Blurty for saint rita of casia.
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| Wednesday, February 27th, 2008 |
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Oh holy Hell. H just called me to tell me what he did today, about J. H kept saying, "I thought you would want that. I thought that would fix things. I thought that would cure your fear of going into RoJo." I'm just crying. I never wanted him to do that. I never wanted to have contact with that area of my life for sometime. I'm pissed at H. I'm upset with H. I'm...fuck, I don't even really know. I'm even a bit taken aback by what J said. "We all checked with a doctor to figure out the best route. He said to never speak to her" ... Really? Is that what this doctor said? I hope one day you figure out why that failed. I'm more confused than anything. I've worked so hard to become a better person but they will never choose to see that side. They just want to see the worst. If anyone of those TH people sat down with me for half a minute they would see such a difference. I'm tired of having to jump up and down and scream "I'm better! I'm sane!" I shouldn't have to. I know I am. And fuck those people that can't accept it. I realize saying "fuck them" goes against the Buddha's teaching but ... I'm allowing this slip-up. I need it. To J, W, CG and anyone else: I've apologized many times for the pain I've caused. If you don't want to accept it, then that is your wish. But I can't live with this over my head anymore than I already have. Take it or not. I need to go bury my head under the showerhead now and have a good cry. I'll be better in a few hours... |
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Blurty for saint rita of casia.
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