Chloe Creaney's Blurty

The beginning........ (an update on my life)
Ok...

i only got this thingi so that i had something to do when i was online.

A few years ago i was totally addicted to the internet... i used to come home from school and then i on the internet... and i would stay on ALL day... untill i went to bed. and all day i would be itching to get on...
and it was all because of one person.... Adrian.
but after i got kicked off the internet by my brothers, i started writting to him, and he would write back and it was great... but resently i have got back on the internet... and so has he.
and now, i am TOTALLY falling in love with him.

"thats great", i hear you say. its not, i haev a boyfriend. PLUS Adrian live like a few hundered miles away, and i have already been through a few long distance relationships... and they never went anywhere. but yeh, my Boyfriend, he is great- and i feel really bad for having these feelings for Adrain, i mean i cant just make them go away i didnt choose to falll for him! i feel SUPER bad, cebause i know if i ever broke up with him it would totally destroy him...
but yeh, when i was going out with this guy YEARS ago, i used to cut myself... basicle ebause i was such a shitty person.. and i hated myself so much.

so im feeling guilty... making myself feel like a total bitch... stpupid for liking Adrian so much when he doesnt know... depressed...
but all thse feeling are TOTALLY over run by love for Adrian... =S

anyways....
other problems i have: my dad... imagine someone you REALLY hate. Add a JUG of vanity... and a load of shit...well i dont know, but you know what i mean. i hate him. i hate how he treats me, i hate how he makes me feel, but most of all i hate how he treats my mom... he forgets birthdays, he forgets v.day... he shows no apprechiation... hes just a great big dick head... that needs killing. well maybe im being rash... he needs taking to australia (or another FAR FAR away place)

other things about me... i'm really depressed most of the time, even if i have had a great day... and even though my friends are great. its just me i guess. i used to self harm- (cutting, scratching) but i stopped that resently well the kind where you can see i have been doing it,now i do other forms= i starve myself one day, and over eat the next....i stab my nails into my palm, i bite my cheek...
i like to make people feel better, i'd reather help someone with here problems than sort my own out.
ummm.... i live with my parents and two brothers. i dont really ahve THAt many friends, but the ones i do have are great.

anywys, Adrians just come online =) so i'll comtinue later...

Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Mars Volta