Blurty for saint rita of casia.
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| Saturday, February 9th, 2008 |
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I had a weak moment yesterday and bought the March issue of Cosmo. Weak moment doesn't even cover it. I don't know what came over me. I grabbed it and thought, "This will have the answers in it! This will explain why a great girl like me can't find a good enough guy!" Notice I don't take into consideration that the problem lies within me. No, no, no. I jump right to the idea that the problem is with the other gender. My time in high school reading Cosmo was starting to return. Fast-foward 30 hours later, I finally get around to reading the magazine. After 211 pages, I feel eight very intense feelings. My Feelings: 1. Fat. 2. Lonely. 3. Ugly. 4. Poor. 5. Stupid. 6. Unfashionable. 7. Tired. 8. A strong desire to have a drink. Or two. Or five. How can a simple little magazine make me feel this way? How can a magazine that claims to be pro-woman, claims that women can be successful in work, sex and fashion, claims to be the "#1 women's magazine" cause THIS woman to feel worse than the worst of days? How can the Hearst company allow for such a misogynistic women's magazine ... oh. The thing that I'm really finding upsetting is that a single issue of Cosmo magazine has pointed out one huge glaring fact that has left me a sobbing little mess on a Saturday night. Here it is: It's Saturday night and I'm at home. I'm not out on a date with some "hot guy" nor am I out at "the club" with my "girlfriends" having a "girls' night out" (a phrase I loathe...) Not that I enjoy this lonely little life that I live but it is my current existence. See, the thing is- I don't drink anymore. I gave it up. I needed to. It was killing me. No joke. I would have died within a year if I kept up my drinking abuse. This has made me the LARGEST pariah of people aged 18 to 30 in this mid-sized town in Alabama. They don't call UA a drinking town for nothing! Men in this town don't want a sober girl, so I can't seem to find a date. The men in this town are still in the throws of their own drinking addiction (they just won't realize it for many more years). That leaves my ladies. Still a no-go. I can't go out to the nightclubs, none of my girlfriends want some sober Debbie Downer. I also don't have any girlfriends. I'm in a transition period. (One of the more bizarre realizations of my life was my foray into sobriety. Once my friends found out about me giving up drinking, they stopped hanging out with me. When I called them on their bullshit, they said they didn't want to tempt my sobriety by going out to bars with me. When I asked why it had to be a bar, why couldn't we hang out someplace else, they said "why would we hang out anywhere but a bar?" Just sad.) So, here I am on a Saturday night alone, working on artistic pursuits of mine through paint and yarn, making my way through German movies from the 1920s and the Fifth Season of "The Simpsons" on dvd, finding joy through reading. I'm sorry I can't fit into your concept of a "Modern Woman" Cosmo. Sorry I'll never be one of your girls. Sorry that I'd rather not be a Cosmo Girls. |
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Blurty for saint rita of casia.
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