| Say goodbye. |
[Sun July 27 2003 | 11:24am] |
It's strange to be typing this and knowing it'll be my last post in the community.
I've been here for 8 months and 8 days now and this was one of the best experiences I've ever had. I've gotten back in touch with friends that I've lost contact with. I've gained new friends who have become an important part of my life. I mean, where do I even start with how huge of an effect this whole thing has had on me?
I've met the greatest friends here. Christian, I don't regret the past and I'm so happy that you and I are still friends and we're both in love! Ste, you are just great, period. But of course, you have to be great in order to be married to my best friend. Heh. Tom, oh my lord I don't know where to start with you. We started talking only shortly but man, it was the best ever. With all the grammies, and making fun of Eliza. Down to just listening to me and giving me faith when I was down. Vincent, even though you hated me posting those pictures of Eliza , you were still awesome company to me. Besides, I couldn't resist. I had to get her back. Heh. And Vinny, Mr. Diesel. Even though you've left, you were definitely there while I was in trouble and brought me through, letting me use your shoulder.
I got my best friends through here. Eliza and Keri, I love you guys so much and I want to thank you for everything you guys have done for me. Even if it was just listening to me, or scrolling the windows full of "HAHAHAHAHA"'s. Eliza and I had the best laughs ever. While Keri and I went through trouble and turmoil together and was always there for each other.
I was re-united with my outlaws. Scott, Colin, and Greg. Oh man... from Sadie, to the strip clubs. The "coffee", to sneaking around peeking on people. And getting pictures nonetheless you damned sex-addicted freaks. Speaking of that, you guys should join sexaa. -Snickers.- Continuing on. You guys have always been my boys. Yes. My boys. And no matter how vulgar, how drunk, idiotic, insane, perverted, flirty, blunt you guys can be, I honestly wouldn't change it at all cause it's all of that, that keeps me going and keeps me laughing till I can't breathe. Besides, a Jersey girl can take it. -Grins.- You guys are the BEST and I love being around you guys.
I met up with the love of my life here. Paul Walker, you know how I feel about you. I can't wait to start my life with you.
By the way, you guys are all invited to attend our wedding on October 25th. You guys had better be there. We'll send invitations out a month before. I promised Eliza I'd stick around on AIM so even though I'm leaving, it won't be the last you'll see of me. You guys are also welcome to call me anytime and I'll get back to you. I promise.
And so it ends. This journaling world. Paul and I have become simply too busy to keep this up anymore. With planning our wedding, taking care of Meadow, filming and whatnot, we need to concentrate on our lives together now. It's been such a great 8 months here. I was hesitant to leave but I must now. Things are starting to become overwhelming. I will miss all of you. So thank you. Thank you thank you thank you. I can't thank you guys enough.
Thomas Loren Lenk. Check your lawn. I couldn't resist doing something before I leave. XD
Scott, Colin, Greg. I'll see you soon.
Paul. I love you.
With all my love,
Alison Gertrude Larter
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[Sat July 19 2003 | 03:40am] |
This is what happens when Ali Larter finds an ebonics (aka ghetto) translator. I am, ebonified.
-Struts in and all that good stuff, wearing low baggy denim jeans and a tight black wifebeater. With bling blings hanging around her neck coming down to her navel, she adusts the upside down visor on her bandana covered head. Thumbing at her nose, she flashes random gang signs and hikes up her pants that are falling down.-
I'm so sorry fo' muh ma fuckin disappearance. With everything going on, I can't seem ta find tyme ta be around much. I'm still filming Three Way Split an' basically I spend 12 hours uh day working on dat. When I git home, I clean up da crib, cook, an' peep afta Meadow. And then it'soff ta sleep. On da weekends, I've been attending countless PR conferences as well as meeting wiff Tristan ta discuss mo' independent films. This iz uh whole different ball field fo' me an' Tristan has been teaching me about it. I love it. It'suh job dat gives me so much mind stimulation an' I'm never bored o' it. The peeps around iz fly an' da schedule ain't too bad.
And Paul...wiff him being so busy in New York, he still has amazingly found tyme ta page me every night an' check on Meadow an' I. I've been spending tyme wiff his mom uh lot lately when I gots da tyme. It'snice ta be around his family here, since muh ma fuckin own family iz in New Jersey. And plus... one day... they'll be muh ma fuckin family too. Wow... ya know, I feel so ... what'sda werd I'm looking fo'. Overwhelmed? I swear, everytime I peep at dis here ring on muh ma fuckin finger, I just wants ta start crying all over ag'in in muh ma fuckin happiness. Meadow'sso adorable. She'll just peep at da ring, then at me, an' then grin wiff all her pearly whites showing as she says, "Daddy loves ya.", an' then I just wants ta start crying mo'. -Laughs.-
It seems like all mah brothas and sistahs iz getting engaged around here. Congrats ta all tha brothas and sistahs else who just got engaged. We should all just throw one joint party. That don' sound like such uh bad idea. Who knows what could happen?
Tonight we's had ta take little Greg ta uh strip club fo' his belated berfday n' shit. I th'o't he likes da male lap dances uh little too much. Oops, wuz I not supposed ta say dat? Well bettah me saying it then Tweeder. And da little tard kicked me! That'sokay, cause I kicked his ass afta dat. You iz not supposed ta smoke Ali Larter. It'sin da rules o' da community. Okay, maybe not but it'sone o' those things where it'scommon sense. Heh.
Alright, well I bettah git some sleep. Night brothas. otay buh-weet
( -Dies.- Here's the translation. Good night! )
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[Tue July 08 2003 | 11:56pm] |
Oh god, where the hell do I start? Last weekend I flew out to NY and spent it with Paul. Paul's mom took care of Meadow while I was gone so everything was good, the skies were clear, and the weekend started the moment I stepped off that plane and onto New York grounds. Fourth Of July was great. We didn't do anything fantastic or go all out but we had a great time just watching the fireworks show and just being goofy and talking. Saturday, we spend the day roaming about NY. Again with the goofing around and talking. Just...spending time with each other.
And then Sunday...good lord Sunday. Well...
I'm engaged.
God, I can't even express how happy I am right now. And the engagement ring is freaking GORGEOUS, ask Eliza. I don't even have the patience and strength to write anymore than that cause I need to go run around my house or fill up Eliza's IM window with more exclamation marks, hearts, and "OMG"'s. Even though I'm lurking right now.... oops?
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[Thu July 03 2003 | 11:10am] |
-Sits down on the computer chair, pushing off the wall and flying across the room to her stereo as she clicks the 'on' button. Bopping her head slightly to the beat, she rolls back over to the computer. Singing a few lines, she stretches her arms up above her head and rolling her shoulders. She scoots her chair up, pulling out the keyboard and sighs, tucking her legs up to sit indian style.-
Ste, Christian...you guys did such a good job on "More Than Words". I can't stop listening to it. -Smiles.-
Eliza is such a trendy bitch. -Laughs.- I haven't talked to her lately due to my absence of being online but last time we talked, it was about how long each of us had been here. I've been here since December and she joined in January so I'm better than her. She admitted it too but I couldn't find it in my AIM History and she wouldn't give it to me. I really can't believe I've been here that long. I didn't think I'd stick around when I first joined but here I am. And then she showed me her comment stats: [ Posted: 10,314 - Received: 5,828 ] wow, she really does have no life. -Laughs.- That's okay, we all love her anyways. -Pats her head.-
I'm so glad this holiday weekend is coming up. I didn't even know July 4th was tomorrow until Tuesday, I believe. Time has flown by so fast now that I'm back at work. I even lose track of the day sometimes and god, Christian and Johnny are engaged, Shane's a father, Alyssa's having a baby, Keri and Ste's having a baby girl... it just seems not so long ago that Alyssa, Keri, and I were all boyfriendless and sat in a Starbucks, just mellowing out and talking. And I remember when Eliza and I were single... -Laughs.- She was just as dorky then as she is now. But Vince and her are so cute. I'm so happy for all of my friends.
And I found Paul again. Or wait...he found me. -Blinks.- Either way, we worked things out and I'm so glad we didn't step down from our feelings cause I'm so blissfully happy with him. I love spending every spare moment I can with him, and if not with him then I'm hanging out with his daughter, Meadow, whom I absolutely adore. It's just wonderful...everything. I'm all packed and set to fly out to New York and spend the weekend with him tomorrow. I can't wait to see that smile of his again.
Filming is going great. Russell, my director, is so hilarious and he respects and listens to my suggestions. Gina, Joy, and Dominic are just as fun to be around day-to-day and we're all constantly goofing around. They haven't started the prank phase yet but I'm sure it'll be happening soon cause I can just see those gears spinning in their heads. It's all good. I got a couple of my own creations that I can't wait to put into action... -Smirks.-
I haven't been around as much as I used to be so I apologize for that. I'm a busy gal lately but I need a break so fellow outlaws, Keri, Ste, anyone else...let me know when you're free after this week. Kevin, man we gotta catch up. And say hi to your wife for me. -Grins.- I just realized that Eliza and I have never hung out. Loser. -Laughs.- Alright, I'm done.
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[Thu June 26 2003 | 01:41am] |
Oh my lord. I didn't realize it had been over a week since I've updated. I swear, it was only yesterday when I re-posted that whip cream bikini picture of Eliza and I just updated.
Don't ask me why I'm still up. I've been going to bed every night around 4 or so for the past week. It's all because of damn Eliza who won't let me go to sleep, the whore. And in turn, she threw off my sleeping pattern as well as hers. Oh well. I've always been a late night creature. I wonder if she's going to kick my ass for lurking. -snickers-
It's so much fun to see everyone around again. When Colin, Scott, Greg, and I get together, it's a blast and it feels exactly like the old days on the set of "American Outlaws". Thank god for Kathy Bates or else I would've never made it through that time without wringing one of their necks, or maybe even all of them. -grins- And wow, Kevin Smith is around. I never thought I'd see that day but he's here! And hey! I thought I was the only whip creamed person here but apparently Chris Evans is too. And I am bummed cause Adam won't let Tom and I dye his hair pink. Maj is his chest hair bodyguard but if that's the case and we can't get past her, we'll dye her pink. -grins-
...god, there is too much testosterone around me. I need to find more girl friends. Liza's not good enough for me. -laughs- <3 I LOVE YOU LIZA. And I changed my mind. I want you to come help me do that secret idea I told you about. -evil grin-
In great news, Paul has asked me to move in with him. -grins- It's amazing to see how far we've come. Just makes me curious what could be next in store for us. And Meadow is such a joy to be around. I think I spoil her too much though but I don't want to stop. Seeing her smile is great, and reminds me so much of her dad. I don't think I could be any happier than I am. He's off in NY right now doing his thing and I'm in LA filming my most recent project and also taking care of Meadow. I love him and miss him but I'm flying up there soon to visit. Not this weekend though since Russell (my director) said I'd only have Saturday afternoon off. Besides, Scott's going up there this weekend so I wanted them to have their "man" time. Something involving Stacy Keibler and pantyhose... maybe I don't want to know. I'll be up there weekend after next though, all signs are a go for that.
There's more to say...I just can't think of it but I will edit when I do.
EDIT: I went to the Charlie's Angels premiere. Awesome, awesome movie. I'm wondering why we don't have any of the angels here...wait, we have Cameron right? Anyway, it comes out this Friday so go see it, and then go see 2 Fast 2 Furious, and if you've already seen it, go see it again. -winks-
EDIT2: Billy Madison is hilarious. Jason Biggs needs to get a journal. And also, I miss Nick Chastain. I wish he'd come around again.
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[Mon June 16 2003 | 08:11pm] |
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EDIT: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. -innocent grin-
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[Mon June 16 2003 | 01:49pm] |
[OOC: I love you guys so much. :) You all are such awesome people who I'm happy to be associated with. And god, you mods kick ass for putting in so much time to get this community up and running as fast as you did.]
Good lord, where to even start? My mind is being overloaded with things. For starters, the past two nights have been hell yet so much fun at the same time. This is going to be completely random but oh hell, I don't care.
Someone stop me. I've been talking to Eliza way too much for my own good.
Lenking Loren has been a huge help to me. Thank you for listening to me. Also, a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you even though I already told you last night. -grins- Where's 50 cent to bust out with his rhyme? And here. Now you can dye Adam's chest hair pink. -grins-
And another one of my co-stars is here. Welcome Luke.
Britney, Eliza, Kristin, and I need to go out together. -firm nod-
Never take Scott or even go with him to food places because he always starts food fights. And it's getting old. Watch it, boy. Amy and I can and will get you back if you go too far one day. Heh.
James, we gotta hang out again. -pimps Jay & Silent Bob Strikes Back love-
I'm starting fliming again. The movie is called Three Way Split and it's being directed by Scott Ziehl. And luckily, filming is in LA so I'll still be around all my friends. I'm so excited.
The most important thing of all though is that he's here with me now.
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[Fri June 13 2003 | 10:18am] |
*laughing gleefully at the computer screen, both eyebrows raised in amusement, she raises her glass of water to her lips, enjoying the feeling of the cold liquid rushing her throat, her pink tinted lips curve into another wide grin as she stretches before putting her slender fingers back on the keyboard*
Ahh...I'm in such a good mood. New layout and icons. The layout is kinda annoying me though, and I took down all my "sexy" icons. Meh.
Chris dropped by yesterday morning to pick up Tristan, our cat, and he's going to watch him for a while cause Chris missed him. It was so good to see him again seeing as how I've been in and out so much. I've just been spending a lot of time with my friends and family, and it's been a blast. And then David keeps inviting me to meetings and I go with him just to see what I can take a gander at. Just been out, living life. *smiles* Anyways, Chris and I chatted for a while and caught up, before he left with Tristan.
I love unexpected visits from Paul. Although sometimes I wish I knew because some of the things I wear at home are only for me to see. Pft. And no, I don't mean dirty lingerie clothing items, gutter minds. *sticks tongue out*
Finally got to catch up with Keri! It's been forever girl, but I'm glad we finally talked. Glad to also know that everything is going well and the baby is healthy. *smiles*
 scott_caan finally brought his ass here. SEE GREG, I am so much cooler than you! He took me out to lunch at Koi's yesterday and man oh man, I have missed him so much! Almost got kicked out but we had a lot of fun. *laughs* My Outlaw Crew is all here now. Well there's more, but ya'll know us four were the center of attention. *laughs* Kidding. *blinks* Wait, did I just say ya'll? Damn Zee Mimms creepin' up on me. Still can't let go of her, Zee was one of the best characters to play. Next to Darcy of course. *winks*
*gasp* My Varsity Blues crew is complete! amysmart and __james__ is here. *grins* I am freaking stoked. We have got to catch up. *nods firmly*
Ah, I am so goddamn content. Except that I haven't talked to any of you for so long. *makes mental note to catch up to old friends, and randomly make new ones*
I was going to mention Eliza in here and blame something on her...but I completely forgot what it was. Well whatever it was, it was still all Eliza's fault. Everyone call her Push-Koo. Or Duck Shoot.
I love Sarah even though we haven't talked in so long and not paid our visits to the Anus God. *ahem*
I found pictures of Colin line dancing. *dies* Eliza died too when I showed her. *grins* Oh man...hey Colin. I wanna learn line dancing! And you said you couldn't dance on the set of American Outlaws. I bet you felt right at home when we were country skipping to the music. *smirks* I'm going to post it.
( Colin Farrell line dancing )
I love you, Colin. I really do. Heh.
Tom Lenk steals grammies.
I think I'm done.
<3 Paul.
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[Tue June 03 2003 | 02:31pm] |
Anyone miss me? Pft.
Do you know what sucks? Phone tag. Cause I'd much rather be talking to my boyfriend face to face. And we keep missing each other. I've been pouting for days. *pouts*
I haven't been around either. David wanted me to come with him to some business meetings, see things that are in the works. And so far, nothing's caught my eye just yet. They want to do a spoof of Final Destination. But I think 2 films tortured you guys enough, huh? *laughs*
But I'm around now! I think. Should be anyhow. Well, after tomorrow. Ah stupid schedules. Things always change at the last minute.
Eliza is evil. She makes me miss my boyfriend even more.
I haven't been reading up on anyone lately so tell me how you guys are doing. Shane, you said you have news? What news? Keri, Ste, Chris...how are things? Hopefully well.
I'll end this post now. And I still miss my boyfriend. Pity me. *laughs*
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[Wed May 28 2003 | 05:49am] |
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( OOC )
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[Thu May 22 2003 | 12:25am] |
Ha, I have an eye icon. Look out...I'm watching you. O_o
Mm...the days are just getting better for me. I'm so glad I went out of hiding. *grins, fading into a soft smile* I've found it. I've found the wonderful amazing feeling again of being in someone's arms. And I've discovered so much more along the way. I'm proud that I'm doing this for myself, and he's doing it for himself. Cause here we are...ending up at the same spot together.
And no. I did not pull my pants down randomly. However Paul did at...where was it...RJ's birthday party? He was the stripper. Hah.
I was reading Paul's journal and I noticed he wants a Scott Caan here. Hell yes! Where is my 4th Outlaw buddy? And I'm going to be sad Scott, if you join when Paul asked but not join when I asked a couple of weeks ago. *sticks tongue out* Eh well, just get your ass here.
Eliza...nothing. I just wanted to mention your name so you'd feel all special. Heh.
Colin... *sighs* fine, I understand. You don't want to talk about it with me, okay. But please find somebody else to confide in if not in me.
Anyways, I'm going to get off and get back to...sleep. *yawns* I'm tired. *smiles* Night, everyone.
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[Sun May 18 2003 | 02:36pm] |
Before I start the 'real' entry, just wanted to show the icon Eliza made for me. Go catsuits. ;)
Well...I'm back in L.A. now. Got here last Tuesday. I spent some time with Colin before then and he introduced me to Sissy Spacek who was wonderful.
It's nice to be back home...though I haven't made it to my house just yet. *laughs a little* Finally caught up a little with Christian who is now dating John. And they're in love. I'm glad. I've been talking to Keri and Ste as well but haven't had the chance to go visit them. I miss Lil Mo. *smiles* And Mo hasn't met Tristan yet so we gotta introduce them, Keri.
I honestly don't know what to say or tell. I'm not sure if he's ready to tell the whole world and I don't know if I am either. So this might be pretty cryptic. Each day now...I become happier. Strangely enough, things do work out and I for one, never saw this coming, but I can't tell you how glad I am that it did.
Now the only part I'm worried about is if people can be happy for us. Just...please. I've walked on water all my life for the people around me, held back on things that make me happy so they could be happy instead. And I would just sit back and watch while I felt empty. But Aly's right, Paul's right, Colin's right, Ste's right, Keri's right, everyone else who told me that I need to put myself first this time. So here I am. I'm happy and while others are not, I can only sit here and pray they understand. And that they can forgive me for any pain I caused and realize that I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I'm only trying to do what's good for me this time, and follow what my heart feels.
The worse thing is these people are such good people. They don't deserve to be hurt so I hope they're able to move on and find someone else. Someone better. Better for them.
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[Wed May 14 2003 | 04:07pm] |
eternal eliza d: Do me a favor.
smooches ali: hmm?
eternal eliza d: Make a post :o
Because Eliza wants to spam me.
Well Eliza, spam away to your little cheer bitch heart's content. ;)
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[Sun May 11 2003 | 01:59pm] |
*grins* Oh my my my Eliza...
*falls off her chair laughing so hard*
EDIT: This is for all those icons you posted of me, for all those embarrassing pictures you posted of everyone, and also for spamming people! *grins*
smooches ali: You're going to die when you see what I'm doing.
secreteliza: .. Yes, I probably am. ;-;
smooches ali: -is about to post it in a second-
secreteliza: oh. god.
smooches ali: -tells you to go check her new update-
secreteliza: -cry, looks-
smooches ali: -waits-
secreteliza: -taps fingers as it loads-
smooches ali: -grinsssssssssss-
secreteliza: quicker :o
smooches ali: -HEHEHEHEHEH-
secreteliza: REGNIRUTBH
secreteliza: RTIHNRYHBWTYH
secreteliza: OH
secreteliza: MYITRUHSRTUBH
secreteliza: FODENIIEUH
secreteliza: GOD
secreteliza: ERNGIAPRTHBWRHR
secreteliza: HINRIUBHWRTIUHRTBH
smooches ali: >:D
secreteliza: ETHUARIOHY5J
secreteliza: IM FUCKING
secreteliza: IN AWE
secreteliza: OH MY GOD
smooches ali: BOW DOWN BITCH!
Who's the goddess now?!
EDIT2: I decided to be nice and make it smaller.
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[Sun May 11 2003 | 12:26pm] |
It was shaving cream. Not whip cream. Shaving cream. Is it really that hard to believe? Or do you guys just want to have "zesty" images? *raises an eyebrow*
And Eliza...you're still on my hit list for posting those icons. You just wait. *rubs hands together wickedly* Muahahaha.
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[Sat May 10 2003 | 10:44am] |
It keeps on getting harder and harder to think of things to say here.
I'm in Indiana right now. I've been here for a couple of weeks actually visiting my sister. I needed to get away from L.A. I miss Keri, Ste, and Chris a lot though. And I haven't talked to Nicky and Shane for a while. Hopefully they're doing alright.
My sister's a teacher and she teaches 3rd graders. They're so adorable. I'm teaching them how to play hopscotch with the rocks and we have a litte mat laid out just in case they fall. They're brave little ones though. And they get pretty band-aids that have sesame street characters on them or glow in the dark ones. I wore one, one day just because it was too cute. *laughs* My sister lets me join in everything they do so I end up playing tag, duck duck goose, ring around the rosie, london bridge is falling down, and that cookie song. You know... "Ali stole the cookies from the cookie jar!" They had fun screaming my name. I was like *gasp* "Who me?" "YES YOU!" "Couldn't be!" "Then who?!" *laughs* I dragged Paul into that too when he was here.
Paul came by to visit last week. He came in to the school with me to hang out with the kids and was nice to bring by some things from the set that the kids could have. They were so excited to see him. Lil' Samantha fell in love with him. *winks* And contrary to what Paul believes, I don't think it was the whip cream scene that was the reason for the marriage proposals. *laughs* He's so good with kids though. We watched them nap everyday and would just talk about how cute they were with drool dripping down their faces or little light snores, or how some of them cuddle up to each other. *laughs softly* I'm glad he got Meadow back. *smiles*
Yesterday I had to stay after because I volunteered to look after the daycare kids. All the kids had their parents come except for Rosie. I kept on calling her mom but she was nowhere to be heard from. So I just kept Rosie's mind occupied with candyland, operation, and memory. Her mother didn't come till 8 because she forgot and went out drinking. I was apalled. Who forgets about their kid? So I kissed Rosie goodbye and watched them drive away. But for some reason, I wanted Rosie to stay with me that night. *shakes her head lightly*
So besides all that, I've just been...well...I guess you can call it hiding from the world. But I'll come out soon enough. I just need time... everyone needs time.
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[Mon May 05 2003 | 11:24pm] |
Aw fuck, I did it again.
Hopefully...this will be the last time. *sighs*
Cryptic posts rule you all.
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[Sun May 04 2003 | 04:44pm] |
*dies so many times*
Eliza is pure evil.
She's torturing me!
eternal eliza d: HAHA
eternal eliza d: YOU'RE GOING TO KILL ME
*is scared for her life*
EDIT: OMFG. *dies again*
EDIT2: Okay. Eliza. I did it for a movie and so icons shouldn't really bother me. *hums* ...but at least put it behing a cut-tag. I doubt anyone wants to see their friends page flooded with Ali Larter Whip Cream Bikini Icons. :x :x :x :x :x :x !!!
EDIT3: I tried. I tried.
smooches ali: -kills you on both sns-
eternal eliza d: -dies on both-
eternal eliza d: -snickers-
smooches ali: -flips you off-
eternal eliza d: -GASP!-
eternal eliza d: -flips you off with my flippingyouoff icon-
smooches ali: -flips you off with both hands-
eternal eliza d: Hostile much?
eternal eliza d: -Edits my post to add this-
smooches ali: CUT TAG
eternal eliza d: NEVER
smooches ali: CUT TAG
eternal eliza d: nu - uh
smooches ali: CUT. TAG.
eternal eliza d: NOPE
eternal eliza d: >:D
SHE WON'T DO IT.
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[Thu May 01 2003 | 07:36pm] |
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Why?!
Ugh. No. Just...no. *frowns*
I'm not trying to be a horrible person. I'm not trying to interfere. I'm not trying to cause trouble. I'm not trying to cause harm. I'm not trying to make anyone cry. I'm not trying to cause doubt. I'm not trying to make people worry. I'm not trying to break hearts. I'm not trying to create drama. I'm not trying to be stupid. I'm not trying to ruin things. I'm not trying to create fear. I'm not trying to inflict pain.
I just want to be happy...
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[Wed April 30 2003 | 08:35pm] |
Where to even start? I have so much to say, yet I can't collect my thoughts together to put them down in sensible complete sentences.
Chris and I are still great friends. I'm happy that he's still in my life and feels that he's able to confide in me about things. *frowns a little remembering what he told her earlier* I hope things get better for you, hon.
Vin's been a blessing to me since he took me in his arms and comforted me the day that Chris and I broke up. I tried to be strong, I tried to gather myself up and not break down in front of him, but unfortunately he knew all too well that I needed to and encouraged me to. I hate crying in front of people. I hate exposing my vulnerable side. So I was embarrassed when I started feeling the hot tears slide down my cheek. *sighs softly, leaning her cheek upon her hand* I don't want to cry in front of anyone.
When I'm vulnerable, I'm weak. And my mind goes into this mode where I don't think things through. It's easy for me to make wrong decisions, easy for me to be swayed in any direction anyone wants me in, if they just say the right words. *closes her eyes slowly letting in and out a few breaths* At this moment, I need to feel needed. I want to feel wanted. I want my comfort back with me. But damn it if I use anyone just for that. I don't want to do that, and I won't allow myself to do that simply because it's wrong. *sighs* But on to what's been happening.
I went to go visit Colin about 2 nights ago to say good-bye to him before he left to Toronto to film his new movie. It's been a while since I've seen him so it was great fun to be hanging around him again...just like old times. *smiles softly* And then I made Paul some pancakes the other day. *laughs* And he will NOT stop poking me, the dork. Grr. See if I ever make you pancakes again, or even dessert. Pft. I met Jordana, she seems to be a pretty nice girl. And Dev's been talking to me as well a lot lately. I still think you should've gotten that girl's number, Dev. Quit being so shy.
Um...I found out RJ wasn't in love with Beverly anymore. Now that was quite a shocker. I didn't expect them to drift apart. It almost seems like his life is shadowing mine/Chris's. First the label telling him he's overweight and then now, not being in love with Bev. *frowns a little* Aly has been a great comfort to me and she's supposed to let me borrow her Buffy tapes because I've never seen more than at least 5 episodes. *hides from all you Buffy fanatics* Haven't talked to Greg for days. Maybe that's a good thing. Ha. And Eliza dedicated an entry to lil ol' me. *grins* Alright, I'm going to stop now before I ramble. I have a bad habit of doing that lately.
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Amy Smart