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And soon I will be a forgotten memory

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(2 gone | light it up)

well kelly you're probly the only one who's gonna read this.... [11 Feb 2005|03:18pm]
i can't even begin to explain how i feel right now. i thought i fell in love again with this guy named Travis. he's 19. we fought.. we fixed things.. we made love.. we had fun. but about 2 weeks ago shit went down. things havent been the same. ALL of my few close friends have said drop him. fuck him. don't even look back. but i just cant... i'm so fuckin weak. & it drives me crazy that i keep going back to him. i believe he can change. he sorta already has. but i dont believe we can be happy again. i didnt need that shit to go down right when it did. i didn't need to lose my love RIGHT then. cuz i've also been fuckin up in school. dropped my classes at the highschool & started this thing called Running Start at the community college. fucked up again & was just hella depressed. my friend asked me to take Coricidan with her. & i did. and from there.... everything went down the shit hole. i took it 5 times that week. cuz it just got me away. i didnt think, eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, or fuckin just communicate at all. travis said it's me or the pill. & then i thought i lost him.
so we finally fix things cuz it got to the point where i'd jack the box of coricidan from bartells. i needed travis to be in my life. and i dropped everything else. then my mom started saying i have to move to florida. but i wasnt worried cuz she had always said that. but as i continued to not go to school.. she started getting more and more serious. got my dad involved. & now he's flying here next weekend to MAKE me move!! i told them i'd never go. i didnt want to. and i've been contemplating of where i'm gonna hide out. i'm broke as a joke. dont have a car. no way to get money cuz my dad used to send me child support. now he stopped it. i have about a week left to think of what im gonna do!
to top things off.. a few weeks ago i tried ecstacy. & loved it since it made everything perfect. took all my problems away. & i've been doin it every now & then. only reason im not now is cuz im broke. =( i dont know what to do anymore. i feel like i have no one left in this stupid town who cares about me staying. travis claims he does. but we dont have a future. & i dont know what im going to do.i want to run away. i have a free plane ticket to anywhere in the us- round trip! but where could i go? my best friend lives in monterey, California. & i think i mentioned before that i used to live there. my freshmen year. i'm only 16. she's only 16. so if i go there.. what happens?? my parents would know to look for me there. i wish i was 18. i'd be on my own. i'd figure something out. in washington u can legally run away at 16. but if my parents press charges, if they find something they could get me on, then the police have every right to come find me & get me. i wish i could go somewhere... get some work. make some $. & just get away from here. just disappear. it wouldnt matter to anyone. i need to get away.
but i CANT.

sorry about all this rambling. i just needed to vent. & u reminded me of this. so yeah. that's all. u might think im crazy now. i guess i could care less. everything else in my life has gone down the drain..... & im heading in the same direction.

(3 gone | light it up)

with all these new feelings.. there's no room inside to miss you [10 Aug 2004|10:59am]
[ mood | flirty ]
[ music | zelda noises ]

whoa.. i haven't updated this in 2 months. and after reading that last entry i realize i was in that stupid relationship with andy wayyyy too long. i was all depressed back then and it just continued every day.
and 2 months ago i was wishing someone would just take me away from all that pain n loneliness n shit. well..

...i think i found him.

(light it up)

just close your eyes tight... and make-believe [06 Jun 2004|03:44pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

I really wish I could just start over. then i wouldnt have to deal with anything, but i guess if i always wish i could start over then i'm never going to get anywhere. we all get problems and we all have to deal with them. i have to learn that there's no easy way out. i can't hurt someone else in order to save myself. but i can just do whats best for me. and if it does hurt someone on the way then im sorry. but i can't have things right for everyone. no one could do that.
I just feel so fucking empty. like there's nothing i want to try for anymore. no more dreams, no more hopes or wishes. everytime i see a pattern in time i used to have something to wish for. now there's nothing. maybe just to be happy. with anything. i wish someone could just take me away. show me a good time and help me forget pain and loneliness.
but that's not going to happen.

(1 gone | light it up)

the truth could slit my throat n w/ my last breath I'd say I'm sorry 4 the blood on ur shirt [01 Jun 2004|11:41am]
[ mood | melancholy ]

^^yeah i stole that from michelle.. some song or something i guess...

blah... i dunno what to say. or do. i'm just trying to keep my mind away from the fact that it's over with andy for good. i'm doing ok at the moment, but i know it wont last for long. soon it'll hit me. and i'll have a fuckin break down like always...

but for now i'll keep pretending-keep faking it.. and sooner or later i'll just start to believe that i'll be fine...
and then i will be.

(light it up)

won't you sew my eyes up so they may cry no more? [01 Jun 2004|01:39am]
[ mood | distressed ]
[ music | i know what u want- mariah carey n busta rhymes ]

i don't know what to do.
i can't get to sleep. it's already almost 2..
i know a bunch of shit is about to happen.
more hurting, more crying, more everything except being happy with the guy i love... ='(
i honestly rather just be gone instead of have to deal with that much pain.

god please help me.... i'm not ready...

(light it up)

...moving on? [01 Jun 2004|12:15am]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | radio. ]

well things have been pretty damn shitty lately.
how the hell do you let go of something you're so attached to?
i'm obsessed with and addicted to andy.
we were with each other for 9 months and i can't just move on.
it's way too fucking hard. and i never want to let go. ever.
i love him so much
but i'm just not good enough for him i guess.. and i don't think i ever will be.
whatever. i'll just deal with it right? cuz that's all the fucking advice anyone will give me anyway

i hate everything
i hate everything

but that's fucking it me a blunt

(light it up)

>:-gimme the green-: [17 May 2004|10:51am]
[ mood | blank ]

blah- i don't wanna go to class. stupid creative writing.. but he takes off .1 points every class u miss after the first 5 and i've missed..... 15? haha wow. i dunno how many actually, but a lot. math after that, but im not gonna go. cuz i'm bout to TOKE IT UP. ah can't wait. =D

one hit
two hit
three hit

hahaha aright later


(2 gone | light it up)

**4-20** [22 Apr 2004|02:45pm]
[ mood | artistic ]
[ music | You talk way too much- THE STROKES ]

so how'd everyone's go? mine was pretty damn fun.
me and andy and alex all came over to my apartment and i tried a gravity bong for the first time!
and then we watched this sing along tape i have with like all the disney videos and the lyrics. hahaha

alex: "why the hell are we watchin a duet with a bird and Mary Poppins??!!"

Then three of us cracked up all afternoon and couldn't stop cuz everyone else was laughin. And we watched Saving Silverman. not much else happened but it was fun. =)

Well i'm gonna go paint now.. or attempt to lol


(2 gone | light it up)

break from tokin [10 Apr 2004|12:19pm]
[ mood | hungry ]
[ music | Maps- Yeah Yeah Yeahs ]

haven't updated in awhile. hmm what's new...

well i took a break from smokin. lasted about two weeks or so. lol but the day before yesterday and last night.. was great.

last night- one hit= FUCKED UP. haha it only took one hit... ONE. that's so sad... well one HUGE hit from a bong. my bf thought it was hilarious. I was sorta embarassed... wait no- i wasn't.. cuz i was too messed up to feel embarassed. haha

well i dont really have anything else to say.
this is gettin boring...



(light it up)

BON JOVI [27 Mar 2004|12:10pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | outkast- the whole world ]

This ain't a song for the broken-hearted
No silent prayer for the faith-departed
I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd
You're gonna hear my voice
When I shout it out loud

Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake
Luck ain't even lucky
Got to make your own breaks

Better stand tall when they're calling you out
Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down

It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
It's my life
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said I did it my way
I just wanna live while I'm alive
Cuz it's my life

(2 gone | light it up)

my baby's here!! =D [14 Mar 2004|12:37am]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | Love Song- 311 ]

guess what?!
he came!! =D
and now i'm gonna try to get him to drink. or something. muahaha

peace out cub scouts!


(light it up)

rasberry vodka!!! so close. but me can't touchy =( [13 Mar 2004|11:50pm]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | MUSE- time is running out ]

hmm... so i'm at home. and it's the first time in awhile that i've been alone and not gotten to fall asleep with andy =\ he was supposed to come over tonight cuz i couldnt sneak over there since i had to babysit my lil bro. but he ended up fallin asleep while waitin for his mom to come home before he could sneak out. *sighs* i'm really sad right now...but i dont blame him. he was really tired. =( oh well... i guess i should stop hoping he's still gonna come over and just hit the sack.

nothin much has happened lately. i didnt go to Journalism or Math all week. just Guitar and then Chemistry 3 of the days. i'm slackin so much lately. and i thought it'd be fine at first cuz i was gonna do Running Start and i thought well i just have to do real good there and not fuck up. but now i dont know if im doing running start and so i might have just fucked myself over if i dont get credit and shit.


aright anyways... i was supposed to drink tonight. and im kinda bummed that i didnt get to. but i can wait...

well i'm fuckin outro.

*E L I Z A B E T H*

(1 gone | light it up)

been a loooong time [10 Mar 2004|04:10pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]
[ music | yeah yeah yeahs- maps ]

whoa. look who hasn't written in here in F O R E V E R
my boyfriend thought it was stupid and i havent had my computer hooked up in awhile. but oh well.
im bored. and im back.
so if any of u i used to talk to are still out there then let me know!


(light it up)

*ugh* [13 Jan 2004|12:27am]
[ mood | cranky ]
[ music | somethin on the radio... ]

it's 12:27 am.
i have school tomorrow.
but i can't sleep

you suck, and that's sad
you are the "you suck, and that's sad"
happy bunny. your truthful, but can be a bit

which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

(2 gone | light it up)

blah. [12 Jan 2004|10:58pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | some sublime song sayin "shoot it up, it just don't matter" ]

havent updated in awhile.
been havin too much fun i guess?
or maybe all the BULLSHIT has been takin up my time
wasting my time

i dont know anymore.

i want to cut my hair
and dye it.
i'm in the coloring mood once again.
what color shall i do it?


i'm not liking life at the moment.

(17 gone | light it up)

*crosses fingers* [06 Jan 2004|10:05pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]
[ music | Who would've thought- R A N C I D ]

the snow today was B.E.A. uuutiful!!
i got in a snowball fight with andy and slid down a huge ass hill by my house. twas tons of fun!

we also went to KFC and it was SOOO hard to order!! ok so mine came out to be $4.36 The following is the conversation that went on in my head

$4.36... ok there's a 20, a quarter, a dime, and a penny.
a quarter (25 cents), a dime (35) -- ooh i want a dime!
--- ok ok count! a quarter... a dime- dime? i want a dime!
fuck. hurry up and count before the lady comes! a quarter. a dime. --o0o i want a dime...

haha finally andy came and counted it up for me. (lady was gettin the food) a quarter, a dime, and a penny. yes that's 36 cents.

i felt soooo relieved.
funny thing is... only like 5 hits. cuz i dropped the stupid lighter in the snow. =\

more lata

<3 Elizabeth

(3 gone | light it up)

bite me. [06 Jan 2004|11:32am]
[ mood | pissed off ]
[ music | Sugar High... by Coyote Shivers ]

it's snowing it's snowing the old man is snoring...
wait that doesnt work.

look at the day. it's passing by. slowly... but steadily.
what a waste of 3 hours.

but u ask if i regret being mad at u?

no. i don't.
cuz i dont deserve bull shit all the time.

i have my own ways of trying to keep us together.
i know i'm stubborn but i always tried. always.
and so i told u the other night don't let anything happen, cuz i was pissed that u wouldnt let me off the fone without feeling horrible. i was pissed that i missed the bus cuz of the 30 seconds too long i stayed on the fone with u. i was pissed that i had to walk to ur house at 12:30 in the morning. i was pissed that u fell asleep. i was pissed that u just said "sorry i was really tired." and i was pissed that u weren't thankful. u couldnt show it. i was hurt that i was only trying to suprise u by coming 7 hours earlier than what we planned.. and u couldnt show me that it meant anything to u.
and i told u dont let anything happen cuz im through with trying.

i thought i've proved that i'd do anything for u. and despite how i might feel at times, i keep my promises. but u still walk away. u still get mad for things i dont do. u still question me, worry that i'll do something wrong.

i hate this.

(light it up)

[06 Jan 2004|09:22am]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | Song for a mix tape- The ataris ]

ok so i've already decided.
i'm keeping blurty. =)

for now at least..

<3 Elizabeth

(1 gone | light it up)

no school! [06 Jan 2004|08:48am]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | easily- red hot chili peppers ]

yay. it snowed. no school today.

and i'm lookin out my window and it's still snowing...
it's so prettyful!

hmm so what are the plans for today?

a lil *cough cough* with andy? 0;) hehe

aright well more later.

<3 elizabeth

(5 gone | light it up)

[05 Jan 2004|10:47pm]
i got a livejournal today.
i dunno if i should stop writing in this one and just use that...

we'll see what happens i guess

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