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Sunday, August 1st, 2004
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2:48p - Shower of Despair (A tale of woe)
This morning, after being woken up far too early by my boyfriend's stereo, which randomly turns itself on for ten minutes at a time just to irritate me, I set about making coffee for myself and supervising the recovery of the housemates from last night's festivities. As we do every Saturday, we had a party last night, and the remains are spread throughout the backyard and kitchen like the leftover remnants of an apocalyptic battle. They still remain in such disarray, as I had not the energy to clean, and it seemed no one else did, either.
Now, onto the climactic part of the morning. I had finished my coffee, checked my email, and been satisfied at the untroubled waking of my boyfriend, who is not horribly hungover like he was LAST Sunday. Our guest had left, and it was getting into the afternoon. I promised my best friend I'd go see him today, when he gets off work at six, and accompany him to the movies, and so I thought it best to take a shower so that I would have a long time to dress and sit around. So I helped my boyfriend set up the computer/TV set up to play Kill Bill 2, which he has yet to see, and sat through the very beginning before moving toward cleanliness. At this point, my brother saw me and asked what I was up to. I told him I was going to shower, at which he called out the news to his girlfriend, who had been apparently nagging him to shower with her for the last half an hour so they could go run errands. I told her to go ahead and shower first, as I was in no hurry. She took over with James in the bathroom, where they set about blasting music at top volume for about half an hour while showering and probably doing OTHER things I don't want to think about. The point is that my poor boyfriend could NOT hear the movie at all, and was far too nice to say anything about it, though I personally thought it very rude of them. Bad enough their sex noises drown out movies at times, we cannot even watch something while they're SUPPOSEDLY getting clean.
Anyway, they finished up, went downstairs to dress, and left the house. I waited a while longer, until the end of the Pai Mei chapter of KB2, since that's my favorite part anyway, and then decided that there should certainly be hot water by now even if they used it all.
There was not any hot water. To add to my pain, when I got in the shower, I could see that someone had used about half of what was left of my body wash. We all live together, and while we share food, can we not leave the toiletries to their respective owners? I just wanted the body wash to last until I left for school, but there is so little now that I know this is impossible. Now, while this annoyed me, certainly, it was nothing against what was soon to happen. I saw very soon that my shampoo, for some reason, was not in the shower with all the rest of the hygiene materials. Very odd, as it had been missing the day before as well. Previously, I found it sitting on top of the toilet and had to climb out of the shower to retrieve it, and so I looked there first. No luck, but I soon spotted it sitting on the floor just below one of our towel racks. I thought it strange that someone in the house seemed to think it was funny to hide my shampoo from me, but I shrugged it off, reached for the bottle, and stepped back under the frigid stream of water.
At that moment, I saw something strange was attached to the bottom of the bottle. It looked like a bit of grass or some other innocuous debris, but when I turned the bottle over to inspect the bit of stuff, I saw that it was moving. You see, in our house, we have a number of large spiders that look something like wolf spiders, and are for some reason, very vicious and like to bite us. We kill them. On the bottom of my shampoo bottle, there was a very angry, very alive, slightly squash-legged spider of this sort. I was wet, naked, and suddenly very aware of the danger of having my breast chewed on by a large arachnid. So I panicked, threw the bottle toward the drain, and watched as my would-be assailant was rinsed down the drain. When I reached down to pick up my spider-free shampoo, the supposedly drowned attacker climbed back OUT of it's watery grave and scurried through a seemingly impassable torrent of water, straight toward me. I screamed in terror, and weilding my shampoo like a destructive bludgeoning device, battered the spider to death.
Triumph was mine. But satisfaction was not to be had, as I was, at this point, very angry with the world. I suspect my brother and his girlfriend caused my shower to be so utterly unpleasant, and I think the moral of THIS story is, never be nice. If you get to the shower first, it's your turn, and boo on anyone who would like to go ahead of you. They should have been there first.
current mood:  cynical (comment on this)
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