saint rita of casia's Blurty

Subject:	metal for the people (melts the flames for the fights)
Time:	3:45 am.
Music:	"new slang" by the shins.

many, many, many thoughts inside my little head.

went to the pub at 8 with dan and james for sober times, ran into patrick. left after 11. called patrick and hung out together with dan till 12:30. then patrick and i were off to my place for movies. drove him home at 3.

as i was driving home, i started to have a panic. i kept wondering what patrick finds in me to talk to me. i kept doubting myself and everything i think and say. he has better things to do than spend that time with me. now i'm worked up into a tizzy. i started to have the old feelings of missing metal. i drove home thinking i should revisit my blades ... but i can't just cut things out of me anymore. life has to be embraced, flaws and all.

no, i'm not pretty. i'm not even slightly ok looking. i'm fatter then i have been in the last few months (however patrick said i am too skinny). i'm boring and have nothing to add to any conversation. i'm not a fan of who i am.

but ...

i'm all i have in this world. i'm all i've got. i'm here for one person, me.

who knows what all these feelings are?

Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:	potassium for my broken soul
Time:	1:06 pm.
Music:	"mine's not a high horse" by the shins.

i'm still in my shitty place for some reason (or reasons) ...

i'm trying to figure out why you don't leave comments anymore ...

i'm still trying to figure you out with all your drunk texts to me ...

i'm trying to figure out why you would want to hang out with me last night (and watch a movie at my place no less) ...

i'm still trying to figure out how to get one of you to be nice to me ... one day.

(i can feel some of the old feelings returning. i was showering today and thought "...what's the point? to this? to that? to anything and everything?" it was just a year ago those feelings all overtook me. i thought i would have shaken them by now)

Comments: Add Your Own.