have too many friends. :) 2 comments|post comment

good coffee, good times [13 May 2003|12:40am] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | Marilyn Manson - Mechanical Animals ] Today I dyed my hair back to an acceptable colour. It's not the shade that I wanted, but it'll do. They tried to charge me $160 because they said that it was a big job, but I argued and said that I was told $70 only, so that's what I ended up paying. I didn't think it was right for them to jack up the price like that AFTER they dyed it and I wouldn't have paid that much anyways. I got my London pics developed today, and a lot of them are awesome! Nada, even the ones that we thought my camera ate were there...well, most of them. They gave me a double set by accident, so I'll send them to you. There's a really good one of you and Jo, so I know you'd like to keep that. Just before night school began, Marcin phoned me and we talked for a bit. I invited him to my bday party this weekend, but he said that he would be in Wasaga beach and then he invited me. Since liz can't get this Saturday off, we're all gonna party up north. Me. Doug, Linda and Kristine (maybe, if she comes) will be going up in the early evening on Saturday. Marcin and a lot of other people will be staying there from Friday to Monday, but because both me and Linda have work on Sunday, we're just going for the night. We probably won't know a lot of the people there, but meeting new people is fun (sometimes) and because the majority of us will be under the influence, all will be well. It should be fun and I'm looking forward to it. We're going to postpone my bday get-together until the next next weekend when we can get it better organized. Last minute changes are not always welcome. Another good part of my day was just relaxing at SC. It makes me happy just to hang out with friends, not have a schedule or any obligations or worries to think about. Just talking about nothing inparticular is what's its all about. The little things are great and they can make all the difference. post comment

from blond to black and back again [12 May 2003|02:41am] [ mood | giggly ] [ music | John Mayer - City Love ] I should go to bed soon. Tomorrow morning I'm getting up early to get my pictures developed at the Walmart at Square One and then I'm off to the hair dressers by my house so they have correct this mistake that sits on top of my head. *sigh* Just another thing I did without thinking, but at least it can be easily fixed. Linda took some pics of me and the gang at work yesterday so as soon as I get my hands on my copies, I'll get them scanned and I'll post them here for Nada to see! I'll also post the really funny pics of me and you in London, Nada! LOL - my bday joint! Today was Mother's Day so we took my mom and my grandma out for lunch. We went to this place on Eglinton called Peter's on Eglinton. It was pretty good, except the restaurant was packed. You couldn't hear what the person sitting across from you was saying because it was also loud. We must have fought about five different times during the course of the two hours we spent together. It was therefore a typical Bedford family outing, but it was nice. My dad continually called me "Wednesday" as in Wednesday Addams from the Addams family, so to retaliate I stabbed him with my fork numerous times! LOL He got scared after a while because I was being quite ruthless. teehee It was fun. This upcoming weekend, we're all going out for my bday party. Flizz really wants to go to the karaoke bar the SC clique went to a couple of times, so that's where we're going. There's about ten of us in all (if we all end up going), so it should be lotsa fun. Too bad there's no dancing, 'cause I'd love to get drunk and dance. Ever since we clubbed in London, I've developed a new found love for dancing and not caring if I look retarded while doing it - I'm having fun. Sadly though, I'm the only besides Doug and Kristine that is of legal drinking age, so us three will be buying the drinks. I have decided to confess my undying love for Conan O'Brien!!! *giggling like a school girl* I have the biggest crush on him, he's so ridiculously funny. If you've ever watched his show and seen his cow-lick hair, you'd know what I mean! teehee 3 comments|post comment

"hush little baby don't say a word. Mama's gonna buy you a mocking bird..." [10 May 2003|02:16am] [ mood | dizzy ] Today was not as nice a day outside as it has been recently and I woke up in a depressed mood. I made a decision late last night and thinking about it extended over until the morning. I even dreamt about it too. I've been conflicted for a long while, but not able to fully talk to anyone because I tend to keep real problems to myself (I always looked at myself as someone who talked about what was on their mind, but I think I've recently developed a tendency not to. It's not because I don't trust people (although most of the time I don't), its just what I do now). I've decided to do what I think is right for me for a change instead of just being impulsive and not caring about the consequences. I do that way too often and I always end up doing something that in the long run is not beneficial in any way. I wish I ran the world so that people would have to listen to me and do what I say. Otherwise I would send them to the gas chamber. Today I did yoga outside in the backyard. It was nice. I brought out a huge comforter, a small stereo, two Jewel CD's and my yoga book. I wasn't out there for long, but the fresh air did me good. When you wake up in a melancholy-type of mood, it's really hard to shake. I think yoga has made me more flexible. I can do the splits now, the same way I could when I used to take gymnastics. I need to strengthen my back though, so it won't hurt as much while I'm at work. Just stretching gets the blook flowing. I need to find a yoga partner because doing a routine by yourself is not as much fun. You need someone to keep you going when the posing gets harder (and some of them are really difficult). I think once I get my YMCA membership in June, I'll start attending those early Saturday morning yoga classes again. There's this one really neat looking posture that I would love to be able to do. It's called "the dancer". Here's a link: http://www.treeoffitness.com/Photos/Photo%20Gallery%202%20-%20Stretching%20and%20Yoga.htm These postures must take years to perfect along with much discipline and patience. They are amazing to look at, knowing all the time and effort that has went into each one. I've decided to dye my hair black this weekend. I'm sick of my blond hair. It will be drastically different, but we'll see. 5 comments|post comment

[07 May 2003|11:27pm] [ mood | blank ] I just got back from school about 40 minutes ago....SUCCESS!!! I KNOW I passed my finite test!! It was centered around statistics, and there was about two lessons that I didn't really pay attention to, but luckily I crammed beforehand and there were only two questions that were from that section. Other than that I was having a pretty crappy day. You know you're having a crappy day when you don't even want to write in your blurty journal that you're having a crappy day. But that was in the morning and afternoon. It all started looking up during break at school. I don't know what it was, but talking with Linda about nothing in particular and laughing made me feel better. Too much suspicion makes me naucious. I went to the doctor today. Man, do I hate that place. It's all so clean and unfeeling. And those cold metal stirups in the examination room do nothing to help the feeling of the overall experience. Luckily, I was not to be using those today, as I only had a few questions for doc. So, yada yada yada, me, my sister and my mom end up in the gamma-dynacare part of the building where only the very fortunate people get to go to have the great experience of giving blood. And, as my luck would have it, I was one of those people. Ever since I cut my finger while cutting lettuce in produce over a year ago, I get really weirded out when I see my own blood. That time, I had just gotten a brand new knife (we all had our own) and first of all I had been known to cut myself all the time. They always had to bandage me up. Anyways, I cut myself the very first head of lettuce I had to cut and my boss freaked out and told me I had to get stitches 'cause I was bleeding all over the place. I turned completely white, my vision started to go all black and I felt sick to my stomach. Yada yada yada, my dad had to come pick me up, took me to the hospital where I was almost sick twice more. And I didn't even get stitches! But, I did get paid for not even working! HA HA, so everything turned out for the best. Last night after work I went blading. It was great because the weather was nice and I got to do some thinking as well. I left the house and no one noticed and was only gone for about half an hour. No one else was out which was nice. I went to the park and the Shoppers, but by the time I got there it was closed. My walkman died out on my half way there, which sucked because I was forced to carry it even though no music was playing. I really hate that. It's gotta be one of my biggest pet peeves. post comment

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